Accepting His Home

by Ember Davis

  I give him a big smile, “Of course, Beckett.” He quirks his eyebrow at me, but I refuse to deflate. “Really, I’m fine.”

  His nose scrunches up, “I hate that fucking word. Fine. No, you’re not fine. The same way Amelia wasn’t fine after I hurt her feelings by acting like a dick.” I shake my head and open my mouth to cut him off, but he doesn’t let me. “Did you believe that she was ‘fine’ Monday after I snapped at her?” I shake my head and let out a small sigh. He nods, “Exactly and I don’t believe that you’re fine either.”

  A feeling of panic starts in the pit of my stomach. He doesn’t have any idea how I feel about Zeke, does he? No, we’ve just been friends for the last two years and I’ve worked really hard for it to be a solid friendship that is strictly platonic. Strictly platonic except for the way my panties are always wet around Zeke. So, not at all platonic. Fuck.

  Beckett moves a little closer to me. “I know I haven’t said anything in the last two years, but just so you know, the two of you haven’t been fooling anyone.”

  I laugh, but it sounds brittle, even to me. Brittle is so not like me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Beckett heaves a sigh, “Yeah, you do. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other.” His eyes soften, “I want you to be happy, Liv. You’re fucking badass and incredibly talented. After everything you’ve lost, you deserve to be happy.” A look of regret crosses his face, “I don’t think that he’s going to be able to wrestle whatever demons hold him back. I don’t want you to keep waiting.”

  I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I take deep calming breaths to try and keep them at bay. My voice is raspy when it comes out, “I want to be happy too. Watching you the last few days it’s put some things into perspective for me and I see now that I’m simply not enough.”

  The look of sorrow on my behalf and regret crosses Beckett’s face. He opens his mouth to say something, but before he can we both hear the front door open and rapidly close. I know without looking that Zeke just walked in. I can feel it, like the barometric pressure changes warning you to hunker down for a hell of a storm.

  I can feel my face twist in agony and Beckett shoots me a pitying look. I smooth out my features and take a long pull off my beer. Beckett turns away and gets started on something else in the kitchen while I turn around and pasting on a grin.

  “Hey, Zeke!” I point at the cooler next to me, “You want a beer?”

  Zeke gives me a small smile and grabs his own beer. “Hey, Liv,” he greets while twisting off the cap and tossing it in the trash can.

  He nods at Beckett when he glances over but Beckett quickly returns to making coleslaw. I can feel Zeke’s eyes boring into me and while I hate to, I have to ignore it. I can’t put distance between us if I let myself melt because he’s looking at me.

  I go for my normal bubbly personality, “Do you need help with anything, Banks?”

  Beckett grins at me, “Naw, I’m good Liv. Once this is mixed up, I just need to cut up some tomatoes and we’re good until the food is cooked.”

  I nod and smile. I glance over at Zeke and watch him swallow a drink of his beer. Fuck, that’s sexy. I take my own drink to cover my reaction to him. I pop my hip against the counter, “You guys ink some cool tattoos today or what?”

  Beckett gives a little shrug and opens his mouth, but before he can answer me, Zeke grasps my elbow. The feel of his fingers on my skin sends a zing throughout my entire body and my core clenches. Damn it, traitorous body; this shit isn’t good for us.

  Zeke murmurs, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  I plaster a smile on my face, “Of course, Zeke. What’s up?”

  I glance at Beckett but he’s trying to ignore us or give us privacy or whatever by putting the bowl of coleslaw in the fridge. Great. Zeke’s fingers tighten on my elbow and I have to swallow the moan that’s trying to work its way up my throat. That would not help right now. I see voracious need and desire flash in his eyes for a moment, but I don’t see determination. Not like Beckett’s had in his eyes and that makes my heart stutter and slump inside my chest.

  He guides me into the dining room next to the doorway into the kitchen. He drops my elbow like it’s burning him. Yeah, I know the fucking feeling. It’s like every place on my skin where his fingers were touching are pulsing and it’s making the need I feel grow as my panties get wetter and wetter.

  I look up at him and he’s looking between my elbow and his hand, frowning. Right. He hates touching me. I almost forgot. How could I let myself forget even for a moment? Silly Olivia. Most people assume I’m flighty when they first meet me, maybe they aren’t that far off.

  I round my eyes and give him my most innocent expression, “Is everything okay Zeke?”

  Zeke rears back slightly and his eyebrows shoot up, “You’re asking me if everything’s okay?”

  I smile at him, “Well, yeah, why wouldn’t I ask you that?” I give a little shrug, “You’re acting a little strangely.”

  He scowls, “I’m the one acting strangely?” I nod and try to look neutral and vapid, but he narrows his eyes at me. Damn it, I know I haven’t fooled him. “No, see this is what I wanted to talk to you about. You’ve been acting different all week and seemed a little,” he pauses like he’s reluctant to finish, “sad. I wanted to check in with you one on one and make sure that you’re doing okay.”

  I maintain my façade, “Oh yeah, of course. I’m good. I’ve gotten to ink some sick art this week and am looking forward to this next week too. It won’t be until Wednesday, but I’ll be doing a set of voodoo dolls on a client, but like really pretty ones.” I grin up at him and his scowl deepens.

  He runs a hand over his face and gives a little huff. “Yeah, that’s cool.” His eyes narrow at me again, but I don’t faulter. I can’t.

  Zeke opens his mouth to say something else when Walsh and Andrea walk in the front door. They’re smiling and ribbing each other before they sit on the couch. Walsh pulls out his rolling papers and they start a very conspiratorial conversation. I’d much rather be in that conversation than the one I’m in.

  Zeke watches for a moment and then turns back to me. He starts to open is mouth, again, but deflection is my middle name now.

  I interrupt him and nod toward the two on the couch, “That’s Andrea, she’s going to be the new manager.” Zeke nods, I know we’ve told him about her before. “She’s working out her two weeks at Green Space; Amelia’s the manager there.” Zeke’s eyebrows shoot up and I grin, at least this one is genuine. “Right? Pretty neat. Perfect for this little family.”

  The corners of Zeke’s mouth quirk up, but it quickly transforms back into his scowl. His gaze is assessing, and I can feel him trying to bring up my mood the last few days again. Apparently, I have a fairy godmother because before he can bring it back up, the front door opens again and Troy and Amelia walk in.

  I let out a sound between a sigh of relief and a squeal. Okay, not a noise I have ever made before. Zeke gives me a questioning look, but I shrug. I lean in and whisper, “That’s Amelia.” I adjust slightly so that I can glance into the kitchen and see Beckett wiping his hands on his jeans, like he’s nervous. “We have the best seats in the house for this. Can’t wait.”

  Troy passes us, giving us both a little wave and a nod, while Amelia checks out the crowd. She’s looking super cute tonight in jeans, an oversized burnt orange sweater that hangs off her shoulder and just a hint of makeup. Troy heads into the kitchen and I don’t even have to see his face to know he’s grinning at Beckett. Amelia must know Troy is up to something because she starts heading our way.

  Amelia gives us a little wave right before Troy yells out, “Doll! Can I get you a beer?”

  Beckett hisses, “Fuck man, you got no chill.”

  Amelia smirks and Troy barks out a laugh, “She said the same damn thing. Now go get your girl.”

  I watch Amelia hesitate for a split second, but then she straightens her shoulders and walks i
nto the kitchen. I gotta give it to her, she’s fucking brave. She’s not sure if she can trust Beckett, but she’s still going to meet the situation head on.

  I glance up at Zeke and his steely gaze is intent and trained on my face. I give him a bright smile and whisper, “I don’t think it’ll take long for her to forgive Banks.”

  Zeke nods and murmurs, “I hope not, he’s been extra grumpy this last week.”

  Troy groans, “Jesus, she’s in the kitchen, isn’t she? I might need a cold shower after this.”

  I giggle softly when I hear Amelia give Troy shit which makes Beckett laugh. I give a little sigh of relief; we haven’t heard him laugh in far too long. Troy comes strolling out of the kitchen a moment later with a few beers in his hands. He stops next to us, but he’s watching the kitchen.

  When Troy’s face breaks out into a huge grin, I can’t help but look into the kitchen and I see Beckett’s arms wrapped around Amelia in a hug and he kisses her exposed shoulder. Troy meets my eyes and winks at me before heading into the living room. He hands beers to Walsh and Andrea before plopping down on the couch.

  I can’t wipe the grin off my face, but I turn away from the kitchen to give Beckett and Amelia a little privacy. Zeke is eyeing me again, but this time it’s not just in concern. There’s a heat in his gaze that makes me want to squirm, but I can’t give into it. This is the exact thing that’s caused me to keep hope alive, but I’m pretty sure that there really isn’t any hope here.

  If nothing else, we can always talk about tattoos, “What’s on your schedule this week? More dark and mysterious tats?”

  Zeke scowls, probably because I’m deflecting. Again. His voice is gravely when he answers, “Yeah, you know. The norm. I’m looking most forward to doing a Shakespeare themed piece—the skull, poison goblets, dagger and cauldron.”

  I feel the tension leaving me, at least this is something we can always have common ground on—the art. Maybe that’s all our friendship will be built upon going forward, but that’s okay. I guess. I say brightly, “That sounds awesome. Will it be all black and grey or will there be some color?”

  “Each image will have one color, except for the skull, which is the centerpiece.” Zeke gives a little half shrug, “It’ll be cool when it’s all said and done.”

  I nod and look back into the kitchen and see Beckett pulling Amelia closer to him, his hand buried in her hair and he’s tipping her head slightly. His eyes are going from her eyes to her lips and I know what’s coming next. Her hands glide up his back and for a second, I have a flash of jealousy. What I wouldn’t give to hold Zeke like that and have him hold me and look at me like I’m the most important thing in his life. I push it away; those thoughts won’t help anyone, especially me.

  I wave at our family camped out on the couch and catch Walsh’s eye who quirks an eyebrow. I make big hand gestures for them to come and see this, pointing into the kitchen. Walsh, Troy and Andrea rush from the living room. The moment Walsh sees Beckett and Amelia kissing he starts clapping and Troy gives a hoot of celebration as we file into the kitchen. It’s hard not to get caught up with it and I find myself joining in on the celebrating.

  Beckett’s determination paid off; he got the girl. Just like he said he would.

  CHAPTER 5

  OLIVIA

  I eye Zeke out of the corner of my eye, he doesn’t hoot and holler. I’m not surprised since that’s totally not his style. When Beckett kisses Amelia one more time quickly, she buries her face in his chest and blushes. I see Zeke smile. Wow. He’s fucking gorgeous when he smiles.

  He glances at me and he must have caught me looking since his smile drops immediately. Okay, that fucking hurts. I barely stifle a whimper. I slip back into the dining room, contemplating leaving. I do love my family, but I also don’t need to subject myself to pain.

  Zeke sidles up next to me and I pointedly ignore him, pulling my cell phone out of my back pocket and scrolling. I barely contain rolling my eyes because I can feel Zeke watching me again. Assessing me. What does he see? He thinks that I’m going to fall apart because he doesn’t want me? How does he hold his head up with all that fucking ego?

  Zeke’s voice is low. There’s something in his tone, a longing? I’m almost too emotionally exhausted from being near him to care right now. “Liv, Are you sure you’re okay?”

  I plaster a smile on my face, look up and widen my eyes like I didn’t realize he was there. “I’m fine, Zeke.” This time I do roll my eyes, but playfully, “Jeez, what’s gotten into you? Why are you suddenly asking me about my feelings?” I try and keep my tone light, but I can hear how far I missed the mark.

  Zeke narrows his eyes at me and brings his hand up like he’s going to touch me but pulls it back at the last moment as Andrea heads out of the kitchen and back to the living room. Another slice through my heart. His voice has a plea in it, “I care about you Olivia, I want you to be happy.”

  I blink up at him and then I see guilt and regret cross his features and realize he’s not offering to be the person that makes me happy, or at least happier. I drain my beer as Walsh and Troy race out of the kitchen and I can’t help but chuckle a little. They’re fun guys and I love being around them. They make most things light, not that they can’t be serious, but that’s not their default setting.

  I look back into the kitchen, then at those huddled on the couch in the living room. I muse, “I wonder what that was about.” Zeke’s hard stare tells me that he’s not going to give. I smile brightly, “I am happy, Zeke. I have great friends who are like family and I get to do what I love every day.” I shrug, “Anything else that’s supposed to be in my life will be. Fate has a way, ya know?” I put on my best vapid face, complete with big doe eyes.

  Zeke frowns at me, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to say anything else. At least not right now. In another fabulous moment of timing, Beckett’s arm is wrapped around Amelia’s shoulders as he leads her out of the kitchen; presumably in the wake of the guys who look to be rolling up a cone now.

  I let my happiness over Amelia forgiving Beckett and giving him a chance flood my system. It really is wonderful, whether it makes a shot of jealousy run through me or not.

  Beckett nods toward us, “Amelia, you didn’t get a chance to meet the other day, this is Zeke.”

  Amelia smiles; it’s beautiful and full of warmth. “Hey, nice to meet you.”

  Zeke nods and his lips quirk up at the ends. Wow, that was almost a full-on smile. That’s more than I can get out of him most days. What magical voodoo does Amelia have? I’m not even jealous of it, Zeke needs more people in his life that make him smile.

  I smile brightly and give Amelia’s shoulder a little squeeze. My excitement for them takes over completely and I can’t contain a small squeal of delight. “I’m so glad you guys worked it out. You’re so cute together.”

  They so are too. They look like they fit together. She’s short enough that she tucks right into his body and they seem to be comfortable with each other. There’s no stiffness, no awkwardness about them. Just ease and comfort. That must feel so amazing.

  Amelia blushes, but it doesn’t stop her smile. “Thanks. Oh! Since I didn’t know I was coming here tonight, I gave Andrea your hats to give to you tomorrow.”

  “Awesome! Thank you so much! I can’t wait to see them,” I respond brightly, and it’s genuine. Amelia crochets. I happened to buy one of her hats at Green Space a little while ago and it’s amazing. It’s might be true that, not many people my age crochet, but she’s amazing. She was making a hat the other day while Andrea was getting her tattoo and I watched her for a little while. Fascinating.

  When we were talking, I asked her about custom orders. We worked out a matching mommy and baby set that I’ll be gifting to my sister and my niece. She left the hat she was working on during Andrea’s appointment for Beckett, even though he had been a dick to her. That’s the kind of person she is, we need her in our family. Someone to look out for us. Anyway, I swear he hasn’t
taken that hat off since that day. Which is fucking adorable.

  I don’t get to see my sister and her family very often and that is a bummer. At least I can send her a gift she’ll appreciate. I hope they use them in their holiday family photos. I’ll die from the cuteness then, for sure.

  I zone out for a moment thinking about what my sister and her husband have. They seem to have a forever kind of love. One filled with glances full of longing, desire, love and understanding. I want that. I just don’t know how I’m going to get it. Not only do I have no prospects and then compound the whole thing with the fact that I’m still a virgin and it’s not looking good.

  I snap back to the present when Zeke asks Amelia about working at Green Space.

  “Yup,” Amelia grins, “I’m the manager there, which means I just corral stoners most of the time.”

  Zeke smiles. A full on, real smile and it takes my breath away. What the fuck? How am I supposed to let this thing go between us and move on when I know that he has that smile inside of himself.

  “Best shop in the city by far,” he tells her matter-of-factly.

  Amelia beams, “Thank you! Walsh is actually rolling up some new stuff that we’ve never sold before. I had the inside scoop on it.”

  Well, that’s my cue. If nothing else I can get excited about smoking cannabis. Especially some super-secret new strain from Green Space. I give a little squeal and reflexively I reach out and drag Zeke along behind me. I almost drop his hand when I realize what I’ve done, but I figure it’ll be better to just roll with it.

  I pull him to the love seat in the living room and plop down. He clenches the hand I was holding into a fist and then unclenches it slowly. Yikes. When I look up at him, his face is a mask and it makes me feel cold. There’s no heat between us at the moment. I put on an innocent expression and smile brightly, ignoring the way he hates my touch.

  “Gotta get good seats!”

  He grunts and drops down on the love seat next to me as Amelia and Beckett filter into the living room. There’s only one seat left; with this group you gotta move fast. Beckett has Amelia settle into it while he sits on the floor at her feet. He wraps an arm around her leg and his fingers brush against her ankle. He looks up at her like he’s worshiping her; she blushes. This time the twinge of jealousy that runs through me isn’t as painful, it’s closer to a dull ache. I think I can live with that.