Revival

by Kirkpatrick, S.

  The photo caught it all. The laughter, the solo cup, and the semi-drunken idiocy we were displaying for all to see. But looking at it now, with the fresh sight Karen has given me, instead of through my own memory, I see more. I see me staking my claim on a girl who was trusting enough to let me, even if she didn’t realize she was doing it.

  The third photo is probably my favorite one. It was the night of Brody’s 23rd birthday. He always throws a bonfire on the beach, something we all know isn’t allowed. But when you grow up a beach kid, you know how to bend the rules to your advantage.

  Brody’s birthday is the last week of January, and that year we had a massive snowstorm hit North Carolina. Getting four inches of snow on the beach isn’t something we get very often, but we refused to let it ruin our plans. We were all bundled up, getting drunk, and freezing our asses off in the name of tradition.

  Bree convinced me to go make snow angels with her, telling me it was unacceptable, un-American even, that I had never made one before. I do what I always do, going along with whatever crazy shenanigans she comes up with. Abel, to this very day, makes fun of me for giving in to whatever his sister asks of me. Even still, I’ve found it damn near impossible to tell that woman ‘no.’

  After half an hour of littering the beachfront with our snow angels, she turned into a popsicle so we ran back to the fire to get warm. In the photo we’re cuddled up on a log, sharing a blanket, and drinking god knows what in our solo cups. She has her beanie pulled down low and her brown hair is around her shoulders, covered in snow. She still had some on her nose and since my hands were holding our blanket closed, I leaned forward and licked the small glob of snow off her nose. The photo was taken right as the tip of my tongue touched her nose and Bree’s face is all scrunched up, wondering what the hell I’m doing.

  The photo is so undeniably us. We’ve always been known to be good friends and do the weirdest shit together, but no one ever knew the depths of our feelings for each other. Hell, we didn’t even know. But looking at these photos, it seems so obvious. No matter what the situation, or how many years apart each photo is, one thing is apparent in all of them.

  We’re crazy about each other.

  We always have been.

  I clear my throat, trying to hide how emotional these photos are making me before I turn to the girls.

  “I can’t possibly tell you how much these photos mean to me. How much they must mean to her to have hidden them away for so many years. I’ve never seen them before I’d like to get a copy if that’s possible. She’s gonna love them you guys, thank you.”

  The girls lunge at me, wrapping me in a spider web of a hug. One set of arms squeezes a little tighter than the rest, and I know Max’s hormones are getting the best of her.

  “Mama, you wanna ease up there? I like my bones where they are, no need to break ‘em into a new shape.”

  They all laugh, untangling themselves from my torso. Max has an embarrassed blush creeping across her face, as she swipes at the tears falling from her eyes. Other than that, she doesn’t acknowledge her display of strength.

  Hormones. She’s full of them.

  “Thank you for trusting us with this room, Dex. It meant a lot that you came to us.” Karen says, breaking the silence.

  “I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do it, and to be honest, neither would Bree. I don’t want her walking into her new home and feeling like her space has been violated by strangers. Knowing her friends, her family, poured their hearts and souls into this for her… I don’t think she’ll know how to process love like that, but I’m looking forward to finding out.”

  Abel comes bounding up the steps, with a happy Great Dane following closely behind. The bigger Max gets, the more protective of her Ollie becomes. He used to just come and sit beside her, but he’s learned that’s Abel’s place now. Instead of going to her opposite side, he sits between her legs, between her and anything that may come towards her. He gives ‘protection dog’ a whole new meaning. I’ve never known a dog to be as loyal as he is. Not out of obedience, out of love. He truly loves his human and would no doubt take a bullet for her.

  Abel scans the space, eyes coming to a rest on the photos behind us. We all watch on with bated breaths, as Abel comes to terms with what his sister’s new life will look like when she comes home. A life she will be living with me.

  After several minutes of staring at the photos, he begins glancing back and forth between them and me, shaking his head before blowing out a breath.

  “It’s been right in front of my face all these years, and I never saw it. I knew you guys were close, I knew you had your own little friendship, but I never once questioned what it meant. How is that possible?” He asks.

  “Are you upset by that?” I ask him.

  I’m genuinely curious to know how he feels about all this. We’ve talked about it briefly when it first came to light, but not much since then. I know this can’t be easy for him to digest, but I need to know where he stands. He called her ‘my girl’ the day we found the girls, but for all I know, that was in the heat of the moment. I need to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I truly have his blessing to love his sister. To be with her.

  “I was pissed in the beginning. Not because I felt betrayed, but because I just didn’t know about it at all. I didn’t understand what it was. Max told me I should give you my blessing from the beginning. She told me you and Bree deserve the chance to find the same happiness Max and I have. I didn’t wanna hear it at first, I was too focused on the negative. But, damn man, you haven’t even slept in your own bed in almost two months, refusing to leave her side. If that’s not love… I don’t know what is. It will still take me some time to fully get used to, to fully accept it. But I’m glad she has you. I know you’ll love her right. But don’t come cryin’ to me when you find yourself agreeing to crazy shit with her. I plan on making you handle all that shit on your own.”

  Everyone laughs, knowing damn good and well that’s exactly what’s gonna end up happening. I might as well have the word ‘Sucker’ tattooed across my forehead for the amount of shit I find myself agreeing to with her.

  I look around the room again, soaking in all the love that was put into making this room perfect for Bree. I’m blown away by how much everyone pulled together to make this happen.

  Bree’s always been afraid that she’s just been ‘Abel’s little sister’ but I hope this shows her that she’s so much more to a lot of people. We love her for who she is, not who she’s related to.

  “When did you know?” Abel’s voice calls out behind me, pulling my attention back to him.

  “Know what?” I ask him confused.

  “When did you know you were in love with my sister?” He asks. There’s no judgment in his voice. Just genuine curiosity.

  “I’ve known since I was 15.” I tell him honestly.

  “You’re gonna need to give me more than that.” Abel says.

  “My first kiss was when I was 15. Shelby Baker, at the homecoming football game. As soon as our team got the winning touchdown, she lunged at me and kissed me. In the back of my mind, I remember thinking it was all wrong. She was all wrong. All I could think about was Bree’s eyes and big personality. She was so much younger than us at the time, I hated myself for thinking that way. I thought something was wrong with me. But every girl I ever touched… That feeling never went away.”

  “Is that why you always went for girls who were literally the exact opposite of her?” He asks. Again, there’s no judgment in his voice.

  “Yeah. I figured I needed to try something more extreme to get her off my mind so I went for girls that were nothing like her, hoping eventually when I closed my eyes with them, that I wouldn’t see Bree’s face. It helped for a little bit. Made me feel less shitty. But it never went away. Then when I saw Bree kiss a guy that looked the exact opposite of me three years later, I wanted to put that guy in a hospital and I knew the feelings would never go away. All I
could think was that it wasn’t me, and that made me see red.”

  “Why not say anything before? If you felt that strongly about her, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell her?”

  I exhale a harsh breath, close my eyes, and muster up the courage to tell everyone in the room my biggest, most shameful secret. It somehow seems more personal to me than telling them about my hidden feelings for Bree. It seems like I’m laying my weakness out on the table, hoping that they understand when I do.

  I tell them everything. About my mom, my dad, all the women in my family. I tell them about my fear of becoming like every man to come in contact with my mom’s side of the family. I tell them my fear of turning into a piece of shit deadbeat like my dad. I tell them how scared I’ve always been to hurt someone the way the men who’ve come into my family always have. And I tell them how scared I was to hurt Bree that way. To cause her the pain that my genetics are capable of creating. I tell them how much it would destroy me to be responsible for that kind of pain, especially for someone like Bree. Which is why I’ve let myself love her from afar, but until now, never up close.

  “That’s why you got that tattoo huh?” Max asks.

  “What tattoo?” Abel asks, confused.

  I hold up my arm, showing them the tattoo I got the same week the guys and I moved to LA. It’s in the place Bree’s tattoo is. It was the only way I could tether myself to her when we were 2,600 miles away from each other. It was a way that I battled my three lines with hers. Promising myself that no matter how far apart we were, my heart remained hers.

  Certain things

  were made to be

  admired from afar

  Abel holds my arm in his hand, searing the words into his memory. I see the lightbulb go off in his mind the moment he realizes why I got these words here of all places.

  “You were her daggers.” He says, barely above a whisper.

  “And the reason she didn’t go to LA with us.” I confess.

  “You got this tattoo the week we got to LA and I didn’t learn about the tattoo Bree had until the first time she visited us when we got there. How did you know about it before I did?” Abel asks.

  “Do you have any idea how many times Bree and I have hung out when you weren’t around? Like you said, we had our own friendship outside of the five of us.” I reply defensively.

  I’ve already told him a fuck ton more than I ever planned on sharing with him. Not everything about me and Bree needs to be Abel’s knowledge. He doesn’t need to tell me everything about him and Max, he needs to respect that it goes both ways.

  “Look, man, I’m not trying to back you in a corner here okay? I’m just curious. This is just a lot for me to process and for every one thing I learn, it brings three more questions with it. I’m trying here Dex, I really am.” Abel tells me, dropping my hand and running his hands through his hair.

  Max steps in between us, putting a hand on each of our chests.

  “The important thing here is that we all love Bree. And we all get to say that out loud now.” She says, looking at me, then turning to Abel. “Abel, you’ve never known the details of all your sister’s relationships before. You need to respect the fact that just because she’s with Dex now, that doesn’t change, okay?”

  Abel agrees, pulling Max into his arms, hugging her tightly against him. I never thought we would need a referee before, but I guess everything changes when you find out your best friend is in love with your baby sister, right?

  “Let’s get the rest of the work done and give you two testosterone-filled maniacs some time to process everything okay?” Karen asks, breaking up the tension.

  We all agree and get to work on unpacking the rest of Bree’s things before I head up to the hospital for the night. I’m excited to see her reaction to the house when she gets to come here tomorrow. I can’t wait to start this next chapter of our lives together.

  After 13 years of loving her from afar, I’m gonna love the hell out of her up close.

  Chapter Fifteen

  BREE

  “And don’t forget about your follow up appointment in one week Ms. Cooper. I know you’re ready to get out of here, but it’s important that you keep up on your aftercare.”

  Outside of wanting to strangle my brother and his friends from time to time, I’ve never considered myself a violent person. But if this nurse goes through my discharge instructions one more time, there’s a very good chance that I will gouge her eyes out with my bare fucking hands. I’ve listened to her go through this shit with me three times now. It’s like every time one of my friends or family walks in, she thinks she needs to repeat it again.

  She did it the first time when it was just me Sonya. And again when Dex got here. Then again when Abel and Max got here. And then again when Kat and Jake got here. Karen already text and said she was on her way, but if it means going through this lady’s speech one more time, she may just need to meet us in the parking lot.

  “Yes, I know. Continue my therapy twice a week, no heavy lifting, and be cognizant of any headaches. I got it. Can I please go home now before I’m arrested for destroying this room?”

  She gasps and looks back at me with wide eyes while Dex snorts a laugh next to me.

  “She’s not serious.” Abel reassures her.

  “Yes, the fuck, I am. I’m dead serious. If I’m not walking out of this door in the next five minutes there’s a 99% chance I will go postal. I’ve been in this fucking room for 59 days and my patience is officially gone. You go get whoever you need to, but I’m leaving here in the next five minutes with or without your permission lady.”

  Just as I finish my tirade, Karen walks in. I turn to the nurse and point my finger at her.

  “Unless the next words out of your mouth are releasing me, then your time starts now.”

  She scurries away to get the doctor, leaving my friends and family looking at me with a mixture of humor and concern.

  “Don’t judge me, I’ve wanted to choke her out since she flirted with Dex right in front of me last week. If anything she should be glad I haven’t throat punched her yet.”

  “She wasn’t flirting with me, babe.” Dex tries to reassure me, pulling me closer into his chest.

  “Considering I’ve been in love with you for over a decade and you had no idea, I think it’s safe to say that your opinion doesn’t count here Dexter Lane.”

  “Woah, woah, cool it with the full name, Breezie. My mama doesn’t even do that shit unless I break somethin’ in her house.” He tells me, hands held up in surrender.

  “She has four more minutes.”

  I can’t help it, I feel like these stupid walls are closing in on me. I haven’t seen the inside of my own home in two months and I feel like if I have to stay here any longer, I may spontaneously combust. I’ve tried like hell to stay strong in front of all my visitors for the two weeks that I’ve been awake, but I just can’t take it anymore.

  I need to get out of here.

  I need to eat real food.

  I need to breathe fresh air.

  I need to live again.

  “Okay Ms. Cooper, now that you’ve scared your nurse half to death, you’re free to go home.” The doctor announces, walking in with a half-smile on her face. She thinks my rage is a good sign, she’s said so about a hundred times.

  “Thank goodness.” I shimmy out of Dex’s arms and stand tall on my own two feet. I’m walking out of this damn hospital on my own. I refuse to give them a reason to think that I need to stay, no matter how sore my body still is. But the ever-observant doctor sees me wince, so she leans in close to whisper.

  “Keep an eye on the pain. If it gets worse, let me know. But a little is to be expected for the next couple of weeks. Just don’t overdo it.”

  I appreciate her not calling me out in front of everyone in the room. I’m already tired of having people dote on me like I’m still lying comatose in that bed. I need to be able to do things on my
own. My independence is something I have prided myself on since I moved out at 18. There is nothing I have in my life that I haven’t earned myself. I may have struggled, I may have eaten ramen for days on end, but I did it myself. I refuse to start depending on people now, no matter what I’ve been through.

  “I know she already went over everything with you but I want to add a few more things before you go. In private if the rest of you don’t mind.” She says glancing at the hoard of a family that came to see me off.

  Oh goody…

  Everyone looks around the room, not sure they want to leave me alone or not. Hell, I haven’t been truly alone in months. Something I once used to hate, but now I kind of crave.

  “The sooner you leave the room, the sooner I get to go home. Now scatter like vermin so we can get this show on the road.” I tell them, pointing out the door, my voice leaving no room for argument.

  Once everyone’s cleared the room, the good doctor takes a seat on the bed and takes my hands in hers. She looks me in the eyes and squeezes my hands, letting me know that this is important to her.

  “I know you’re ready to get out of here, Breelle. You’ve been through so much. You’ve survived so much. But I need you to understand that you’re not the same person that you were the day you went missing. There are many things you’ll soon learn that have fundamentally changed within you. Things you haven’t been in a position to experience yet during your stay here. So I have some conditions before I let you walk out that door okay?” She asks.

  I realize this isn’t the time for my impatience, or my attitude so I swallow down my hateful remark and truly listen to what’s so important to her. I’ve never given much thought to not going home the same person. Other than tired and bruised, I feel the same. Yeah, a little more scared and jumpy than before, but that’s not a fundamental shift is it?

  “Okay, I’m listening.” I tell her honestly.