Ashes of Merciless

by Odette Michael

  “Gage,” Viola warned.

  “Mom, this is ridiculous!”

  “Taking your anger out on Ashley is ridiculous. It’s not her you’re mad at,” she said sternly.

  Gage sighed angrily and stood up. He went to the glass door and leaned his head against it.

  My heart went out to him. His pain hurt me so much. He reminded me of myself sometimes; his temper and anguish mimicked Ash’s fiery nature.

  I got up slowly and went to him, putting my arms around his waist.

  “You can’t deny me this,” I whispered to him. “What will you say to me when we do find the Master or Scott? Would you try to make me stay behind? This justice belongs to me more than it belongs to anyone else. I know you understand that.”

  His reflection watched me. His eyes darkened, and he frowned. Finally, he nodded.

  “One condition. Wherever you go, I go. You do not leave my sight, understand?” he said quietly.

  I did understand, completely. Each passing second took me closer away from him.

  “Of course,” I assured him.

  His reflection didn’t seem appeased. I thought I saw his eyes water, but when he turned to me, his eyes were clear.

  “Viola has an old car that Merciless shouldn’t be looking for. We’re taking that. But Ashley, Gage has a point. There’s nothing you can do to help. We’ll find him and bring him back here,” Shane said.

  “You’re just going to kidnap him? All you know is that he’s white and has brown hair and blue eyes. That’s not much to go on,” I snapped.

  “You’re worrying too much,” Lacey said.

  “Have a little faith,” Shane said. “We’ll find him. I’m not sure how long it’ll take, but we’ll find him. Besides, we have the last name. Everyone knows the Master’s last name is Whitlock. That’s really all we need.”

  “He could have multiple identities like you do,” the Evaluator said quietly.

  “Just trust me. Lacey and I will get the job done. Ashley, save your strength for when the real battle comes. I have a feeling you’re going to need it.”

  ***

  Later that day, Gage guided me outside and into the woods. We went slowly, and he held branches out of the way for me, keeping one arm securely around my waist.

  “The memorial?” I asked as we stepped carefully over a pile of sharp rocks.

  “That’s right,” he murmured gently. “Dad fixed it up while Shane and I went to go get the morphine.”

  “I’m very grateful,” I said, my throat feeling thick. “She didn’t deserve what happened to her.”

  He pushed a branch out of the way, and I saw that his eyes were dilated.

  “Neither did you,” he said.

  His arm left my waist, and he took my hand before leading me into a small clearing. Wildflowers grew in the lush grass, and trees hovered over the small haven protectively. I could hear the sound of water nearby. In the middle of the clearing was a large gray stone, and words were carved painstakingly into the surface.

  In Loving Memory

  Ruth Ashley Garreth

  Beloved Wife And Mother

  I went to the stone and kneeled before it. I reached a hand out and traced the words.

  Even though I knew her body wasn’t beneath me, I thought I could feel her. Not the drunken, miserable woman of my most recent memories—the mother I felt had bright eyes and a warm embrace.

  I hardly realized that Gage was crouched beside me and that his arms were around my shoulders. Mechanically, without taking my eyes from the stone, I began pulling the wildflowers up. When I couldn’t hold any more, I placed the flowers against the stone.

  “I wish she could be buried next to my father. She loved him so much,” I said, my words jagged and uneven.

  Gage kissed my shoulder. “She loved you, too.”

  “I know. She just . . . loved him more. Do you think they’re together now?”

  Gage was quiet for a minute. “I’m not sure. I’d like to think so.”

  I leaned against him. “Me, too.”

  “You’ll be with them soon enough.” Ash’s voice was soft, but her words still cut me deeply.

  Gage’s eyes were unreadable, and he swore softly under his breath as I clutched my head in my hands. He seemed to always know when Ash talked to me now.

  We stayed there for a long time. Gage comforted me when I needed it, but he grew silent whenever I brought my hand up to trace the cold stone.

  I memorized the way on our trip back, and as soon as we got back to the house, I flung myself into Colbert’s arms. I knew Gage’s parents would never replace mine, but I was soothed by their presence. I also saw that any apprehension they had held for me was gone.

  When Viola told me she loved me on our return, I turned away and buried my head in Gage’s chest, knowing that however much I had lost, there was always something to live for.

  ***

  Six days and three relapses went by, and Shane and Lacey didn’t make much progress. The boy was jumping states rather quickly, and as soon as they followed a lead, he disappeared.

  I snorted upon learning this, remembering with clarity the boy with the earbuds. He’d paid absolutely no attention to his surroundings. Almost like he’d wanted to get caught, had wanted to get it over with. More and more I was sure this boy was an ally, someone who defied the Master.

  Time seemed to pass too quickly, the hands on the clock taunting. Having free time was strange, and in this free time, I was embarrassed when I realized I had no hobbies or even an awareness of what I liked to do.

  As a child, I’d liked things any kid liked—playing outside, riding a bike, cartoons. As I’d gotten older, everything had consisted of training, schoolwork, and Assignments. My vacations had consisted of catching up on bills, making and freezing meals for my mother, and sleeping as much as possible.

  When I wasn’t dreading another relapse or holding in my tears due to the loss of my family, I tried to find things to keep my mind off of my approaching end.

  Television held no interest for me. The plots in the shows and movies seemed petty and unrealistic, and they only angered me. It was the same with books. After attempting to read a few, the hardbacks found themselves thrown against the wall under Gage’s ever-watchful eyes.

  I tried to help Viola and Colbert in the kitchen, but I was only reminded of the endless meals I’d prepared for my mother, and the memories pierced my heart. I found no joy in cooking or baking.

  Finally, I looked to Gage’s hobby. Whenever he could, he spent his time drawing, sketching, or painting. It had never been an unusual sight for me to see Gage in a corner of the training room during his breaks with a sketchpad on his lap. Many of the pictures in the house were done by Gage’s hand as well.

  Gage smiled warmly at me when he placed the supplies in front of me. He sat beside me, and for a while I studied his strokes. Copying his movements, we sat on the patio in soothing silence.

  Gage’s eyes brightened considerably when I laughed as I compared our drawings. I found the pencils and charcoal in my hand comforting, and my attempts were humorous. It brought me peace, and Gage and I spent the majority of our time this way.

  Vanessa stayed locked up in the guest bedroom with Sophia, and the Evaluator slept on the couch in the office. Gage’s parents had the other bedroom and insisted on Gage and me having the blue master bedroom, and no amount of argument on my part could sway them.

  On the seventh night, I sat up in bed, shaking my head to clear the last heavy remnants of morphine from my system. I was uncomfortably hot, and the medicine made me itchy.

  I didn’t remember much of last evening. I did remember Gage and I coming back from the memorial in the twilight. I remembered the trickling fire in my blood. I’d looked to Gage with startled eyes, and he’d swiftly pulled a syringe and a tourniquet from his pocket. I recalled the beautiful rush from the medicine and how the world had tilted.

  He hadn’t even let me get to the point of pain. The medicine
always knocked me out, and most of the high was gone whenever I woke up. I worried about becoming dependent on such a strong medicine, but the alternative was so much worse.

  I pulled the blanket more snugly around the sleeping, handsome boy beside me, remembering with stunning clarity the feel of his skin and lips on mine. I was grateful for these memories. These were the memories that would surface across my vision when the day came for me to leave this world.

  I looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was one in the morning. Next to the clock was a white capsule, my medicine the Evaluator had left me.

  Much to Ash’s dismay, I swallowed the pill. She let out a whining screech inside my head just like she always did whenever I took the drug in hand. I smirked as she cursed me and called me every bad name in existence. Eventually, my smile faded, and I rubbed my temples when she didn’t cease her nonsense.

  “Stop it, Ash. Shut up,” I hissed.

  “Everything I’ve done for you, and you want to kill me! Murderer! Killer!”

  I gasped. Ash laughed and carved into the sore spot even further.

  I squeezed my eyes shut at her glee, noticing that she sounded like she was speaking underwater. This was different from the distant Ash I’d known after my mother’s death. I could almost feel her strength draining, the drug chipping away at her very existence.

  Somehow, it made me sad. It did feel like I was slowly killing her.

  The door creaked open, and I peered into the darkness as Ash shrank back into the recesses of my mind. Not able to make out anyone in the nightlight’s glow, I reached under the bed and pulled a handgun out. All of us slept with some sort of protection, although the supplies Lacey, Gage, and the Evaluator had grabbed were few.

  Immediately, I relaxed and returned the gun to its hiding spot as Sophia shuffled into view.

  “Sophia, honey, are you ok?” I whispered. “Why aren’t you in bed?”

  Vanessa tried to keep the trusting little angel out of my sight, but the girl flocked to anyone and everyone like a magnet. She loved so fiercely. The other day she’d been holding a large house spider, stroking and talking sweetly to it before her mother had understandably freaked out. Vanessa had smacked it away and squashed it, making Sophia run into Colbert’s arms in tears.

  I remembered Shane’s words about how Merciless would have broken her. I shuddered to think what Sophia could have changed into.

  “I had a nightmare,” Sophia whimpered as she came to stand beside the bed. She clutched her doll to her chest, her eyes full of tears. “It was about you. You screamed and screamed, but this time Daddy and Gage didn’t come back with medicine, and you . . .” She rubbed her eyes as her tears fell. “Ashie, you’re not gonna go away, are you?”

  “Oh, sweetheart,” I said. I lifted her up and held her on my lap.

  Gage jolted at the extra weight and sat up quickly, his eyes automatically going to me. He raised an eyebrow at the tiny girl curled against me.

  “We have a visitor,” I murmured to him.

  “So I see,” Gage replied as he smiled at her and propped himself up on one elbow. “You ok, little one?”

  Sophia combed her doll’s hair with her fingers. “Is Ashie still sick?” she asked him.

  Gage’s face turned to stone, and my own body stiffened. I patted her head.

  “I’m ok right now, Sophia,” I said. “Don’t worry about me, all right?”

  Sophia’s brow stayed wrinkled in concern. “I miss Daddy and Lacey. Where did they go? When they coming back?”

  “They had to go on a business trip,” Gage said. “They’ll be back as soon as they can.”

  Sophia stuck her lower lip out. “I hate Daddy’s stupid business trips. He’s always gone.”

  I kissed the top of her head. “Your daddy loves you so much. He misses you and is thinking of you always, I promise.”

  She sighed and leaned against me. “Can I sleep with you and Gage? Pretty please?”

  Gage and I looked at one another.

  “I don’t think your mother will like that,” I told her softly.

  “Mama’s mean! I want to sleep with Ashie and Gage!” she pouted.

  “Let her stay,” Gage sighed. He was a sucker when it came to Sophia.

  “There’s going to a huge confrontation in the morning,” I said as I tucked her between us.

  “I’ll take the heat,” he said. He leaned over Sophia to plant a kiss on my mouth. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “Hey, what about me?” whined the sleepy voice between us.

  Both of us leaned down to kiss her cheeks.

  “We love you, Sophia.” My eyes filled thickly as I thought about the child I would never have. “We love you.”

  ***

  A couple days and one relapse later, I stood in front of the mirror and studied my reflection. I no longer needed the bandage on my temple or the gauze on my wrists. My side and thigh felt much better, and the burn on my palm had faded.

  But my movements remained shaky, and my breaths were still too shallow for comfort.

  Without thinking, I grabbed the pair of scissors on the dresser and held a lock of my ebony hair between the blades, ignoring the tremor in my hands. Before I snipped the tresses, I realized I didn’t have to cut my hair if I didn’t want to. I was no longer a prisoner to Merciless.

  Slowly, I put the scissors down and smiled a little.

  “You look beautiful with longer hair,” Gage murmured behind me. His appearance didn’t surprise me; he rarely left my side.

  “So I looked ugly with short hair?” I teased his reflection.

  He snorted. “Ashley, you’re gorgeous. Don’t deny it.”

  “I’ve never given much thought to my appearance,” I confessed. “I didn't have time to care.”

  At the mention of time, Gage’s eyes darkened to almost black. He swallowed hard and pulled a wrapped package from behind his back.

  “I have something for you,” he murmured. “Happy Birthday.”

  Surprised, I took the square gift from his hands. “I didn’t even realize that was today.”

  He smiled, but it didn’t touch his eyes. “It’s exactly like you to not notice something like that.”

  I smoothed the newspaper covering the present. “I’m seventeen now. Does it bother you that I’m two and a half years younger than you?”

  He scowled in reply.

  “Testy,” I mumbled. I hooked a finger under the tape, pausing when a thought shrouded my mind.

  “Ashley?” Gage’s voice was alarmed at my sudden stillness, the most recognizable sign of an approaching relapse. I saw him reach into his pocket and pull a syringe out. “You ok?”

  I gestured for him to put the needle away. “I’m fine. It’s just . . . this is the last birthday I’ll ever have,” I whispered through lips that suddenly felt cold. The realization hit me hard, making my chest squeeze painfully.

  His eyes widened, and his face drained of color. With sudden ferocity, Gage pulled me to him and crushed my body against his. He shuddered against me.

  “Don’t talk like that,” he said hoarsely. “Just . . . please. I can’t hear you say that. I can’t even think of it.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said against his chest. Tears slipped out and slid down my face. I thought I’d accepted my fate, but . . .

  “Shh,” he soothed into my ear. “I’m going to find a way. I promise you. The Evaluator and my parents and I have all been searching online like madmen. But so far . . .”

  I pulled away and studied the black circles under his eyes; they seemed to get darker with each passing day.

  “You’ve been doing this while I’m asleep or sedated?” I asked as he wiped the tears from my cheeks.

  He nodded, looking to the floor as if it were the only thing holding him in place.

  “I want to go out and search, but I don’t know where to even start. And I don’t want to leave you right now.”

  I shook my head. “I’m
sorry. I’ve ruined such a beautiful moment. After my father passed away, my birthday was no longer even acknowledged. Mom was always too drunk to even know what day of the week it was.” I lifted his face and smiled hesitantly at him. “Until you came into my life. You always remembered.”

  “Of course I did,” he said fiercely. “It’s important to me.”

  I unwrapped the gift. It was a drawing of me in perfect likeness, and it was framed in silver. In the drawing I was sitting down, bent over a book with my face propped on my hand. My brow was furrowed in concentration as I half-scowled at the book. I was amazed at the detail; it captured features I wasn’t even aware of possessing.

  “It’s beautiful, Gage. Thank you. When did you draw this?” I asked. I didn’t take my eyes off of the picture. The strokes of the drawing radiated his love—it was obvious I was someone who was infinitely precious to him.

  “In the classroom a couple months back. You were having a really hard time studying that day or else you would have realized what I was doing,” he said before kissing my forehead.

  “I love it. It’s the best present anyone has ever given me.” I clutched the portrait to my chest. “Thank you.”

  Finally, Gage smiled a smile that lasted for more than two seconds. He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and held his hand to my cheek. In the depths of his eyes swam love and everything he didn’t need to say.

  I was mesmerized by his gaze, wondering where I would be if he’d never seen through the armor I’d almost unknowingly held around myself. If he’d believed as everyone else had, would I ever have known what it meant to completely trust another person?

  “Thank you,” I whispered to him.

  He tilted his head to the side, obviously reading the thoughts tumbling across my face, thoughts I didn’t need to say. He nodded, his smile gentle and understanding.

  He brushed his lips against mine. “You’re not the only one who was saved,” he said against my mouth.

  I kissed him back, molding his warm lips to mine. We were wrapped safely inside our bubble, cocooned inside a world where I was healthy and the past was buried. It made the knock on the door sound distant and unimportant.