Be Your Downfall

by Lizzie Fox

  Jeff appeared completely non-affected by my words, forcing a bright smile that could charm the pants off of anyone—woman or man. But not me. “Girlfriend? That’s good to hear. I was afraid for the longest time you were into guys.” It was an innocent enough statement, but it dripped with just enough venom that I knew he was full of shit. I knew that if I had been into guys, and he knew about it, he probably would have killed me back in the day.

  “And if I was? What would it matter?” I challenged, taking the bait and sinking to his level.

  “Of course not, just glad to see you… well, I guess,” he responded with a fake smile that reeked with artificiality.

  “I’m just fine no thanks to you.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. You have a few more tattoos than I remembered…” he said, his mouth gently curling into a sneer as he eyed my bare chest and arms.

  I snorted loudly. “Well seeing as how you haven’t seen me in literally years, that’s not surprising. Now, I’ll say again. Five fucking seconds before I start wailing. You no longer scare me as you once did.”

  “That’s good to know,” he replied blandly. “Look, do you think I could come in? So we could… talk a bit?”

  “Fucking hell no. Jessie doesn’t let unfamiliar assholes in here, nor would I allow it either,” I spat.

  “Protective of your woman are you?” A vile, spiteful snarl twisted his face briefly before he forced it into a neutral one.

  “Don’t ever fucking mention her again if you know what’s good for you. And no, we’re not talking. This is over. Do not fucking return here again, or so help me—” Before I could let my fists fly, I began to slam the door on his face, but I was stopped when Jeff quickly slid between the doorframe and the door, preventing me from shutting it all the way.

  “Can we go somewhere else, then? Please? I really need to talk to you about something. It’s about Lily,” he said, pleading. Fuck, my weakness…my Kryptonite, and he knew it.

  Sighing loudly, I stopped pushing on the door. I didn’t let him in, though. I wasn’t letting this animal anywhere near my girlfriend, or even get a look at her. Shit I hope she stays asleep…

  “Talk. You have sixty seconds.”

  Satisfied, Jeff brushed his hands over his prim suit and forced a smile. I wanted to vomit just looking at him. Fuck why did I have to look so much like him?

  “Look, Seth, I know there’s been a lot of… trouble between us.” I laughed sharply, and he ignored it, continuing. “But I’ve been in treatment, and seeing counselors and all that. I know that you’re Lily’s legal guardian, but I was hoping that you’d let me see her. There are things I—”

  “—Abso-fucking-lutely not! Do you think I’m insane?” I nearly cringed at my choice of words: of course I was. A smirk twitched his mouth. “Fuck off. No, you will never be allowed to see her. Ever. Even if you did, she’s gone. Braindead. She wouldn’t acknowledge you—she doesn’t acknowledge anyone. She hasn’t spoken in years. Remember when you pushed her so hard she hit a wall? And never really woke up? Yeah. You did that. I’ll be damned if I’ll let you anywhere near her again so you can finish what you started. Now get the fuck out—or so help me—”

  Jeff raised his palms in surrender. “Right, right. You’ll hit me. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it, Seth?”

  Like a slap in the face, he struck me with words. And my rage hit a boiling point to where I was blinded with anger. I began to charge out of the door, pulling my fist back, ready to strike the worthless piece of shit that gave me life and tried to take it away on numerous occasions.

  “Seth?” A pretty, feminine voice called to me from upstairs, and somehow I was instantly subdued. Not wanting her to witness me kicking someone’s ass, or getting a glimpse of my “father”—or vice versa—I dropped my fist, and stepped back. Jeff had balked somewhat, surprisingly and had stepped back himself. Still feeling furious and tense, before I slammed the door on his face, I shook my finger at him, glowering.

  “Do not fucking come back here ever again. I mean it. Just—don’t.”

  “Is that your girl?” Jeff said, trying to get a view of her from the little crack that was open; his tone was taunting and not at all welcoming. Jeff Palladino was the type of evil bastard to use someone like Jessie against me, so I would make sure that’d never happen.

  “Get out.” I pointed towards the street. “Come back again and I’ll call the police. I doubt you need any more warrants on your record, you bastard.” Before he could say one more word, I slipped behind the door inside the house, slammed it shut so hard the entire wall and windows shook, and quickly locked the door. “Oh fuck…” Still feeling tense as a rubber band, pulled taut and waiting to snap, I backed up against the door and slid my back down the cold surface until I’d fallen on my ass to the ground.

  “Seth? Baby, what happened?” Jessie was downstairs now, and I don’t know how much of my little angry display she witnessed, but her sweet, pretty face was anything but kind and caring. Her eyes were puffy and narrow, like she couldn’t take in the full spectrum of daylight because of a nasty headache, and purple pooled under them. Still, even this way, she was incredibly stunning, and when she collapsed to the floor next to me, she didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around me—my damaged self, all of me—and pull me into her. I didn’t want to make her feel worse; I wanted to care for her because she was probably feeling quite miserable with her hangover, but for right now I allowed it, only because I felt like I was going to shake and crumble or boil over and explode.

  Instead I inhaled deeply, breathing in her gentle scent of floral shampoo and sweet perfume that was still apparent today even after a night of partying. She didn’t flinch when I rested my head on her soft breasts, needing comfort before I lost my shit.

  “You’re shaking. What’s wrong, seriously?” She asked softly, tightening her grip around me. Until she mentioned it, I didn’t notice it but yeah, I was shaking. Pretty hard, like I’d been naked in a blizzard with subzero temps. I dared to look up at her from the vicinity of her breasts, and she frowned severely. “Shit…Seth…” she ran her fingers comfortingly in my hair, running them from front to back until I had enough wherewithal to speak.

  “That was… my father,” I barely managed to speak in a small voice.

  “No… how did he find you here?” She asked in confusion and worry.

  “No idea. He… wanted to see Lily.”

  I felt her tense under me. “That fucker.”

  “Pretty much,” I replied, chuckling lightly.

  “Dick. Let’s go to the police station and file for a restraining order. And then I’m going to the gun shop and applying for gun permit. Stupid fucking bastard…” she began to grumble angrily, and even though I was still pissed and upset, I started to grin slightly. Jessie didn’t have much of a temper, and it was kind of cute, actually.

  “We don’t have to do that. He’s up to something, though. I haven’t seen the last of him,” I replied with grumble. Sighing, even though I was still trembling from the adrenaline of being enraged, I sat up slowly and looked her in the eyes. “How are you feeling?”

  She pulled a sour face, and I snorted. “That good, huh?”

  “Did I really get drunk at the first gig I went to of yours? Really?” She slapped her hands against her face, and shook her head. I gripped at them and pulled them away, leaning forward to catch her lips with mine. It was slow, sweet, and a little sensual. When we pulled apart, I smirked and bit my lip. Even with the shit with my father, I was still fucking horny as hell and turned on. But… later.

  “It’s okay. I blame Shane for that,” I said, with a laugh and she groaned.

  “Oh hell what did I say? Did I say what I think I said?” She suddenly asked in horror, and then flinched. “Man… I haven’t had a headache like this in a long, long time.”

  “Well let’s get you back upstairs. I need to take my meds and get you something for that headache.” I awkwardly stood, holding out my hands and
helping her to her feet. She smiled up at me warmly.

  “Are you sure you’re okay? You still look pretty pale.”

  “I’m always pale,” I said, rolling my eyes. She glared at me severely. “Yeah, I know. No, I’ll be fine. Really. I almost wasn’t but… you reminded me I wasn’t alone anymore, so I didn’t lose it. Thank you.” I tipped my forehead against hers, after kissing her softly just over her brow. Her cheeks reddened adorably. The tension between us—sexual, not awkward—grew suddenly exponentially as she regarded me with such… love in her eyes?

  No.

  Suddenly a bit overwhelmed, I slid my hands over her ass, grabbing a couple handfuls. She giggled playfully. “Come on. You probably need a shower, huh?”

  Jessie cocked a brow. “You coming?” She asked in a dangerously low, sensual tone, a seductive smile bending her lips upward.

  “Not yet, but I plan to be in about twenty minutes.” I winked mischievously, taking her by the hand and leading her upstairs and into the bathroom and my father was long, long forgotten.

  31

  Jessalie

  “Oh hell yes!” I moaned loudly. Seth and I didn’t even make it into the bathroom; even though I had cotton mouth and probably smelled like a bar, he pushed me into the bedroom with a predatory look in his hazel-eyed gaze, and took no time in stripping off my clothes.

  I had woken up this morning in only my underwear—which must have been his doing, I barely remember being able to move before my stomach would churn from all the alcohol I drank. The yelling from Seth and who I now knew was his father echoed through the house and pulled me out of my hangover haze, and I’d had enough time to grab one of Seth’s t-shirts and a pair of shorts I’d thrown to the ground at some point and put them on before Seth punched out his “visitor”. Frankly, I wouldn’t have thought less of him than he had. From everything he told me, his father was the devil incarnate. But he seemed relieved for the distraction. The anger and rage on his face and tension from his body was so thick I could feel it even from the top of the stairs, and I flinched briefly, feeling momentarily… frightened. Not at him though, but for him. I had never witnessed Seth that angry or out for blood, but it was a similar look Blake would get on his face before he’d melt down. I wasn’t frightened for my safety, but because I knew what it could indicate: the beginning of a meltdown.

  Blake was never violent to me, but he was prone to fights and arguments. Half the time they involved me though; if he thought some guy even looked at me wrong, he would get confrontational. Our own verbal arguments were something else though, his brother would frequently have to tell us to shut up or he’d kick us out. They never lasted long, though, and the make-up sex afterwards would be legendary. Heck, that was probably half the reason we argued anyway.

  Almost as good as I was feeling right now, as Seth had pushed me down on the bed, kissed me furiously repeatedly, tugged and nibbled at my heavy breasts, and finally moved down to my clit between my legs, and was masterfully bringing me into the strongest throes of orgasm as he looked up at me with those sexed-up eyes. It was definitely similar to the passion Blake needed to release after his rage moments, but somehow Seth was much more intense. Or perhaps after all this time, I just wasn’t remembering clearly any more.

  Stop comparing them. They have similarities but they’re totally different peo—oh hell that felt so damned good. I moaned loudly, glad that I had no neighbors as he plunged a finger inside of me, finding the deep spot of tension inside and rubbing it out. I began to shake from the stimulation, feeling all my nerves and every inch of me heat with desire, and pulse the beginnings of a very strong, earth-shattering orgasm.

  Seth laughed quietly, and very evilly as he abandoned my core and crawled up my naked body with a needy expression on his face that said in no uncertain terms: you’re mine. And I loved it. I loved his passion, and his…well everything. Damn he was so dead sexy, holy— I cried out and bucked beneath him. His cock had been covered with a condom for a while now, and he didn’t hesitate to slide inside me and fill me up wholly.

  “Fuck you feel so damned good,” he groaned, crashing his mouth against mine, urgent for entry and tangling his tongue with mine as he lowered himself entirely over me, thrusting his cock inside at a feverish pace. I barely could breathe or think; the orgasm built inside so fast and released so intensely I clawed my nails deeply into his shoulders and drew them down over his skin. Crying out from the pleasure, needing to feel more I matched my movements with his, chasing more intensity—and finding it.

  The room spun and my vision blurred as I hit my apex and slowly began to come down, panting heavily and moaning quietly. I managed to pry my eyes open long enough to watch Seth’s heavy lids slide shut and his sexy face twist into an expression of euphoria as he crashed into me one last time, reaching his own orgasm and moaning himself as he shattered.

  “Holy shit…” He slumped over the top of me, laughing easily. We were a mess of sweaty bodies and a tangle of limbs as we breathed heavily, coming down from our orgasmic highs.

  “Obviously you’re feeling better,” I kidded as he peeled himself off of me and fell onto his side next to me, pulling me into his arms. I immediately noticed his absence and frowned.

  “I am. So much,” he replied breathlessly, nibbling on my ear as a tease. “I… umm… well I’m sorry, you probably still have a bit of a hangover.”

  “Not anymore. You screwed it right out of me.”

  “So, you’re saying sex with me is the cure for hangovers?” He asked, with a crook of his pierced brow. “I could make lots of money with this…”

  “Not on your life!” I slapped him gently in the shoulder, and he cackled. His face turned serious and I looked at him questioningly, feeling my forehead pucker.

  “Can I ask you something? I know you were drunk, so I won’t hold you to it, but…” he began hesitantly.

  I sighed. “You were going to ask me what I meant when I said ‘I could love you,' huh?”

  He bit his lip sheepishly. “Yes? I mean I know you were drunk, but—”

  “Stop. Well…” I grazed my fingers over his face, taking in a deep breath, trying put a name to the deep, heart-tugging feeling I was having. “I could fall for you. Easily.”

  He smiled gently, looking hopeful. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” I continued to drag my fingertips over his jawline, rough with his dark stubble, looking at him with a deep affection that probably was apparent in my starry-eyed face and if I wasn’t mistaken, he gazed at me with one of his own until he narrowed his eyes in confusion.

  “What about Blake?” He asked carefully. I sighed, looking away only momentarily; Blake’s beautiful blond and blue-eyed face flashing in my mind’s eye. God, I loved him. Always would. But I couldn’t keep hanging on to the past. I know a lot of time hadn’t passed so far, but Seth seemed to have his bipolar under control for the most part. I knew it wouldn’t always be that way, but the fact that he was so open with me, and he allowed me to love him when he needed it most made all the difference.

  Love? Did I really think that? I loved the idea of him, clearly. Everything about him was everything I needed, and had for a long, long time.

  But what would Blake say? I thought carefully.

  Blake would want you to be happy.

  “Jessie?” Seth’s low voice brought me out of my daze.

  I inched forward and placed a gentle, sweet kiss on his mouth that seemed to surprise him. “I loved him. Always will. But…I need to move on or at least, move forward. I still have a life to live, even if he’s not here.”

  “You know if you need to talk about him,” Seth said, swallowing deeply, “you can talk about him to me. I may not have suffered the sort of loss you have, but—”

  Pressing a finger to his lips, I smiled. “I know. And thank you for not telling me to get over him. I never will, but you sort of gave hope that I could still feel that way for him, and love someone else as well.”

  He cocked a brow. His long, t
attooed fingers brushed over my shoulder and collarbone. I caught it in my own, eyeing all of his ink carefully. I’d wanted to memorize all of it. He had stars on his fingers, and thick and thin lines on some as well that seemed to signify—something. Or maybe it just looked cool. His other hand was mostly bare except for his middle finger, where he had a small little Celtic symbol. One day I was going to find out what they all meant. I hoped I’d have plenty of time to figure it out.

  “You said ‘love’ again,” he said quietly.

  “Maybe someday.” He seemed satisfied with this which was good because I wasn’t ready to tell him that someday was today. I loved him—now. Today. Yesterday. Probably since that first time I saw him at the Lagoona and I stared into those dark honey eyes.

  I didn’t know how it was possible. I didn’t ever think it was probable… but it here it was, nonetheless.

  I was undoubtedly, unequivocally, head over heels in love with Seth Archer.

  And maybe one day I’d be able to tell him.

  32

  Jessalie

  “Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck!”

  It was Monday after the guys’ performance in Menomonie, and the night I got drunk, and the band—sans spouses—were currently gathered in my living room with their guitars or a drum pad, and were trying to put together songs for Summerfest…and not having much luck.

  Since yesterday morning, since Seth had that confrontation with his father, he’d been… a bit off. He was fine with me, mostly—especially when we jumped in the sack. He was intense and a little rough, like he was working out some of his anger through sex with me, and I didn’t mind one bit. If that’s what it took for him to remain composed—so be it. He didn’t force me by any means, and I willingly complied each time. It was fantastic and I felt a bit guilty enjoying it as much as I did, because he was clearly struggling with some unknown feelings.