Letters from Berlin

by Tania Blanchard

  Suddenly two figures emerged at the end of the street. Onkel Georg and Leo. I held my breath, frozen in place, not sure what to do. I knew they were in danger but I didn’t know where from. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a couple of men in civilian dress materialise from a nearby doorway. They’d been waiting in the shadows. The hairs on my arms stood on end. I scanned the street again as Onkel Georg and Leo moved closer to the apartment block. Then I saw them – everywhere, men in uniform, hidden from the street in doorways and alleyways, but ready for action and waiting for instructions. Gestapo.

  I’d never reach Leo and Onkel Georg before they entered the building. Once inside, they’d be followed and trapped. I had to do something. Jumping to my feet, I began to cross the park, desperate to somehow close the distance between myself and Onkel Georg and Leo. I was too far away for them to hear me shout. Blood pounding in my ears, I ran faster towards the street. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. My whole world was about to implode before my very eyes. They had nearly reached the apartment block.

  ‘Onkel Georg,’ I shouted, waving my arm wildly. A brief look of confusion crossed his face as he turned and saw me. He smiled and waved back as he and Leo waited for me to walk quickly towards them. It took all my willpower not to scream a warning across the road.

  ‘I’ve been waiting to take you to luncheon. You’re so late,’ I said, kissing him on the cheek. I could see the wariness on his face and how Leo’s eyes narrowed as he scanned the street. ‘Don’t look but you’re in danger and we have to get out of here,’ I murmured.

  ‘I’m sorry we’re so late, liebling,’ said Onkel Georg without missing a beat. ‘We were delayed at the estate with a difficult calving.’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘It couldn’t be helped.’

  ‘But we’re here now and I’m starving,’ said Leo, grinning.

  I slipped my arms through theirs. ‘Let’s go then. Julius will wonder what’s happened to us.’ I turned them away from the men waiting in the shadows and, with all the poise and composure I could muster, walked with them back towards my car, while chatting about the deliciously warm weather we were experiencing. I didn’t know if we would be stopped, but I refused to look behind me. Only Onkel Georg and Leo could feel the fine tremor that racked my body as I delivered them from danger.

  It was only when we were safely in the car and we had pulled away from the kerb that I sighed with relief.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ hissed Onkel Georg in the passenger seat next to me. ‘How did you know we were here?’

  ‘I told her, Vati,’ said Leo from the back seat. ‘In case something went wrong.’

  ‘There’s a reason I didn’t want Susie involved,’ Onkel Georg said crossly. ‘It’s too dangerous.’

  I looked in the rear-vision mirror, relieved there was nobody following us, and saw Leo’s own face darken. ‘If you haven’t noticed, Susie’s more than capable of looking after herself and it seems that she’s just saved us from trouble.’

  ‘The Gestapo were waiting for you,’ I said shakily. ‘Julius sent me a message this morning to tell you not to visit today.’

  ‘He knew we were coming?’ Onkel Georg asked sharply.

  I sighed and slowed the car as we approached an intersection, although every sense within me screamed to keep my foot down and get as far away from that apartment building as possible. ‘He told me last night that he’s been asked to join the plot against the Führer. I was upset with him because he thinks there are too many risks for it to work. He guessed that I knew something, so I told him. I thought that he could help since he was already involved.’

  ‘You took a big risk, Susie,’ said Leo accusingly.

  I knew how he felt about Julius but I shook my head in frustration. I had to make them understand. ‘I don’t know how he found out or what he knows, but when he sent me that message he was risking his job and potentially his life. I telephoned the estate, but you’d already left. Julius wanted me to wait for him, but I couldn’t, knowing that you might have been walking into a trap.’ I told them what I’d seen. ‘Those men were waiting to raid that apartment building. Once you were inside, it would’ve been too late.’

  Leo’s face was white as his eyes met mine. ‘Julius might have warned you but it was you who took the risk by coming here.’

  ‘I could have lost you both,’ I whispered. Tears welled in my eyes and I couldn’t see the road properly. I dashed them with my hand, battling to keep the shock of what had happened under control. We weren’t safe yet.

  ‘But we’re both here because of you and Julius,’ said Onkel Georg gravely. ‘It seems that I’ve underestimated you.’ He squeezed my shoulder and smiled wryly. ‘I should have known better. Thank you for your bravery and courage, liebling.’

  ‘Any of us would’ve done the same,’ I said. ‘We’re family.’ The cold fear in the centre of my chest began to melt with the surge of warmth at his words. Everything I’d gone through was worth it to hear him say that.

  Leo looked behind us.

  ‘Anything?’

  ‘Nothing… We have to get word to the others.’

  ‘We can’t, Leo,’ said Onkel Georg, his face tight with apprehension. ‘Not just yet. It’s too risky. We don’t know who’s been detained and who’s being watched.’

  ‘But we’ll never get another chance if we’re exposed,’ Leo said, stricken.

  ‘First we have to make sure you’re both safe,’ I said. ‘I’ll take you back to the Adlon and we can decide what to do from there.’

  Julius’s relief was evident when I opened the door to the suite with Onkel Georg and Leo behind me. ‘Thank God you’re all safe,’ he said, ushering them into the sitting room. ‘Are you all right?’

  Georg nodded. ‘We’re fine, thanks to you and Susanna.’

  ‘I can’t believe you went out to stop them by yourself,’ said Julius, hugging me tight to him. ‘Anything could have happened to you. Why didn’t you wait for me?’

  ‘I didn’t know how long you’d be and it could have been too late by then,’ I murmured, beginning to shake now it was over.

  ‘Come and sit,’ he said with his arm around me. ‘We could all do with a stiff drink.’

  I noticed Leo’s eyes narrow as Julius guided me to the lounge before following with Onkel Georg. We collapsed onto the chairs, staring at each other in shock while Julius poured us all a whiskey.

  ‘How did you know?’ asked Leo as he took the glass from Julius.

  Julius sat next to me on the lounge and sighed. ‘After Susie told me, I went into the ministry. I made some delicate enquiries using people I trust and I learnt that a Gestapo raid was taking place today at the location of the meeting.’ He took a long swallow of liquor.

  ‘I wasn’t sure it was the Gestapo until I saw them,’ I said, a shiver running through me.

  ‘I couldn’t tell you any more than that. I only hoped that you’d understand and alert Georg,’ he said.

  I nodded, sipping on the potent spirits, nearly gasping. The fiery liquid warmed me from the inside and began to loosen the tension I held in every part of my body.

  ‘We could’ve been arrested without you both,’ said Onkel Georg. ‘You put yourselves at risk.’ I noticed that the hand holding his glass was shaking.

  ‘I had to do something,’ said Julius. ‘I believe in what you’re doing although I can’t be involved myself. We’re family, after all. Especially now.’ He patted my knee affectionately. ‘But it’s Susie we have to thank. If it wasn’t for her quick thinking, we may not have got you away.’

  I stared at him in disbelief. I was expecting a first-class quarrel for not listening to him, not praise.

  ‘She would do anything for her family,’ he continued, ‘and I admire her for that.’ He leaned across and kissed me.

  ‘Of course, Susie’s family and we look out for each other,’ said Leo, his voice rising. ‘But why didn’t you come instead of her? What she did put her at risk of being caught.’ I glared at Le
o for questioning Julius’s intentions but he refused to look at me, only staring intently at Julius, who tipped the glass to his mouth before answering.

  ‘I wanted to come myself and told Susie to wait for me here. I couldn’t go straight to the meeting place – I was worried I’d be followed after the interest I’d shown in the matter. When I came home and found Susie gone, it was too late for me to do anything except pray that she’d reached you in time.’ He raked his hand through his hair. ‘I’ve been worried sick.’

  Leo said nothing but I could see that he wasn’t impressed and I wondered briefly what would have happened if I hadn’t gone myself.

  ‘I would have been just as worried if I’d known, but she’s strong-willed like her mother,’ said Onkel Georg softly. ‘Your parents would have been so proud of you today, Susanna, just as I am.’ I smiled, grateful for his acknowledgement and support. He walked over to the heavy sideboard to fill his glass with more whiskey. ‘But we’d best keep a low profile for a while.’

  ‘What about the others? How will we know if anyone’s been arrested? If our plan’s been compromised?’ Leo sat up on the edge of his chair.

  ‘I can help with that,’ said Julius. ‘I can find out if anyone’s been arrested and if the conspiracy’s still going ahead.’

  ‘You’d do that?’ Leo’s look of incredulity made me angry. Julius was the reason he was here drinking whiskey, rather than languishing in a prison cell awaiting Gestapo torture.

  ‘I’m a part of this as much as you are,’ said Julius, matching his gaze.

  ‘Well, it looks like we’re all in this together,’ said Onkel Georg. He clinked glasses with Julius. ‘Here’s to the resistance.’

  I stayed the night with Julius, after Onkel Georg and Leo had left to return to the estate.

  ‘We were lucky today,’ I said, watching Julius undress for bed. His stocky frame was still powerful, even at his age. His shirt strained across his broad shoulders as he began to unbutton it, revealing a well-muscled torso and thick upper arms. He slid his trousers off, revealing white buttocks against tanned, bulky thighs.

  ‘Two arrests so far, but there may be more. I hope they listen and lie low.’ Julius had gone back to the ministry after Onkel Georg and Leo had left and made careful enquiries about the morning’s raid.

  Two unfortunate men had been caught at the meeting. One was going to be a great loss – the resistance leader Anton Saefkow – while the other, Reichwein, was a member of the Kreisau Circle. Nobody knew what the fallout would be.

  ‘You’re not mad at me?’

  ‘I’ve learnt something about you,’ he said softly. ‘You can’t help but do what you feel. I can’t change that, nor would I want to. It’s what makes you passionate.’ He slipped in between the sheets.

  ‘Thank you for understanding but most of all for discovering the threat to Onkel Georg and Leo, and warning me.’ Tears glistened in my eyes. I had come so close to losing them today. I turned on my side to look at him, laying my hand on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat, steady and slow. ‘It could have ended in disaster but thanks to you we prevented it.’

  ‘I couldn’t let anything happen to them.’ He lifted my hand to his lips. ‘But don’t you know that everything I do is for you? I want a better world, a better Germany, so we can live the life we want, so we can have a future together.’

  ‘What kind of future Julius?’ My heart began to beat faster.

  He rolled onto his side to face me and I gazed into his steadfast blue eyes. ‘I want to marry you but only when I can offer you a future not filled with fear and uncertainty. I don’t want to bring up children in the world we live in now,’ he said, resting his hand over my belly.

  Julius had proved yet again that he was a man who kept his promises and who I could rely on, a man who loved me. And now he wanted a future with me, a life of security and children. It was time for me to see if I could feel something real for him.

  13

  ‘It’s happening,’ Julius said, bursting through the door, his usual calm and unflappable demeanour gone. It was the evening of the 20th of July and I’d driven across to the Adlon after my morning shift.

  ‘What?’ I said, putting down the book I’d been reading.

  ‘The assassination plot.’ He took off his jacket and slung it carelessly over the back of the chair. ‘The Wolf’s Lair with the Führer inside has been bombed and Stauffenberg’s using the Replacement Army to take over the government quarter. It’s crazy out there. Once they have Berlin, the coup will be successful.’ He shook his head with wonder. Stauffenberg was a staff officer of the Replacement Army, which trained new recruits to reinforce front line divisions. I jumped up and took his hands.

  ‘Finally!’ I felt giddy and light-headed. Everything was about to change. I couldn’t even contemplate what that might look like, what it might mean for me.

  Although there had been further arrests in the days following the meeting Leo and Onkel Georg had narrowly missed, somehow the real conspiracy hadn’t been jeopardised. My heart had gone out to the courageous men who’d refused to betray their fellow conspirators. There was little hope for them, but their silence ensured that hope continued to burn for us.

  ‘For the first time Germany can really hope again.’ He kissed me deeply and I wrapped my arms around him in joy.

  ‘What happens now?’ I asked, a little breathless.

  ‘We sit and wait until the Nazi leaders are taken into custody and the government buildings secured. When we have Berlin we can begin to put a new government in place.’

  Julius sat on the edge of the lounge, clearly exhausted, and I sat beside him, intrigued by this new turn of events.

  ‘And you? Will you have a position in the new government?’

  He shrugged. ‘I was offered one, but it remains to be seen whether that eventuates. They were talking about State Secretary or Minister of Transport.’

  I kissed his cheek, rough with day-old growth. ‘That’s wonderful – it’s what you’ve always wanted. You can make a real difference!’

  ‘It’ll be a big job putting Germany back on its feet, making sure the infrastructure is in place…’

  ‘I know you can do it.’ I smiled, filled with excitement and relief.

  We decided to have dinner in the suite and wait for news of the Führer’s death and the success of the coup. Neither of us could eat too much, we were both nervous about the hours ahead and the news that was coming, but we also knew it would be a busy and tumultuous time for Julius and these few hours of quiet were important for him to gather his thoughts and focus his energies for the days ahead.

  ‘There’ll be a reckoning for all the things the Nazi Party’s been part of,’ Julius said, swirling the contents of his wineglass. ‘The new government will have to be accountable, not just to Germany, but in the eyes of the world.’

  ‘It’s time for them to pay for their crimes,’ I said savagely. ‘All the lives they’ve destroyed, the unspeakable acts of degradation.’ How many thousands had already died at the hands of the Nazis? Most of the ghettos had disappeared along with their residents, ‘resettled’ in one of the many concentration camps where they were forced into hard labour, or sent to death camps like Chelmno, Sobibor, Belzec, Auschwitz, Treblinka, Majdanek and Janowska. As more prisoners escaped these camps, including the Soviet POWs we’d helped liberate, we discovered the depths of depravity the Nazis had sunk to – hundreds of thousands of Jewish men, women and children, exterminated in gas chambers. It beggared belief, but deep down I knew the reports were true. And the longer the war continued, the more soldiers – men and boys – perished in defence of this reprehensible government.

  ‘But where do we draw the line?’ Julius asked. ‘What about those who were only following orders, doing their jobs? It will be chaos.’

  ‘Someone will have to determine whether acts have been committed voluntarily or were forced.’ I stared into my glass, beginning to see the enormity of what was ahead. Who had the im
partiality to make such a ruling?

  ‘Everyone, especially in government, has played a role in perpetuating and making Nazi policy real. None of us can get away from that. I know there are things I’ve regretted, things I’d change if I could go back in time,’ he said.

  ‘We all have regrets, Julius. We have to live with them, but now we have to move forward and make Germany a better place. I know you can do that.’

  ‘Let’s pray that you’re right.’

  It was after midnight when the soft music playing on the radio was interrupted by the blaring of an announcement. Julius and I were jolted out of our sleepy haze as we listened intently. This was it. I held his hand tight, ready to celebrate the end of Nazi rule. Suddenly a voice rang out over the airwaves.

  The Führer’s voice.

  ‘If I speak to you today it is first in order that you should hear my voice and that you should know that I myself am unhurt and well…’

  Julius and I stared at each other aghast.

  ‘The claim made by the usurpers that I am no longer alive is being contradicted at this very moment now that I am speaking to you.’

  The Führer’s voice carried on calmly to explain that the plot to overthrow the government had failed and that the main conspirators had been executed. His voice rose only as he made it abundantly clear that the traitors of the Fatherland would be rooted out and punished.

  The look of horror on Julius’s face made me shiver with fear. ‘All for nothing,’ I whispered.

  ‘Stauffenberg and other good men have died… but the Führer won’t rest until he has everyone involved,’ he said grimly.

  I tried to keep my emotions in check. ‘You were approached to form part of the new government. Are you in danger?’