by Wood, Lauren
The painful memories of everything I learned about Anna after she died flashed through my mind. “You are definitely right about that.”
She trailed her pinky along her empty glass. “How about a refill?”
“Won’t you miss your date?”
Her eyes widened, but she looked down to her outfit as if she’d forgotten what she was wearing and laughed. “My date…ha. I was about to walk into two hours of standing around awkwardly in a noisy, sweaty, crowded club while paying too much for drinks. The drinks here are free, and I have your company.”
“Oh no, not free, missy. I’m taking these out of your check,” I fired back, doing my best not to get held up on the fact that she wasn’t dating and the way she batted her eyelashes when she referred to my company. “I kind of thought you’d be into that whole club scene anyway.”
“I guess something’s changed about me in the past few months,” she shrugged. “It seemed like a good release, but I have a feeling most of the people in that club didn’t just dodge a murder charge of their ex-boyfriend. Nor do they spend their days caring for three kids.”
“Their loss,” I tipped my glass against hers.
Several drinks later, we were laughing so hard we were falling off our barstools. It was doomed to happen. One of those times she slid off her seat, nearly hitting her ass to the floor, and I raced over to catch, nearly collapsing over as we both kept cackling.
But as I caught her in my arms and our eyes met, everything suddenly stopped being funny.
10
Tara
Years ago, maybe even months ago, I would have thrown on this outfit with the intention of bringing a man to his knees. But that was so far from my intention with Jason that I almost felt embarrassed by the time I was standing in front of him with it on. Add in some alcohol, and trouble was sure to follow.
We both stood there with his muscular arms wrapped around the small of my back, having just saved me from drunkenly plummeting to the floor. I could feel the firmness of his chest, which left me wondering…when the hell did this guy have time to hit the gym? Whenever it was, he sure must have got in his workouts somewhere. Because he was built.
What melted me even more than the rock-hard abs pressing against his pressed button up was the look in his eyes that shot straight to my core. We were frozen like deer in headlights, staring each other down in fear of the magnetic pull that threatened to draw our lips together.
Tara, you cannot do this. You are not under any circumstance to kiss your boss right now.
I repeated the words to myself over and over again, and yet my lips still parted as my lashes slowly fluttered shut. The liquor in my veins caused me to sway toward him, or maybe it was the lustful tension that had been slowly building from the moment I had my interview.
Everything turned blurry for a moment as I felt his hot breath come closer. Between my buzz and the soft tenderness of his lips, it didn’t fully register to me that we were actually kissing until I felt him inhale sharply against my mouth. All at once my senses were overloaded, and I felt the most wonderful kind of dizzy.
I practically collapsed against him, leaning in further to the kiss as his tongue urged my mouth to open more. He tasted like scotch and cigars, but it was sexier than I ever would have imagined. Everything about him from the strength of his hands and arms to the smell of his cologne was so manly and intoxicating.
After everything with Clinton, I didn’t think I ever wanted to feel taken over by a man like that again. But something was different with Jason. I felt like I wanted to surrender to him completely and let him do whatever he wanted to me. I barely knew him, but something deep inside of me knew I could trust him.
But no matter how much I wanted to give into that urge, violent flashes of Clinton flooded over me. I found myself jerking back but missing his lips the moment I did. Jason must have thought better of the moment too, because he looked just as terrified and sorry as I did by the time our eyes met again.
Our heads bobbed, threatening to come together again, but we quickly pulled back. I backed up so fast I nearly knocked over everything on the counter that met my back.
Jason stood there with his chest heaving. His lips parted, as if he might apologize, but he was speechless. I seemed to have that effect on him a lot.
“I…I should…” I pointed my thumb toward the door, unable to find my own words.
I could feel the hot redness of my cheeks and couldn’t remember the last time I felt so flustered. I was embarrassed that I let this happen, but my body was still on fire for more.
“Yeah, yeah,” he answered in a rushed tone, as if he couldn’t wait for me to go. Maybe he was just as turned on as I was and scared of what would happen if we were in the room together any longer.
Just when I didn’t think things could get any worse, I turned to bolt out of the kitchen and almost ran smack dab into Kelsey. She froze there and examined us both. It was only then I took into account how fully sucked into one another we had been, grasping at each other’s hair with deep moans. He still had a smear of my lipstick around his mouth and my halter was so crooked, it was dangerously close to revealing far too much. She could see the evidence of it written all over us.
I straightened with an innocent smile and glared back at her boldly. “Oh, hello, Kelsey. I was just going to bed. Goodnight.”
I got out of there as fast as I could, hearing the two of them stammer through awkward and brief small talk as I went.
Once I was back in my room, I wrestled my way out of my clothes as fast as I could, as if that would make it like the whole thing never happened. But the moment I collapsed into bed; my body squirmed with need. That wasn’t what I wanted at all—to pretend it never happened. I wanted more of it to happen, and the fever it sent me into made it hard to sleep.
The good thing about avoiding Jason is that even though we lived under the same roof, we could go several days in a row without us actually seeing each other. Usually he would send the occasional text throughout the day asking how the kids were doing. But I didn’t hear a word from him the day after our drunken kiss.
I kept mentally chastising myself, citing that this is why you don’t kiss your boss, no matter how hot he is. It would be impossible to avoid him forever. But it wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him again. That was just the problem. I wanted to see him again too badly, and that made me afraid of what would happen the next time we were alone again. It felt like that kiss opened Pandora’s box and there was no way to close it again.
But the lack of texting brought me comfort, and if it was the typical two to three days before we were face to face again, maybe I’d come to my senses by then.
“Tara?” Bailey called out from the daybed in the playroom.
“Huh? Nothing! What?” I jumped, realizing I had damn near chewed a whole through my bottom lip from worrying so much.
“Could you help me pronounce this word?”
I navigated my way through the twins as they ran around in circles, chasing one another with the newest puppets they made. And just as I leaned over to look where Bailey’s finger pointed in her book, I heard the most terrible thing.
“Daddy! Daddy!” The twins cried as Bailey slammed the book shut in my face.
I froze there longer than I should have, too afraid to turn around. But I had to sooner or later. Sure enough, as I spun on my heels, Jason was standing there looking even taller and more handsome than I ever remembered him looking before. Of course, he did have the same uncomfortable glare in his eyes as I did.
“Home early again?” I laughed through a big exhale.
He nodded, looking rattled, but soon directed his attention back to the kids. “Actually, I have a little surprise. Uncle Eric is in town and is stepping in for me to help Jesse run things for a few days. Which means I’m taking a long weekend off and…I thought we’d take a trip to the beach!”
I closed my eyes with relief as the kids erupted into screams, jumping around him in ex
cited circles. Good, I thought. They’ll leave, and I can have a few days to myself to pull myself together. Jason probably knew we both needed that.
“Daddy, can Tara come!?” Christopher asked with his voice full of hope, clutching his hands together like a prayer.
My heart sank, but I knew he’d say I couldn’t come.
“Of course!” he replied without hesitation. “I wouldn’t try something like that with you three savages all on my own. We’d be lost without your na—without your Tara.”
11
Jason
Tara and the kids packed their things as I made the last few arrangements for our beach getaway. Anna and I owned a beach property that we often travelled to for long weekends or summer vacations, but I was quick to sell it a short time after she died.
My hand froze over the keyboard of my laptop as I thought back to everything I learned after her death—the lies and secrets. It would have been hard enough to go back to that beach house without her but knowing the things Anna had done there…I knew I could never step foot in it again.
Jesse’s voice startled me from the door to my study. “Am I…interrupting something?”
“Ah, just…bad memories. Nothing important.” I slammed the laptop shut.
“You wanted to see me?”
“Have a seat.” I stood and poured us both a drink, feeling eager to kick off the long weekend. “You talked to Eric? And I trust you’ll help him out while I’m gone?”
“Help? Ha!” he scoffed. “Oh, I’ll help all right. I plan to make the next four days a living hell for him. He deserves to know how stressful things can get for us here while he’s off gallivanting around the world.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, considering that Dominic and I often talked about how little help Jesse really was. Yet he was quick to call anyone else out in the company for their shortcomings.
“Well, just make sure you don’t drag the whole company down in your quest to prove a point, okay?”
“You don’t have a thing to worry about, big brother. I’ve got it all under control,” he leaned back in his chair, looking arrogant and too smooth.
It wasn’t the least bit reassuring. I wasn’t sure which one of them I was more worried about—him or Eric. But after getting over the hump of returning to work, I needed the break. And those two needed to get used to the idea of stepping up from time to time.
I handed him a glass as we both took a seat on the big brown leather sofa in the corner of the office. While Dominic inherited our parents’ estate, I was granted this property which was our father’s getaway when he needed time away for work or for big extended meetings that required a homier feel.
Anna had redecorated the whole thing to be more modern, but I insisted we keep this room the same. Our dad would bring us out here to stay for a weekend of hunting in the woods or other father-son retreats. I knew Jesse and I were both fondly remembering some of those times right at that moment. He would sit back on the couch just like this and remind us that one day the whole company would fall on our shoulders.
“How are things?” Jesse asked after a while. “Everything working out with Tara?”
“Oh yeah, of course!” I shot back too quickly. “Great! She’s great! The kids love her!”
Jesse’s brows raised. “Ah-huh…okay…”
“What?”
“Nothing,” he shook his head suspiciously. “What’s she getting into while you’re gone for the weekend?”
“Why…You moving your interests from Vanna onto her now?” I snapped, not helping Jesse’s already skeptical tone. “What do you think she’s doing? She’s coming with us. I want to spend time with the kids, but I need time to relax too. I’d be more exhausted than when I left if I was out there with them on my own.”
Jesse gave me the same look Tara gave me when I said she’d be coming, and I was starting to wonder if it was the right move. But it was perfectly normal for nannies to come along on trips! Wasn’t it? I knew it had to be. I had seen them tagging along at plenty of resorts.
Of course, Tara had good reason to be wary of the trip after what happened the other night. I was terrified that I made her uncomfortable, with me technically being her boss. But surely she knew that whole evening was an off-duty kind of thing. I figured the best thing I could do to clear the air was pretend it never happened, and part of that meant inviting her on this trip.
There was the added perk of maybe seeing her in a bikini. I did my best to shake the thought, but that was about as easy as forgetting that kiss. For as much as I drank, you’d think the whole thing would be a blur. But I could swear my fingertips could still feel the warmth of her smooth skin as if I was running my hands across the small of her back all over again.
“Oh my god...” Jesse glared into me. “You have a thing for the nanny!”
“Shut the hell up, Jesse! You don’t know what you’re talking about. Dominic may have fallen for his caterer, but I prefer to use more discretion. Anyway, if I was going to fall for anybody right now…which I wouldn’t, especially not someone who works for me…with my kids, no less…it’d never work out. It’s too soon. I’m still grieving.”
It felt good to finally release the inner dialogue that had been reeling in my mind for days. Of course, I had to leave out the other parts in my head, like the feeling of her plump lips against mine or the taste of her velvet tongue. I didn’t know if it was her hair or her perfume that smelled like vanilla and cotton candy, but the scent hadn’t left me. It filled my head every time I saw another flash of that kiss in the kitchen.
“I can understand dealing with your loss,” he said in a more serious tone. “Things will never be the same for you, no matter how much time you take. But can you really say it’s too soon? After everything you learned about Anna?”
My chest and head were instantly hit with a lightning storm of pain. I wished more than anything those secrets could’ve been kept within the walls of this house. They should have been mine to deal with, rather than dragging all three of my brothers into it as well.
“Wait, are you…encouraging this?” I asked in surprise. I didn’t want to talk about Tara, but I’d take that over talking about Anna any day. “I would have thought after the fit you pitched over Vanna and Dominic that you’d be more against this idea than I am.”
“That was different, and you know it,” he barked, still clinging to resentment and jealousy. “Vanna was mine first, even if she was only a friend. But we’re not talking about me anyway…You’ve been through a lot this past year. So has Tara. I’m just suggesting…you know…maybe you two could offer each other some relief from your suffering. A little fun at the beach could be perfect for…”
“No, no way. It’s not happening. I told you…I don’t have a thing for her. She is my nanny, and that’s it. End of discussion.”
As I said the words, I knew I was trying to convince myself just as much as I was him. But if Jesse could already see the lie written all over my face, it didn’t bode well for the weekend. I gulped down the last of my drink, thinking to myself I might have to stay sober the whole trip just to avoid a repeat of the other night. That would be the smart thing to do.
12
Tara
The sun was just coming up on our first morning at the luxury beach resort. I made a point to wake up earlier than Jason and the kids so I could enjoy a few moments walking along the shore alone, enjoying the beautiful sunrise.
I felt like I was bracing for impact. Whether Jason and I spent the entire weekend trying to pretend our kiss didn’t happen, or if we found ourselves in another compromising spot, or even if we just had to have an awkward talk about the whole thing—navigating the waters of this trip would be tricky and uncomfortable.
My toes sank into the sand with water trickling around them from waves that reached a little further than the rest. The sunrise lit up the sky with bright yellows and pinks and the air smelled like salt. My ears filled with the perfect soundtrack of the ocean with seagu
lls and waves crashing against the shore. No matter what happened on this trip, these few blissful moments were perfect.
But as I walked, I couldn’t deny that my heart was heavy with things much bigger than making bad decisions with my new boss. I hurt for this family and the mourning of their lost mother and wife. And I hurt for myself…for everything I went through that lead me to this place.
As much as I tried to run away from thoughts about Clinton and the trauma of everything he did to me, I felt like I could let myself feel it all in this place. I had always heard the ocean and saltwater had healing powers, and I wanted that to be true. I wanted it to mend my heart, and I wanted it to mend the children’s’ hearts as well.
Once the sun was high enough for me to begin to feel its warmth, I made my way back to our beach house. Jason and the kids were already gathering around the kitchen table with plates of pancakes and syrup.
“Oh, there you are,” he called out as I slid through the back door.
He turned back towards the stove to flip another round of pancakes, wearing an apron and all. It was an unexpected sight and caught me off guard. I would have never expected to see someone like him cooking anything for themselves. Beyond that, any guy who would strap on an apron and make breakfast was undeniably hot, and he was no exception.
“Sorry, I hope it’s okay I went for a walk. I thought I would make it back before you all woke up.”
“No apology needed,” he smiled. “You may be on duty while you’re here, but there’s no reason why you can’t enjoy a little bit of it for yourself.”
“I want to go to the beach now!” Christopher called out with syrup dripping down his chin, his mouth still full of pancakes.