Survive and Conquer
Page 7
“Good. I’ll call you on Saturday, and we can arrange to meet somewhere. I’m not sure exactly how things will work, but we’ll figure it out.” Chase said something Newton didn’t catch because of the noise around him. “We’ll talk soon.”
Newton figured he had to take care of work and said goodbye before hanging up.
“Was that Mr. Chase?” Rosie asked.
“They were kissing when they came home last time,” Eric pronounced. “I saw them from my room.”
“Daddy and Chase, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g…,” Rosie sang.
Newton picked her up, using the counter to steady himself as he tickled her.
“Daddy!” Rosie squealed in delight.
“Go eat your snack and watch television for a few minutes before you do your homework. And be nice,” he scolded lightly.
They hurried out of the room, arguing about what to watch until the television went on and then they grew quiet. It was funny, but for the last week, kissing had been on his mind a lot. He was more than a little interested in kissing Chase again.
He got himself something to eat and sat in the living room.
“Do you think Mr. Chase is going to marry Daddy?” Rosie asked. “He’s nice.”
There was no answer from Eric, not one that Newton could hear at least, from where he sat at his game.
“If they do, which one will wear the white dress?” Rosie asked.
BY SATURDAY morning, Newton wondered if he was going to go out of his mind. Eric was supposed to keep still and rest, but he was so active, and though Newton kept fluids down him, he worried, a lot. Still, he loved when Eric behaved like a normal kid as opposed to when he sat quietly because all of his energy had been sapped away.
“You both need to pick up all the toys and put your things away. We’re going to have lunch with Chase, and then he and I have some fun things planned, but we’re not going to do any of it if the two of you can’t do what you’re supposed to.” Newton pointed, and both kids trudged into the living room like he’d sentenced them to a fate worse than death. “I mean it,” he said louder. “If you want to play, then you need to earn it, and I wasn’t the one who dragged out your toys.”
He peeked into the room. Rosie had her arms full of toys and practically waddled out of the area and up the stairs. She came back down too quickly. “Sweetheart, you need to put the toys away, not just drop them on your bed.” He smiled as she trudged back up the stairs. Eric at least was putting his things away, and when Rosie came back down, she and Eric finished up while Newton used his cane to climb the stairs. He checked Rosie’s room and was pleased that she had put things away in a reasonable way.
The doorbell rang as he reached the bottom of the stairs again.
Rosie ran over and pulled the door open before Newton could stop her. “Mr. Chase!”
“Come on in,” Newton said, gently moving Rosie out of the way so he could open the door the rest of the way.
Chase stepped inside, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, carrying a bag. He pulled out a box of Legos and handed it to Eric. “You’re going to have to follow the instructions to put this space shuttle together.”
Eric beamed as he took the box. “Thank you.” He seemed beside himself. “Can I start this right now?”
“How about after we get home?” Newton suggested.
Eric set the box in the family room as Chase handed Rosie a large plastic-wrapped ball.
“An L.O.L. doll!” she squealed.
“You can play with that when we get home, just like Eric’s,” Newton told Rosie. “Now, what do you say?”
She rushed over to Chase after setting her gift on the coffee table. “Thank you. It’s just the one I always wanted.” She gave him a hug, and Newton tried not to chuckle. He probably failed.
“Okay, guys. Get your jackets. It could get a little cool as the sun goes down.” He waited while they gathered their things. Sometimes leaving was quite a production, and once they were all ready, he got them out of the house and into his car. It took a few minutes more, but they were eventually ready to head to lunch.
“Are we going to McDonald’s?” Rosie asked.
“No. I thought we could get Greek food at the gyros place you guys like.” Newton turned to Chase. “It’s way better than McDonald’s.” The look on Chase’s face when Rosie mentioned McDonald’s was priceless. “It seems you’re not a fan.”
Chase cleared his throat. “I like a Big Mac every once in a while, but Greek sounds way better.” He turned to the back seat. “Is that okay with you guys?”
“Yes.”
“Yay.”
It seemed from the chorus in the back that they were happy, and Chase seemed happy, judging from the smile sent Newton’s way. He liked that they were pleased.
The Greek restaurant wasn’t far from the house. Once they arrived, Rosie skipped inside, pulling Eric along as he and Chase brought up the rear.
“I love this place,” Chase whispered in his ear, and damned if it didn’t send a zing up Newton’s spine. He closed his eyes, willing himself to calm down. How could something so mundane get him thinking naughty thoughts about what Chase looked like under his jeans and sweatshirt, both of which hugged him like a second skin?
Newton followed Chase inside, lightly chastising himself for the way his gaze centered on his perfect backside. He closed his eyes, forcing his mind onto another track. Newton was with the kids—he needed to remember that.
“What do you want, Rosie Posey?” Chase teased as he lifted her up so she could see better.
“They usually share a gyro platter with fries,” Newton explained, and both kids nodded.
“Okay. Let’s make that two because I love those.” Chase turned, cocking his eyebrows just so.
It hit Newton right there in the restaurant just how young Chase was. Newton leaned on his cane, imagining he could feel the gray hair sprouting on his head.
“Okay, three. Only, mine with the salad.” Newton patted his belly.
Chase leaned close enough that only he could hear his breathing. Then Chase patted Newton’s belly, those few seconds of contact sending a ripple running through him. “I’d say you have nothing to worry about.” Chase didn’t move, and Newton stood stock-still. It was like that simple touch had woven a spell around them. It only lasted for a fraction of a second, and then it was gone, with Chase stepping away, placing the food order, and finding out what everyone wanted to drink. Before Newton could protest, Chase had paid for the food and ushered Rosie and Eric to the booth. He slipped in next to Rosie, and Newton sat across from him next to Eric.
“Do you like go-carts?” Chase asked, and Eric was off on how he’d gotten to go there for a birthday party.
“They were so cool. The red one is the fastest, and it’s the most fun. So I want that one.”
“Do I get my own too?” Rosie asked.
Newton was about to answer when Chase nudged her. “I thought you could be my copilot. Together we’ll show this whippersnapper what fast really is.” He smiled at Rosie, and Newton found his chest warming. How could he not like someone who seemed to like his kids?
A server brought their trays of food and set them on the table. Newton thanked him and divided up the food for the kids, who immediately started eating. Over the table, Chase caught his eye, and their gazes locked. Newton paused with his hand on his plate, just watching Chase, getting lost in those blue-gray eyes for a few seconds.
“Dad,” Eric said, and he came back to himself, taking his plate and blushing slightly. “You can make goo-goo eyes at Mr. Chase later.”
Rosie giggled, and Eric snickered. The comment wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t been true.
“You kissed daddy,” Rosie said.
Newton felt his cheeks heat even more. “There are no secrets at all with kids around.” He reached over, tickling Eric. “Especially mine.”
“Dad, I’m gonna woof,” Eric groused with a smile on his face.
“No woofin
g. Now, both of you eat your lunch and no teasing Chase or me. It isn’t very nice.” Newton started eating.
“Maybe, but you’re cute when you blush,” Chase said.
Newton didn’t see how the kids reacted as he stared at Chase, his Cheshire cat grin once again making Newton think of things he knew he shouldn’t.
Rosie and Eric were hungry, so as soon as they started eating, they grew quiet.
“How was work? You said you had a new case.”
“Yes. It’s a big one. At least as big as family law gets. This case has the chance to set a new precedent as far as child custody. But I can’t talk about it much because of privacy concerns for the clients, as well as their children. However, this case could make my career on a state and maybe national level. And if it turns out well, cement my bid for partner.” Chase smiled and was almost as excited as the kids.
“Is that why you were working?”
“There’s a tight time crunch, and I need to be absolutely prepared.” Chase ate his gyro, and Newton took a bite of salad. They were having a great day so far, and Newton basked in the shared glow of Chase’s attention.
“ARE YOU all done?” Chase asked a while later as he gathered up the debris of lunch onto the trays. Then he threw it all away, took Rosie’s hand, and led her out to the car. Eric followed, and Newton made sure the kids hadn’t left anything behind before heading out.
They played car games and sang songs on their way across town to the fun center. By the time he pulled into the parking lot, Eric was talking nonstop about all the things he wanted to do, and Rosie was nearly as wound up as Eric.
“There’s a bouncy castle!” Chase sounded just like one of the kids, especially when they all joined in the cry.
Newton paid for go-cart rides and time in the bouncy castle for all three of them. It seemed it was big enough that Chase could go with them, and he played with Eric and Rosie, who seemed to love having him in with them. Newton stood just outside, leaning on his cane, watching and wishing things were different.
“I know just how you feel,” a woman said from the table nearby. She stood with difficulty, very pregnant and looking more than a little uncomfortable. “Blake asked on the way over if I’d go in the bouncy castle with him.” She turned her gaze down to her belly. “He doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t do all the things I could even a few months ago.” She smiled and motioned to a seat at her table. Newton joined her, relieved to get off his foot.
“Rosie and Eric have always known me like this. So they understand there are limits. Doesn’t help when they’re sick and Rosie wants nothing more than to be picked up and comforted and I can’t do it.” He suddenly felt a wave of wishing. He wanted things to be different so he could do all the things other parents did. He wanted to be able to play with them in a more active way, and he wanted to run and keep up with them, but that wasn’t going to happen.
“Your husband looks like he can,” she said.
“Chase isn’t my husband. This is sort of a second date, I guess.” Newton turned to where they were bouncing, Chase holding Rosie’s hand, all three of them laughing and having a great time. And that brought up another thing. How was he supposed to keep up with someone young, vital, and whole like Chase? Newton hadn’t been whole for a long time. That had been taken from him in a matter of a few hours that had not only changed the world, but the rest of his day-to-day life. He had to push that away. A fun day out with his kids and Chase was not the time for him to dwell on all that. But sometimes he had very little choice when his head decided to mull that shit over.
“He’s sure good with them.”
Chase smiled and waved at him before climbing out. He stuck his head back inside and then put his shoes on and joined him at the table. “I checked with Eric, and he says he’s doing fine. I think we should have him drink something once he comes out, though. That takes a lot more energy than it looks.” He reached across the table. “I’m Chase.”
“Annabeth,” the lady said as she shook his hand. “The other one in there is mine. He’ll go until he collapses and falls asleep. I bring him here every couple of weeks, and all he wants is to go in the bounce house, as he calls it. He’d stay in there for an hour if they let him.”
“I told the kids five minutes,” Chase explained.
“Thanks.” Newton smiled and inhaled deeply.
A burning scent tickled the back of his nose. He closed his eyes to try to push it away, but he was back in Lower Manhattan, the screams around him now holding terror as the very earth under him shook, his ears filling with a rumble that went on and on, coming from every direction imaginable. Dust billowed from everywhere, filling his mouth and nose. Instinctively Newton took cover, pressing to the floor, covering his head with his hands, mentally saying a prayer for this hell to end. It went on and on, more and more dust piling on top of him, the entire world shaking, being turned upside down and inside out. Then there was nothing but the screaming, sound on top of sound, building in on itself until it burned out and grew quiet, only to start again and again, over and over until he thought he was going to scream himself.
He gasped for air, but only tasted and felt dust and grime everywhere—in his mouth, nose, eyes, on his skin. He needed to get it off him, get it away so he could breathe.
“Newton,” a voice called. Maybe someone had come to rescue him. “It’s okay. Where are you?”
He coughed, trying to clear his mouth, and opened his eyes. The sun was shining. The clouds of dust were gone. It took him a few moments to realize where he was—under the table, with Eric, Rosie, Chase, and a bunch of strangers peering down at him.
“Daddy,” Rosie whimpered, and crawled down next to him to hug him tightly. “It’s okay.” She cried, and he held her in return, turning onto his side as he tried to make sense of exactly what had happened. It was flashback, a short one, and he’d been right back there, the day the Towers had fallen.
“I’m okay, sweetheart. I’m fine.” He kissed her forehead. “I promise. I’m just fine. I need to get up now, okay?” He released her and peered out from under the table.
“Sir, are you all right?” one of the people from the Fun Emporium asked.
“He’s okay. It was a flashback,” Chase answered, running interference. “He’ll need a few minutes, and please get everyone else away. This isn’t a spectator event.” He took charge when she didn’t, and the people disbursed, leaving Newton alone with his family.
“I’m going to need some help getting out.” He slid to the edge, and Chase helped him crawl out and get onto his feet. Rosie handed him his cane and then hugged him. Eric did as well, holding him tightly. Newton realized both kids were scared. “Guys, I’m really okay.” He met Chase’s concerned gaze.
“Should we go?” Chase asked quietly.
“No.” Newton took a deep breath and crinkled his nose. “I don’t want to disappoint the kids.” Using his cane for balance, he slowly walked farther away from the area. “I’ll be okay. The burning popcorn took me by surprise and transported me back… to that day.” He took another deep breath as the scent finally began to fade. Chase excused himself, and Newton took Rosie’s hand. “I got you guys some tokens for the games. Why don’t you go and have some fun? I’m going to sit over there near the door.” Where there’s some fresh air.
“Where’s Mr. Chase?” Rosie asked just as the man made a reappearance. “Do you want to play games with us?”
“How about you guys have fun while I sit with your dad for a while? Then we can ride the go-carts.” Chase took the seat next to him.
“Watch your sister,” Newton cautioned Eric, who nodded, and they headed off into the small forest of video games.
“What happened?” Chase asked.
Newton groaned. He deserved an answer. “Burning popcorn smells just like the scent after the Twin Towers fell. That burning, scorched aroma that sticks in your throat and doesn’t let go. I wasn’t prepared for it, and suddenly I was right back there.”
“It’s sore, but it always is. Just another thing I can’t get away from.” Newton sighed softly. “As flashbacks go, this one wasn’t so bad. Though it’s been a while since I’ve had one. I’ve worked with therapists for a long time to help identify what triggers them. Usually if I can be ready for them or I’m aware there’s a trigger, I can either avoid it or be prepared for it, but this came out of the blue. I should have foreseen it, but I didn’t.” He felt stupid. Newton had probably scared the people here half to death, and he hoped he hadn’t been screaming. His throat didn’t feel like it, but that happened sometimes.
“You know it’s okay. I’m sorry that happened to you, but I understand.” Chase took his hand. “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
“This isn’t really a good time, and even talking about it is hard.” The last time, there had been anger and resentment that had ended in yelling and even some tears. If that happened again, Newton didn’t want to experience it in a public place. “See, when I tell what happened, it’s like I’m back there, and one trip like that in a day is more than enough.”
“Is that what happened to your foot? Were you working in the pile?” Chase asked.
“I wasn’t supposed to be, but I did end up there.” He swallowed and tried to breathe as memories of that time started to build like a tidal wave on the horizon, drawing closer and threatening to wash him away yet again.
The children approaching pushed those thoughts from his mind.
“Daddy, look what I won,” Rosie said happily as she showed him a stuffed penguin.
“How did you do that?” The games were usually rigged so they rarely paid out. Newton was well aware of that.