Reckless

by Gemma Rogers

  We reached the car and I opened the boot. Together we hauled Stella’s suitcase in.

  ‘Christ, what have you bought with you?’

  ‘Mostly shoes,’ Stella shrugged, and we burst into laughter.

  On the drive home, Stella told me more about the man she’d met back in Nottingham. It was early days, but I could tell by how animated she was that she liked him a lot. I was thrilled by the news. I’d wondered how she was going to meet someone, caring for her parents’ full time, but, as it turned out, Adam was a carer. He worked with dementia patients and had visited the house to help adapt it. They’d hit it off straight away and he’d asked Stella if he could take her out for a drink. Since then, they’d been on a few dates and things seemed to be going well. I thought about telling her about Nicky, but it wasn’t the right time, we were almost home.

  When we arrived, I gave Stella a quick tour and let her unpack in the guest room while I made tea. Stella loved the house and its cottage feel; unable to believe we hadn’t touched it since we moved in.

  ‘I love the kitchen floor; those tiles are gorgeous. It’s all so pretty.’

  ‘It suited us perfectly, all of our furniture fitted in, although they are probably a bit too modern, but it’s so neutral, everything seemed to go together well,’ I said, delighted Stella loved it as much as I did.

  ‘Stella Crowley,’ David exclaimed as he came downstairs, giving Stella a hug. They proceeded to throw insults at each other about their aging appearance, which was something they’d always done. I was surprised David was home early; he must be making an effort. Stella couldn’t believe how tall Charlotte had grown too, when she emerged from her bedroom.

  ‘My goodness, you get prettier every day, Charlotte. Won’t be long before those boys will be knocking,’ teased Stella and David rolled his eyes.

  Charlotte’s cheeks glowed pink and she exited the kitchen as fast as she could.

  ‘Or perhaps they are already?’ Stella said, her voice sing-song, raising her eyebrows at Charlotte’s sudden departure.

  ‘Anyway, dinner,’ David said, changing the subject and trying to persuade us to order takeaway pizza as he put some menus on the table.

  I made tea for everyone and David took a look at the wheel on Stella’s case whilst we discussed options for dinner. He managed to tighten the nut holding the wheel on and it turned smoothly.

  ‘Hmm, not sure about pizza. Curry instead?’ suggested Stella, slipping into one of the chairs around the table and leafing through the menus.

  ‘Perfect,’ I said before David could disagree.

  He wrote our order and left the kitchen to ring it through. Stella and I sat sipping our tea and discussing the weekend ahead. When I revealed I’d booked us in for a joint massage at a nearby hotel, Stella squealed in delight.

  ‘Well, if anyone deserves a bit of pampering, it’s you, Stella. Plus, I missed your birthday too, so it’s my treat!’ I said, beaming at my friend.

  ‘Don’t be silly, you didn’t miss it, you sent a card,’ Stella protested.

  When the curry arrived, we gathered around the table to dig in. David had ordered a feast and we opened a bottle of red wine. Afterwards, Charlotte went to watch more episodes of Love Island in the front room and Stella grilled David about his new job. Eventually he was allowed to leave too. Stella and I carried on chatting, our voices getting louder the more we drank. We were beyond merry and before we knew it, we had to put the light on as it was gone eight and dark outside.

  ‘Come on, let’s go and have a sneaky fag,’ Stella giggled, trying to whisper but failing miserably. David and Charlotte must have gone upstairs as I could no longer hear the television from the front room.

  We stepped outside the back door and moved around the side of the house so as not to be directly under Charlotte’s bedroom window. I didn’t want little ears overhearing us.

  Stella pulled a packet of cigarettes out of her pocket, handing me one and lighting it for me. When I sucked in appreciatively, Stella stared in amusement, waiting for me to cough and splutter.

  ‘Been smoking recently, have you?’ she asked with a comical look on her face.

  ‘Might have,’ I wiggled my eyebrows and Stella bumped her hip against mine, giggling.

  ‘Are you and David OK?’ Stella asked. Her voice had taken a serious note. Had I been acting strangely?

  ‘Yeah fine, why?’ I replied, and Stella took a drag of her cigarette before answering.

  ‘I don’t know, you just don’t seem very… together. I could tell when we chatted on the phone that something’s been upsetting you.’

  I relaxed, relieved Stella didn’t know more than she was letting on.

  ‘I mean he’s been working a lot, so I don’t see him that much at the moment. I think he might be having an affair, but I’m not sure.’ I felt my eyes prickle, a mixture of pent up emotion and alcohol.

  ‘Oh god I’m sorry, Izzy.’ Stella gripped my hand, her warm fingers interlocking through mine as we stood side by side, staring out into the darkness.

  Flicking my ash into an empty plant pot; I told Stella about the receipt I’d found and the text message, but that I hadn’t confronted David about it. I didn’t tell her why though.

  We remained silent for a few minutes; Stella digesting the news. I sniffed, wishing I had a tissue in my pocket.

  ‘Midlife crisis?’ Stella suggested.

  ‘Probably. There’ll be a Ferrari on the driveway next week,’ I said, snorting. ‘Things haven’t been right between us since…’ I continued until my voice trailed off.

  Stella rubbed my arm, her hand soft and warm. ‘It’s been a tough time for both of you since the baby. It’s like you need your heads banging together. You need to sit down and get everything out in the open. You know he never blamed you, don’t you?’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Because I’ve known David practically as long as you have. He loves you, Izzy, I’m sure he did from the moment he clapped eyes on you!’

  Stella would be there, whenever I wanted someone to listen, but I could hardly drag David over hot coals. ‘Anyway, show me a photo of this Adam,’ I said, changing the subject.

  Stella got out her phone and opened up Facebook, clicking on the profile picture of a young, blond, wavy-haired man who looked like he should be carrying a surfboard.

  ‘This is Adam,’ she squealed.

  ‘He’s lovely,’ I said, not failing to notice that he looked younger than us.

  She went on to show me some of the text message exchanges between them. He seemed like one of the good ones. The opportunity was there for me to tell Stella about Nicky, but I chickened out.

  I finished my cigarette and suggested we turn in for the night.

  The next morning, I woke before nine feeling dehydrated and a bit fuzzy. Stella emerged from the guest room looking like she’d been on a wild night out. David and Charlotte thought it was hysterical as they zoomed around getting ready for their day out whilst we sat at the table drinking coffee, moving in slow motion.

  ‘It still smells of curry in here,’ Stella laughed.

  I nodded, opening the kitchen window to air the room. It always took ages for the takeaway smell to go and we were having far too many of them lately.

  ‘Pizza tonight, whilst you two are out gallivanting,’ David said with a grin at Charlotte.

  ‘I’ll do a proper food shop next week. We all need to be eating much healthier,’ I said, even though all I wanted to eat at that moment was something covered in grease.

  ‘Right we’re off, got to pick Amy up and their skating is booked in for half ten.’

  I smiled at the laptop tucked under David’s arm; I knew him so well. He leaned down and gave me a kiss and Charlotte waved goodbye from the hallway.

  ‘Have fun,’ I called.

  ‘Bye,’ they called back and the front door slammed shut.

  ‘Peace at last,’ I said.

  ‘Bliss.’

  We got showered, dress
ed and headed into town so I could show Stella the shops Horsham had to offer. Stella had always loved shopping and the pair of us could spend hours with the intention of window shopping but still coming home with a multitude of bags and sore feet. She wanted to buy something to wear out that night and chose a slinky cold-shoulder top in black.

  ‘This will look good with my skinny jeans and heels, right?’

  I nodded. What on earth was I going to wear?

  Stella picked out an off-the-shoulder top in bright orange, demanding I try it on immediately. By the time we stopped for lunch, we had pretty much bought an entire outfit each.

  ‘Just like the good old days,’ Stella said.

  We grabbed a sandwich from Boots and got back in the car to go to the hotel for our massage. I was excited, it had been ages since I’d had one and I knew I was holding a lot of tension in my shoulders.

  When I’d booked, I requested we were in a room together. The room was small but lovely and warm, our massage tables only three feet apart. I had a lady who used a lot of pressure, but she eased into it gently and the small amount of chatter back and forth between Stella and I diminished the more relaxed we became. All of the tension rubbed away and the knots in my back dissolved over the fifty minutes.

  ‘Ooh that was lush. Thank you, honey,’ Stella said, easing herself up, clutching the towel to cover her as she stretched one arm out.

  ‘Agreed,’ I yawned. I didn’t remotely feel like going out on the town, I was more ready for an early night.

  We got dressed, giggling and bumping into each other as we put our clothes on in the small space.

  ‘It’s like we’re drunk already.’

  ‘I hope you’ll be all right to drive,’ Stella said.

  ‘I’d forgotten how relaxed they make you feel.’

  After we’d had a drink of orange juice at the bar, I felt happy to set off on the short drive home.

  When we got home, it was gone three, but David still wasn’t back.

  ‘I bet Charlotte’s had a great day,’ Stella said, smiling wistfully.

  I knew Stella had always wanted children and she was a couple of years younger than me, so there was still time for it to happen. My insides nagged with a sadness I’d been pushing down. I longed for the baby I’d lost; my family had felt incomplete ever since. Not wanting to dwell and ruin the mood, I put on some music and we painted our nails whilst I took the opportunity to let Stella talk more about Adam.

  ‘He’s so lovely, a really nice guy. Sends me flowers every week, takes me on surprise dates. You know the ones where you get a text or a note – pick you up at seven, wear a dress – and he’ll whisk me away somewhere.’ Stella’s eyes glazed over as she talked, and it was fantastic to see my friend so happy. I wanted to open up about Nicky, to tell her I’d made a terrible mistake. How I worried about Nicky’s stability and that my secret would be revealed. Instead, I swapped our tea for Prosecco and poured us a large glass.

  ‘Shall we go get ready? I’ve booked a table at Turtle Bay, it does Caribbean food and I’ve heard its good.’

  Stella got up from the table, blowing on her nails to ensure they were dry. ‘Sounds fab, let’s go get glam.’

  27

  Getting ready with music from the noughties booming around the bedroom brought back memories of when we were younger. We danced around to Kylie Minogue’s ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head’ and the bedroom looked like the dorm at university: a bomb site with clothes and shoes everywhere.

  When we were finally ready, our winged eyeliner and brows groomed to perfection, we headed downstairs. As we descended, the front door opened, and David walked in, with Charlotte and Amy behind him.

  ‘Wow, look at you two. Lock up your sons,’ he said, and Stella winked.

  My stomach clenched at the comment, the glasses of Prosecco momentarily threatening to make a reappearance.

  ‘Doesn’t your wife look hot?’ Stella said.

  Charlotte cringed, pushing Amy onwards into the kitchen as David wolf-whistled.

  ‘She certainly does.’ He leaned forward and kissed my cheek as I slipped on my coat and checked the contents of my clutch bag.

  ‘You look lovely, Mrs Cole,’ Amy called back from the kitchen.

  ‘Thanks, Amy.’

  Turtle Bay was dimly lit but decorated with bright colours. The tables and chairs were rustic wood and there was driftwood and beach signs on the walls. It was already packed when we arrived, but I’d booked ahead and we were directed to a table for two in the corner.

  Stella picked up the enormous cocktail menu, taking her time to decide which concoction she was going to try first.

  ‘I was thinking about Sex on the Beach.’

  ‘Aren’t you always?’ I retorted and Stella pretended to scowl at me, her eyes peering over the menu. ‘I’m going for a piña colada,’ I said decisively, putting the menu back onto the table.

  ‘Classy chick.’ Stella laughed and gave our order to the waiter who had materialised at our table. The food menu was proving harder though. With so many choices, Stella and I both struggled to decide, but eventually Stella chose jerk ribs and I settled on jerk salmon.

  ‘It’s lovely in here, really nice. So busy too, considering it’s quite early.’ Stella was right, all of the tables were full and there were many serving staff dashing around to reggae background music. What struck me most was the smell, the spices wafted around the room and I couldn’t help salivating.

  The waiter brought us another round of cocktails, which were going down far too easily. Shortly after, our food arrived on enormous plates, the meat accompanied by spicy rice, corn on the cob and salad.

  ‘God, this is going to get messy,’ Stella said, diving straight into her ribs once she’d tied her napkin around her neck like a bib. It was one of the many things I loved about Stella, she didn’t care what other people thought. Whereas I always worried about everyone else’s perception of me. I would have given anything to be so carefree.

  The salmon was fantastic and Stella loved the ribs, she would put one in her mouth and extract the bare bone seconds later. It was a sight to behold.

  ‘Do you think this Adam might be the one then?’ I asked between mouthfuls.

  Stella’s eyes became dreamy at the mention of his name. ‘I don’t know; I can’t believe he’s into me. He’s so good-looking and nice. I can’t believe he hasn’t been snapped up already.’

  ‘What are you talking about, you’re awesome! Why wouldn’t he want you?’

  ‘It’s not that, I’m just waiting for someone to pinch me, you know. Or for there to be something wrong with him. I mean, he even bangs like a barn door in the wind… I’m in heaven!’ Stella exclaimed, finishing her last rib and tucking in to some rice.

  I giggled, Stella always was insatiable, but it was easy to be, with a new lover and no children to look after. David and I were once, but no marriage is the same sixteen years later.

  I knew I should tell Stella about Nicky. I desperately wanted to be able to share how I felt. But what if she was so disgusted with me, she told David, or packed her bags and went back to Nottingham and we never saw each other again? I wasn’t sure of Stella’s views on infidelity as it had never come up. Stella had always played the field, but I couldn’t remember her ever cheating.

  ‘You OK? You drifted off there?’ Stella said, dabbing her face with the napkin and laying it across her plate. She had finished already, and I made an effort to catch up, but my eyes were bigger than my belly.

  ‘Just jealous,’ I replied with a wicked grin and Stella laughed.

  When I’d finished, we ordered more cocktails. I had a feeling if we carried on at the same pace, I might be seeing my dinner again later. I told Stella all about my new job in more detail and filled her in on Matilda and Susan and what characters they were. Stella seemed relieved she hadn’t been replaced, but I assured her she never could. I was about to suggest moving on somewhere else when another two cocktails arrived at our table.
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br />   Stella frowned at the waiter. ‘Umm, we didn’t order these,’ she said to the waiter, who was checking his watch.

  ‘They’re from the bloke at the bar.’

  Stella and I both stared over but couldn’t see who he was talking about. A second later, a crowd of women moved away with their drinks and I saw the outline of Nicky propped up the bar.

  I panicked and almost knocked my drink over. He had his back to us, but I knew his shape anywhere.

  ‘I think we’ve pulled,’ Stella said, throwing her head back and laughing, tossing her blonde mane over her shoulder.

  I took a sip of my drink, unable to tear my eyes away.

  ‘What is it?’ Stella asked, taking in my expression which must have resembled a deer caught in the headlights.

  I turned back to Stella, opening my mouth to speak but no words came out.

  Her eyes narrowed and she leaned in to touch my arm, her face full of concern.

  ‘Was your meal good?’ interrupted a voice beside us.

  I knew it was Nicky before I looked up. He was wearing my favourite aftershave. Had he done it on purpose? He looked sharp, in jeans and a white shirt with the top two buttons undone, exposing a slice of smooth skin. He could easily pass for being in his twenties. I felt a rocket of desire shoot through me.

  ‘Lovely thanks, and thanks for the drinks.’ Stella smiled politely, rescuing me as I was still trying to engage my brain with my mouth. Bewildered eyes darted from him, back to me.

  ‘This is Nicky. Nicky this is Stella,’ I managed, taking a mouthful of my cocktail to relieve the sudden dryness of my throat.

  ‘Pleased to meet you,’ Nicky said and shook Stella’s hand firmly.

  I noticed Stella raise her eyebrows a fraction as she took him in.

  He pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his back pocket and offered one to us both. ‘I’m going for a smoke if you’d like one?’