Accepting Elijah's Heart

by M. Michelle Derosier

  Reina sat still, hoping her silence would encourage him to continue.

  “Molly had been struggling for years with bipolar disorder. I didn’t want to hurt her the same way I had hurt Anne-Marie. Part of me knew Molly would spiral out of control if I did.”

  “What happened?”

  “I thought the best approach was to not string her along. To make it very clear where my feelings were and that they wouldn’t change. I told her I wasn’t in love with her and wouldn’t be no matter how long we dated.”

  Was there a way to communicate keep talking, this is a safe space? She wanted him to know that but remained quiet to let him speak.

  He finished. “Molly called me a heartless bastard and some other names not fit to repeat in polite company and promised that someday someone would kick my love in the face the way I’d done to hers.”

  Reina couldn’t help but observe him with something akin to pity. For him? For Molly? For the others whose emotions he’d trampled on? She wasn’t sure.

  “I deserved every angry word she hurled at me. Actually, more,” Eli said.

  “I can understand her hurt, but from what you’ve said, you never promised her or any of the other women a commitment.”

  “Not with the words. I played with their emotions and sent mixed signals with my actions.” He elaborated to answer her questioning gaze. “I was fine sleeping with them, even knowing in their minds they saw the physical connection as a way to tie us emotionally. I disregarded what I knew was right to satisfy my wants. And Molly paid for my selfishness with her life.”

  “Eli, I’m so sorry.”

  “Her parents said they don’t know if the overdose was purposeful or a cry for help. There was no suicide note. Doesn’t matter either way. I might as well have pushed those pills down her throat myself.”

  Reina’s heart ached for him. What guilt to shoulder. She held his hands again. “Oh, Eli, you’re not to blame.” She squeezed his arm. “It was a terrible tragedy. She was already emotionally fragile.”

  “I get that in my head. It’s the rest of me that can’t help but think I pushed her over the edge.”

  “You didn’t. For what it’s worth, you were trying to spare her pain. It says a lot that you’re still troubled by your treatment of these women.” She held his gaze. “Someone who didn’t care wouldn’t be sharing this with me still wracked with guilt.”

  “That’s compassion I don’t deserve.”

  “God convicted you of the way you were living and led you to repentance. He forgave you. It’s time to forgive yourself.”

  They sat holding hands, Reina feeling closer to him for what he just shared. He released her hand and stood up.

  “I should let you sleep.”

  She started to tell him to stay and continue to talk but changed her mind. He’d opened up more than he’d probably intended to tonight. She wouldn’t force him to continue. They strolled to the door with their hands once again interlaced.

  “My ears are yours in case you ever need them again.” She felt so much more connected to him for his vulnerability.

  He tugged gently at one of her earlobes. “For such little ears they do a mighty job of listening.” A sleepy smile accompanied his words. “Thank you.”

  Before she could respond, she found herself in a hug that ended much too quickly as he said goodnight and closed the door. She felt his arms around her long after he left. It lingered to usher her into a sleep with much more hope for the future than she’d allowed herself since losing Jared.

  At dinner the next night the voices around the table echoed loudly through the house. Reina sat back and watched the faces and listened to the animated conversation around her. She looked across the rectangular table and leaned in slightly to hear the soft-spoken Mrs. Downing share a tale of Eli and Jason as mischievous kids. When they’d met earlier in the day, Reina had been surprised by the quiet, almost lullaby-like tone of her voice.

  “Don’t let the tranquil voice fool you.” Jason had responded when she’d mentioned it in passing. “It lulls you into believing she’s a pushover. You only learn that’s not true after you’ve crossed the line.”

  “Learned the hard way, did you?” she’d responded.

  “He wasn’t the only one,” Eli had added.

  Mrs. Downing continued her story. “For eleven years, from ages three to fourteen, Angela and I had more than our fair share of God’s angels encamped around these two.” She joked but clearly appreciated the protection.

  “They were five when they wanted to test how much it would hurt if they burned their fingers. That little experiment almost caused them to set fire to the curtains in the living room,” Angela said.

  “FYI: the punishment hurt far worse than the pain from the matches,” Eli chimed in.

  “You’re not kidding. Whoever heard of taking ice cream away from a child for three whole months?” Jason still seemed like he hadn’t gotten over it.

  “Clear case of child abuse.” Eli’s sister Caroline laughed at them.

  “Nothing compared to the punishment for that Superman stunt at Jace’s house.” Eli recalled.

  Mr. Cooper said, “I didn’t know it was possible to be that worried and that angry all at once.”

  “We rushed to our backyard after hearing Jason and Eli scream, followed closely by two unmistakable loud thumps,” Mr. Downing added. “I remember praying so hard for them to survive that fall from the oak tree.”

  “Twelve broken bones, three black eyes, a split chin, and two burnt fingers and we’re both still alive to talk about it.” Eli inventoried their childhood injuries as if outlining minor scrapes and bruises.

  “What were you two doing while your parents focused their energy on keeping the boys alive?” Reina asked Caroline and Elizabeth while she marveled at the daredevil antics of Eli and Jason. If Nate got into even half the things they did, she’d be in serious trouble.

  “Elizabeth, little Lizzie, was either championing a cause or reading a book,” Caroline answered.

  “Has Eli told you about my mentor and former teacher, Mrs. Litt?” Elizabeth asked Reina.

  “He has. She’s part of the Hidden Brookline team that helped with your research. I can’t wait to meet her tomorrow.”

  “Unfortunately, she has a last-minute engagement out of town.”

  “Oh, that’s too bad. Maybe next time,” Reina responded. “Eli gave me a glimpse into this organization. I’d love to hear more about it from you.”

  “They’re actually a committee of the Brookline Human Relations-Youth Resources Commission. Their mission is to spotlight the stories of enslaved people of African descent who lived and worked in Brookline, and to show the involvement that Brookline residents had with regard to slavery and the abolitionist movement.”

  “Your novel is centered on two teenage friends—one Black and one white—who are part of this committee and are trying to get others in the town comfortable talking about the past?”

  Elizabeth nodded. “Yes. Much like Eli and Jace when they were teens. Always curious. Always asking questions.”

  “Jace and I look forward to our cut of the profits,” Eli cut in.

  “I said like Eli and Jace. Not are Eli and Jace. My protagonists are much more sensible.”

  “We have sense.” Jason protested.

  “Was it absent on the day you decided to fly?” Sophia quizzed, with her most innocent smile.

  “We were eight. Sense didn’t matter then.” Eli reminded them.

  “It’s nice they grew out of that.” The parents bobbed their heads to agree with Elizabeth.

  “And I remember a certain little girl with curly pigtails getting into trouble right along with us,” Jason added.

  “Ha! I was the one risking punishment to keep you two boneheads out of trouble.” Sophia jumped in. “Not much good it did.”

  Jason laughed and said, “Your poor mother. She was always asking why we kept getting you into trouble.”

  “Niños, be
good, por favor.” Sophia spoke her mother’s constant request to the three of them to please be good children.

  “Magdalena would be proud to see the wonderful woman you’ve become.” Mrs. Downing smiled.

  “I hope so,” Sophia answered quietly. The smile from before now gone.

  “She loved you boys, too,” Mr. Downing said.

  “We’re pretty lovable guys,” Jason joked, which put a smile back on Sophia’s face.

  “That you are.” Angela pinched their cheeks. “Lizzie, you didn’t finish your story.” She brought the conversation back for her daughter. From what Reina could tell, Elizabeth would have been too shy to do it herself. “Tell them how your teens came up with the idea to start this journey.”

  “Reese was having dinner with his family when he brought up Evan’s history project—tracing his ancestry.”

  “I’ve always wanted to do a project like that. It’s easier to trace dad’s ancestry in the U.S. than it is to do mom’s in Haiti.” Reina confessed.

  “I didn’t know you wanted to do that,” Eli responded, the question in his voice conveying his surprise.

  “You know everything about me?” She was inwardly pleased by the thought.

  He mulled over the question.

  He connected with her eyes when he finally answered, “There’s still a lot more I’m interested in learning.”

  Reina felt his words embrace her. She wanted to dig deeper but not while seated at his parents’ dinner table. Seeing the intensity of his gaze, she amended her thought. I doubt I’m ready for his questions.

  “What did Reese’s family think about his friend’s project?” She shifted the conversation back to Elizabeth’s book.

  “To his surprise, his family—mainly his mother—was set against it. What upset her most was learning that Evan’s family descended from Ellen and William Craft’s lineage.”

  “Why would she be upset about that?”

  “I won’t tell you why, but I’ll give you one last spoiler.”

  “Give me all the spoilers. I’m the girl who flips the pages to see how the book ends before I start reading.”

  Elizabeth smiled. “What set the stage for their adventure is when Reese’s mom told him ‘the town’s history of slavery is impolite public conversation’.”

  “Just give me the manuscript. I can’t wait for publication.”

  Eli laughed as he responded, “Rei’s still learning patience.”

  “Don’t pay my brother any mind,” Elizabeth told her.

  “No one in this family does.” Caroline echoed.

  “Caroline Jillian Cooper you still haven’t answered the question.” Eli reminded his sister.

  “What question is that, dear brother?”

  “I was a rebel rouser. Little Lizzie here was a softhearted bookworm. What about you?”

  “First. Don’t call me Jillian.”

  “Take your issues up with our mother and father who gave you that middle name.”

  “I was like every other cheerleader in America: perky, popular, snooty and self-centered,” Caroline answered.

  “Oh, honey, I wish you’d stop trying to make people think the worst of you.” Angela looked saddened by her statement.

  “I remember a daughter who was friendly and willing to engage anyone in conversation.” Her father spoke with fondness.

  Caroline’s cheeks brightened. “On to more interesting topics. When can we have dessert?”

  “I saw Nate’s mom trying to sneak some cupcakes earlier.”

  “Eli! You take that back,” Reina said. She didn’t want his family thinking she was some sort of thief.

  He laughed as if reading her thoughts. “Guess Jace should have run a background check on you.”

  She kicked him in his shin.

  “Ouch.” He looked at Angela who laughed at him. “My own mother condones violence. Against her son, no less.”

  “Don’t worry, Reina; he’s the annoying boy in kindergarten who pulls your ponytail because he’s too chicken to admit he likes you.” Caroline made everyone laugh.

  “Nate and I don’t have to take this.” He ignored their taunting and asked for Nate, who went to him happily. “We’re heading for the sweets.”

  “I better follow them or there’ll be nothing left for the rest of us.” Angela looked around the table, smiled, and added, “It sure feels good to have all my family here. Even for a weekend.”

  “Oh, that’s right.” Reina remembered. “You just moved back from England. You were there for several years.”

  Caroline nodded.

  “What an amazing experience.” Reina gushed.

  “It had its moments.” Caroline offered.

  Reina sensed her reluctance to continue and let the subject drop. From what Eli had mentioned, Caroline had left a serious relationship to move to London for a career opportunity. She hadn’t said much about what prompted her to return home just under a month ago.

  Sophia ended the sudden silence with her statement to Reina. “You fit in here quite nicely.”

  “You all make it very easy to relax and be myself.”

  “We keep the fangs out of reach until we’re given a reason to bite,” Sophia joked, though Reina wasn’t completely convinced she didn’t mean it.

  “Speak for yourself. I bite first and stop when given a reason.”

  “Caroline.” Her father’s stern voice scolded.

  “Father, I’m joking. Joking.”

  Mr. Downing chimed in, “They’re all very protective of one another.”

  “You know all of our deep dark secrets. Spill some of yours.” Sophia directed at Reina.

  “Not much to tell.”

  “Oh, come on. Everyone has a story.” Sophia insisted.

  Reina paused to gauge Sophia’s tone. The sun-kissed curly brunette had been lukewarm toward her since meeting. She’d been surprised by the borderline unfriendly way Sophia had joked, “You’re the one Jason can’t stop raving about,” when they were introduced.

  Contrary to everyone’s insistence that the two were just friends, Sophia’s behavior spoke differently. Was she jealous? Reina hoped not. The last thing she wanted was tension between them.

  Before she could respond, Jason spoke. “For years I’ve been telling Velasquez to put her interrogation skills to use by joining the police force.”

  “And give up actually being able to afford weekly massages? No thank you.”

  “I think you insulted my salary.”

  Mr. Downing laughed. “I think so, too, son.”

  “We have cupcakes and ice cream.” Eli announced as he walked in from the kitchen with Nate, followed by Angela.

  “Let’s move into the family room. We can play a game while we eat.” Angela made the offer to the group, who didn’t wait for her to finish before rushing out of the dining room.

  “Girls and Nate vs. the men.” Caroline announced.

  The guys protested. “Nate comes with us.” Eli walked with Nate to the side of the room where the rest of the men sat. “We can’t let him lose with you ladies.”

  Three hours, two board games, and countless wins later, the ladies laughed as they offered Nate the chance to be on their winning team the next time around.

  “I’m sure they cheated.” The men collectively grumbled.

  “Thank you, sore losers,” Reina’s eyes danced with amusement as she directed her attention to Eli, “but it’s way past Nate’s bedtime, even if he did nap much longer than usual today.”

  “I’ll walk you up.” Eli stood.

  “I’m very much looking forward to tomorrow night.” Mrs. Downing remarked as she and Mr. Downing, along with Jason and Sophia, walked out.

  Eli yelled from halfway up the staircase, “Jace, you guys sure you don’t wanna come do the touristy thing with us tomorrow?”

  “Thanks, but we’re good. Sophia and Caroline are heading to the spa and dad and I are going golfing. Mom’s at the hospital for a few hours.”

  “Got
cha. Give a shout if you change your mind.”

  “Will do. Later.”

  You engaged yet?

  Lauren's text was Reina’s alarm clock that Saturday morning.

  Married and adopting twin teenagers. She sent back.

  Wonderful! Will I be their godmother, too?

  We'll wait and ask them how they feel about it.

  I’m okay with that.

  Bored yet with house sitting?

  Nope. Watched tons of movies. Painted my nails. Love that new shade of mauve, by the way.

  Do I have any ice cream left?

  How are the in-laws? :)

  Guess I'll buy some more when I get back. Oh, and Eli's family is great. They're so much like him—unpretentious and likable.

  Even in that mansion they call a home?

  Yep. Even so.

  How many wings in that place?

  Ha! It’s not that large… I think.

  Do they own a boat?

  Stop being so nosy!

  That a yes?

  That’s a ‘they’re wonderful people who’ve been blessed.’

  So, a plane and a boat?

  Lol. You need help.

  What are Jason’s parents like?

  The Downings are great. Cerebral and successful, but very easygoing.

  If I didn't think his heart was already spoken for, I'd make my move.

  I would have encouraged it before this weekend, but now I think you're right.

  Sparks flying with his friend?

  Lightning bolts that shock others around them. They’re oblivious to it—at least Jace is.

  What’s her name again?

  Sophia

  Think Jason’s hiding from the truth?

  I'd be the pot calling the kettle black on this one.

  Lauren didn't answer for a complete sixty seconds, the equivalent of an eternal pause in a face-to-face conversation.

  Ariel?

  Sorry. Had to find my glasses to make sure I read that correctly.

  The glasses for your perfect vision?

  (1/3) You finally admit there's something between you and Eli.

  (2/3) Validating what I've been saying all along.