Survive and Conquer

by Andrew Grey

  Eric followed. “She put her token in that machine, and the claw delivered her the stuffed animal.” He shrugged and seemed slightly green with envy.

  “Okay. How about we all go ride the go-carts?” Newton turned to Chase. “I think it’s time we all enjoyed ourselves.” The last thing he wanted was to bring the day down. The kids were entitled to have some fun, and he wasn’t going to deny them because of his inability to control his own reality. The trauma was seventeen years ago, and still he had problems with smells. He’d thought he was over the flashbacks. It had been over two years since he’d had one.

  “Okay. Let’s go. Rosie and I will race you and Eric.” Chase took her hand, and they hurried over to get in line, hunched together like they were hatching some nefarious plot. It was adorable.

  “Are we going to let them beat us?” Newton asked Eric, who was practically jumping out of his skin with excitement. Newton pulled out the tickets and handed them to the attendant. They got in line and took their places in the cars. Eric wanted to drive his own car but was too young, so he rode with Newton. Once everyone was in place, they pulled out and started racing. Chase and Rosie started out in front, but Newton had the slightly faster car, and he passed them on the straightaway, going ahead and pulling away. Eric crowed when they pulled into the station at the end, and even high-fived him.

  “Can we go again?” Newton asked, handing the attendant the tickets. “It’s going to be a lot easier if I only have to get out of here once.” The car was super low to the ground.

  The attendant took the tickets, and they went again. This time he and Eric were in front the entire time, but Rosie and Chase were still grinning.

  Newton managed to get out of the go-cart, but it took him quite a while. Chase helped him to his feet, and Newton got his cane under him. His foot felt all right, and they went back inside.

  “Can we play more games?” Rosie asked, tugging Newton to the machine where she’d won her penguin.

  “We can come back again sometime. It’s a nice day, and I thought we could get ice cream if you’d like.” He wasn’t above a little bribery if necessary.

  “Can we get french fries instead?” Rosie asked, and Newton groaned.

  “If Daddy says it’s all right,” Chase agreed, and Newton sighed. It looked like they were going to end up at McDonald’s one way or another.

  “Okay. Then let’s go.” The kids led the way out to the car.

  Chase held back with him, staying close. “If this is getting to be too much, we can go watch a movie or something,” he offered.

  Newton stopped before he reached the car. “I don’t want to ruin the day, and I’m sorry about earlier. It took me by surprise and….” He’d felt very self-conscious for the last hour and was beginning to fear that he’d become the center of attention, with everyone at the fun center watching to see if he was going to go crazy again.

  “It’s okay. The kids are fine and ready for a snack, and you haven’t ruined anything. Stuff happens.” Chase took his arm, holding it firmly, wordlessly saying he was here for him. Newton held Chase’s arm in return for just a second and then leaned on him to go to the car.

  Once he was inside, he started the engine, checking that Rosie and Eric were buckled in, and then he backed out, heading toward the east side of town. “Did you have fun?” Newton asked.

  “Yes, Daddy,” Rosie said. “Can we go again with Mr. Chase? He’s fun.”

  “Maybe.” Newton sure hoped Chase wanted to go out with him again, but after the little display when they arrived, Newton wasn’t so sure. Chase had said the right things, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to go running for the hills. “If he wants to.” And with those words he put the ball in Chase’s court, hoping he returned it. “What was your favorite part?” Newton asked Eric, who seemed quiet, which worried him. “Eric, you need to drink, okay? The cooler is on the floor. Get something out and drink, okay? There’s also a juice box for Rosie.”

  He heard the cooler lid rattle, and Chase turned around to check on them as Newton drove. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “Yeah, I think I just need something to drink,” Eric answered.

  “Okay. But tell us if you don’t feel okay, all right?” Chase kept an eye on Eric, and Newton’s worry rose as he sped up.

  By the time they reached their side of the city, Eric was talking again and seemed more himself. When Newton parked to get their snack, Eric bounded out of the car like he usually did.

  “Did we get him in time?” Chase asked.

  “I think so. He seems normal.” Watching that Eric drank enough and stayed hydrated was nearly a full-time job. “Thank you for helping.”

  “They’re great kids. Nearly as great as their dad.” Chase flashed him a smile, and Newton returned it, wishing he didn’t feel so damned old. He looked it too, or at least he thought he did. With the cane and his foot, combined with the flashback, he felt so much older than his years.

  Chase raced the kids inside, all three of them laughing, and Newton wondered what Chase could ever possibly see in him. Maybe this was just some sort of “daddy” thing and Newton was setting himself up for heartache.

  THE KIDS talked about everything, asking Chase all kinds of questions about his job.

  “I want to be a lawyer,” Eric announced after barraging Chase with questions. “On TV they get all the girls, and that’s what I want.” He crossed his arms over his chest as though that were the last word on the subject.

  Chase chuckled and shook his head. “But I don’t get the girls,” he teased.

  Eric pursed his lips and rolled his eyes like Chase was completely stupid. “You’re gay, like Daddy. So you can have the boys. I’ll be a lawyer with you, and I can have the girls.” Now that was a pronouncement. He went back to finishing his snack, and Chase sat with his hands around his cup of coffee.

  “You’ve been a really good sport about all this today,” Newton said.

  Chase released his coffee, taking Newton’s hand. “I’m smart enough to know that being interested in you means that your kids have to like me too. It isn’t only you. It’s them too.” He gently caressed Newton’s fingers.

  “They’re holding hands,” Rosie stage-whispered.

  “Just eat your french fries,” Newton told her. “You know it’s normal for adults to hold hands and things like that when they like each other.” Newton turned to both kids. “I like Chase, and I think he likes me. So we may hold hands and things like that. That doesn’t mean that I love either of you any less or that I’m going to pay less attention to you.” Newton made sure they were both looking at him.

  “But you never date,” Eric said.

  “Yeah. That’s true up to now. But is it okay if Chase and I date?” Newton knew it was best to be honest with them and to ask their opinions.

  “I like him,” Rosie said for her endorsement, and Eric nodded in a “Why ask me?” sort of way. Then they both went back to eating and picking at each other from across the table. Things were definitely back to normal.

  Newton met Chase’s gaze, wondering if he’d overstepped. Maybe Chase hadn’t meant these outings as dates, but he seemed to. The indecision was frightening, and he felt a little like a teenager.

  “You handled that well,” Chase told him, then sipped some of his coffee. “You know, maybe you and I could go out on another date together… eventually.” He winked. “Guys, would that be okay?”

  Eric shrugged again. “As long as you don’t do something super fun without us.”

  Newton tried not to laugh but didn’t succeed. “Sure. Chase and I will make sure our dates are extra boring and dull to ensure that all the good stuff we do is with you.” He tried to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, failing miserably. Not that it mattered; sarcasm was completely lost on his nine-year-old. Eric went back to eating as though what Newton had said was some sort of important promise that, if broken, would shake the universe to pieces.

  After the snack, Newton drove home, and the k
ids raced inside. Eric went right to the Lego set Chase had brought, sitting at the coffee table and getting to work. Newton brought Chase something to drink and offered him a seat before checking on Rosie, who had plopped herself in the family room just off the main living room, diligently unwrapping her L.O.L. doll. Newton returned to the living room and sat next to Chase, who leaned against him slightly.

  “This was a nice day,” Chase said. “I had fun.”

  “Me too.” Though Newton was a little worn out. “Eric and Rosie have so much energy, and I try to do something fun each weekend. I was thinking we could go to the zoo next Saturday.” That was, if Eric didn’t have another episode. It had been months since he’d had one, but that didn’t mean that the next one wasn’t right around the corner. The doctors had told him that with the physical changes his body was getting ready for, the POTS would become harder to manage. They also warned him that puberty was going to be hell on both of them just because of the sheer number of changes his body was going to undergo.

  Eric looked up from where he was assembling his Legos.

  “Are you understanding the directions?” Newton asked.

  Eric held up the booklet, which was mostly pictures, to his great relief. “Reading is hard sometimes,” Eric said honestly.

  “We’re making progress on it, though,” Newton said. He didn’t want Eric to think that his difficulties weren’t surmountable. “He has some comprehension issues that I’ve been working with his teacher on. I was thinking of trying to find a tutor for some one-on-one instruction. He seems to respond much better to that kind of learning environment. The school has provided additional instruction, but they’ll only go so far, and I think Eric needs a little more.” He leaned forward and ruffled Eric’s hair, and Eric turned to Chase.

  “Do you read a lot?” Eric asked.

  “All the time. I write a lot too.” Chase leaned forward to speak to Eric. “I spend more time writing my arguments and briefs, documenting my cases, and making sure my arguments are sound than I do actually standing up in court.” He sighed and checked his watch. “I really think I should get going. I can probably get a few more hours of work done today, and this case is turning out to be much thornier than I thought it would.”

  “Okay,” Newton said softly, and leveraged himself up off the sofa. He walked Chase to the door. “Thank you for coming.”

  Chase smiled and leaned closer. “Thank you for having me. It was like I could be a kid again for a little while. I liked that.” He kissed Newton gently. “I really enjoyed myself.” His gaze flicked to Eric and then Newton kissed him harder, with enough passion that Newton’s eyes crossed for a second.

  “Ooooh,” Rosie sang as she came in the room, and Chase pulled away, blushing. “Kissing.”

  Chase looked like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and Newton turned away until things cooled down in his pants. “I’ll call you soon.”

  Newton swallowed. “Yeah….” He breathed, or at least tried to. “I’ll be looking forward to it.” He tried to smile and not seem too goofy.

  Chase left the house, closing the door, and Newton sighed, watching him as he made his way down the walk. The man was gorgeous, stunning, and try as he might, Newton didn’t look away until Chase got into his car. Then Newton turned back to his daughter, who stood next to him.

  “That wasn’t very nice,” he said gently. “Sometimes adults want a little time to themselves.” It had been so long since he’d truly allowed anything for himself, and now it seemed someone might like him for him, and not because he could help the PTA raise money or spend the time to organize a bake sale for the school.

  “Sorry, Daddy,” Rosie said as she hugged his legs.

  Newton stroked her hair and stood still for a few moments. He’d never considered himself lonely, but maybe he was. He had the kids, but that wasn’t the same as having someone who was there for him.

  “It’s all right, honey. You go on and play. It’s okay. I didn’t mean to sound mad.” He smiled, and Rosie seemed happier. She went back to her toys, and Newton slowly climbed the stairs to his room. He was exhausted and needed some time to himself. Not that he expected much of it with the kids up, but he lay down, putting his foot on a pillow, and closed his eyes.

  The memories churned up by the flashback cascaded through his head. So many times he wished they would go away, that he could forget about them and not think of that day any longer. But they were fresh in his mind once again, like they would recede to the back of his consciousness, but only for a period of time, and then they demanded to play again and again.

  The phone rang in the house, and Newton forced himself to get up.

  “Dad, it’s Gramma,” Eric called.

  Newton groaned as he got his feet under him and went back down the stairs. One of these days, he was going to have the landline service disconnected, and then she’d have to use his cell. “Hello,” he said after Eric handed him the phone.

  “I’ve been giving things a lot of thought… about you and how you’re raising those kids. If you’re going to be going out to see men, spending all kinds of time away while those kids are home, I’m not going to stand by and just let that happen.”

  “Mom, what do you think I’m going to do? Leave the kids home alone while I go out on the town until all hours? Are you crazy? I’d never do that, and you know it.”

  “I don’t know anything, but I’m not going to allow it. Those kids need a stable home, and—”

  “Now stop right there. These are my children. I adopted them, and I love them.” Newton turned to where both Rosie and Eric were staring at him. He put his hand over the phone as his mother went on with her views on his parenting, not that Newton was listening. “Go on and play. It’s okay.”

  A knock at the door drew his attention, and Eric hurried to get it. Chase stepped inside to grab his jacket, which he’d forgotten, and Newton caught his eye. He must have looked as shaken as he felt because Chase hurried over. “What’s going on?”

  “My mom,” he whispered, and Chase nodded, going to the table and pulling out a chair. His unquestioning support surprised and warmed Newton.

  “Who are you talking to?”

  “A guest,” he answered.

  “Is it him?” she spat, venom coursing through the line. “This needs to stop. I talked to Elder Marcus, and he explained that we have a duty to protect the children we care for and not let them fall into the grip of evil. I’ve kept quiet for long enough because it was just you, and you put all of yourself into helping my grandchildren.”

  “They wouldn’t be your grandchildren if I hadn’t taken them in and cared for them.”

  She scoffed. “If you’d have gotten married and had kids like a normal person, there wouldn’t have been any need for you to adopt. And that doesn’t matter. I’m going to call and report you. Someone has to do something, and if it’s me, so be it.”

  Newton practically laughed. “Who are you going to call?” He raised his eyebrows. “My boss? The people I work with, who know me and my kids and have seen me with them?” He had had more than enough of this. “Maybe you’ll call the police. Be sure to ask for June Brighton. She’s the officer I regularly work with on the children’s protection task force. Maybe you’ll talk to the officer who does my periodic background check. He’ll have looked into your background as well.” Newton heaved in breath as his head pounded, and he thought the walls were going to cave in. Her threatening his children was low and the worst thing she could do to him, and she knew it.

  “I will do something.”

  “Fine. You do that. In the meantime, since you’ve threatened me and the kids, we will not be visiting you any time in the future. You are not to come here under any circumstances. I have a witness sitting right here with me. He has heard my end of the conversation, and he understands that I am talking to my mother, Nadine DeSantis, of Heather Avenue in Shorewood.” He made sure to give all of the pertinent information.

  Chase took
his hand and held it, giving him strength Newton hadn’t known he needed.

  “You can’t stop me from seeing my grandchildren,” she demanded.

  “Yes, I can. As their parent, I can set any rules I deem appropriate, and I just set them in front of a witness. I will also be informing their school that your ability to visit or pick the kids up from school has been revoked.” Newton knew all the things he needed to do and would see to it. “Don’t you ever threaten my kids or me again. I won’t stand for it. Eric and Rosie are wonderful, and they deserve better than that… and so do I.” He couldn’t take any more of this. “Goodbye.” He put the phone back in its cradle and hobbled to the table, slumping into the chair next to Chase.

  “It will be all right,” Chase said.

  Newton wasn’t so sure. Rosie and Eric loved their grandmother, and she was the only one they had. Why couldn’t she see that everyone had the right to live their life the way they wanted? “I know, but the kids are the ones who will be hurt.” He put his hands over his face, letting the darkness envelop him for a few seconds. Newton needed to let the anger lessen.

  “Is part of this from what happened earlier? Sometimes the effects of a flashback can linger for quite a while. I know it wasn’t a good conversation.” Chase scooted his chair closer and took Newton into his arms, holding him.

  “Was Gramma naughty?” Rosie asked as she came in from the family room, and Newton groaned. The last thing he wanted was to try to explain to the kids that their grandmother didn’t accept him. In his mind, his mother was being a bigot, but he knew a lot of what she was saying was coming from one of the elders, a younger man who felt his beliefs were the only right ones. And he was determined to instill his brand of righteous indignation in his entire congregation. Newton’s mother was way too susceptible to him.

  “Yes. Your gramma was naughty.” A simple explanation was all she needed to know. “Where’s Eric?”

  “Building with his Legos. I want to build too, but he said I couldn’t.” She stuck out her lower lip.