Cognati: An Inferno World Novel

by Elizabeth Gray

  Cold blue eyes. Pale blond hair. Pink, pillow lips. Lean, taut body.

  Mom?

  I drop the logs at my feet and they crash loudly. I’m unable to look away from her. She’s just as I remember. Not the last time when we disagreed and everything ended, but one of the times I’d cook my favorite dinner for us—barbeque chicken wings and potato wedges—and she’d smile at me with such unfiltered happiness.

  How can this be?

  I’m still gaping at her when Uncle Charles walks into the room.

  “Linda,” he says coolly. “You’re not to be alone with another male. Ever.”

  Linda, not Taylee. Not my mother.

  “I, uh,” she stammers in a breathy voice that’s so familiar, my head spins. “I’m sorry, sir.”

  “It was my fault,” I rush out, eager to rescue her like I couldn’t rescue my mother. “I ran in here, confused as to where I was supposed to go, and bumped right into her.”

  Something akin to pride shines in Charles’s eyes and he nods. “All right then. Let me show you to the bathroom. You need to wash up before supper.”

  I follow him from the room, trying not to stare at the woman. She’s an exact replica of my mother. Or, my eyes are playing tricks on me. He takes me down the hallway and shows me two different doors.

  “This one is Karen’s,” he says, rapping on the closed door. “You’re never allowed in there. Understood?”

  I swallow and nod. “Uh, yes, sir?”

  “Was that a question or an answer, boy?”

  Eager to please my uncle, I rush out, “Answer. Understood, sir.”

  “Good. This will be where you’ll stay. With Kristopher. There are two twin beds in there. You’ll take the vacant one.” His sharp hazel gaze meets mine. “Same rule. Karen is never allowed in here.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “If she so much as looks in this room, I want you to tell me.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He flashes me the briefest of smiles. Though I want to please him, I can’t ignore the fact that I would disobey him. If she came into my room, I’d keep quiet. I like looking at her. She looks like an angel. When I look at her, it makes me think of Mom. How angelic Mom would look when she’d wear her veil and clutch her rosary beads… Fuck, my heart hurts.

  “The bathroom is just across the hall,” he explains, tapping his knuckle on another door.

  “What’s upstairs?”

  He smacks my cheek hard. I recoil at the action, rubbing at my stinging flesh.

  “It’s best you learn now, boy. You’re never allowed upstairs unless I command it.” His lips purse. “When you’ve earned the privilege, then I may allow you up there on occasion.”

  Okay…but what’s upstairs?

  It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask, but I don’t.

  “It’s where I share a room with my wife. There are things no unwed young man should see or hear,” he explains in a softer tone. “You’re still very much a boy.”

  I want to blurt out that I’ve had sex—albeit wrong in every sense of the word—but I’ve done the deed. Plenty of times. I’m good at it. I fucking like it. I know about the mechanics and the sounds and…the feeling. Shame burns through me and I drop my stare to the floor.

  I’ll never tell him.

  Ever.

  I wasn’t supposed to like it. And a lot of times I didn’t. Most times.

  But those other times…

  “Yes, sir,” I murmur.

  He ruffles my hair with his hand. “Good boy.”

  My spine straightens at his praise. It feels good to have a family.

  I feel like a new person in Kristopher’s nice clothes. Pressed white button-up shirt. Slacks that hang off my skinny frame. Clean and refreshed. I use the comb by the sink to slick back my black hair. I’d wanted to shave off the dark shadow of hair that’s grown in, but there wasn’t a razor in the bath. The skin under my eyes is dark and my cheeks are hollow, but hope shines in my brown eyes.

  A new start.

  My uncle is going to love me and take care of me.

  I have cousins too.

  With a grin tugging at my lips, I exit the bathroom and walk down the hall toward the sound of Uncle Charles’s voice in the dining room. He’s sitting at the head of the table. Linda sits at the other end. Kristopher sits to his right and Karen sits to her brother’s right. Uncle Charles motions to the seat at his left for me to take.

  “Join us, boy.”

  I sit down and eye the mountains of food hungrily. The trip here, I’d rummaged through some bags and found snacks to eat. This is the first time I’ve seen a home-cooked meal since before Mom died since I could no longer afford groceries once she was gone.

  Kristopher watches me with a sneer. His blue eyes are hard and assessing. His hair is less blond than his sister’s and leans toward golden brown instead.

  “Karen, will you lead us in prayer?” Uncle Charles says.

  Her sweet, melodic voice fills the air. I don’t pay much attention to what she says, just how she says it. The way her lips move as she says each syllable. I’m infatuated by her mouth. Do all girls’ lips look like that? It’s been so long since I’ve seen a girl my age. I only remember my mother’s lips.

  “Amen,” she says, her lashes fluttering open. Her gaze instantly finds mine.

  I can’t help but grin at her. Her cheeks blaze crimson and she looks down at her plate. When I feel fury rippling my way, I jerk my head toward my uncle. He’s busy scooping roast onto his plate. It’s Kristopher’s glare searing into me. If his jaw clenches any more, he might break a few teeth.

  “Tomorrow,” Uncle Charles says as he passes me the big spoon for the roasting dish in front of him, “I’ll begin your teaching. You’ll study alongside with Kristopher.”

  “And Karen?” I ask, darting my eyes her way.

  “No,” Uncle Charles says sharply. “Karen learns how to be a good wife from Linda.”

  Linda doesn’t speak or look up. Simply stares at her plate.

  “A good wife? Does that mean you’ll teach me how to be a good husband?”

  “And father,” Uncle Charles rumbles. “A good man needs to be both.”

  “I want to be a good man,” I say eagerly. Mom will be so proud.

  “If only my son showed such eagerness.” Uncle Charles shoots a hard glare at Kristopher, who flinches.

  “I want to be a good man too,” Kristopher mutters unconvincingly.

  “I’m going to be a wonderful wife,” Karen chirps. “I cooked this meal. I can get stains out of shirts. I’m obedient.”

  She beams with pride.

  “You cooked this meal?” The heaping plateful of roast is too much of a temptation to ignore. I practically inhale all of it before telling her through a mouthful of food, “It’s amazing.”

  Pop!

  Uncle Charles slaps me on the back of the head. “You’re not in a barn, boy,” he growls. “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

  That fucking hurt.

  I quickly chew it and swallow it down. “Sorry, sir.”

  He nods. “Many lessons need to be learned, but you will learn them, boy. I’ll treat you as I treat my son because you’re Taylee’s. That’s what family does.”

  Tears prickle at my eyes.

  What a dream.

  I can’t believe it’s real.

  A family.

  Finally.

  * * *

  Kristopher

  I exit the bathroom after a hot shower, dressed in my flannel pajamas for bed, and can’t help but eye Karen’s door. Sometimes we meet in passing. It’s our little cheat Pa doesn’t know about. A stolen smile or word here and there. I’m not supposed to see her in her nightgown, but on occasion I have, and I think she looks incredibly beautiful.

  Will Maude be beautiful in her nightgown too?

  I try to imagine Maude coming to join me in our marital bed, wearing one of Karen’s gowns, but I can’t seem to make the thoughts turn from blond hair t
o red.

  Shaking my head, I rush to my bedroom and push inside. The moment I’m in my sanctuary, I gape at Luke. He’s stretched out in his white underwear, all his pale skin and bones on display. His body is big, just emaciated. Fed properly, he’ll be every bit a man that Pa is. Envy makes my blood boil.

  “What are you doing?” I hiss, carefully closing the door behind me as to not make a sound.

  He sits up on his elbows. The action makes his stomach concave and his ribs protrude. “Getting ready for bed.”

  “Where are your pajamas?”

  “I don’t have any.”

  “I do,” I grunt, storming over to my dresser. I pull out a pair and toss them to him. “There. Put these on.”

  “I always sleep like this,” Luke tells me, making no move to put on the clothes.

  “It’s inappropriate.”

  “Why?” He cocks his head to the side, his brows furrowing.

  “Because if Karen were to see…” I trail off, fury rising up inside me. It makes me want to punch him again. For once, I understand Pa’s rules. I don’t want her to see him in just his underwear. That should be only something she sees of her husband.

  “Karen’s not allowed in here, remember?”

  “If Pa came in here, you’d be sent to the white room.” I shudder at the thought. I’m still wondering why I wasn’t sent back. Maybe having Luke here will prove to be a distraction.

  “The white room? What’s that?”

  “It’s where we go to contemplate our bad behavior and pray.”

  “Sounds peaceful,” Luke says with a shrug.

  “It’s not peaceful,” I snap. “It’s maddening.”

  He must see something in my gaze that makes him understand because he dresses in the pajamas that are too large for him. Once he’s dressed, he lies on his side to face me as I crawl into my bed.

  “I’m glad I’m here,” he says in a dreamy voice. “I like having cousins.” He flashes me a wide, dimpled grin. “Especially a pretty one.”

  The blood in my veins turns to ice. “Don’t talk about Karen.”

  “I’m not being rude,” he argues, still smiling, his brown eyes flashing. “Just stating facts.”

  “She is pretty,” I admit, “but don’t ever let Pa hear you say that.”

  He makes a motion of zipping his lips. “Our secret.”

  A small chuckle escapes me. He’s a little silly, which we don’t see much of around here. My laughter dies when I think about his lessons beginning tomorrow. I wonder how long it’ll take for Pa to whip that silliness out of him.

  Creak.

  We both snap our heads to the door. I’m expecting to see Pa, ready for me to finish my punishment. Instead, I see Karen.

  No.

  I’m so stunned at seeing her, I’m at a loss for words.

  She’s not allowed in here.

  “Hey,” Luke greets.

  Her face turns pink. “Hey.”

  “Go to bed,” I grit out, sitting up. “Now.”

  “Don’t be mean,” she says with a huff.

  “You’ll get into trouble.” I hate how my voice cracks and weakens.

  Luke darts his gaze between us and then his eyes light up. “Hurry. Come inside. You’ll get in trouble if you stand out there.” He winks at me. “Kristopher and I were just telling secrets. What’s one more?”

  She slides into the room and softly closes the door behind her. Luke’s eyes drag down her form in her white gown and I want to launch myself at him to claw his eyeballs out. I don’t understand the violent urges inside me, but what I do understand is the need to protect my twin.

  “Sit with me,” I instruct, shooting him a warning glare.

  Eagerly, she makes her way over to me. The white gown is loose, but two hard points can be seen beneath the fabric on her chest. Her nipples. Do they look like mine? My penis twitches at the thought of asking her to remove the garment. I have to stifle a groan.

  Karen sits on the edge of the bed. Luke’s eyes are calculating as he regards us. Then, his features soften as if he’s come to a conclusion in his head.

  “Are you going to let her freeze?” Luke asks. “Her nipples are hard because she’s cold.”

  I freeze at his words. Karen tenses. The fact that he’s staring at her chest has an innate need to protect her washing over me. Like a husband would. She’s not my wife, but she still needs to be looked after now that Luke is here. It has to be me.

  “Here,” I grunt out as I lift the blanket. “Under here. Like old times.”

  She smiles at me, no doubt remembering how when we were toddlers, we were always glued to one another. My sister slides beneath the blanket and lies on her side to face Luke. I bring the blanket up to her shoulder, so he won’t look at her anymore.

  Her scent invades my nostrils. Sweet and alluring. I want to bury my nose in her hair and inhale. After those hours today in the white room, my senses seem to be heightened.

  “If I had a twin sister,” Luke mutters, “I’d keep her safe and warm. You look like you’re afraid to touch her. She doesn’t bite.”

  She starts to giggle, but I’m afraid of what Pa would do if he came down here and saw. My palm finds her mouth and I cover it.

  “Shh,” I breathe against the shell of her ear.

  Luke watches us with a deviant look in his eyes. I’m shocked to see his penis is hard, straining in his clothes.

  “Close your eyes,” I instruct my sister. Then, to Luke, I make a show of looking at his problem. “Hide that. If Pa sees…”

  “Your uncle gets mad if you get a boner?”

  I want to cover her eyes and her ears. I don’t have enough hands.

  “Don’t speak your sinful words in front of Karen,” I growl.

  Luke blinks in confusion but pulls a blanket over him as he lies down. The blanket moves as he does something under it. It makes me wonder if he’s trying to rub it to make it go away. It doesn’t work. Well, it eventually works. My thoughts drift back to the white room and how I tugged until I spilled my sin all over myself. The hardness went soft almost immediately.

  Don’t think about it.

  Don’t think about it.

  But Luke keeps moving beneath his blanket and his breath is choppy. Like mine was. Surely he isn’t doing that.

  “What’s he doing?” Karen murmurs the moment my palm slides away from her lips. She’s being a good girl and keeping her eyes closed.

  “Taking care of something. Don’t worry about him.”

  “What is he taking care of?”

  “My hard-on,” Luke replies in a raspy tone. “It’s called jacking off.”

  “Enough,” I warn him.

  Karen wiggles in the bed, rubbing her bottom against my lower half. Our clothes are thin and my penis presses against the crack of her bottom.

  Oh no.

  Lust-filled heat surges south and my penis swells. It’s like I can’t control this thing anymore. I gasp in horror as it presses against her, hard and unforgiving. My heart leaps into my throat.

  “You need to take care of something too?” she asks. “Do you need help?”

  A whimper escapes me. I can’t erase the thoughts that have flooded my mind of her small hand wrapped around my penis. My boner. Tugging and tugging. Jacking me off.

  She starts to turn over, but I stop her by grabbing her hip. Her gown is bunched up and my fingertips touch her smooth thigh.

  And then it happens.

  I thrust.

  Just like Pa did with Linda.

  We’re clothed, though, and she’s my sister.

  Luke grunts and then lets out a relived sound. It’s all too much. My hips flex again of their own accord, eager for the friction of her soft bottom. I wish I could feel her skin against mine. Push inside her like Pa does Linda. I’m suddenly eager to peel away her clothes and discover exactly where I’m supposed to insert my penis.

  Wrong.

  Wrong.

  This is wrong.

  “It w
on’t go away unless you make it go away,” Luke explains as he stands and boldly pulls down his pajama pants and underwear. “It’s like fucking, but not quite.”

  That word again.

  Fucking.

  I stare at his penis that looks like mine. Where mine stems from golden brown curls, his are black. His sac hangs lower than mine and he’s thicker than me, but my penis is longer. Perhaps because I’m older.

  “Don’t look,” I beg my sister. I’ve already done something sinful. All I can do is protect her from more.

  “I won’t,” she agrees in a breathless tone, pressing her bottom against me.

  “Do you know where your dick goes?” Luke asks me as he casually pulls on another pair of underwear.

  I thrust again, hating how good this feels. I try to ignore him, but he gets inside my head anyway.

  “In her pussy,” he says, grinning. “A small, tight hole between her legs. When it’s wet, it’s ready. It’ll squeeze your dick until you come. It feels really good, especially when you love the woman you’re sticking your dick into.”

  His words are mostly foreign, but I understand his meaning. It paints just enough of a picture that I explode. Heat floods from me, soaking my underwear as pleasure dizzies me. I’m still hard as I continue to rub against my sister. Almost as though I could go again.

  She takes my hand that’s gripping her upper thigh and squeezes it. “Feel better?”

  “I do,” I admit with a groan. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. You’re my brother. I know you’d help me if I had a problem.”

  Of course I would. She’s my twin. My other half.

  “You should go,” I whisper, not wanting her to go at all. “I need to change. If Pa finds out…”

  She pulls my hand up and rests it on her small breast. The tiny nipple pokes at me. My penis twitches again. “Pa won’t find out,” she assures me. “I’ll get both of your clothes washed up. He or Linda won’t see.”

  I squeeze her in an affectionate way, my thumb brushing over her nipple in the process. “Thank you. Now go before he catches you in here.”

  She sits up and smiles down at me. My hand greedily clutches her gown because I don’t want her to go.