I regained my bearings, taking deep breaths. I looked up at Pastor Dan, who was still speaking. “We are going to open it up to Davis’s daughter, Julianne, who will be saying a few words.”
I started to panic.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Hunter whispered in my ear.
I breathed deep. “I can do this.” I was so full of shit, but I needed to try.
Hunter held my hand while I got to my feet.
Walking to the podium, I tried not to fall or think about speaking in front of a crowd. Pastor Dan took my hands in his and smiled his condolences. Stepping up to the podium, I looked up and finally saw how many people were there. The room was filled with so many unfamiliar faces, but so many more familiar ones. Every seat was occupied, and people flowed out the door. I smiled when I spotted my girlfriends, whom I hadn’t seen in years, and I looked over to see Hunter’s grandparents as well, who gave me an encouraging yet sad smile.
I looked down at my papers and breathed deep before starting. “Mama left us too soon and way too quickly.”
A sob broke free. Overwhelmed, tears fell again. I couldn’t do this. I closed my eyes and then looked at Hunter. I held out my hand, gesturing for him. He smiled and got up immediately to come to my side.
“I’m right here. I’ve got you,” he said and gripped my hand.
I squeezed his and turned back to everyone. “Mama left me a note. In it, she told me to celebrate her life. She would’ve been so happy to see y’all here celebrating together.” Deep breath. “Mama was so full of life, vibrant, caring, and just one of the best people I knew. She was always there, no matter what you needed.” Deep breath. “As most of y’all know, I have been living in California for the last eight years. I didn’t get to see her much, but we spoke often. I probably know just as much gossip as the rest of this town.”
Everyone laughed, and it was such a relief.
“Small towns and all that. She was a wonderful grandmother. I wish she had been able to see Calum more.”
“Me Calum,” Calum said from down front, and everyone laughed, again.
Hunter squeezed my hand, and I looked at him. He had concern in his eyes. I was so bad at public speaking that I knew I was just rambling. “Mama also told me in that note to live every day to the fullest. So, I’m going to do my best to live life as she did…with no regrets.”
I looked over at my mother, and another tear slipped free. “I love you, Mama. Bigger than the sky.” I couldn’t say anything else, but I thought I’d said enough. I stepped down from the podium and felt a little lighter knowing I was able to get through it.
We sat back down. “Thank you,” I whispered to Hunter.
He squeezed my hand and smiled at me, pulling me close.
Pastor Dan closed out the service. Everyone was directed to let the family up first to the casket, and then once we vacated the room, they were free to pay their respects.
We said our last goodbyes to Mama before heading off to another room. There were finger foods set up as well as refreshments and row after row of chairs.
“My stomach can’t handle food. Do you mind if we just sit?”
Everyone nodded, and then steered me to one of the two sofas near the front of the room which were marked reserved.
“I’m going to grab something to drink. Do you want anything?” Taylor sounded hoarse, and her eyes were puffy. The day was taking a toll on us all.
“Sure, thank you.” My voice was barely a whisper.
Margaret took Calum over to get some snacks and left Hunter and me alone.
I grabbed him and pulled him in for a hug. “Oh my God. Thank you so much. You will never know how much it means to me that you were here today.” I pulled back and looked into his eyes. “I know that we have a lot of unresolved issues, but—”
“It’s all in the past, Jules. No need to dredge it up now, okay?” He pulled me into his side, and we sat there for a moment.
I heard voices becoming louder. I turned around to see people filing in from the other room.
“Would you like me to stand with you to greet everyone?”
My eyes bugged out of my head. “I have to greet them all?”
“You’ll be fine. Everyone will line up to pay their respects and then have some refreshments before sitting down.”
“Please stay with me. I don’t want to talk to anyone, but I guess I don’t have a choice.” I sighed.
He laughed. “No, you kind of have to do this.” He stood and took my hand to pull me up.
I felt like a petulant teenager, but I didn’t want to greet a whole bunch of people right now. We stood next to an easel with a large photo of my mother and people came up immediately. I went into autopilot, smiling and nodding. I heard the words “I’m so sorry for your loss” probably fifty times, and the rest were just another variation. Most people didn’t stop to chat, and for that, I was grateful.
Hunter was a trooper, staying by my side. If it wasn’t for him, Taylor, and Margaret, I don’t think I would have made it through the doors this morning. Finally, the last person walked away and took their seat. We went to sit down. As I passed by Margaret and Calum, I kissed my precious boy—who was being ridiculously good today—and he reached for me, so I took him to sit with us.
Taylor stepped up to a microphone. “On behalf of Julianne, I would like to thank y’all for coming. Hunter’s uncle James was nice enough to put together a little something for us to pay tribute and rejoice in Stephanie’s life. So, without further ado.” She pointed to the screen coming down from the ceiling.
“Oh Hunter, that’s so sweet.”
He smiled, and I turned around, trying to find James in the sea of people. I blew him a kiss and mouthed thank you.
The music started, and it was one of Mama’s favorites, “When I Get Where I’m Going” by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton.
Those damn tears again. “Mama cry.” Calum touched my face.
“I’m okay, buddy.” I kissed his palm.
I looked back at the screen. A photo of me as a kid doing exercises with my mama in the living room popped up. We were both bent over with our heads between our legs, wearing body suits and leg warmers. I laughed while the tears continued to flow.
The song switched to “You Should Be Here” by Cole Swindell, another of her favorites. The photos were now of me as a teen with her. The next photo flashed, and it was of Hunter and me, sitting on her porch swing. We were probably twelve at the time. I looked over, and Hunter was watching me.
The song transformed into “The Dance” by Garth Brooks, and a sob broke free. When he talked about how he was glad he didn’t know how things would end, that hit home. It was such a beautiful song. The photos continued, flashing from one to the next as I continued to cry.
The song ended, and Taylor got back up. Her face was covered in tears. She looked over at me and smiled sadly.
“Thank you, James, for that amazing tribute video. I’m sure this is something that Jules will cherish for life. That concludes the services today. Again, we thank you for coming.”
The volume in the room kicked up as people started to move and file outside. I hadn’t moved, and I was holding my boy tightly, avoiding eye contact with anyone.
25
Hunter
“Almost everyone has gone, Jules. Are you ready to go?” I paused, making sure she didn’t feel rushed.
“Tay Tay swim?” Calum said as he reached toward Taylor.
“Sure, buddy, as long as it’s all right with Mama.” Taylor waited for Jules to respond.
“Yes, yes, sorry, of course. Thank you. I just need a few more minutes. I’m not quite ready to leave yet.” Her voice was so soft, barely a whisper.
“Take all the time you need.” Taylor reached out for Calum. “Come on, buddy. You want to come home with Margaret and Aunty Tay Tay?”
Jules kissed Calum on the forehead. “Be a good boy. Mama will be there soon.”
Margaret stepped up to her and pa
tted her hand. “You need anything, you call, all right? Promise me.”
“I will, thank you so much for being here today. You were a godsend as always.” She croaked out the last part.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She patted her hand and followed Taylor out.
Looking around, I noticed that it was just the two of us. Jules laid her head back on the sofa and sighed, as if in relief.
“This has been the longest day of my life.” Her voice sounded a little lighter. She rolled her head toward me but kept it resting back. “Now that everyone is gone, I can breathe a little easier. Don’t get me wrong; I love them all for coming, but I just don’t want to people today.”
I chuckled and positioned my head the same way as hers. “I get it. No need to explain. I’m just glad I was able to help you, even if just a little bit.”
We sat in silence for a few moments before she jumped up unexpectedly. “I’m ready. I don’t want to go home yet, but I am ready to get out of here.”
“Let’s go wherever your heart desires.” I stood and gestured toward the door. “After you.”
We spent the next couple of hours driving around the back roads of the small town we grew up in, mostly in silence. I was sure Jules wasn’t in the mood for small talk, and I was content to just be with her. I let her mess with my radio, and she blared every type of music from Cher to Justin Bieber…and of course, every country song she could find, which was mostly what we got out here. She sang at the top of her lungs even though she sounded awful. I just laughed at her attempts at sounding anything like the artists, but she couldn’t care less. She seemed carefree, the windows were down, the wind was in her hair, and she was laughing. It was temporary, but it was great to see.
By the time we arrived back at the house, it was nearly nine. Walking in, I could sense a shift in her mood from carefree to guarded.
“Sorry we took so long. I wasn’t ready to come home.”
Taylor smiled at her. “That’s all right. We had a swim, fed Calum, and put him to bed. Margaret went home about an hour ago.”
She pulled Taylor in for a hug and thanked her. Suddenly, she grabbed me and pulled me in to make it a group hug.
“Thank you both. You are the best friends a girl could ask for.” We stood there for a few minutes.
“Do you want anything to eat? There are leftovers.” Taylor started to walk toward the kitchen.
“No thanks, I’m good. I’m going to take a quick shower, get my PJs on, and go to sleep if you don’t mind? I just want to be alone.” I exchanged a look with Taylor, and she nodded.
“No problem. Anything you need before we head out?” she asked.
Jules shook her head. “You guys have done enough. I can handle it from here.” She smiled, but I could tell it was forced.
I’m sure she just wanted to curl up and cry herself to sleep. I wanted more than anything to be there beside her, holding her and keeping her safe, but I knew she wasn’t ready for that.
I stepped forward. “Are you sure you don’t want us to stay for a bit? You’ve had an emotional day. I could make you some tea, give you a foot rub, and watch some girly shit on TV?” I didn’t want to leave her.
She shook her head and smiled. “As awesome as that sounds, I just need to be alone. I’m sorry if that sounds rude. I’m totally over this day and ready for bed. The sooner I get to sleep, the sooner I will wake up to a fresh tomorrow.”
“As long as you’re sure.” I pulled her in for a hug. “Text me in the morning, okay?” My tone was laced with concern, and she nodded into my chest. I pulled back and smiled at her again.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Hesitantly I walked to the door but stopped to wait for Taylor, giving them a moment.
“I’ll come by tomorrow around lunchtime. I need to check in at the office in the morning. Call me if you need anything, all right?” She sighed and pulled Jules in for another hug. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay tonight? We could cuddle on the couch.” She laughed, and I rolled my eyes. Girls are so weird.
“I’m sure. Go home and sleep in your bed. I’ll be fine and see you tomorrow. I bet I’ll be passed out before you even get home.” She smiled that fake smile, trying to reassure us.
I wasn’t buying it, but I wasn’t going to argue, either. She needed time alone, so I’d give her that. Jules immediately turned off the interior lights of the house after we walked out.
“I’m worried, Hunter.” Taylor’s eyes filled with concern as she looked up at me, begging for help.
Putting my arm around her shoulder, I led her to her car. “Me too. I don’t know what to do. If she doesn’t want us here, we have to respect that.” As much as it pained me to say, we needed to leave her to her thoughts and to deal with this on her own terms.
Taylor opened her car door, sat inside, and leaned her head back with a sigh.
Pressing my forearms to the top of the doorframe, I leaned forward. “It’ll be okay. We just need to give her time and keep reminding her we’re here for her.”
“You’re right. It just feels wrong." She sighed, sounding defeated.
“It really does.” My stomach was in knots thinking about Jules crying herself to sleep. I should be there, holding her in my arms and telling her it was going to be okay.
“I will say that Stephanie was smiling down on y’all today. Seeing you two together solidified my beliefs that you will be together again. You were meant to be.”
“Fuck, I hope you’re right, Taylor. Being able to touch and hold her today was the best feeling. But when she talked about our friendship, that devastated me. I felt like she was finally letting me in, but hearing that made me question everything.” I closed my eyes and rested my head on my arms.
“Aw Hunter, that’s not how she meant it. You’ll see. I have a good feeling about this.”
I stood up straight and rolled my neck. “I need it more than my next breath. I won’t give up hope, but I’m going to give her time.”
“Yeah because eight years wasn’t enough.” She snorted. “You must have the patience of a saint. I don’t know how you’ve waited this damn long.”
“She’s worth it.” I left it at that.
“God, I hope one day I find one of the good guys like you.”
I chuckled. “Maybe your fuck buddy will be that guy.”
She rolled her eyes and started her car. “Well, this was a fun conversation. Have a good night.”
I laughed at her as she closed her door, but she rolled down her window.
“Night, Taylor. I’ll try not to bug you about your boy toy anymore.”
She pulled away, still shaking her head. Before getting into my truck, I looked up at Jules’s bedroom window. The light was off, and my thoughts drifted to her in bed, crying. It killed me, but I took a deep breath and got into the truck. Before I backed out of the driveway, I pulled out my phone and texted her.
Me: I’m here.
I wanted to say so much more, but for now, I left it at that.
26
Jules
I heard my phone sound with an incoming text, but I ignored it. It was Hunter; I saw him text from his truck before he left, but I wasn’t in the mood. After they pulled away, I locked the door and leaned against it with a sigh. I could feel the emotions of today weighing on my shoulders. I hurried to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass before heading upstairs. I skipped the shower and threw on some yoga pants and a tank top.
Before I poured my first glass, I decided I wanted to feel closer to Mama. So, I walked down the hall to her bedroom. I paused at the doorway, taking it in. I could almost picture her at her dressing table when I was younger. She was a firm believer in brushing her hair one hundred times before bed. I would sit and watch her brush out her blonde hair. I always wanted blonde hair just like her as a little girl. I even tried dying it as a teenager. I looked ridiculous. I laughed at the memory.
Sighing, I walked into the room and gr
abbed her robe hanging on her closet door to put on. I closed my eyes, and I breathed her in. “I can feel you here with me, Mama.” I sat down on her bed and poured myself a glass of wine before setting the bottle on the side table. I downed the glass in one swig and poured another and another. I finished my third glass and lay down on her pillow. It still smelled just like her.
I let the tears flow as I fell asleep to memories of her.
The sound of Calum calling my name woke me from a deep sleep. I rolled over and checked the time. Damn, I couldn’t believe he slept until nearly ten. My head wasn’t pounding. Bonus. Good thing I didn’t drink the whole bottle.
I got up and tied my mama’s robe before going to grab my little guy. “Good morning, handsome boy.” Calum’s face lit up.
“Mama.” He sat up in bed.
“How about we have a lazy day? PJs, food, and TV?” I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I was hoping Calum cooperated.
I made him some Eggos and myself some coffee. I set Calum in his high chair and put on Real Steel since he’d watch it from start to finish. It could be my best friend today.
I plopped myself down on the sofa with my massive cup of coffee and pressed play. Calum immediately got excited. From the first chord of the first song, he knew what was coming.
He ate his Eggos while staring intently at the screen. I finished my coffee just as Calum finished breakfast. I lay down on the sofa with him sitting in his small stuffed chair, and we watched the movie.
I could hear my phone going off in the kitchen, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Everyone but my little man could fuck off today.
The movie ended, and Calum started to get bored with TV, so I grabbed some snacks from the kitchen and headed out into the backyard. Getting out of this house—that did nothing but remind me of Mama—was a must. The sun should be good for my mood, and Calum could run around.
Wrecked by Her (Like a Hurricane Duet Book 1) Page 15