Be Your Downfall

by Lizzie Fox

  Stop, Jessalie! Blake is gone—Seth is here—and he needs you. He. Needs. You. He’s letting you help him. He is not going to die and leave you like Blake.

  He’s not going to leave you like I did.

  I flinched, almost hearing Blake’s voice in my head. I could almost even picture him saying it and… the idea made me smile.

  “What?” Seth asked suspiciously.

  “What if… what if Blake sent you to me. Do you think that’s possible? And maybe we messed it up the first time so—”

  “—somehow he guided you subconsciously to come to Independence Point to find me?” He finished for me softly. “Honey, I believe anything is possible. When it comes to you, Jessie-love, anything is possible.”

  My hand flew to my mouth. “No…how did you—where did that come from?” I had almost forgotten about Blake’s nickname for me, so how did Seth come up with this so randomly, and so close to Jessa-love?

  Seth cocked his head thoughtfully. “Shit, I guess I don’t know. Jessie-love… okay it’s stupid but I kept thinking how your name sorta sounds like that. I’ve been calling you it in my mind, secretly. Stupid huh?”

  I shook my head quickly. “No, not at all. I… I like it.”

  He grinned. “Yeah? I thought it was weird since you know…”

  “I know. It’s fine. Really.” I set my hands on his chest and beamed up at him with a happiness I didn’t know I possessed, which was strange considering why we came in here in the first place: because Seth had begun to melt down.

  But he didn’t. I was there for him. He let me.

  This could work. I could love him. He could love me. We could have a real future. The one I deserved with Blake but didn’t get…

  “If you’re okay, I should get down there again before the guys have a fucking fit.” Seth groused, rolling his eyes. “I’m sorry I almost freaked. I did freak I just—”

  “I know, the stuff with your dad, the songs. I get it, really. Just… keep talking to me. We’ll figure this shit out, right?” I gently patted his stomach, and he smiled.

  “Yeah. Yeah we will.” He nodded out of the door, briefly pausing, taking my face in his hands and letting his gaze take me in. “You’re so beautiful, you know right?”

  “As long as you think so, that’s all I need.”

  “Damn right.” I laughed.

  “Oh hey… Jessie?”

  “What?”

  “Thank you.” His bright smile was enough to make my heart soar. His happiness—it was just everything.

  He chuckled, playfully kissed my lips, and pulled away, grabbing my hand and leading me back downstairs.

  “Everything okay?” Anthony asked carefully. “Man, I’m so—”

  Seth raised his hand, cutting him off. “It’s not your fault. The asshole would have figured it out anyway.”

  “So… we can get back to it? Everything is okay?” Quin seemed to be speaking to me directly.

  I glanced briefly at Seth with a smirk. “Yeah… everything is going to fine.” Quin didn’t get my hidden meaning, but… Seth did. And that’s what mattered.

  34

  Seth

  “Hold still.”

  “Sorry,” I replied, and Jessie glared at me sternly. I fixed my face to a stoic, motionless expression. “Better?” I said, barely moving my mouth.

  “You’re so funny, Seth Archer. Have you ever been stabbed in the eyeball with a damn eyeliner?” She challenged, shaking the black eyeliner she was using to line my eyes—no fucking joke—at me.

  “Can’t say that I have.”

  “Well I have. It hurts. So hold still so I don’t stab you, okay?” She clicked her tongue and shook her head. Stifling my laughter, I tried to sit as motionless as possible while she leaned over me while I was sitting, and gently applied the stuff to my eyes with a light touch. I was skeptical she’d actually done anything until she stepped back and I looked in the mirror.

  “Hell, what did I ever do without you?” It was subtle, but there. Why did I opt for the eyeliner? I didn’t remember, I think it was because Scott Weiland and a lot of my favorite musicians did it while I was growing up…and maybe other reasons.

  “Look like a raccoon.” She stuck out her tongue at me, and shoved it in her makeup bag behind her. “I’ve seen those YouTube videos.”

  “It wasn’t that bad…” I protested. “Did you ever watch the one where my pants fell down?”

  She snickered loudly. “Of course.” Jessie pretended to stare at my ass—the one I was sitting on. “It’s better now though, but totally adorable then as well.”

  “Adorable? My ass was adorable?” I wasn’t sure whether to be insulted or… well insulted.

  It was the night of the Wisconsin Regional rock festival, of which we were actually headlining at the Eau Claire Arena, a few days after my near-meltdown. Last year we’d just been one of the other bands, but people were actually coming specifically for us. It’d be intimidating but we’ve played this venue many times. Several of the smaller stages around were featuring up and coming bands, and most of them, including us, had booths around the hallways of the coliseum selling shirts, CDs for those who were old fashioned or whatever. Shane and Sabrina were currently running the booth and playing all the new clips of some of the new things we’d been working diligently on over the past week.

  Jessie’s poetry worked well for the songs we needed. Very well. She had an absolute gift for lyric writing like I did when I wasn’t blocked. They only needed minor alterations but generally were ready to go. She totally saved my ass.

  And I’d be damned if I wasn’t a little resentful for it. Not because of her, but because I couldn’t do it myself. Call it male pride or bipolar moodiness, I didn’t care. I didn’t do well under pressure, at all. Genuinely I was thankful but still a little frustrated with myself.

  The confrontation with my father also had thrown me for a loop. I was half expecting him to show up again and I’d have to kick his ass or kill him. I wanted him nowhere near Jessie; even the same country was too much. Would he do anything to her? It was doubtful, but not guaranteed. Jeff Palladino was an evil, slippery sonofabitch, and I wouldn’t put it past him to do anything if he knew it’d hurt me.

  Unfortunately the weight of it all also sent me crashing. When I wasn’t with the guys, working on the music, I would come home and I’d crash with exhaustion, and sleep for hours. Then wake up finally and do it all over again. An extreme mix of very high highs and very low lows all in the matter of a day. I swung moods faster than a major leaguer after home runs; things were starting to spiral out of control in my mind. I’d start to feel disconnected, as if I were watching life—my life—happen through someone else’s eyes. Yet, it was all me and I literally was just going through the motions. I was convinced I’d sound like shit on these songs but the guys swore I didn’t.

  That urge to cut came back. I felt my mind screaming for a center, searching for something to help it to the ground, so it’d stop flying off the handle. But, even as I slept for hours upon hours, Jessie never left me alone long enough to do it. Which irritated and relieved me at the same time.

  She’d pulled me back from that ledge, and by the time Saturday finally rolled around, I was starting to feel a bit better.

  It wasn’t Anthony’s fault my father showed up. I was right, if he was looking for me, for whatever reason, he was going to find me. It wasn’t Jessie’s fault she “outdid” me with the songs. She was a fucking writer—a goddamned bestseller—and I should be more than grateful. We should be more than grateful we had someone so prominent helping us out.

  But I’ll be damned, my poor therapist was going to get an earful when he returned.

  “Hey, earth to Seth,” Jessie said, waving her hand in my face as she leaned over. I got a good eyeful of the ample cleavage that peeked out of the low-cut black dress she wore, and immediately grinned, lifting my hand to grab one of them. She stepped back before I could. “Ah-ah… don’t want to have a damn boner up
on the stage, do you?”

  I chuckled naughtily. “Oh, but we still have a full hour. I could lock this door and fuck you against this counter here and no one would ever know. Plenty of time.” Over the past few days, I hadn’t the energy for sex, which made me feel a bit like an ass. Brand new, budding relationship and here I was already holding out. Not intentionally, though. But now that I was starting to feel like myself again, seeing Jessie here, standing before me, looking insanely hot was just easy foreplay. The tip of my tongue brushed over my lip piercing and I set my hands on the crook of her waist, loving the way her dangerous curves felt under my fingers—especially under that dress. It was tight, and form fitting and didn’t leave a ton to the imagination. Just enough though for everyone else, but not for me. I knew what that hot body looked like under there, and it was sexy and mine.

  Jessie grinned, holding my gaze with sexed-up eyes of her own. “But my panties would get wet and under a dress? That’s really uncomfortable.”

  I dared to slide my hand lower, and up underneath the back of the dress. “Take them off then.” I whisked my fingers tauntingly over her clit, loving the feel of the smooth satin of her underwear, and even more loving how her head lolled backwards and a small moan escaped her mouth as I touched her most intimate area. After a moment she swatted my hand away.

  “You’re mean. Tease.”

  “I don’t tease, I promise. I’ll do it,” I narrowed my eye with determination at her. I was about to pin myself against her when the door opened and in burst Shane and Anthony, talking loudly. I frowned with disappointment, my plans were thwarted.

  “You’ll do what?” Shane demanded, narrowing his brightly colored eyes at me, and I just shrugged nonchalantly, giving Jessie a playful stare. “Oh hell, you’re not sexing up your girlfriend in here. No way. Not unless we can watch.”

  My mouth dropped open, and Jessie tipped her head back and laughed. Anthony groaned, slapping his hand against his forehead. “Oh dear god…”

  “Wait—you’re gay, right? Wouldn’t that be like…not something you’d be into?” I questioned in confusion.

  Shane snorted with an exaggerated eyeroll. “Please. Hot is hot. The two of you would be on fire, face it.”

  “Oh sweet baby Jesus, Shane just shut up…” Anthony groused from behind his hand, shaking his head.

  Jessie just continued to laugh, doubling over at the waist more than once. She tried to speak multiple times, but it was clipped by her laughter.

  “All right, Archer…it’s your turn at the table. For just a little bit, anyway. There are quite a few people clamoring for your autograph, you know, don’t want to disappoint them,” Shane said, with a wink.

  Jessie immediately ceased laughter. “It’s all women isn’t it?”

  Shane bit his lip. “Uhh…well look at that, we need to get going…” he grabbed Anthony by the arm and started out the door. Anthony pulled away, scowling at him.

  “It’s really not. Quin and Sabrina are still there keeping things under control.” Jessie gave a scowl of her own, and I smirked.

  “Do not laugh at me.” She said, poking her finger at me.

  “I’m not!”

  “Hmmph.”

  “Hey, they’re all really liking the new songs, Jess—you did great work. We really appreciate it.” Anthony was clearly hoping to appease her.

  “Yeah, well…”

  “Just stop by. Five minutes. Then go back to—whatever you were doing. Okay?” Anthony implored, and I nodded reluctantly. He left then, hoping to follow his husband out of the room.

  Groaning disgruntledly, I turned to Jessie. “Do you want to come?”

  She laughed sharply. “Uh, yes. Do you really think I’m going to allow a bunch of women to fawn all over you when I’m not there to glare at them?”

  My lips twitched into a smirk. “It’s really not that bad. Shane is exaggerating.” And by the grimace on Jessie’s face, she was obviously unconvinced.

  As it turned out, Shane was not exaggerating. Sabrina had made the side-comment to me when I arrived at the booth, with Jessie on my arm—which I loved by the way, more than I could ever describe—that she thought, “perhaps being attached to someone is making you more attractive now. Forbidden fruit, or something,” she said with a wide grin.

  “Whatever…” I groused, forcing myself to smile at the shockingly large crowd of women, young and old, that had gathered. I didn’t understand it, really. I wasn’t anything special to look at. It must have been the guitar or the ink. Certainly not me. None of these people knew me.

  Jessie smiled artificially, her eyes narrow in a partial sneer as various women started handing me notebooks to sign. Mechanically, with all the thrill of getting a root canal, Jessie reached for a Sharpie marker that was set on the table for just this purpose, took my hand, pried my fingers open, and slapped the marker into it. I nearly winced, like I was doing something wrong.

  Sabrina just laughed loudly, slapping her hand on the table repeatedly.

  Hesitantly, I politely smiled at the next woman in line; I really can’t even say what she looked like because I didn’t dare make eye contact with her for more than a split second. Instead I turned to Jessie and said, “You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

  She fluttered her lashes innocently. “Suck up.” I just grinned at her, as she clenched her jaw and forced a smile at the next lady in line.

  Clips of our new songs were playing at a medium volume that Sabrina had playing from a tablet onto a speaker, and two guys were talking to her animatedly. As I signed the next autograph, I watched the two guys side-eye my girlfriend.

  “These new songs are really good, really good. I really like these lyrics, maybe even better than the other ones.” Now it was my turn to glare at the young dude, who couldn’t have been more than twenty-five.

  “Yeah, my girlfriend wrote them, they’re great huh?” I piped up, and threw a pointed smirk at Jessie, who just shrugged, pretending to be indifferent.

  The other guy that was standing there, talking to Sabrina, his gaze kept tracking over to Jessie and specifically her cleavage that was exposed from that low-cut dress, and now I really regretted that she was wearing it, no matter how much I liked it on her.

  “Thanks,” Jessie replied politely. “I’m glad you liked them. Seth’s are really much better, though. I just wanted to help a bit.”

  “They’re good though,” the first guy insisted, and Jessie inclined her head politely. The second guy was still ogling her very obviously. Well played, Karma. Well played…

  Ignoring the next person in line, I stepped forward and thrust my hand out to him. “Glad you like the lyrics. It’s good to meet you, I’m Seth. The lyricist is my girlfriend, Jessalie.”

  The dude seemed to realize what he was doing, gingerly shook my hand, blushed, and turned away. Smirking with self-satisfaction as they walked away, I chuckled to myself.

  “You’re bad. Really, really bad,” Jessie said quietly with an impish grin. I just cackled.

  “I’ll show you just how much so later,” I replied, quickly kissing her cheek and whispering into her ear. “Let’s go.” I’d signed enough, and I really couldn’t handle any more Jessie groupies. “Sabrina, I need to get warmed up. See you later?”

  “You got it.” She flashed me an amused wink, and I grabbed Jessie’s hand, nodding at the small crowd gathered around the little booth, and stalked through the corridors full of other festival goers and band and product booths until we reached the doors that led backstage. I pushed them open with force, and the second we passed through I pulled at Jessie’s hand, yanking her into me, and spinning us around until she was pinned against the wall. Her green eyes darkened with lust, just as mine probably were, and I eagerly sought her lips with mine. I wasn’t careful or gentle; I was purposeful and demanding. Our hands wandered over each others bodies, and my laugh was naughty when she distracted me by nipping at my bottom lip, and rubbing her hand tightly over the bulge forming in my pants.
>
  “Oh fuck…” I groaned, trying to drown the sound of my moan and hers with another intense kiss, that was a fury of tongues and passion. My hand slid down her thigh until I hit the back of her knee and lifted it to my hips, gently grinding against her heat between her legs. Holy crap, I was horny as hell… “The only thing stopping me right now from taking you right here is the fact that I don’t have a condom with me.” I whispered huskily, breaking the kiss but still remaining just a breath away from her.

  Jessie’s arms lifted and wrapped around my neck, her fingers on one hand scratching at the short hair at the back of my neck. Her expression was flirty and charged with lust as she smiled. “That’s too bad. It would have been really, really hot.”

  “Yes it would.” Our mouths were so close together I could practically still taste her, and I was about to claim her again when a loud door slamming shut echoed through the narrow hallway, pulling us out of our lust-induced trance. “Let’s go, honey. The sooner we get done with this place, the sooner we can get home to bed.” I flashed her a devilish grin.

  “Good thinking.” She skidded a fingertip across my lips, and let it fall down my chest, over my stomach and just stopped before she hit my crotch. I groaned in frustration as she chortled wickedly, and started to wander off. I quickly dashed to catch up to her, slinging my arm over her shoulders as we walked.

  “I’m sorry if you were jealous,” I said to her, with sincerity.

  “I know. It’s okay. I have to get used to it. And I will—really,” she insisted. “Just promise me you won’t lose your pants on the stage. I don’t want to have to beat someone up for staring at your bare ass. That’s my ass.”

  I laughed. “That’s a deal. Come on… let’s go. I really need to get to bed.”