Broken Scars

by J. M. Walker

  ***

  (Lucas)

  “What do you think will happen now?” Mel asked, linking her fingers in mine.

  “I’m not sure. I guess once we leave this shithole, we’ll both go our own separate ways.” I shrugged.

  “Is that what you want?” she asked, her bright blue eyes staring up at me.

  “Isn’t it what you want? You know we can’t be together. It’s too hard.”

  Mel released me and stood. She turned her naked body away from me but not before I caught the tears falling down her cheeks.

  “Mel,” I said gently.

  “Don’t.” She roughly wiped the tears away.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmured.

  “Yeah.” She slipped into her black panties. “Me too.” She picked up the rest of her clothes and left the room.

  Should I have followed her? I was young, so I didn’t understand women quite yet, but something told me I should have gone after her. Sure, I felt guilty, but it wasn’t like we could spend the rest of our lives together. She was beautiful. She was nice to me when others weren’t. She was my safety net while being locked up in this hell but other than that, I didn’t feel anything else for her.

  I rose from the mattress on the floor and pulled on my ripped jeans and stained white t-shirt. Glancing back at the mattress, shame weighed heavily on my shoulders. I had used her. Even though she had begged for it, I still used her. The faint scent of sex wafted into my nose. It had been the first time I ever fucked a woman and enjoyed it. But she wasn’t a woman. She was barely seventeen and I was fifteen. Sure, it was illegal in some states but for us? We were already adults. Wiser beyond our years.

  And I had a feeling I’d just lost the one person who could help me through the rest of my time in this fucked up hell I called life.

  “Mel,” my voice cracked.

  She stared up at me, a small smile splaying on her face. “I’m sorry for bothering you but I couldn’t go on with my work if I didn’t check and see if it was you. I was right. God, Lucas. It’s…” She threw her arms around me, snuggling her face into my chest. “It’s been way too long. Way too damn long.”

  I stood there, stock still. My hand was on the doorframe while my other was against the wall. Lily was in the bathroom. If she came out and saw Mel wrapped around me, she would lose her shit and rightfully so. Because I would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed.

  “Mel.” I tried pushing her off of me, but she only latched on tighter.

  “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.” She leaned back, staring up at me through unshed tears. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a high ponytail. Freckles adorned her cheeks. Her lips were painted with a bright red lipstick. The black and gold hotel uniform hugged her small but curvy frame. It had been one thing our adoptive parents loved about her. She was tall, skinny, but her chest was full. She had the perfect body according to them and every other pervert we came across.

  “I…” I couldn’t speak. I had no idea how the hell she found me. Life was fucked. Absolutely fucked.

  “You look good. Still so good.” Mel placed a soft peck on my cheek.

  The scent of roses wafted into my nose, triggering memories I had forced to the back of my mind long ago.

  The door to the bathroom opened.

  In a quick move, I pushed Mel out into the hall and shut the door behind me. “What are you doing here?”

  “I work here.” Mel frowned, swiping her hands out in front of her. “Obviously.”

  “No, I mean, what are you doing here? In this town?”

  “Oh.” She frowned. “I wanted a change and to get out of the city. I figured the only way to do that, would be to come here. This town is cute, isn’t it?” she asked, a wide grin spreading on her face.

  “I don’t understand how you’re here.” It was too much of a coincidence.

  “It was meant to be, clearly.” Her blue eyes twinkled.

  “No.” This was too much. It took me back to when I was a kid. We had lived hours from here. How the hell could I end up in the same town that Mel worked at? I spent my whole life trying to get away from those memories, only to run into one while I was taking my girlfriend to the beach. Life was fucking cruel.

  “Lucas,” Mel said gently. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not.” I shook my head. “That was you here then. I saw you at the end of the hall. I smelled that damn rose perfume you used to always wear. Why the hell would you still wear it? And you were at the beach. You were following us.”

  “I still wear that scent because it reminds me of my time with you.” Mel grabbed onto my shirt. “I had to make sure it was you, Lucas. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so damn much.”

  “Stop,” I gritted out through clenched teeth.

  “What’s wrong? I know you’re not alone but this…” She inched her hands beneath my shirt, her fingers grazing over my stomach. “This is right. It’s how it should be. Life wouldn’t place us back together if it weren’t meant to be.”

  “Don’t.” I grabbed her hands, pulling them from beneath my shirt. “You can’t do this. It’s been years, Mel.”

  “Yeah.” She pulled her hands from my grip and wrapped them around my neck. “Years that we have to get back. I’m off in an hour. We can meet up. Like we did a few years ago. God, I miss that.”

  “Stop.” I couldn’t do this. As much as I needed her when I was a kid, that was no longer happening. “I’m not—” The door behind me opened. “—single.”

  “No, you’re not.” Lily pushed past me and stuck her hand out. “Hi, I’m Lily. Lucas’s girlfriend. And you must be Mel.”

  Mel released me, glancing down at her and back at me. Something flashed behind her eyes. She crossed her arms under her chest, pushing her tits up even higher. Years ago, I was sure that movement would have caused a reaction in me but now, it didn’t. A laugh escaped her. “Wow. Well, this is new. It’s been awhile but I didn’t think it had been that long.” She shook her head. “Anyway, it was nice seeing you.” She spun around, heading back down the hall.

  A hard smack landed on my chest.

  I met Lily’s gaze. “What?”

  She pursed her lips, placing her hands on her hips. “That’s her? That’s the woman who helped you when you were kids?” She huffed, pushing her way back into the hotel room. “That’s Mel?”

  “Lily.” I slammed the door shut and closed the distance between us. “What’s wrong?”

  “What’s wrong?” she repeated, spinning on me. “That woman is fucking beautiful,” she yelled, pushing me. “I was expecting…” She scowled. “Well it wasn’t that. She could be wearing a garbage bag and still have men lined up to have their way with her. Hell, I would even sleep with her.”

  I shook my head. “I have no idea what’s going on right now.”

  Lily pulled the towel off of her head and began running it through her hair. “I can’t compete with that.”

  “Hold the fuck on.” I took the towel from her and threw it on the floor before pulling her into my arms. “You don’t need to compete with anyone. You are mine. And I am yours. Do you understand me?”

  “I suddenly feel very insecure right now and I don’t like it.” Lily pushed out of my hold and picked up the towel before heading back to the bathroom.

  Mel showing up put a damper on our mood but the fact that it made Lily feel insecure about us, pissed me off even more.

  Lily

  SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL. OF course she was beautiful. Mel was supermodel material. Even if it had been years since her and Lucas slept together, I would bet my life savings on it that she was perfect then too. She was tall, long blonde hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. Her mouth had been full and painted a deep red. She was tanned like the sun kissed her skin in the most delicious way. I was being irrational. I knew that but I couldn’t help but see in my mind’s eye the two of them fucking. My stomach churned.

  I had never felt insecure about my curves u
ntil now. I was short. Barely five foot three. And I loved food. No matter how much I worked out, the curves would always be there. I had used them to my advantage. Getting men to do whatever it was that I wanted. Having double D’s and an ass helped. But now I hated my body. And that pissed me off.

  It wasn’t fair of me to react the way I did but I couldn’t help it. Lucas’s and my relationship was new, fresh and I didn’t have the best history with men.

  “Lily?” A soft knock on the bathroom door forced a sigh from my lips. “Please let me in.” The doorknob jiggled. “Please.”

  My eyes welled. I hated feeling this way. I trusted Lucas. I did. But the way Mel looked at him made me realize that their relationship went past just sex. Even if it was all on her end. She could probably get any man she wanted, too. It didn’t matter that he was forced on her. It didn’t matter that their relationship was fucked up and they were instructed to fuck other people. God, I couldn’t believe I just had that thought run through my head.

  “Lily, baby.”

  As soon as I unlocked the door, Lucas shoved it open and crashed into me.

  “Don’t ever do that to me again.” He pushed his face into the crook of my neck, holding me against him and lifting me off my feet. He ran the scruff of his beard over my cheek. He had let it grow in some and I liked it. I liked it a lot.

  I latched on to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his hair. He let that grow in too. All for me. Everything he did. Was for me.

  “Promise me,” he pleaded, his lips finding the spot beneath my ear. “Promise me that if you have a problem, you won’t run away from me again,” he murmured against my throat.

  I shivered, turning my head and covering his mouth with mine. The kiss became fast, hot, and desperate. It bordered on toxic, the pleasure snapping between us.

  Lucas pushed me onto the bathroom counter, wrapped my legs around his waist, and stepped between my thighs.

  He swallowed my sighs. This was ours. This was where we were meant to be. He was mine. I was his. It was broken and tarnished but it was everything that made up us.

  I leaned back, taking him with me and pulled his shirt from his pants. Running my hands beneath the fabric, I pushed them up his torso. My fingers grazed over his muscles, finding each bumpy and hard ridge. His body tightened as his tongue dipped farther into my mouth. When my fingers reached the spot above his heart, I reveled in the feel of the powerful muscle beating inside his chest.

  Lucas reached between us, brushing his fingers up my inner thigh before reaching the spot that belonged to him. That had only ever belonged to him.

  He released my mouth, staring down at me. “I love you, Lily.”

  “I love you too, Lucas,” I whispered. “Please don’t ever make me doubt that.”

  “Never.” He placed a hard kiss on my lips. “You’re mine. And I’m yours. I don’t want anyone else. Only you. Always you.”

  Lucas kissed the side of my neck, licking and sucking until I was writhing beneath him. The sound of a faint knock on the door to the hotel room crashed through our moment.

  “Fuck.” His teeth sunk into my skin.

  “I…I think someone’s at the door,” I panted.

  Lucas lifted his head, glancing out into the hall before looking back at me. He went to pull away, but I dug my heels into his ass instead.

  “Stay, please,” I pleaded.

  “Are you wanting me to fuck you? You want her to hear?”

  I looked away. “I’ve never felt this before. This jealous need to claim you as mine.”

  Lucas cupped my nape, pulling my head against his chest. “I love you, Lily Pad. You have no reason to be jealous of her.”

  I heard his words, but I still didn’t believe them. I trusted him but I sure as hell didn’t trust her.

  “Marry me.”

  My eyes widened. I leaned back, staring up at him. “Excuse me?”

  He gave me a lopsided grin. “You’re mine, Lily, and I’m yours. Let me prove it to you.”

  “So, you’re proposing to me?” I coughed, shaking my head and pushing him away from me. “We haven’t even been together for six months yet.”

  “Some people get married in shorter time than that.”

  I hopped off the counter and sat on the toilet.

  Lucas leaned against the doorframe. “I love you, Lily.”

  “And I love you but marriage? Seriously? Is that the answer?” I finished doing my business, not caring in the least that he had been watching me the whole time because marriage? There was no way that we could get married.

  “Why not?” He moved in front of the mirror and fixed his shirt which I now realized was a black dress shirt. He tucked it into black dress pants. God, he looked good enough to eat.

  “Are you only proposing marriage because Mel showed up?” I smacked his arm when he didn’t respond. “Lucas.”

  “I don’t fucking know, alright?”

  I opened my mouth to yell, scream, I wasn’t sure anymore but instead, what came out was calm and collected and it made even me nervous. “If we’re still together in a year and you want to get married then, I’ll say yes. But I need to know if you want to marry me for me or because you’re wanting to shove it in her face that you’re no longer single.”

  “Fine.” Lucas rolled the sleeves on his shirt up to his elbows.

  “Fine? Is that all you have to say?”

  He shrugged. “What do you want from me?”

  “I want the truth. I want you. I want to go back to before Mel showed up. I just want to be happy. We deserve to be happy, Lucas.”

  He turned toward me, pinched my chin, and placed a soft peck on my mouth. “I am happy with you, Lily. You’re the one who has a problem with Mel showing up.”

  “Me?” I asked, taken aback. “You can’t stand here and tell me that it doesn’t spark up some old feelings. I’m not stupid. I may not have gone through what you did but I know that you being stuck in that situation with someone is bound to form an unbreakable bond. What if she wants that again with you?”

  He paused. “It doesn’t matter,” he said a moment later. “I’m with you.” He left the bathroom with me hot on his heels.

  “It does matter, Lucas. If she feels anything for you, especially…” I swallowed hard. “…if she loves you.”

  “Loves me?” He spun on me. “Love didn’t fucking exist between us. We had no one else so we latched on to each other.”

  “Exactly, Lucas,” I cried. “That’s a bond that I could never have with you.”

  “What the hell are you telling me, Lily?”

  “I…” What was I trying to say? “If you…I mean…I’ll step aside—”

  “Don’t you dare finish that fucking sentence.” He put on his shoes. “Now finish getting ready. We have dinner reservations.” He left the hotel room, slamming the door behind him.

  All of the air was sucked from my lungs. A soft sob escaped me. I didn’t want to break up with him, but I also didn’t want him to stay with me because he felt like he had to either. I had no idea what to do.

  ***

  (Lucas)

  I was pissed. No, I was fucking enraged. Lily would step aside…fucking please. I wanted her and only her. We had been together for just over four months and she was right. Marriage wouldn’t solve anything, but it was a step in the right direction. Or I thought it was anyway. I meant what I said to her. If she would have said yes, I would have driven us to the first courthouse I came across. But she didn’t. Because she was the rational one in our relationship.

  I was leaning against the wall when Lily appeared in front of me.

  “Are we going to have a nice dinner or are you going to have that scowl on your face all night?”

  I opened my mouth to say something, but a laugh came out instead. “You drive me crazy, woman.”

  “Yeah, well, I can say the same about you.” She held out her hand.

  I took it and pulled her against me in a roug
h move.

  She gasped, slapping her hands against my chest.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, kissing her softly on the mouth.

  “I’m sorry too,” she whispered against my lips. “I’m not used to dealing with exes and this is fucking with my head.”

  “She’s not an ex.”

  “You fucked her. She’s an ex something. I have them too, but I didn’t continue fucking them.”

  Thank God for that.

  Lily frowned. “You did just have sex with her when you were kids right?”

  I cleared my throat but didn’t answer.

  “Figures,” Lily mumbled. “How long ago?”

  “We lost touch and ran into each other a few years ago.”

  Lily blew out a slow breath. “You said—”

  “I know what I said. I’ve seen her once since we were kids. Since we lived in that shithole we called home. I shouldn’t have left that out and I’m sorry, but I don’t like talking about it.” I used Mel to make me feel better and I wasn’t proud of that.

  “Why didn’t you just tell me?” Lily asked, staring up at me with all the hope in the world.

  “I was ashamed. My sex life has never been conventional and with her…I don’t want to talk about this with the woman I’m currently fucking.” I pushed away from Lily, rubbing the back of my neck.

  “Fine, I won’t ask anymore.” Lily came up on my side. “Thank you for telling me though.”

  I nodded, grabbing her hand.

  “We shouldn’t have done this.” Mel swung her legs over the side of the bed.

  “Why not? You show up, we fuck, end of. It’s not a big deal.”

  Her head whipped around. “It’s always a big deal with you. With all of you.” She huffed, wrapping the white sheet around her tanned skin. “I love you, Lucas.”

  I laughed.

  She glared at me.

  “Come on, Mel. You can’t seriously love me. What we have is not fucking love. The first time I fucked you, I raped you because I was forced to. I was a kid. I wasn’t strong enough to fight them off. And then you still wanted me.”