by Jane Anthony
There wasn't much to say after that. I just sat in silent prayer watching his chest mechanically rise and fall. Out in the hall, a pair of long legs and work boots sprawled out.
I wanted to be annoyed that Jameson was still there, that he hadn’t listened to me and just gone home as I’d asked. He was so damn stubborn, and I should be angry, but I wasn’t. He cared for AJ, and he belonged here. Their last conversation was less than loving as well. I hadn't considered that he might be hurting, but I was too selfish to let him in. It was too hard for me to turn off my feelings for him, and I had to keep my distance.
A woman with caramel colored skin and short black hair came in. She pulled the chart on the foot of AJ’s bed and adjusted her glasses as she read it. “Are you Dr. Rumson?” I asked standing from my chair. “I’m Jillian, AJ’s sister. Can you tell me what’s going on with him?”
She flipped through the chart and read before answering my questions. “Your brother has suffered a brain contusion and a slight skull fracture.”
“A brain contusion, what is that exactly?”
“Simply explained, a brain contusion is like a bruise of the brain tissue. When the body moves in one direction at a certain speed then suddenly comes to a stop, the brain continues to move within the skull in that direction, causing it to bounce against the hard skull, damaging that area of the brain.”
My mind conjured up this image of a tiny silver brain bouncing from wall to wall inside a giant skull shaped pinball machine. “So his brain is bruised? How badly?”
“Contusions could be very minor or quite severe, depending on impact. The good news is that your brother isn’t the worst case I’ve seen, but the bad news is the swelling of the brain is a little more substantial than we originally thought. We will need to keep him in the medically-induced state for the time being and continue to monitor him to see if it starts to come down.”
“What happens when it comes down?”
“If the swelling begins to subside, we can slowly stop the drugs and he will begin to wake up shortly after.”
“And if it doesn’t?” I was smart enough to deduce the answer to that question myself but I needed her to spell it out for me.
“If intracranial pressure remains high, it can prevent blood passage, which results in further brain injury and eventual death.” I had been expecting it, but the candid way the doctor dropped the D word knocked me off my feet and back into the chair behind me.
AJ could die.
I’d feared it, but hearing it out loud made it just that much more real. The bile rose in my throat again, like when the officer showed up at my house. I willed myself to calm down and not lose my bagel all over the doctor’s loafers. “In the meantime, we will do frequent CT scans to monitor him as much as possible and hope for the best ...”
The doctor continued, but I’d stopped listening at that point. The only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat thrumming in my ears. My chest hurt. I couldn’t breathe. My tongue was thick, and my palms were sweaty. The doctor became a blur in front of me as the room began to spin. I clutched my throat and tried to suck in as much air as I could, but I felt like I was trapped in mud. “Jillian, breathe.”
The doctor’s voice sounded faraway, like it was coming through a tunnel. Her hand rested on my back, and I tried to copy her breathing in front of me. I felt a second hand on my back, a much larger one. “Breathe in one ... two ... three ... four. And out.” The doctor exhaled, and I followed. “Good, good. Keep going.”
Slowly, the room stopped spinning, and I started to see more clearly. The doctor’s eyes glanced behind me then back to my face. “Keep breathing.” She stood up and retrieved a cup of water from the bathroom. “Does that happen often?”
“Does what happen often?” I reached for the cup and took a drink.
“What you just experienced was a panic attack. I can write you a script for something if you think you need it.”
“No, no, I’m good. Thanks.” I took another sip of the water, and the doctor’s eyes flickered over my shoulder again. The large hand left my back and heavy boot-laden footsteps walked back out into the hall.
The doctor scribbled down something on her little blue pad and handed it to me. “Well, here, take it in case you decide you need it. It’s very mild.” I took the square of paper from her hand and looked over at my brother. The doctor excused herself and walked out of the room; while out in the hall, the same denim-clad legs and work boots quietly waited along with me.
JAMESON
I sat in the hallway all day while Jillian just waited by AJ’s bed. She told me to go home, but forget that, I’m not leaving her to deal with this all alone. She never had to be alone again. AJ was right on the money when he said she threw on a tough exterior. If she wanted to play that way, that was cool with me, but I wasn’t going anywhere.
It was late in the evening when I peeked into the room. She was curled up in the chair next to him with her head on the armrest, fast asleep in spite of the coffee cups that littered the table next to her. She was exhausted. “C’mon, Jill. Let me get you home.”
She lifted her head to look at me then dropped it back onto the armrest. “I can’t go. He needs me here.”
“He needs you to be strong for him. You can’t do that if you don’t get some rest. You’ve been here all day, and he knows.” She sat up, her groggy face turned down in a sad pout. I hated seeing what this was doing to her.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” She dropped a quick kiss on AJ’s forehead then turned and left his room. We maneuvered through the hospital and out into the parking lot, me trailing just a couple of steps behind her, giving her the space she requested earlier. I didn’t want her to drive but decided it wasn’t worth the fight she’d ultimately put up when I suggested that. Instead, as she pulled out of the parking lot, I followed behind making sure she got home safe.
We pulled into her driveway, but she didn’t make a move to get out of the truck. I waited for five minutes or so before getting out of my car and approaching her. “You all right?” I asked through the open window.
She was sitting in the idling truck looking down at her hands on her lap. “The whole car ride home, I imagined pulling into the lot and seeing the lights in the shop on. I’d pull up to the house and his stupid blue car would be sitting off to the side like it always was. But the lights are off and the car is gone and the house seems so dark. My entire family is gone. I’m as empty and lonely as that house, and I’m afraid if I go inside, the darkness will swallow me whole and I’ll never see the sunshine again.”
I couldn’t say anything that would make her feel better. I opened the car door, reached inside, and pulled the keys from the ignition. Inside the house, I jogged around turning on every single light in every room before heading back outside again. The windows lit up the wooded area surrounding her house and cast a bright light onto her sad face through the truck windshield. “I can never replace your family. But I can promise that you’ll never have to face the darkness alone.”
I pulled her from the truck and walked her inside the house hand in hand. She settled onto the couch and pulled her legs up under her like she always did. The bagel she had was hours ago; she needed to eat something.
Rifling through the fridge, I found what I was looking for. I wasn’t much of a cook but managed to throw together a mean grilled cheese sandwich. “Eat,” I said, holding the plate out for her when it was done.
“Thanks.” She took the plate and set it down on her lap. I sat on the couch at the opposite end while she picked at the sandwich. “Aren’t you eating?” she asked in true Jillian fashion. She was always so damned concerned about everyone else that she never stopped to worry about herself.
“I’m good.” We sat in silence watching some home decorating show on HGTV while she nibbled on her dinner. When the plate was empty, I brought it back into the kitchen and loaded everything into the dishwasher. I joined her again with a bottle of water and set it on the couch next to
her. “I am going to run to my place for a minute and get some stuff, but I’ll be back.”
She nodded. All the fight had gone out of her. I had no idea what tomorrow would bring, but for today, she was letting me take care of her for a change. For as long as I could remember, I’d only had myself to worry about. Caring this much about another person was something I’d never had to deal with before.
I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her slim shoulders. I hated leaving, but I needed clothes and a real toothbrush. This morning, I’d used toothpaste and my finger, and that shit was not going to work long term.
Her reaction to AJ’s prognosis scared the shit out of me. The sound of her gasping for breath like a fish out of water was terrifying. I admit it was hard for me to keep from losing my own shit when I overheard the doctor, but I need to keep it together for Jill.
She may not think so, but she needs me.
Chapter Eighteen
JILLIAN
I woke up in my bed in the middle of the night. The last thing I remembered was passing out on the couch while potential homebuyers on HGTV whined about lack of closet space. Jameson must have come back and carried me to my bed.
The lonely feeling in my gut returned. I sat up in the dark, wondering if he'd gone home. The low hum of the television played in the distance as I walked down the stairs giving me my answer.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked, as I walked over to where he was. He lifted the blanket and I crawled under it next to him, the warmth of his bare skin surrounding me as we spooned on the couch.
“No. Can’t turn my mind off.” His strong arm fell over me and I could feel his heartbeat on my back. “I am trying to stay positive, but it’s not easy. The Morello family track record for recovery is for shit.” He squeezed me tighter.
I wriggled my body around until I was facing him. Our legs tangled and his thick fingers trailed through my hair as I snuggled under his chin. It was so easy to control myself while the sun was out, but the nights were more difficult. The only time I felt a comfortable reprieve from my own horrible thoughts was in his arms.
I grazed my fingertips up and down his strong back and his contented sigh dared me to continue. My hands snaked around to the peaks of his chest and skimmed down the deep channels of his flawless abs. They clenched under my touch as I slid my hand into the waistband of his boxers.
“Jillian, you should try to get some rest,” he whispered hoarsely.
“Rest is overrated.” I rolled him on top of me and tried to kiss him.
He propped himself up on his elbows just out of my reach. The dim light of the television flickered in the background casting a haunted glow on his face. “Am I really what you want?”
“Right now, you are.” My back stretched up to reach him, and my lips found his neck. There was no way of knowing how I’d feel in the morning, but one thing was certain. I was at constant odds with myself and didn’t want to make promises to another man I cared about that I knew I couldn’t keep.
His body tensed with hesitation. I dropped back down to the couch and wiggled my shirt up over my head, dropping it onto the floor. “Are you going to make me beg you again?”
Desire and conflict swirled in his eyes as they wavered over my naked torso. His soft lips made contact with the skin over my heart and his hands clutched my back as he kissed his way up to my mouth.
My leg draped on the back of the couch. The soft cotton of my underpants was damp and he groaned as he pressed himself against them. Every time our bodies touched, roiling embers singed my skin, fueling my need for more, but right now, I needed to feel all of him to drown out the other feelings that were bubbling to the surface.
I hooked my thumbs into his boxers and pushed them down as far as I could before using my feet to get them the rest of the way. Getting my own off wasn't nearly as easy. “Patience is a skill you’ve not acquired, is it?” he teased.
The slow way he pulled my tiny briefs off was torture. His eyes burned into mine as he shimmied them off my legs trying to take back a little control of this situation. “I prefer my gratification instant,” I said, reaching for his cock and guiding him to my center.
Jameson was always so careful with me, so loving and tender, but tonight, I wanted wild and rough. I needed him to help me forget, to pound out the thoughts that infested my mind like roaches.
I hooked my leg around his backside and pulled him in. He thrust hard, and we both moaned simultaneously. My body returned from the depths of despair and started to come alive again. Every nerve ending in my body popped like cherry bombs in a fire. I bit and sucked and scratched at his skin as I writhed beneath him, taking out my aggression and jerking my pelvis up to his at a furious pace.
The sweet sensation of climax slithered across my tailbone and churned in my stomach. “Go harder and don’t stop,” I pleaded. He continued to tear into me, grunting with exertion but all I heard was the sound of my own mangled scream as I came. “shitshitshit …” I panted and shouted as another orgasm directly followed the first one.
Drenched in sweat and out of breath, he slowed his hips and my eyes rolled back in my head. My body quaked from deep within. Every synapse in my brain fired in opposite directions, and for a brief glorious moment, I’d forgotten everything and everyone except for him and sheer euphoric pleasure.
“It's okay, baby, It's okay,” he whispered into my ear, his soothing voice bringing me back to the surface of reality. I touched my face, and it was wet. Salty tears leaked from my eyes and rolled into my ears.
My arms and legs wrapped tight around him as he moved within me. “Just don’t stop. Don’t ever stop,” I murmured over and over.
The next thing I recall was the sound of an alarm going off in the house. It was Monday morning, and normally, I’d be getting ready to meet Jameson at the shop, but today was anything but normal. It was the first day I’d have to go to work without AJ.
Heartache hit me like a tractor-trailer as I stretched and sat up. Jameson was gone; AJ was gone. I was alone. I wrapped the blanket around my naked body and looked out the front window. Jameson’s car was still here, so where was he?
The shrill sound of the alarm was grating on my nerves. I ran upstairs to silence it and get in the shower. The hot water soothed my skin and the soreness I still felt from last night.
I finished my morning routine in a fog and headed back down the stairs. The keys were gone and there was a sticky note stuck to the hook by the door.
Went to work early, lots to do. I have the keys. See you soon. xo
All the lights were on in the shop as I walked down from the house. A loud shredding guitar blared through the open bay doors. Thick black smears snaked around Jameson’s forearms, covering his hands and shirt. My heart skipped a beat. Jameson, grease, and rock-n-roll - those three things combined stimulated me to no end.
He wiped his hands on a dirty red rag as he saw me approach, and a simple swipe of his fingertip killed the music and left us in deafening quiet. “Mornin’, cutie.”
“What time did you get here this morning?”
“About five or so. You were unconscious.” A slow smile crept across his lips and my cheeks grew hot. I didn't just fall asleep last night, I passed out from exertion.
“Why so early?”
He leaned against the car he was working on and crossed his long legs at the ankles. Jesus, he was sexy. “Well, the way I see it is, if I get here really early in the morning, I can get started on the Corvette without any interruptions. Then I can work on the regular stuff during the day and still get to leave here at a decent time to meet you at the hospital.”
His answer blew me away. Not only was he attempting to take the reins in AJ’s absence, but he still wanted to be there for me. As much as I appreciated his efforts, I couldn’t possibly allow him to do all that for us. AJ almost killed himself working here solo for the last year, and since Jameson's arrival, there was more work now than there was then. “Jameson …
”
“Before you tell me whatever it is that’s rolling around in that gorgeous head of yours, just stop. I want to do this. After the way I left shit with AJ, I owe him this much. It’s important to me. Now, do what you need to do and go on up to the hospital. I can handle this.” Another quick swipe of his phone and Iron Maiden wailed through the huge concrete space.
The case was closed on the matter.
JAMESON
Jillian worked until around lunchtime, then I told her to go. I’d arranged for the Firebird to be towed here, and there was no way in hell I was allowing her to see it. The moment the flatbed pulled into the lot, I knew I’d made the right decision. AJ's car was pretty much a pile of blue rubble. Its left side was caved in so badly, the car appeared to be in the shape of the letter V, and the middle bar where the T-tops should have been had a sickening bow at the top of it. Both panels of glass were missing, as was the driver’s side door. I assume that was how they got him out.
My stomach coiled with nausea when I saw the interior. Shattered glass was everywhere. The front seat was completely torn away, and dried blood splattered the cracked windshield. By the looks of it, AJ was friggin’ lucky he was alive.
The urge to vomit rose up my esophagus and I swallowed it down. It was a damn good thing I’d made Jillian leave. I cleaned out anything personal and got to work removing salvageable parts from under the hood to set aside for later use should we need them. When I finished, I called the scrap yard to come take it away. The thing needed to be gone before Jillian came home.
It was weird working in the shop without AJ. Using his tools almost felt wrong, even if there were good intentions behind it. After everything that happened, I had to make sure the shop didn’t falter. I owed them both that much.