Be Your Downfall

by Lizzie Fox

  “Dude, who was that? You’re like all… stupid and tongue tied and shit?” Wes asked me. I was still staring down the hallway of the Lagoona after the jade-eyed, pretty woman with the hot tits and the dangerous curves that I’d so stupidly ran into and spilled booze all over her. Was that vodka? I wondered, sniffing my own shirt. I didn’t know. I didn’t care, really.

  “Seth?”

  “What?” I snapped bitterly.

  “The girl. Who was she? I haven’t seen your attention on a woman like this for months.”

  “Whatever.”

  “She’s still looking at you. I think you’ve made an impression,” Wes said, wiggling his eyebrows.

  I glanced back; yeah she was staring at me. At my ass? This skinny thing?

  It was a miracle.

  “I don’t know who she was…”

  “Maybe you’ll see her again, huh? Let’s go… unless you’re going to go right over there and ask her out.”

  “Ha, no. That’d be… well yeah.” I followed Wes through the remainder of the hallway, feeling suddenly dejected. I should have run after her, gotten her number—something.

  “Shit…” I suddenly stood, and started after the jewel-eyed woman, but when I turned the corner, she was gone.

  I looked for her later, but I got held up, suddenly dealing with being confronted by Wes when he noticed I was bleeding; that I cut again. We got in a fight and by the time I made it out, the bar was nearly empty and she was gone.

  But that didn’t stop me from thinking of those eyes and that smile or those curves for weeks afterward.

  She was the one that got away from me. And now, here she was again. Holy fucking shit.

  “Sir?”

  “Right.” I came back to the present, and fished into my wallet for a ten. I set it down on the counter, taking the coffees in my hands and praying to god I wouldn’t pull another clumsy thing again.

  Jessalie sat forward slightly, those damn tits on open display yet again. Her elbows perched on the tabletop, and she steepled her fingers in front of her. She appeared faraway, almost in another world. So I set the coffee in front of her, and she turned to me and grinned, coming back to the present. When she smiled, her lips pursed somewhat, and it was both endearing and fucking sexy all at once. All I could think of was how nice it’d feel to have mine on hers. Over, and over again. Or… even somewhere else.

  Calm the fuck down, man. You just met her.

  “Thanks,” she said, sliding her hands around the white mug, her thumbs under the handle as she lifted it to her lips, and blew gently.

  “So,” I said, sitting down with my own coffee—coincidentally, black like the night. The dark. Like how I felt half the time. Ha ha. “You know I’m a singer. What about you? What’s your claim to fame?”

  She snorted derisively, nearly blowing some of the coffee out of the cup. Rolling her eyes at her own clumsiness, she set it down on the table with a soft clink. “You think you’re awkward…” she muttered.

  “Ah so—dancer?” I kidded.

  “Not even close. Writer.”

  I lifted a brow. “Writer? Huh… that’s interesting. I guess we have that in common.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I write all the songs for the band. The guys help some but mostly it’s me,” I said.

  “Really?” She seemed genuinely impressed.

  “What do you write?”

  “Did. Romance, mainly,” she replied.

  “Sexy romance?” I asked with a hopeful smile.

  Shrugging, she grinned gently. “Maybe. Sometimes anyway. It was…” she trailed off again, that faraway look in her eyes. It was both joyful and riddled with immense pain. “Anyway, I had a book deal for a while, did pretty well and then when the last book failed I didn’t get re-signed. That’s part of why I hoped to come out here; new experiences. New inspirations.”

  “I see. Well not sure what is interesting about Independence Point but I hope you find something.”

  “We’ll see.”

  “So… I’m guessing if you’re out here alone, you’re single?” I asked hoping the optimism was kept out of my tone.

  “Yes,” she replied, after taking a sip of her coffee. “That night at your performance I crashed at my friend’s house because I didn’t want to drive home after drinking, but I went home early the next morning, I walked in on my husband sleeping with some young…thing,” she bitterly spat.

  I winced. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

  She waved me off. “Don’t be. I was relieved. I… well let’s just say it wasn’t a good relationship.”

  “How long were you married for?” I inquired.

  “Just under ten years.”

  I nearly choked on my coffee as I sipped it. “What the hell? Did you get married in like, high school?”

  “Um…” she wanted to say something specifically, but something clearly stopped her. “No, I was twenty-two.”

  “And you were married for ten years, and that was a year ago so… no. You’re not thirty-three?” I did the math and was amazed. I figured she was closer to my age, if not younger.

  She frowned. “I am.”

  “Really, it’s not a big deal. I’m just really surprised. I wouldn’t have guessed you’d be older than me.” And that was the truth. She didn’t look a day over twenty-five… not that thirty-three was old at all.

  “Yeah, well. So… how about you?” She inquired.

  “How about me? Yeah, I’m single. Have been for a while,” I said, grimacing.

  “How come?” She asked with genuine concern.

  “It’s… complicated. But mostly I just haven’t found anyone… suited for me,” I replied with an indifferent shrug. “Why did you stay married for so long if you were unhappy?”

  She blew out a tense breath. “That’s a good question. Fear, I guess. Uncertainty. There was a certain amount of… not caring.”

  My forehead tensed in the center as I eyed her. “That sounds like a loaded story. One I’m probably not going to get to hear anytime soon.”

  She smiled nonchalantly. “Probably not.” Jessalie sipped her coffee momentarily, before setting it down once again and looking square at me. Her gaze was intense, and I shifted under the weight of it; like she was staring through my bullshit and straight into my soul. I didn’t think she’d like what she saw if she really noticed it. “So, besides music what do you do? Do you have any family, or…?”

  I grimaced. “Well, that’s a loaded question.”

  “Is it now?” She asked suspiciously.

  “Yes,” I said, laughing easily. “No, really…” I sighed, leaning back against the bench again, and then I scoffed at myself. I probably looked like a freak hopped up on meth or some weirdo with ADHD because I couldn’t sit still. Really, I was regretting these tight damn jeans because I could not get rid of this damned hard on, and it was uncomfortable as hell smashed against the zipper. “My dad took off years ago. It was just me, my mom and my sister. Kind of. But… I haven’t spoken to my mom in some time.”

  “What about your sister?” She asked, and it was an innocent enough question, but I immediately felt a bit defensive. I must have taken too long to answer because she let out a low-whistle. “Sorry, I guess I don’t know when to shut up.”

  “No,” I said quickly. “Sorry I just… it’s hard to say. She’s…”

  “It’s okay, Seth. You don’t have to say it. To be roommates we don’t have to know each other’s life stories,” she said, with a chuckle. “We just need to pay the bills and put the toilet seat down and stay out of each other’s way. It’s a big enough house, it shouldn’t be a problem.” Something in her tone told me she didn’t believe that any more than I did. Because I definitely did not want to be just roommates. I wanted to be her lover… her everything.

  Too soon Archer, way too soon…

  “I always put the seat down,” I said, with a playful grin. Her pursed expression slid into a slight smirk. Sighing, I touched the sleeve of my
gray t-shirt, and pulled it up, exposing the top of my—probably too skinny—bicep, and showing her the elaborate artwork of an orange and pink lily flower. “I got this for my sister. Lily. She’s… in the hospital.”

  Jessie frowned, appearing somewhat guilty. “Dang, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed. Is she going to be okay?”

  My lips pressed into a thin line, and I felt my teeth bite onto the metal ring through my lip. “No. She won’t get any worse, but she won’t get any better.”

  She lifted a brow, and I sighed. “She’s in a psychiatric hospital.”

  Jessie’s eyes widened. Her chest heaved and fell, and somehow this news appeared to be… most distressing. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably. “What does she have?”

  I shrugged. “We aren’t quite sure, a combination. My father…” My teeth ground together at the mere thought. “Let’s just say he was the biggest asshole on the planet. I think she suffered brain damage when he hit her, but she was vulnerable before, somehow. Not sure what it was, but there should be nothing wrong with her now, she’s just… withdrawn.”

  “Shit.” That was all Jessie could say.

  “Yeah. So… people wonder why I can’t afford to live in my own place? Someone has to pay her bills… the state does a lot, but I kick in the rest. To make sure she gets the best care.” I shrugged indifferently.

  “Oh no. I’m so sorry.”

  “What are you going to do?” I turned away, so she wouldn’t be the recipient of my sneer. I also didn’t want the look I got when I told that story… the look that wondered if my sister had mental problems, maybe I did too.

  And they’d be right.

  “Well,” she said, taking a long sip of her coffee and going to stand. I rose a brow, curiously. “I can go show you the house. That’s something I can do, at least.”

  I grinned slowly. “I’d like that. Thank you.”

  She nodded gently, and I followed her out of the coffeehouse, and chuckled when she went to the green Challenger, that was parked next to my green bike.

  The two flashiest, most colorful, attention-grabbing vehicles in town and they belonged to me and her. Almost like it was a sign. That was just stupid, though. That shit didn’t really happen. Did it?

  But I was surely looking forward to finding out.

  5

  Jessalie

  When we left the café, I stopped in my tracks when Seth approached a bright green foreign motorcycle, coincidentally the same color as my car. It was much like the one Blake had years ago, only his was blue.

  I could still vividly remember the first time I ever rode on it. It was both terrifying and exhilarating… and incredibly arousing. Sucking in a breath, trying to push away the feeling that rattled me to the core of picturing myself, pressed up against him, my arms… first I imagined Blake but my mind inadvertently wandered and replaced Blake with Seth. That very idea made me nervous.

  “Jessalie? Not a fan of motorcycles?” Seth asked hesitantly, eyeing me carefully as he threw one of his insanely long legs over the seat, and straddling the machine between his legs. I bit my lip and tried to push down the conflicting desires I felt. Desire for once was… with Blake… and maybe what could be… with Seth.

  I shouldn’t be looking at him like this. But he was so hot—he was beautiful dammit.

  But those words echoed like a Doomsday bell, over and over in my head. “She’s in a psychiatric hospital.” No matter how sexy or beautiful or sweet he seemed… I couldn’t go there again. I couldn’t risk losing someone else like I lost Blake. My heart wouldn’t survive that again.

  “Jessie?”

  “Sorry. No, nothing like that. It just… reminds me of something.” I scoffed, forcing a smile and a laugh, and with a wave I dismissed his words. “Just something when I was a kid. No big deal.”

  He didn’t appear convinced, and my stomach flip-flopped when he quirked that brow. I didn’t think he had any idea how sexy it made him look… nor those low-slung jeans that barely stayed up… or that ring in his sexy lips…

  Good god Jessie…you can’t be doing this.

  If his sister had mental issues, there was a good chance he did too. He seemed pretty with it… right now. But so did Blake and look what happened. The images of clutching onto him while he was raging or having an episode of mania were permanently etched in my mind. Listening to him scream or swear at me or pulling him away from someone before he punched their face, or broke his hand hitting a wall.

  Ultimately, no matter how hard I held on, or how I tried… I wasn’t enough to stop the demons that plagued him.

  I wasn’t enough… it was my fault he was gone…

  I couldn’t do that again. I couldn’t lose someone again to those demons; it didn’t matter how hot or how sweet he seemed. Or how my body instantly responded to him, or how my heart fluttered every time he smiled.

  Then what the hell are you doing bringing him to your house? Letting him think he was going to live there?

  Because I couldn’t resist, that’s why. Maybe we could just be friends? That would be better than not having him around at all.

  Yeah, we’ll go with that…

  I pushed the notion out of my mind, as Seth revved up his bike, pushing his foot down on the throttle. The noisy, rumbling engine sound took me back… climbing on the back of the noisy bike, with its potent smell of rubber and gasoline, the feel of the air as it blew my hair backwards, and how good it felt pressed up against his back, my arms tight around his waist. As scary as it was, at least at first, I knew he’d never, ever let anything happen to me.

  What would it feel like sitting behind Seth? He was taller than Blake, but thinner. Did he have any muscle under that shirt, like Blake did? Or was he just hard lines up and down? That would be okay, too.

  Would he smell of gasoline, too, or of the wind, or—

  Stop it! I scolded myself. I couldn’t let my mind go there.

  Swallowing thickly, I hit the button on my key remote and unlocked the door to the Challenger.

  “I’ll follow you,” he said, and I nodded, sliding into the car, shutting the door behind me, and turned on the car. My green beast roared to life. Despite everything, I grinned at the noise. I loved it.

  I made it a point to avoid watching the black-haired hottie on the bike behind me as he followed me the distance across town to the outskirts of Independence Point to 1999 Lakefront Drive, the very last house on the long, winding, lake road.

  He parked his bike next to my car and followed me up the cobblestone walk to a pair of French doors. I slipped a key in the lock, turned it, and pushed it open, allowing him inside first.

  “Wow, this is really nice,” he said, awed, as I walked in behind him. It was nice, actually. I glanced around at the large great room with living area, a fireplace with a light-colored stone mantle, a full kitchen with white appliances and a long chandelier that hung from a vaulted ceiling. A wooden staircase led upstairs to three bedrooms and a bathroom, and one more bathroom remained down on the main floor, with another bedroom and bathroom in the basement.

  The entire wall facing the street was all tall glass windows, with wooden pillars in between; the whole expanse of the room could be seen from the street. That part I didn’t like, but I could add curtains if I had to. It did make it feel bright and sunny, especially with the neutral taupe and beige walls, and the light-colored hardwood floors.

  “Yeah, it is pretty great,” I said, smiling to myself, because really it was. “I wish the colors were a bit brighter, but that’s easily fixed. Sometime anyway.” I tossed my keys in a bowl on a small wooden table just upon the entryway, and Seth hung his jacket on a set of hooks just by it. “I imagine whoever had this before must have really enjoyed it. It’s sad that it was foreclosed on. Another broken dream…” I said, trailing off bitterly. Seth side-eyed me, like he expected an explanation to my cynicism, but I didn’t acknowledge it. “Anyway, bedrooms are up here…” We kicked off our shoes, and he followed me up the stairca
se. It paused halfway up and gave way to an open loft, but I had no use for it now, so for now it was little more than another spot to vacuum.

  “How many bedrooms up here?” He asked, following me around a slight hallway.

  “Three, but I plan to use one as an office, and another is in the basement. The smallest one at the end of the hall will be the office,” I said, pointing. “This one would be yours.” I motioned to the center room. It had already been set up with a full-size bed, bookshelf, desk and chair—the works. Most of the place had been furnished already, but I did replace the mattresses.

  Seth stepped in, and I was just behind him. I felt completely ridiculous showing him around the house, like a real roommate but I would have done it for anyone else, so I didn’t know what else to do. Point him into my room and say, “Well really I’d like you to sleep here… with me… every damn night…”

  Not gonna happen.

  “Damn, what a view!” He said crossing the room to look outside, and I had to grin. All three bedrooms had big windows and these two bedrooms had a door that led out to a balcony and everything overlooked the lake out back. This room was a light pale blue and sandy taupe. “This is really nice. Shane would be proud,” he said, with a chuckle.

  “Shane?”

  “Oh, my friend’s partner. Husband,” he corrected.

  “I see. Well, this is the bathroom. We’ll have to share but since you never leave the seat up it should be no problem, right?” I asked with a laugh and he winked. “It locks from both sides so… don’t think about trying to sneak a peek.” I giggled nervously at my lame joke.

  Seth’s cheeks blushed. “I’d never.”

  “Right.” The bathroom was all in white and light gray with a big, glass enclosed shower and a deep jacuzzi tub, and a double sink and vanity, and it gave way to another door, leading into my room; the biggest in the house. Because—why not?