Married at First Swipe

by Claire Frost

  ‘You give her a big cheer from me.’ Hannah smiled. ‘What about dinner on Friday? Can Tom not give the kids their tea after sports day and we’ll go and get a pizza somewhere, or even order a Chinese and eat it here? You are half-living in here after all.’

  It was a low blow, but Jess knew Hannah had only said it to hammer home the point that they needed to talk after her revelation earlier. ‘Fine, yep, why not,’ she said. ‘I’d like that. Though aren’t you supposed to be having dinner with Toby on Friday?’ She watched the realisation that she was going to have to choose between her best friend and her new husband register on Hannah’s face, but was surprised by how quickly she replied.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll rearrange with him. We have just spent a week in each other’s pockets so I’m sure he’ll understand I need to spend some time with you. I’ll book us a table, shall I?’

  ‘Great,’ she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. As she grabbed her jacket and her car keys, it struck her how sad it was that the strongest emotion she had about having dinner with her best friend was dread, when a few weeks ago she would have been counting down the hours. Just another thing to add to her growing list of grudges against Tom.

  * * *

  On Friday evening, after wine and garlic bread had been ordered at the local pizza restaurant and she’d reassured Hannah for the hundredth time that she hadn’t said anything embarrassing on live TV the previous day, Jess decided to get the conversation about her marriage out of the way.

  ‘I’m sorry if I upset you on Wednesday, Han. There’s nothing to worry about with me and Tom, believe me; I just needed a bit of space. I think everything with the business and having to be the one everyone looks to for answers to everything just got a bit much. Sometimes it’s just knackering being the one in charge, you know?’

  Hannah nodded. ‘I know, it’s hard enough being a grown-up in my own little life, never mind having to think about kids and a house and a husband. Although I guess I do now have to think about the husband bit, but you know what I mean. It’s not the same for me; we’re not living together for one thing. Having to be on top of the bills, food shopping, appointments and everything else for a whole family must be exhausting, especially with all of the Save The Date stuff that’s been going on recently. But Tom knows that and must be doing his bit, surely?’

  Jess grimaced. ‘Look, he’s great with the kids and he has his own business to sort out, and he does try, kind of. But it’s all the things that, as women, seem to naturally fall to us. So it’s me the school will contact first if one of the twins is sick; it’s me who has to remember when it’s dress up as a Roman day; it’s me who it’s assumed will make sure they have a box of food to take into school for harvest festival. And that’s before we get to things like bin day – sure, Tom will do his bit and take the rubbish out, but only once I’ve told him which colour bin week it is and reminded him another three times to do it. And even though he might do the supermarket shop, I’ll have to write him a list of what we need; and even though he might cook tea a few nights a week, it’ll be me he asks what we’re having. I know they’re all small things, but you’re right, it is exhausting. And so boring. And with all the exciting things happening with the business and your wedding, he just doesn’t understand why I’ve been so invested in it all.’

  ‘You have lived and breathed it with me, that’s for sure.’ Hannah smiled. ‘But Tom seemed excited about it all when we initially talked about it back in January, and he was involved with choosing Toby in the first place, wasn’t he?’

  ‘He was, and he’s really pleased Toby has turned out to be such a good guy. He just seems to think I’ve been prioritising the company over him and the kids. But then he doesn’t realise all the things that go on in the background, like the dress-up days and the harvest festival boxes,’ she added bitterly.

  Hannah’s expression was one of shock, though she immediately tried to look sympathetic, which made Jess quickly backtrack. ‘As I said, I’m just tired and now things are calming down with the app, I’m sure it will all be fine.’

  ‘Maybe you need to take some time out and spend a week with just Tom and the twins,’ Hannah suggested. ‘I’m back now and can look after everything with Save The Date after this week. Things are bound to calm down, so you don’t need to worry. And maybe Tom can take the week off, too,’ she added, warming to her theme. ‘Then you can have some days out together when the kids are at school. Maybe go into town, see a film and have a posh lunch. I can always babysit one night too.’

  ‘I don’t know. It’s my business, I need to be looking after it, at least for now. And we can’t really afford to spend money on days out at the moment. We’ve only just got STD back on track after all.’

  Hannah gave her a long look. ‘If I ask you something, Jess, will you promise to give me an honest answer?’

  ‘Depends what it is,’ Jess replied, nervously. The waiter appeared with their pizzas at that moment and they were both briefly distracted by the delicious food in front of them. Jess dived in and was already chewing her first mouthful when she noticed Hannah was still looking at her. ‘What? Okay, I’ll answer you honestly. You know I’m rubbish at fibbing anyway.’

  ‘Do you think there’s another reason you were prioritising my wedding over everything at home?’

  ‘Other than the fact it affected both my best friend’s happiness and the perilous state of my business – which we rely on to pay the mortgage and buy the kids’ school uniform, let me remind you?’

  ‘I agree they’re two big reasons, yes,’ Hannah nodded. ‘But do you think you’ve also been looking for that excitement? And by putting all your efforts into my marriage to Toby, you’re kind of living the excitement with us? You’ve got tired of being that person everyone relies on for the boring answers to life admin, so you’ve enjoyed the spontaneity of organising the wedding and seeing Save The Date change and evolve every day?’

  ‘And what’s wrong with caring about my best friend and her new husband?’ Jess asked immediately. ‘I would do pretty much anything to see you happy, Han, you know that.’

  ‘At the expense of your own happiness?’ Hannah replied. ‘I totally get it – you know me, I get bored with things after about five minutes and want to know what’s the next new exciting thing to do or place to go. So I do understand. Which is maybe why you need some proper time out, just you and Tom, to find those new and exciting moments in your relationship. Because they will be there for the taking. You’re both still young and in ten years or so, the twins will be leaving home or going to university or whatever, and you and Tom will have all that time back to spend together. Don’t forget, I know what it’s like when parents don’t get on and are constantly arguing, and it only got worse for Mum and Dad when Scott and I left home – not that Scott really left home and stood on his own two feet, but you know what I mean. Suddenly, they didn’t have us there to bridge the gap between them and they realised they didn’t even like each other that much anymore. And it was horrible. Well, less horrible for Dad, obviously, as he moved seamlessly on to Charmaine, but you know that Mum has never quite recovered from it all.’

  She took a breath and Jess stared at her, her mouth agape. ‘Look, J, I’m not saying that’s what will happen to you and Tom, of course I’m not. And I guess sometimes being married is boring – well, I’m about to find out, aren’t I? And of course, he has to want to change things too, but what you and Tom have is so much more than arguing about taking the bins out, even I can see that. I’ll never forget when we were sixteen and I thought the two of you together were the cutest. But then when I saw you on your wedding day, I realised what proper love looked like. And then when I met the twins for the first time and you were holding Sam and Tom was cuddling Lily, I realised what family really means. You and Tom are like pizza and melted cheese – one without the other is a bit rubbish.’

  Jess was embarrassed to feel her eyes brimming with tears, and she wiped the sleeve of her ju
mper over her face and attempted a smile. ‘I happen to like melted cheese on its own!’ she hiccupped.

  ‘I know, me too, that was a pretty crap comparison, you’re right,’ Hannah agreed, reaching for her friend’s hand. ‘But pizza without cheese is definitely rubbish. And you without Tom wouldn’t be the Jess I know and love. I don’t have all the answers, J, and I’m sure things aren’t as black and white as I’ve made them sound, but I mean it about taking some time out. It doesn’t have to be immediately, which means you can make sure certain things are sorted out first, but you do need to step away and spend time with your family.’

  Jess nodded, not really trusting herself to speak, and instead took a huge bite of melted-cheese-laden pizza and a large slug of wine. They ate in silence for a few moments, before she replied. ‘I’ll think about it.’ She saw Hannah’s face break into a grin and couldn’t help smiling herself. ‘But there is one condition.’

  ‘What’s that?’ Hannah asked eagerly.

  ‘That you tell me everything about St Lucia. I need my excitement fix after all!’

  Chapter 17 Hannah

  After dinner, Hannah made her way home with mixed feelings. She hoped she’d got through to Jess and reassured her that all was definitely not lost when it came to her relationship with Tom, but the very fact she was having to do so had shaken her whole belief in not only their marriage, but in her own brand-new one, too. If Jess, who succeeded at everything, was having problems, what did that mean for Hannah? In fact, she had been married for just two weeks and she had already pissed off her husband big time.

  Toby had been less than pleased when she’d told him – over text, as clearly she was a bit of a coward when it came to cancelling her first proper date with her husband – that she was going for dinner with Jess instead of him. She hadn’t felt like she could tell him that Jess was having problems with her marriage, so she’d merely said she needed to catch up with her best friend after being away. Which she knew sounded a bit lame, but it was the truth, pretty much, so she refused to feel too guilty despite his slightly passive-aggressive reply:

  Oh, that’s a real shame. I was looking forward to it and had booked us a nice restaurant in town. I’ll need to cancel that ASAP so I don’t get charged.

  She’d tried to appease him by suggesting they go out the following evening to the same restaurant instead; however, he’d replied that it was booked up. In desperation, she messaged him to invite him round to her place, promising she’d cook for him, even though that would mean she’d have to spend all morning cleaning and hoovering to get her flat looking halfway presentable, and all afternoon cooking something delicious in her tiny kitchen so she didn’t have to stress out about doing it all when he arrived. Thankfully, his reply had saved her the trouble:

  Great idea, though why don’t you come over to mine and I’ll cook for you instead, save you having to slave over a hot stove all day – especially if you and Jess have a few bottles of wine tonight!

  She had readily agreed, though she was convinced the wine comment was another dig at her going out with Jess and not him. She hoped she was just reading too much into it. It wasn’t as if she really knew Toby at all, and although he seemed like a really nice guy, it had definitely helped that they’d so far spent most of their time together in an idyllic St Lucian bubble, where the hardest decision they had to make was choosing between a fish restaurant and a barbecue joint for dinner. Who knew how they’d get along back in the cold, grey reality of Manchester and their actual lives? Shit had very much got real, as her brother used to say.

  Lying in bed that night, she idly played with the wedding band on her finger.

  Two weeks. Fourteen days. Three hundred and thirty-six hours. Too many seconds for her to work out in her head.

  That’s how long they had known each other.

  Suffice to say it felt like both a long time and a ridiculously short time. A lot had happened in those two weeks, but equally, she knew it was just the start of potentially forty or fifty years together. Forty or fifty years.

  Unsettled, she got up for a drink of water. She could barely imagine being married for fifty days, never mind years. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Toby – what she had learned of him so far had been positive, and she was well on her way to really liking him as a person (other than his slightly sulky texts) – but the thought of being with him for fifty years was just, well, crazy! She realised now that, although she’d been the one to suggest the blind-date wedding in the first place, she hadn’t really thought about what would happen after. Once the excitement and anticipation and craziness of the situation had died down. Of course, her intention was to find the ‘forever’ love her grandparents had shared, she just wasn’t sure what that meant day to day, now she was actually married. How much did she really know about her grandparents’ life together, anyway? Only what they had chosen to tell her when she was growing up. What about when Gramps had left the army, damaged but alive, how had they navigated those first difficult few months? And again, when they’d had to uproot their lives to move to Cheshire for his new job – how had they started again with a small baby?

  Hannah thought about all those Sunday afternoons she had spent with her grandparents when she was younger, baking or going for what Gramps called ‘an improving walk’ in the park. Her parents never held hands when they were out together, but Gramps would reach for G-ma’s hand as soon as they left the house, even if they were just going to the corner shop to treat Hannah and Scott to some secret sweets that they mustn’t mention to their mum and dad. Looking back now, it was those small gestures between her grandparents that Hannah remembered the most – like when they’d catch each other’s eyes and smile when telling stories about their courtship. Gramps was often the quieter of the two, but when he had something to say, everyone listened, including G-ma. It was he who had planted the seed of travel in Hannah’s head when he talked about the places he’d been to when he’d been in the forces and how he wished he’d been able to go back to more of them when the world wasn’t at war anymore, and explore new places. Although G-ma always said she was happiest staying at home with her family around her, she did agree to a few holidays to Spain and France before Gramps began to get more frail, but Hannah could tell this was more for his benefit than hers.

  Seeing her grandma crumple when Gramps died devastated Hannah. For a few years, it had felt like G-ma was a shadow of her former self and the old lady found it difficult to even say her husband’s name. But gradually, she had learned to live with her huge loss and had grown in confidence in being on her own, thanks in part to Joan being a dutiful daughter, Hannah had to admit. Over the years, G-ma seemed to have taken it on herself to channel her husband and become Hannah’s biggest champion when it came to supporting her in her travels and offering her advice when she needed it. G-ma was more worldly-wise than Hannah had ever felt, despite having travelled everywhere from South America to Australia. Even when she FaceTimed her from their little house on the beach in Argentina, with the background sound of the other girls shrieking as they got ready for their night out and calling to Hannah to come and have another fernet and Coke, G-ma would bring her back down to earth with her sage advice.

  Hannah knew she hadn’t been to see her grandma as much as she should have recently, so she resolved to call her the following day and arrange for her to meet Toby properly. She fell asleep clutching her blanket and dreamt she was in her grandparents’ house with the smell of their real fire and the sound of Frank Sinatra singing softly from the ancient tape player in their living room.

  * * *

  Despite having the whole day to get ready for dinner at Toby’s, Hannah was in a proper flap by the time she left her flat to get the bus to West Didsbury. She’d gone for a cute vest top under a soft pink cashmere jumper she’d found in a charity shop that was too good a bargain to pass up, even though it was too big and kept slipping off her shoulder. She’d paired it with a denim skirt she’d been meaning to give to charity
(her rule was one in, one out). She’d stared at herself in the mirror before deciding the skirt was definitely too short, even with thick black tights. Shaking her head, she wriggled out of it and threw on a ditzy floral dress more suited to summer, but that felt wrong too, so she went for the classic jeans-and-a-nice-top combo. But that felt far too safe, so she was back to square one with the super-short skirt option.

  ‘Fuck it!’ she swore loudly to herself as she glanced at her watch. ‘Fine, this will have to do, you were going for a “maybe it’s time to consummate our marriage” vibe after all.’

  She and Toby hadn’t talked about the physical side of their relationship at all. They’d done their interview for North West Tonight on Thursday and, although the presenter had asked them leading questions about that topic, they’d both steered her away. Toby had been pretty nervous around the cameras, which conversely had helped quell Hannah’s own nerves as she knew one of them had to be calm and collected. Jess had been in the background, giving them the thumbs-up every so often, and afterwards she said Hannah was a natural on screen. Hannah had been worried about saying something embarrassing her mum would ‘never live down’, but she hadn’t actually minded talking about their honeymoon and all the amazing things they’d done. However, the interview seemed to have frightened Toby away from doing any further press. They’d had a request from Cosmo to do a photo shoot and interview, which Jess was keen for them to do, but only if they were both onside. She’d asked Hannah to sound Toby out, but Hannah had told her not to hold out much hope.