the Trouble with Hate is...

by Elizabeth Stevens

He took my hand and tried to pull me with him into a dance. But, I stoically refused. He gave me that smile that I tried incredibly hard not to return as he tugged on my hand.

  “I’m not dancing with you.”

  “Sure you are,” he replied as he spun me and I laughed despite myself.

  e

  Mr Ermankov droned on while I stared at the clock. The man had an unfailing ability to make even plant cells seem boring. But, then, I wasn’t going to be a biologist, was I? So, maybe it was just me that found him so boring.

  “Blah, blah, blah,” Bec muttered in my ear, as though she could read my mind, and I laughed out loud.

  “Miss Granger, something you’d like to share about the greatness of mitochondria?” Mr Ermankov asked, turning away from the board.

  I stifled my giggle and nudged Bec under the table.

  “No. Sorry, sir,” I replied, biting my lip and ignoring the look of intense annoyance from Hannah.

  “Then, your attention would be appreciated,” he said, giving me a knowing look. I nodded and he seemed satisfied. “As I was saying…” He went back to his lecture and his little pictures on the whiteboard.

  Bec was dutifully quiet. We were by no means top of the class, but we got pretty decent grades (me more so than Bec). Which helped when my best friend was the slightly wayward lovable freak she was – with her loose tie and her black and pink hair – and got me into trouble.

  My eyes glazed over a little as we waited for the end of day bell to ring and I found them wandering. So, they saw Casper wandering past our classroom with his nose in a girl’s neck and his arm hanging casually over her shoulder. His eyes rose as he walked by and he nodded once, a smirk crossing his face with an accompanying wink. I couldn’t help but smile back at him like I always did. But, I also gave him a shake of my head. His full lips dropped into a sinfully sexy pout and he was gone.

  “Ugh, why are all the sexiest guys the biggest sluts?” Bec groaned as the bell rang. “Seriously, that man is heinously fine!”

  I picked up my books with a laugh and a slight grimace. “I have no idea. Maybe it’s cause and effect? Or some vicious cycle us heinous women are perpetuating?”

  Bec snorted as we filed out of the classroom while Mr Ermankov yelled about our homework. “Yes, because we women folk are the devil,” she said with mock seriousness.

  I smiled shyly as we walked towards Luke in the hallway, not that he spared me any more than a friendly glance in response.

  “Ooh, there’s Luuuke!” Bec sang, taking hold of my arm and knocking my books out of my hands.

  I flushed bright red as my books crashed to the floor around my feet.

  Right in front of Luke.

  Shit, kill me now.

  I shot Bec a glare and fell to a crouch, scrabbling to pick everything up.

  “Lani, here.” Luke dropped beside me and I gave him another shy smile while I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.

  Oh my God, what are you doing? I asked myself, as I failed to flirt with him shamelessly while people rushed around us, keen to get out of this place for the weekend.

  “Uh, thanks,” I chuckled embarrassingly, mentally rolling my eyes. He has a girlfriend!

  “You missed one.” A well too identifiable arm complete with leather cuff and rolled up uniform sleeve popped into view with my diary.

  I snatched it from Casper and stood up.

  “Thanks, Luke,” I said with a small smile, wishing the very buff, very tall, very imposing figure of Casper Drake would leave me to my life.

  Luke gave me an adorable smile that made my chest flutter and I felt myself blush. “No worries, Lani. Have a good weekend. I’ll see you on Monday.”

  “Yeah, bye, Luke.” I ducked my head, feeling like a right moron.

  “Yeah, bye, Luke,” Casper mimicked with a high-pitched laugh and I swatted him.

  “She was doing just fine without your particular brand of help,” Bec huffed.

  “If I opened that, would it have ‘Mrs Luke Holt’ written everywhere?” Casper asked with a grin, pointing at my diary.

  “You can shut it, thank you,” I snapped, feeling in no mood for my big brother’s best friend’s particular anything.

  They were always like this. Casper and Brett. A guy goes anywhere near me and it’s like they had a sixth sense. I’m all for the brotherly protection act…to a certain degree.

  The fact that my dating life revolved around who was least scared of the two of them and who I could go out with behind their backs? And, the fact they were both over six foot and built? The fact Brett had become the school’s most popular jock and Casper was some kind of most popular alternative…

  Well, I never really knew what to call him…

  Let’s just say a few drunken and/or awkward hooks ups hadn’t led me to lasting love as yet.

  “Is that any way to talk to your best non-brother, Lani?” he asked, that stupid pout on his face and I was sure girls passing sighed.

  “Who she does and doesn’t go out with is no business of yours, dickwad,” Bec replied dryly.

  “It is entirely my business, sweet Becca. I’m not having some horny arsehole put his hands all over her.”

  “Yet, you are more than happy to put your horny arsehole hands all over any girl you see fit?”

  Casper shrugged, annoyingly arrogant and proud of it. “It’s not my fault I’m highly desirable.”

  “Yes, desired to go away before I deck you one. I’ll see you at home,” I said, waving Casper away and walking towards my locker, Bec following close behind. Knowing Bec, she was giving him a fearsome glare.

  “Can’t do that, little Lani,” Casper sighed resignedly as he slid in between us and put his arms around our shoulders.

  I sighed exasperatedly. “Brett’s gone?”

  “Brett’s gone,” Casper agreed as though it were a terrible thing.

  “Tell me you–”

  “Can’t do that either.” He shook his head solemnly.

  “Ugh.”

  Bec and I shrugged out of his arms and pulled our lockers open almost in complete sync.

  “Can’t I meet you out there?” I asked.

  “And risk Leery Luke coming back to charm you?” Casper leant against the locker next to mine and flicked his dark hair from his green eyes. “Nope,” we both said, him with a nod and me with a shake of my head.

  I rolled my eyes and finished with my bag.

  Even without looking at her, I knew Bec was laughing silently and it just made me more annoyed. See, Bec had this theory – one I hadn’t deigned to share with anyone – she’d decided that Casper and I didn’t get on anymore because of some unresolved sexual tension. In response, I’d told her that she and Casper were much better suited – which they were, I had no idea how they hadn’t found themselves hooking up yet – but she’d only shuddered.

  Casper and I used to be close; just as close as me and Brett and closer even than Casper and his twin sister Emma, given the two weren’t the closest. Casper and I had had each other when all kinds of shit was rampaging through our lives, brought together by a mutual love for the people around us. Now? Now, I was just close to Emma – for what that was worth these days – and our families joked that we were the better twins.

  I couldn’t say anything had triggered it. We just grew apart; people do that. Casper turned into a super man-whore and I…did my own thing while he and Brett did everything they could to keep me single and virginal.

  Ha. Well, joke was on them.

  I did love my brother, to a fault. And, God knew I didn’t have as many of them as I used to. But, I just wished they could stay out of my business. So, Luke had a girlfriend and nothing was going to happen there? So, what? I probably only really liked him because he was completely unavailable and there was no risk to me. Or, maybe he and Hannah would break up and he’d realise I’d always been waiting? He’d beg me to take him and my faith in love might be restored. />
  I slammed my locker shut, knowing that was totally never going to happen. Hannah was the perfect princess, and Luke was her Prince Charming. It was like the two of them were written in the stars–

  “When you’re done daydreaming about him, I’d like my hug good bye, thank you,” Bec said and I turned to find her giving me a sad smirk.

  We both knew I had to get over Luke whether I actually wanted him or not. It was just that, well, we danced together in school classes – reason one for the epic glares from Hannah at every opportunity – and he was amazing. We got along so well, it was like we could have been written in the stars if–

  Bec pulled me in for a massive hug. “Just don’t die on the way home, yeah?”

  I sighed, thanking God for Bec. We both hated PDA, but she knew when I needed it and I knew when to shut up and take it.

  “I can’t promise anything. It’s been raining,” I replied grumpily as I pulled away from her.

  “Call me. Seriously, anything.”

  Bec’s other theory – she was full of them – was that Luke would dump stupid Hannah and ask me out if only I didn’t have two hulking Year Twelves watching over me all the time. So apparently, next year, when they were off to uni, would be my year if I decided I did want him. She thought the whole thing was hilarious and teased me more often than not, but she also knew he was the only guy I’d ever really crushed on. So, there was enough sympathy that I knew she cared.

  “Your carriage awaits, my lady.” Casper grinned and swept into a bow.

  “My death trap more like,” I muttered, pulling my bag over my shoulder and following Casper out as Bec went the other way.

  Casper draped a lazy arm over my shoulder as we walked out into the drizzle and I rolled my eyes at him.

  “Your seduction techniques won’t work on me, mister,” I said, unimpressed.

  “I’m not trying to seduce you.”

  I scoffed. “Yeah, because there is a girl on this planet you don’t try to seduce. And, you’re always convinced it will work. Well, it’s not working on me, buddy.”

  He chuckled and nuzzled his nose into my hair. “Oh, no. I’ve never tried to seduce you, Lani,” he whispered. I could hear the unvoiced end of that sentence; ‘but, if I did, we both know it would work’. His breath tickled my neck so my skin broke out in goose bumps and my heart pounded.

  Which was a totally justifiable reaction to having an attractive guy close to you. There was nothing more to his flirting, and there never would be. He was a shameful flirt and even bigger slut. I suspect he’d slept with at least half the girls in the school, if not more. Which wasn’t to say anything about the girls outside the school he’d taken to bed…or, in the bathroom, against a wall, in the pool, wherever was closest.

  Casper chuckled and I was spinning until he dropped me into a dip and I nearly lost my bag in a puddle. I glared at him as he waggled his eyebrows at me playfully and I tried hard not to smile.

  “Let me up,” I grumbled, not looking him in the eyes because I knew I’d laugh and that was exactly what he wanted.

  He pulled me up, but grabbed my leg and put it around his hip, leading me into a tango. A tango, in the rain, in the parking lot of our school, and I knew he wasn’t stopping until I at least cracked a smile.

  And, that was the other problem with Casper. He was a dancer, too. He was stupidly muscular and hot and a dancer. He was the arty, alternative cool kid to Brett’s super jock star. We’d all started dance when we were three – me a year or so after Casper, Emma and Brett. Brett had decided at about six it wasn’t for him and Emma had lost interest around thirteen. But, Casper and I were still going strong. On a good day, I had dreams of being a choreographer, and Casper, who always had good days, was going on to some super posh dance company after school, see if he didn’t.

  So, his favourite way of making me smile when I was in a bad mood was to dance with me until I did smile. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him it wasn’t so much the dancing anymore as his tenacity that made me smile. Casper would love dance until he died, but I thought about quitting more often than not these days.

  Casper let go of me and danced around in the puddles getting totally soaked until I couldn’t help it and I laughed. I clapped my hand over my mouth, but he turned and pointed at me, a look of such triumph on his adorable face that I couldn’t deny him his victory. I laughed freely and nodded.

  “Okay, you win this one,” I said, dodging out of his grasp as he reached for me again.

  He laughed and flicked his wet hair from his shining eyes. “I win them all, babe,” he replied arrogantly.

  I shook my head, refusing to concede that point to him. We stopped at his motorbike and I went to pick up his spare helmet, then wipe off the seat with my skirt.

  “I’m–” Casper started and I turned to look at him.

  He had his helmet in his hands and was jiggling it. I knew that look; he was feeling uncomfortable and didn’t want to say what he thought he should. If I knew him as well as I thought I did, I knew what he wanted to say.

  “Just ease up on the whole bashing in the heads of anyone who looks twice at me, okay?” I said, grimacing as I slid onto the still-slightly-wet seat.

  “We just lov–” He cleared his throat and I almost laughed. “We don’t want to see you hurt, Lei,” Casper said, sliding on in front of me.

  I put my arms around his waist – which never failed to feel slightly sexual – and sighed. Brett and Casper really did think as a unit on that one; it was like they were inseparable beings on a quest to ensure I was properly protected.

  “I know, Cas, I just… I need to live my life too, you know. I’m not going to be like either of you just because I flirt a little with a guy. How would you like it if I stepped in every time you were trying to get laid?”

  He spluttered just as he started up the bike. “You’re trying to get laid?”

  I felt my cheeks flame and was glad I was wearing a helmet and he couldn’t see me. “No, but you are. I was just drawing parallels.”

  When the boys found out I wasn’t a virgin after all? God, the guy responsible had better have moved to a different country! Better yet, maybe I should hope he’d died in some horrific but quick accident? Not, that was too harsh… But, perhaps not harsher than what Brett and Casper would do to him…

  I felt Casper relax and hadn’t even realised he’d tensed. He flipped the kickstand and we pulled out of the car park. I noticed the few girls who stopped to look at us as we passed and an odd feeling ran through me.

  Girls never saw me as a threat, but they also hated that I got to ride Casper Drake’s motorbike and they didn’t; he liked to take his car on ‘dates’ for better nookie time. He was the only person at school with a motorbike, much to Brett’s chagrin – Casper was the bad boy and often said he did what he did so Brett wouldn’t, yeah right – and girls drooled over him when he rode it. He seriously just had to lean against it and they practically threw their undies at him. It was like those old clips of girls at Beatles’ concerts or something.

  Riding wasn’t super conducive to talking, which suited me fine. I’d skirted around the topic of my virginity whenever it came up, but I had never outright lied to the boys. At least, not intentionally. It would be just like Casper to ask me, find out who it was, grab Brett and go set the guy straight. I just had to hope that, by the time we got home, his mind was on other things.

  My mind was sure on other things as he pulled into the driveway next to my house. Namely, Casper’s muscles and Luke’s smile, which was a dangerously potent combination.

  I shook my head when I realised the bike was off and let Casper help me off. I pulled the helmet off and handed it to him. I ran a hand through my wet, wind-blown hair and grimaced and it got caught in a knot.

  Casper laughed and helped me get my fingers untangled. “You’re beautiful, Lei,” he said with a wide smile.

  Had he been anyone else – Luke perhaps – I wou
ld have melted at his feet with those words and that expression. But, he was Casper Drake. The guy I’d lived next door to forever, the guy I’d walked in on far too many times when he was in the bathroom – a favour he’d repaid, don’t you worry. I might get the odd flutter from him, but there was going to be zero melting of me around Casper.

  That doesn’t mean I didn’t smile and let him hold my hand for a moment.

  I’d known the guy forever. I couldn’t help but love him. I just hated him more often than not. Which was also totally justifiable; the guy had zero respect for the female species and was a total womanising jerk. He had the perfect panty-melting smile and had his segue between girls down to an art form.

  I saw him frown in confusion, then he nodded once and pulled his hand from mine. “I’ll see you at dinner, Lani.” He nodded again and headed for their front door.

  I watched him go, hoping he hadn’t read my thoughts on my face. But, then, maybe he needed someone to disapprove of his extra-curricular activities. Maybe, if someone didn’t shrug it off and call him charming, then he’d actually be the decent guy I was fairly sure was in there… Very deep, deep down, well hidden, with no signs of surfacing. Ever.

  Chapter Three

  Casper

  The problem with your best mate also being the son of your dad’s best mate was that your dads ended up building their big fancy houses next door to each other, attached even. As in, they shared a basement, a cellar, balconies and a killer backyard complete with epic pool that made for excellent parties.

  What’s the problem, then, you ask?

  The problem was Leilani and her balcony being attached to mine.

  We’d only lived in these particular houses for a couple of months and it was taking a bloody lot of getting used to. Lani and I had accidentally seen each other in plenty compromising situations more times than I cared to count. Mind you, I didn’t much care if she saw me in all my glory; it’s not like she hadn’t seen it all before when we were kids. But, I knew she’d be annoyed and embarrassed about it. Even when she just acted angry.