Revival

by Kirkpatrick, S.

  “Intimacy may be hard for you when you decide to take that step. So just to give you time to adjust to living your own life again. I want you to refrain from sex for at least 10 days. This has nothing to do with your physical health, but everything to do with your mental health okay?”

  I nod my head and wait for her to continue.

  “I want you to stand in front of the mirror every day. I want you to look at yourself and love what you see staring back at you. I want you to see the same strength I see and nothing else okay?”

  I nod again, with no intention of taking that seriously. No one will ever again get to decide what happens to or with my body, but me.

  “And lastly, I want you to live your life to the fullest. I’ve seen so many come through these doors and not many of them get the second chance you’ve been given. I want you to take this opportunity to live the life you’ve always dreamed of. Don’t let anything, least of all your fears, hold you back okay?”

  I smile at her as she stands and pulls me in for a hug. A few tears escape my eyes, betraying the strong façade I’ve been holding on to. I’m excited to go home, but truth be told I’m so scared to go out into the real world again and not be able to handle it anymore. Life may not have changed, but what if she’s right, what if I have?

  “Okay, Breelle. Go live your life. Good luck.”

  She walks me to my door where my merry band of misfits is waiting to walk me down to Dex’s car. To where I get to take back my life again.

  “Alright, Breezie baby, you’re a free woman now. What do you wanna do first?” Dex asks me as we pull out of the hospital parking lot.

  “I’ve been craving real food since I woke up. Can we grab something to eat before we head to my place?”

  “Bojangles’?” He asks, knowing damn good and well that’s my favorite fast food place in all of North Carolina.

  “You know me so well.” I tell him as he squeezes my thigh with the hand he has rested there.

  I turn up the music and roll the windows down, breathing in the fresh air available for the taking. You can smell the salt in the air, blowing in from the Atlantic and it settles some of my nerves. It’s amazing, these little things we take for granted every day. I’m certain after this, I’ll never be able to take them for granted again. Every breath I take is a miracle, a second chance. One I vow not to waste.

  ‘All American Nightmare’ by Hinder plays through the speakers as we drift down the highway, enjoying the wind in our hair.

  Dex’s voice calls out over the music. “I promised myself I wouldn’t complain about your shitty taste in music as long as you woke up, but have mercy on me, Breezie. These guys are fucking terrible.”

  I laugh a little at that, the sound foreign to my ears. Hearing his fun and easy banter come back is the best thing I could have hoped for when I got released. It’s nice to see this side of him again.

  I missed it.

  “Psh, whatever this song could practically be your anthem.” I tell him as I turn the music up even louder, drowning out his complaint.

  I love this band, and picking on him is one thing I’ve missed more than I could have ever thought. He has no idea that I used to always think of him when this song came on. It describes him pretty perfect if you ask me. But that’s just one of the reasons I fucking love him with all my being. He’s a perfect match for my batch of crazy.

  He listens to the song and looks at me, feigning offense.

  “You wound me, Breezie. But if that song is me, then this one is you.”

  He plugs his phone in and smiles as he selects his song. As Billie Joe Armstrong’s voice comes through the speakers, I punch him in the arm, eliciting a barking laugh from him in response.

  “If I’m a basket case, it’s because you and Abel made me that way.”

  He turns the music up and sings every word with so much gusto that I can’t stop smiling. Leave it to Dex to know exactly what to say and do to make this day perfect. The last two months have weighed heavily on everyone, him especially. It’s time for us all to celebrate the fact that we’re all still here, together, when things could have been so much worse.

  We’ve got each other. That’s enough for me.

  After all four of our cars make it through Bojangle’s drive-thru, we make our way to my apartment.

  Well… I thought that was the plan anyway.

  “Dex, I thought we were going to my place. Why are we going to yours and Abel’s house?”

  “Hush, choose a song and just sit back.”

  I don’t really care where we’re going, I’m just nosey I suppose. I do as he says, finding another song as he executes whatever plan he has cooking. I shouldn’t have said I wanted all of us to eat together at my place though. I should have just agreed to eat in the car so we could hang out when we got to my place. The food on my lap smells amazing and my stomach is in a contest with the speakers on who can be louder. I can assure you, my stomach is winning.

  A few minutes later, we pull into the driveway of Max’s old house and I look at Dex with confusion written clear across my face. Brody and Ryan are sitting on the porch swing, appearing as though they’re waiting on us to arrive.

  “Welcome home.” He tells me, smiling as he places the gearshift in park.

  “Haha, very funny babe. You know I haven’t moved in yet.”

  “Well, maybe you haven’t. But all of your stuff has.”

  “What the heck are you talking about?”

  Instead of responding to me with words, like a normal person would do, he just gets out of the car and walks to my side. He opens my door and reaches his hand in to take the food off my lap. I take the seatbelt off and grab ahold of his outstretched hand as I get out of the car, still waiting on his explanation.

  Without a word, he shuts my door and walks me up the driveway, to the front door, and digs in his pockets for something. I look around and see all of our friends and family smiling at me. Clearly, whatever is going on here, I’m the odd man out.

  “Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?” I ask.

  Dex hands me my keychain and kisses me on the temple.

  “When you were in the hospital, I noticed that you weren’t too thrilled with the idea of going back to your apartment, so everyone pitched in and moved all your stuff to your new house. We figured you’d like to have a fresh start when you came home. This is your house key. So… Let us all in.” He says on a laugh.

  I turn back to everyone who is patiently waiting for me to open the front door to my house. I can’t believe I have a house. My own house. Not the same house Abel and I grew up in. Not an apartment that I’ve rented.

  A house.

  And it’s all mine.

  I throw my arms around Dex’s neck and kiss him with all my might. I can’t believe this amazing, perfect man. His arms come around my waist, pulling me closer against him. I can feel the warm bag of our food pushing against me, but I don’t even care. I pour all of my gratitude in this kiss, letting him know how much this means to me.

  The girls all catcall behind me and I hear Abel groan so loud, it overpowers every other sound. It’s enough to shatter the moment so Dex pulls back, pink tint to his cheeks. I can’t help but smirk in surprise. I didn’t even know the infamous Dex Wilson could blush. This kinda feels like a victory moment and I wish I had a camera handy to capture it all.

  “For the love of god, do that shit on your own time when I don’t have a pregnant woman trying to rip a bag of food out of my hands.” My brother jokes behind us.

  Leave it to Abel to ruin the moment.

  Men are idiots.

  I take the key, still in Dex’s hand, and I slide it in the lock. I push open the door and walk into the entryway, glancing around in astonishment. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. I can’t believe they did all this.

  For me.

  Max’s house was classic and rocker chic for sure. You could tell walking in, what typ
e of person lived here. And I loved it. It was undeniably her. There was so much teal, and black, and grey. It was soft and inviting, but you could only fully appreciate the beauty if you knew who lived here.

  But now, when you step into the living room that sits directly on the left of entryway… You can tell the space belongs to an entirely different being.

  It’s almost laughable how different our personalities are. My space is filled with more color, more girly shit, and many more decorations. It’s funny because my home reflects the kind of person I want to be, rather than the person I really am.

  Everyone files in behind me, smiles on their faces, as they watch me take in the all of the hard work they put in. Looking all around me, it’s obvious to see all the hours and all of the effort that they put in to make this a reality. It seems like such a small thing when you think about it. People all over the world help their friends move into their new places. But they all banded together to make a plan to do it all as a surprise, ensuring I had a big open space to come home to.

  It means more to me than I can describe. No one has ever done anything like this for me before.

  I look at my oversized grey couch with my coral throw pillows that seemed to take up too much room in my old apartment. I see my matching grey chairs that I couldn’t part with, no matter how unnecessary they seemed. I see the chevron rug that I got when I signed the lease on my first apartment. I see the end tables Dex lugged up two flights of stairs when I first bought them. I see the bookcase Abel put together for me before he moved to LA. I see the TV stand I broke my pinkie toe on a couple of years ago.

  I see my life, my memories, all of my hard-earned belongings, staring back at me. And for the first time in a long damn time… I feel at home.

  This isn’t just somewhere I plan to live temporarily. This isn’t some tiny little apartment that’s a convenient commute. This is a home. A place big enough to raise a family in, if I ever choose to have one. It’s a place where I can invite everyone over for holidays, and everyone can be comfortable together. This is the first step in living the rest of my life with the people standing here with me today. And I couldn’t be happier.

  “You guys have no idea how much this means to me. Holy shit, this must have taken forever. Thank you!” I say, finally tearing my eyes away from my surroundings, and back to their smiling faces.

  They all give me a shrug and tell me it’s no big deal. I don’t know if they’re just being humble or if they really don’t understand the magnitude of what this means to me. My eyes start to water, and I find myself at a loss, not knowing where to go from here. I feel like I’m too emotional to articulate what the hell I’m trying to convey to them. My cheeks are growing hotter by the second, the longer everyone stares back at me and it’s causing my flight instinct to rise to the surface.

  I eye the doorway, needing an escape from all the eyes staring back at me, waiting for me to decide what happens next. I’ve never felt so much pressure around all of these people before. They’re my family for crying out loud, why do I feel so out of place all of a sudden?

  “Why don’t you guys go set up the food in the dining room? Bree and I will be right there.” Max tells everyone as she disengages from Abel.

  Dex plants a kiss on the top of my head before he follows everyone into the other room. Ryan and Brody are making as much noise and commotion as possible. They don’t do well with emotions and generally resort to childish foolishness, letting their awkwardness fill the void. I know it’s not easy for them to be around so many emotional ass women, so I appreciate them being on their best behavior. It’s not something we see too much of.

  “Here, let’s have a seat real quick while everyone else sets up.” Max tells me as she takes a seat on the couch, patting the seat beside her in a motherly way.

  I see now why all the guys have started calling her Mama.

  I do as she suggests and I take my place on the end of the couch, snuggling in, reveling in the feel of being surrounded by my own furniture again.

  “No one expects anything from you, ya know.” She tells me.

  “I don’t think they do. I just expect a little more of myself I guess.”

  “What do you mean?” She asks, eyes conveying her confusion.

  “I just… I just want to be normal again. I hate that everyone’s looking at me and treating me like fine china.” I tell her honestly.

  “We aren’t looking at you like you could break at any minute, Bree. We’re all just wanting to make sure we aren’t coming on too strong. This group is a lot to take on, especially those damn DRAB boys. They’re basically giants.”

  I smile a little at that, shaking my head in agreeance with her analysis.

  “We’re all here to support you, we don’t expect perfection. You shouldn’t either. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” She tells me, placing her hand on mine, and squeezing slightly, letting me know she’s here for me.

  I drink in her words, taking them to heart. If anyone’s going to give me advice worth taking, it’s Max. She’s been through all of this herself, she knows what she’s talking about.

  “Bree, you don’t understand how strong you are or how much I admire you.” She tells me.

  “Strong? I almost died, Max. I broke quicker than a spaghetti noodle, leaving you susceptible to his fucking torment.” I huff out, my own disappointment ringing through my voice.

  “Is that why you’ve pulled away from me? Because you think I blame you?”

  “I think it’s obvious that you should.” I tell her honestly.

  “You Cooper’s are notorious for taking on guilt that isn’t yours to harbor.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, confused.

  “Your brother blames himself for you getting abducted. It isn’t his cross to bear. Just like what Rob did to me isn’t yours. He was coming after me no matter who else got in the way. He was going to do what he did no matter what. You saved me in more ways than you know. I hope one day you understand that, that you believe that.”

  “You aren’t mad at me?”

  “Bree, it’s because of you that I was able to gain the momentum to kill him. It’s because of you that I was even in the position to save us. I couldn’t have done that on my own, don’t you see that? It’s because of you that either one of us was able to walk away from that concrete nightmare. I’m not mad at you at all. Quite the opposite actually. I’m so grateful and thankful for you.”

  I choke back the emotions that are clogging my throat as I pull a very pregnant Max into my arms. I hug her without saying a word, unsure of how to convey my gratitude. She holds on to me, squeezing lightly, letting me know she feels it too.

  She pulls back to look me in the eye, her eyes rimmed red, just like my own.

  “I love you, Bree. I love you like a sister and I hope someday we will be. Thank you for saving me.”

  She stands, extending her hand to me, an invitation to take this next step in our lives together. Moving forward with our lives as best we can. I place my hand in hers and she ushers me into the dining room where everyone is patiently waiting for us to arrive so that they can dig in. Ryan looks like he’s in physical pain, trying to be respectful and wait for Max and me to arrive so he can eat.

  Ryan reminds me a lot of a pet dog. No matter how old he gets, he’ll most likely always feel most at home in a group of kids. He’s loyal to a fault, but you always catch him doing shit he shouldn’t be doing. He’ll chase pussy at any given opportunity. And when he has to wait on food it’s like placing a treat on his nose, watching as he drools, while waiting on the magic word to end his suffering.

  Like I said… a dog.

  “You can eat now, Ryan.” I tell him.

  He smiles like he just won the lottery and digs in. I don’t even have my chair pulled all the way out before he shoves half his chicken sandwich in his mouth like he hasn’t eaten in weeks.

  I shake my head

  Oh yeah, spot-on a
nalysis.

  “What’s got you chucklin’, Sis?” Abel asks.

  “If Ryan were a dog, which breed would he be?” I ask the group.

  Ryan’s hand stops halfway to his mouth, fries hovering mid-air. He chews slower than I’ve ever seen and cocks his head to the side in confusion.

  The fact that he responds exactly like a dog would, causes everyone at the table to start laughing, confirming exactly why I asked what seemed like such a random question. We all go around the table, giving our breed comparison and why. By the end of the meal, we’ve got it narrowed down to a corgi and bulldog mix. Ryan was too busy shoveling more food in his face to give us his opinion on the topic at hand but made appalled facial expressions when certain breeds were named.

  He didn’t appreciate the Pomeranian comment Sonya made.

  I, on the other hand, thought it was absolutely hilarious and ended up accidentally spewing coleslaw out of my nose. It wasn’t one of my finer moments, but everyone else thought it was hysterical.

  Taking Max’s advice, and not putting any pressure on myself, made it easier to just enjoy being home with my family. I know there’s still challenges ahead, but I’m feeling more optimistic about facing them as they come. Between Dex, Max, and Abel, I know I have people to lean on that know me or my situation well enough to help get me through whatever comes my way.

  “Alright fuckers, as much I’m sure Bree appreciates you all being here, she’s yawned three times in just as many minutes. So I’m gonna need y’all to say your goodbye’s and let her get some rest. Dealing with you loud mouth’s is exhausting.”

  See, Dex knows what I need without me even needing to say anything.

  I walk with everyone to the front door to see them all out. They each take their turns giving me hugs and telling me they’ll see me later, that they’re all so happy I’m home and okay. Max gets a little teary-eyed having to leave, but Dex tells me it’s just her pregnancy hormones at play and that she’ll be fine. She punches him in the arm for that comment and as much as he tries to act unaffected, I don’t miss the wince he made when her tiny fist connected with his bicep. She’s lethal.