Hard to Trust (Hard to Love Book 2)

by L. M. Reid

  I can see the myriad of emotions coursing through Ashlynn: fear, uncertainty, desire. She looks like a perfect fucking mess that I just want to lose myself in. She nods, giving me permission to open the door.

  I pull on the handle, the door opening, and Brayden standing on the other side. He raises his eyebrows at the locked door and my presence behind it.

  “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” he asks.

  I shake my head at him as I shut the door behind him. “We were discussing the Cole case,” I tell him.

  Despite the fact that the lie rolls off my tongue with ease, its clear Brayden isn’t buying it.

  “Want to try again?” he asks.

  “Not really,” I reply.

  “What do you need, Brayden?” Ashlynn asks.

  He holds up the papers in his hand. “The contracts you sent me; they look great. Not that I expected anything less from you.”

  At least he gives credit where credit is due. Maybe my father hasn’t completely brainwashed him yet.

  Ashlynn takes them from him, a slight smile on her face.

  “Everything okay in here?” Brayden asks, his eyes darting from me to Ashlynn and back.

  I want to toss him out, tell him to mind his own business, but I don’t need him more suspicious than he already is. I suppose if he wanted to rat me out, he could have done that already, hell he wouldn’t have dropped the opportunity in my lap. But, still. The less he knows, the better.

  “It’s fine. This Cole case,” I shake my head. “It’s just driving both of us kind of crazy. The guy is a fucking sociopath.”

  “And you two are going to be the ones to release him back to the world,” Brayden replies.

  “Yep,” I reply.

  I hate this whole situation. Something has to give. There has to be some way out. I glance over at Ashlynn, sitting quietly in a chair. I notice Brayden watching her, too.

  He moves and squats down in front of her. His hands rest on hers. For a moment, a bout of jealousy surges through me. The tender tone he takes with her, ensuring she is okay. If I wasn’t seeing it for myself, I wouldn’t believe it. The brother I assumed was so heartless seems to have a soft spot for this woman. Must be something in our damn DNA that attracts us to her; all of us.

  When he seems satisfied that she isn’t about to shatter, he stands and faces me. “I need a favor,” he says. I raise my eyebrows encouraging him to continue. “I was supposed to meet a client in Arlington, but… something came up. Would you two mind going for me?”

  The look on his face tells me there’s no client, no meeting, that he’s just giving us a reprieve. I hate the split second where I doubt his motives, but let’s face it with him having been under my father’s thumb all these years, I need to be cautious. While there is still a thought in my mind that he would hang me out to dry, I don’t believe he would do that to Ashlynn.

  “I think we can manage that. What do you say, Ash?” I ask her.

  She looks between the two of us, a slight smile on her face. “A night dealing with a client besides Ivan Cole? I’m in.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate it,” Brayden says. “If Dad’s looking for you, I’ll let him know.”

  I nod at him in appreciation and mouth thank you before he leaves Ashlynn’s office.

  “Why don’t you head home, pack some things and I’ll pick you up in an hour?” I suggest.

  “Make it forty-five minutes and you’ve got a deal. I can’t wait to get out of here.”

  27

  Ashlynn

  I don’t know what the hell Brayden is up to, but I’m too tired to question it. When he suggested that Gray and I meet with a client, out of town, away from here, it took everything in me to not jump in his arms and scream yes.

  These past few days, all the time with Elliott, it’s taking a toll. The fact of the matter is, if it wasn’t for Grayson, my arrangement with Elliott would be bearable. But, Grayson entered the picture and made me want things I have never wanted before. He made me crave him, and not just his body or the sexual gratification he provides, but him. The silly side that acts like a little boy, the commanding side that turns my insides to liquid, and the caring side that makes me want to open up to him when I’ve never wanted to open up to anyone before.

  Because of Grayson, because of these feelings, every moment I spend without him is excruciating.

  Brayden came to my rescue today. He saved me and gave me time with Grayson and he has no idea what all of this means to me.

  I hear the knock at the door and chuckle thinking of the eager man that’s on the other side of it. He’s fifteen minutes early. I don’t even know how the hell he managed to pack anything and get here in that amount of time. I’m not going to complain though. After a few days apart, these past thirty minutes were unbearable.

  I know that we have a lot to talk about, an argument that we need to resolve, but doesn’t the fact that we stepped right back into each other without having to do just that say something? Everything I try to pretend that we're not, we are. Every single thing I do, it proves the opposite of the words that come out of my mouth. Grayson is mine. We are together. We just have a shit ton of obstacles that are trying to drive us apart, make what’s a reality a memory.

  I am not about to let that happen. Grayson has had my back since day one. He’s never done anything for me to distrust him. So why am I so dead set on doing exactly that? Maybe, if I open up, if I give him the real me, all of me, scars and all, then maybe we can figure out a way to work past it. Or, maybe he hates me and walks away. At least we would have a resolution to this mess, a plan of where to go from here. Because him? Us? It’s inevitable.

  I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge or slink off into the corner when things get tough. I’ve always done what I’ve had to do – no matter how much I didn’t want to or how much I hated it. So why wouldn’t I do that now when it matters the most?

  I rush to the door and yank it open eager to see Grayson; even more eager to make this work.

  It’s not Grayson on the other side of the door though and the huge smile I had on my face only moments early was quickly replaced with shock and fear.

  “Mom?” I ask incredulously when I see her.

  She stands before me on unsteady feet completely drunk and high on God knows what. It’s not the sight of her that has my body shaking and my heart pounding. No, it’s the man behind her that’s doing that. Greasy hair, smarmy smile, and a look in his eyes that instantly instills fear in me. Johnny. The sight of him alone reverts me back to that scared teenage girl who didn’t know what to do or how to handle someone like Johnny. Fuck, I still don’t.

  “Hey, schweetie,” she slurs.

  You’re not that girl anymore, I remind myself. I’m successful, and I’m strong. I don’t need them or their bullshit.

  Blocking the doorway with my body, I say, “You’re not welcome here.”

  Johnny lets out a laugh. “Is that anyway to talk to your Momma?”

  “I don’t have a mom,” I reply looking the woman who gave birth to me dead in the eye. I hope she gets the hint, understands that I don’t fucking care anymore and she can’t hurt me now. I take care of myself. I don’t need her or him.

  Johnny pushes my mom out of the way and steps toward me, close enough that I can feel his breath on me and smell the alcohol and smoke on it. His eyes run the length of me and he licks his lips like I’m some sort of meal he is about to consume. He takes another step and I move back. That doesn’t deter him. Nothing will.

  “Remember when you used to call me Daddy?”Johnny says, his hand reaching out and touching the skin of my cheek.

  “What do you want?” I ask as I smack his hand away.

  Anger flickers through his eyes at my response. Never would I have done that to him before. I may still be afraid of him, but I’ll be damned if I am going down without a fight.

  “Just the usual,” my mom says.

  “Money,” I supply.

 
; “And some whiskey, too. I know you always got the good stuff baby girl.” My mom makes her way into my home and plops down on my couch.

  “And I want you,” Johnny whispers. “You look better than I remember. Bet you taste better, too.” My skin crawls at the memory of his mouth on mine.

  I lift my chin and stand up to him for the first time in my life. “You’ll never find out.”

  “We’ll be gone in a flash, Ashie. Just give Johnny what he wants.”

  I can’t even count the times she’s said those words to me. Give Johnny what he wants. Do what Johnny says. Fuck that, not any more.

  “You want money, I’ll give you money, but you keep your fucking hands off of me.”

  Johnny lets out a low chuckle before he shoves me against the wall, pinning my body with his. “Go take what you can find, Angie,” he directs my mother.

  I fight against his hold, but it’s no use, he’s too strong.

  “Mom, help me,” I cry out, though I know it won’t help. It never did before. Why would anything be different now? She walks right past us without so much as a glance in my direction and heads toward the bedrooms.

  “Let me go,” I yell as I struggle against him.

  His smile widens. “I like it when you fight.”

  I can feel the hardness of his dick against my thigh and the moment I feel his lips on my neck I feel sick to my stomach.

  “Stop please,” I beg.

  Short of someone pulling him off of me though, nothing is going to work. I’ve begged and pleaded before, it’s not the like the man cares. He has no conscience, no heart. He took the virginity of an innocent seventeen-year-old girl and then turned her into a whore.

  His hands rip my clothes, his body against me, and his lips coming straight for mine. Tears break free, rolling down my face as a squirm and I buck and fight as hard as I can to get away from him. Johnny’s pants are unzipped, he is moments from freeing himself from his pants and taking what he wants.

  I remind myself of the same thing I did when I was a kid – it will all be over soon.

  “Well, this looks like fun,” I hear Grayson’s smooth, commanding voice say. “But, I’m going to have to ask that you let her go.”

  Relief washes over me. Grayson’s here. He’ll protect me.

  “Who the fuck are you?” Johnny asks.

  “Not someone you want to mess with.” Grayson’s voice is calm and even. I can see the fire in his eyes though, the rage directed at the man who has his hands on me and won’t let go. “Let her go.”

  My mother emerges from the hallway, “Got it,” she says, pleased with herself.

  Johnny looks in her direction to the small wad of cash in her hand. “That’s it?” he asks. “That ain’t shit.”

  It’s been so long since I’ve lived this life. So, when he releases me, I don’t move. I just watch as he steps toward her, his hand coming in contact with her face. Instinct has me calling out for my mommy regardless of the fact that she did nothing to help me.

  I revert to the scared little girl I used to be. Tears sting my eyes, I’m frozen in place.

  Grayson’s eyes dart between me and my mother.

  “I’m… I’m okay,” I tell him wanting him to help her, not me.

  “Call the police,” he says tossing me his phone as he moves past me to where Johnny is attacking my mother.

  I keep my focus on Grayson, my safe place, my protector. I watch as a man who is usually so calm and in control – remains that way despite the fact that he is lunging at Johnny and pulling him off my mother. Each movement is smooth and calculated and I swear he actually smiles just before he punches Johnny square in the jaw and knocks him to the ground.

  I look at the scene before me, blood splattered, my mother on the floor crying and begging Johnny’s forgiveness. I kneel next to her, trying to make sure she’s okay, but she shoves me away.

  “You ungrateful bitch,” she shouts at me.

  I try to reason with her, but she continues to rant and rave and say the most horrible things to me. I should be used to it, and it sure as hell shouldn’t have the effect on me that it does considering who it’s coming from, but it does. It hurts, it stings, and it brings me to my knees. Grayson is on top of Johnny subduing him.

  “Ash, Sweetheart, talk to me,” Grayson’s voice calls to me.

  The sirens get louder, the ding of the elevator, and then the emergence of the police storming in and commanding the scene. I’m on the floor, knees hugged to my chest. Johnny is in handcuffs and my mom is on a stretcher being taken to the hospital. This isn’t supposed to be my life anymore.

  “I’ll be back for what’s mine,” Johnny says as the cop walks him past me and out the door.

  The words, the promise behind them and the fear they instill in me makes my stomach churn and I can’t control it anymore. I scramble to my feet and rush to the bathroom, my insides emptying into the toilet bowl.

  I can feel Gray the minute he walks into the bathroom, his hands pull my hair back, his voice coos telling me it’s okay.

  But it’s not. None of this is.

  Scared, ashamed, and still trying to grasp the fact that this did in fact happen, I push Gray off of me. I wipe my mouth with the towel and discard it on the floor. Grayson moves back in, but I shout at him.

  “Go away,” I yell.

  “What? Why?” He lets the questions hang there and continues despite my lack of response. “You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you.”

  I stand up on shaky legs, everything I am feeling inside is a mess except for one thing that is clear as day. Grayson saw what happened, he saw my past, he knows. My cheeks flush with embarrassment.

  “Get out,” I shout. “I don’t want you here.”

  Grayson steps toward me again, my hysteric ranting and raving not affecting him in the slightest. His hand reaches for my cheek but I swat it away much the way I did Johnny’s. The feel of Johnny’s hand, the reminder of who I am and the resolve that Grayson deserves better than all of that flood me and fuel my need to push him away.

  “Sweetheart, you don’t mean…”

  “Like hell I don’t. Get out Grayson.”

  There is a police officer in the doorway. “Is everything okay in here?”

  Grayson looks at me, eyes filled with uncertainty. ‘Are we okay?’ He asks me with just a look.

  “Please, leave.”

  With the police officers eyes on him, Grayson gives up. He steps backwards, out the door.

  “I don’t know why you’re pushing me away, but keep on pushing, Sweetheart, because I’m not going anywhere.”

  I don’t look at him, I can’t. So Grayson walks away, he leaves, and I am exactly how I deserve to be. Alone.

  28

  Grayson

  My heart jumped into my throat the minute I saw the door to Ashlynn’s apartment door ajar. I knew something wasn’t right, I could sense it, but I sure as hell didn’t expect to walk into what I did.

  There was a man there. His hands were on her, his lips too. She looked terrified standing there, his body pressed against hers. It took everything in me to just pull him off of her and not kill the son-of-a-bitch.

  Fuck.

  I shudder at the thought of what might have happened had I not gotten there when I did. I grip the steering wheel tighter, my knuckles turning white at the thought. He was trying to have sex with her, he was trying to rape her. Yet, there was something in her eyes, an acceptance that I don’t understand.

  One that I’m not sure I ever will considering she fucking threw me out tonight. Christ, what the fuck happened? When did I become the bad guy; the guy she needed to get away from?

  I slam my fist on the wheel in frustration. I didn’t want to leave her there; she shouldn’t be alone.

  But, with Officer Friendly staring me down, I didn’t have much of a choice. Jesus.

  So, I did as she asked, I left. I got in my car and I drove and I drove and keep fucking driving because I don’t know what else t
o do.

  29

  Ashlynn

  Monday morning comes and I stride into work confident and strong just like I do every other day. The only difference is that today, the appearance I may be giving sure as hell doesn’t match the way I feel inside. I feel broken and scared. My heart and my mind are such a jumbled mess right now that even if I tried to figure it out, I don’t think the puzzle would make sense.

  So I put on my game face and act like everything in my life is just peachy. Until I see Grayson in the hallway. Then, I freeze. I fucking freeze and lose my breath and all the control I had dissipates.

  He doesn’t speak, he just watches me as though he’s waiting for some sign that it’s okay to approach me.

  Well, news flash, it’s not. I am not prepared to deal with Grayson. I just need to keep the smile plastered on my face long enough to reach my office where I can break down – again.

  I divert my eyes from him, focus them on the ground and begin to walk past him. He says my name and I halt at the sound of it falling from his lips.

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He repeats the words he told me the other night, the ones that are trying to impress upon me that he is in this for the long haul, good or bad.

  While I appreciate the sentiment, a part of me doesn’t know what to do with it. Because aside from Logan, no one has ever been there for me. And I’m kind of afraid to give that up, my ability to take care of myself. Though I have to admit, I do love when Grayson takes care of me, when he protects me, when he lets me just… be.

  I nod in acceptance of his words because if I so much as attempt to speak any bit of resolve I have in this moment will falter. My smile will fade, the tears will fall and I will break and end up in his arms. None of which I am ready to do at the moment.

  I can see him wanting to touch me, to reach out to me, but he pulls back. He gives me the space I need. It’s what he does. He gives me what I need when I don’t even know what that is.