“What are they saying?”
Carly still felt like she was living someone else’s life. She never would’ve thought that her strong, healthy son would need tests to see if something was wrong with his heart. How did this happen?
“They’re running some tests,” she said lamely.
“Everyone keeps saying that.” Josh raked a hand through his hair and sighed, eyes flashing confusion. “Can you explain it to me? I don’t even know what happened.”
Carly relayed what she knew. He’d been on the float in the Memorial Day parade. He’d fainted, which led to him falling off the float and onto the ground.
“The fall didn’t hurt him,” she explained. “But they want to know what caused him to pass out in the first place.”
Josh frowned. “The heat? Dehydration?”
Carly shook her head. “They checked his protein levels and made sure he was properly hydrated. Then they took him away for an EKG and I think a stress test. I don’t know, they haven’t told me everything.”
Josh sat in one of the chairs near the end of the bed. “What are they looking for?”
She was a nurse. She was supposed to have answers to these kinds of questions, but the truth was, she didn’t want to think about the possibilities. A heart condition could be serious—really serious—and this wasn’t some stranger who’d just become a patient. This was her son.
Her mind spun with medical jargon and statistics and numbers and platitudes, but nothing comforted her. Not when there was even the slightest possibility that something might be truly wrong with Jaden.
She folded her arms around herself and avoided Josh’s eyes.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Josh said. “I’m sure he’s going to be fine. I mean, he’s a perfectly healthy, active kid.”
Why did his certainty irritate her? Because he couldn’t possibly know that to be true or because she couldn’t muster the same assurances on her own?
“Carly?”
“He told the doctor he’d been having some dizziness,” she said. “That he sometimes gets winded when he’s training.”
“That’s weird.” His shoulders slumped. “You didn’t know about this?”
Why did it sound like an accusation?
But truth be told, it was the same question she was asking herself. How was it that she didn’t know about Jaden’s symptoms? She was a nurse. Was she simply not paying attention? But this question also irritated her—what right did he have to question her about anything?
“He’s sixteen, Josh. I can’t be with him all the time,” she said. And not kindly.
He held up his hands as if that would calm her down. “I’m sure he wasn’t in a hurry to share any of that with you.”
She looked away, still annoyed. “No, he wasn’t. And he certainly didn’t want to share the fact that he’d fainted one other time, a few weeks ago.”
“You just found that out too?”
She nodded, frustrated by it all, replaying the last few weeks, racking her brain for any signs she might’ve missed.
“So, those spells and this one led them to think maybe a problem with his heart?”
“Like I said—could be nothing.” Could be something.
Josh seemed to hear the words she wasn’t saying and his mood turned somber, then he grew quiet.
The door to the room opened and a nurse named Alisha wheeled Jaden through. She met Carly’s eyes and smiled, an attempt to reassure her colleague that everything was going to be okay.
But Carly knew smiles weren’t promises and words meant to comfort often had no factual basis.
But she had to be strong. For Jaden. It’s what she did. It’s what she had always done. Even when she didn’t feel like it.
And today, she didn’t feel like it.
“Hey, kid,” she said.
A tired-looking Jaden waved, then turned his full attention to Josh. “Dad, I didn’t know you were coming.”
Carly avoided her ex’s eyes. She hadn’t told Jaden she’d called Josh. She didn’t want to risk upsetting him, despite what Josh had told her on the phone. Truth was, she didn’t believe he’d actually show until he walked through the door.
Alisha wheeled Jaden over to the bed, and Josh moved toward him to help him stand.
“Yeah, I just got here. Had to see what all the fuss was about.”
Jaden laughed. “I guess I fainted or something.”
Again. You fainted again. How could you not tell me you fainted in the first place?
She kept her thoughts to herself, though she desperately wanted to confront her son for his silence.
Josh helped him up into the bed and Carly pulled the blanket over his legs.
“How are you feeling now?” she asked.
“Just tired.”
“He hit his head pretty good when he fell,” Alisha said. “We don’t think he has a concussion, but we want to monitor him to be sure.”
Carly nodded. A concussion she could handle. “What about the other tests?”
Alisha pursed her lips. “The doctor will be in soon to talk through those.”
“Alisha, really?” She never realized how maddening it was to be told to wait longer when you’d already been waiting hours for answers.
“Sorry, Carly. You know I don’t know anything.”
“I know you can’t tell me anything,” she said.
“Thanks so much, Alisha. We’ll wait for the doctor.” Josh had moved to the other side of the bed and now stood at Carly’s side.
She didn’t want to be aware of his body that close to hers, but she was. She found it horribly unfair that he’d only gotten better looking with age while her looks continued to deteriorate like a pear left out too long on the counter.
Not that these were the kinds of things she should be thinking about when her child’s health was in question. She couldn’t care less what she looked like right now.
Alisha turned her attention to Jaden. “Do you need anything else while you wait for the doctor?”
Jaden shook his head. “I’m great, but thanks.”
She glanced at Carly one last time before exiting the room.
“Mom.” Jaden’s tone sounded like a reprimand.
“What?”
“You can’t start snapping at everyone. You hate when people do that to you.”
He was right. She did. She always felt terrible when the doctors had to deliver bad news. And she felt even worse when she knew before the people getting that news. And even worse still when the people got angry and took it out on her.
And now she was doing the same thing.
“Sorry,” she said. “I’m just stressed.”
“I’m fine,” Jaden said. “I probably just didn’t eat enough this morning. All this heart testing is a little over the top.”
But Carly knew that wasn’t true. She could tell by the sparse words and concerned looks from the doctors and nurses that they suspected something bigger was wrong with Jaden.
Josh sat down on the end of Jaden’s bed and the two of them started talking about some video game they played together over the internet. As much as she hated video games, she was moderately thankful Jaden and his dad had found this common ground.
Never mind that it sometimes made Carly feel left out. Did Jaden remember which one of his parents had been there for him since the day he was born?
But then, Josh had always been an elusive kind of person—the kind who didn’t put much of himself out there, which, she supposed, only made people want more.
That had certainly been the case for her.
The door opened and Dr. David Willette walked in. Tall, geekily handsome and intelligent-looking (if there was such a thing), he wore a white coat over a pinstriped shirt and tie.
Carly had never spoken to him, but she’d heard her fellow nurses talk about him, the same way they talked about every doctor they worked with. According to the rumor mill, Dr. David Willette was single, loved racquetball and was very good at his jo
b.
“He’s perfect husband material,” Justine had said just last week.
“If you like boring men,” Sasha had replied.
“Why is he boring? Because he’s stable? Because he has a good job?” Justine had just gotten out of a bad relationship. Sasha was barely out of college. The two of them had different priorities.
In that moment, Carly thought his best quality was “good at his job.”
“Hello, I’m Doctor—”
“Willette,” Carly cut in. “I know.”
He smiled. “You work in Peds.”
It was a statement, not a question. Did he know who she was?
“Carly Collins,” she said. “We’ve never been officially introduced.” She stuck out her hand, which he shook firmly with a smile.
“Nice to meet you.” He glanced at Josh. “And your husband?”
Carly laughed. “No, uh, no—Jaden’s father. Not my husband.” She felt Josh’s eyes on her. “I’m not married,” she added quietly, though she had no idea why. It made her sound like a fool.
Josh stood and Carly could feel her cheeks reddening.
“Josh Dixon,” he said, shaking the doctor’s hand.
“Nice to meet you.”
Josh looked at Carly, and for a split second she could see the injury she’d inflicted behind his gaze. As if it were crucial everyone knew she was absolutely not in a relationship with this man.
But it was crucial that everyone knew that. At least to Carly. If anyone thought she’d taken Josh back after everything he’d put her through, she’d be mortified. As if she could ever be that stupid.
“How you feeling, Jaden?” Dr. Willette asked.
Jaden shrugged. “Just a little tired.”
“You’ve had quite a day.” The doctor smiled.
“What do you think?” Carly could feel herself growing impatient. Josh reached over and put a hand on her arm, as if to say “calm down.” She shrugged it off and moved closer to Jaden, leveling her gaze with the doctor’s.
“Well, we need to rule a few things out,” Dr. Willette said. “Could be nothing, but we want to give you a Holter monitor.”
Carly’s mind raced through her mental medical word bank. Holter monitor. “To determine if Jaden has an irregular heartbeat?”
“Yes,” Dr. Willette said. “I also want you to keep a diary of your activity over the next forty-eight hours. Then, Tuesday we’ll see you back here, and we can take a look at what we find.”
“So we’re looking at a possible arrhythmia?” Carly said.
“Just ruling it out.”
“So, Jaden, that diary is really important.” Carly looked at her son. “You need to record any symptoms you might have and what you’re doing when they occur.”
“I don’t have symptoms,” Jaden said.
“Your chart says dizziness, shortness of breath, one other fainting spell,” Dr. Willette said.
“Yeah, but that’s normal stuff,” Jaden said. “Lots of guys have those things.”
“Jaden,” Carly said.
“I didn’t think it was a big deal,” he said.
“It probably isn’t,” Dr. Willette said. “But we just want to be sure.”
Lots of people had irregular heartbeats. Probably no big deal.
Could be a really big deal.
She hated that the voice in her head had turned negative and repetitive.
“Dr. Willette, he’s an athlete,” Carly said. “A skier. He’s training nonstop. Is this going to interfere with that?”
The doctor met her eyes. His smile reminded her of Alisha’s. The poker-face smile. It gave nothing away.
And yet, it said everything.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he said. “So, we’ll bring the Holter monitor in and get you all fixed up. Then we’ll make an appointment to see you back here after the holiday. Sound good?”
Carly nodded as the doctor exited the room, leaving the three of them alone with thoughts none of them wanted to have.
5
After Jaden was fitted with a Holter monitor, a small rectangular device that he could wear around his neck and that would record the rhythm of Jaden’s heart, Carly’s family (including her dad’s friends) flooded the small hospital room.
Josh was pretty sure they weren’t supposed to have that many people in a hospital room at once, but nobody seemed to notice. Or care.
They asked questions Josh hadn’t thought of or didn’t know to ask, and Carly answered like the nurse she was. If she felt emotional over any of this, she hid it well.
But then, she’d always hidden her emotions well, hadn’t she?
Slowly, Josh moved to the perimeter of the room, feeling like that was where he belonged, but in his head, he prayed that this whole ordeal left them with good news. That Jaden was fine. That there was no irregular heartbeat.
God, this is one of yours. One of the good ones. That’s got to count for something, right?
“What are the possible outcomes?” Beverly asked.
Carly explained them, leading, of course, with the least serious, and as she continued talking, Josh’s eyes fell on Jaden, who looked like a prisoner trapped in this room.
The din of conversation escalated, and finally Josh cleared his throat. “Maybe we should give the kid some space.”
An awkward hush filled the room as they all looked at him, certainly thinking what right did he have to suggest anything about Jaden at all.
But everyone had thoughts and questions and opinions, and it seemed like Josh was the only one considering his son’s feelings at all. He looked at Jaden. “You need some fresh air?”
Jaden met his eyes and nodded.
“Well, we can go,” Carly said.
“Why doesn’t Dad drive me home?” Jaden asked.
Carly’s face fell and the tension in the room rose. But Josh wasn’t trying to swoop in here like the hero. He only wanted to do what was best for his son.
It’s what they all wanted, right? But maybe they had different ways of showing it.
“Okay,” Carly said quietly. “If that’s what you want.”
“Maybe we can swing by the training center, Grady?” Jaden said. “I’d love to show my dad.”
“You should probably go home and rest,” Carly said.
“Come on, Mom.” Jaden sounded exactly like the teenager he was. “I’m fine. They’re monitoring my heart, not giving me a pacemaker.”
Carly’s frown lines deepened. Josh loved the idea of hanging out with his son, and especially seeing this training center he’d been talking about for weeks. But going against anything Carly said right now was a quick way to land on the worst side of her “bad” list, and he had no interest in doing that.
“Maybe we could do that tomorrow, Jaden,” Josh said. “Your mom’s right—you need to get some rest.”
Jaden groaned. “Fine, but can you still be the one to drive me?”
Josh glanced at Carly, who avoided his eyes. “If it’s okay with your mom.”
She looked at Jaden, then finally, at Josh. She didn’t look angry, like he expected. She looked hurt. “It’s fine.”
But her tone said otherwise.
“I don’t have to,” he said.
She found his eyes. “I said it’s fine.”
Josh could feel pairs of eyes on him, as if everyone was waiting for his next move. Unfortunately, he had no idea what that move should be.
He didn’t understand Carly anymore. He’d been away too long. He’d made too many mistakes. It was hard to believe that once upon a time, they’d had such an easy relationship. From the day they’d met in third grade, they were friends. And after just moving to town, Josh needed a friend.
They’d grown up together—went to each other’s birthday parties, spent their summers with a big group of friends at the beach. Like all Harbor Pointe locals, they had inside jokes about the tourists. They knew the best places to fish, the most secluded spots on the beach, and that Dockside
had—hands down—the best Chicago-style pizza in town. They were the kids all the adults knew by name, which made disobedience next to impossible, at least when they were really young.
Carly was in nearly every single one of his childhood memories. The good ones, anyway.
In fact, she might’ve been the only reason he had good memories at all.
He supposed at some point, the past was bound to come seeping in. He got older. More withdrawn. Somehow, it seemed only Carly could reach him.
And they couldn’t have been more different. Carly was on the straight and narrow. She went to church every week and actually believed what the preacher said. She sang in the choir. She ran for student council representative and worked on the school newspaper.
And on Friday nights, she was in bed no later than eleven.
She was steady and dependable, and maybe that was why he was so drawn to her. That or her big brown eyes—they always seemed to read exactly what he was thinking, and he never had to say a word.
He knew they were different. He sensed that he wasn’t good enough for her, but that didn’t stop him from wanting her.
Unlike Carly, Josh made poor choices. He had a temper and spent a lot of time in detention. His grades were mediocre, and he was never home by eleven on Friday nights.
But for whatever reason, Carly wouldn’t let Josh go.
As they got older, their relationship changed, of course. He didn’t know if that was natural or just the way things were for the two of them.
She was an academic. He was barely making C’s. She spent her free time at the library. He’d discovered the numbing properties of alcohol.
They ran in different circles, yet somehow, they still stayed connected.
Many nights, he’d sneak out, walking through backyards and darkness to her house, and she almost always met him on her back porch.
On the surface, they weren’t friends. Nobody would’ve believed they talked at all anymore, but the fact was, Carly Collins was the only person in the world Josh trusted.
So when she showed up outside his house one afternoon, in broad daylight, he wondered if this was his chance to pay her back for all the hours she’d sat at his side while he didn’t talk, just so he knew he wasn’t alone.
Just One Kiss: A Harbor Pointe Novel Page 4