Broken Scars

by J. M. Walker

  “I wanted to come back here and fuck you senseless,” he whispered against my mouth.

  “Why?” I scratched my nails into his chest. “Did the things she say, turn you on?”

  “No, but it reminded me of what I used to like.” He sunk his teeth into my jaw. “It reminded me of how I used to be.”

  “Tell me you pushed her away,” I whispered. “Tell me again, Lucas.”

  “I did, Lily.” He slid his hands beneath my tank top. “I pushed her away because she wasn’t you. I’m yours. Fuck, baby, I belong to you.”

  I whimpered, a soft sob escaping me. Tears pricked the back of my eyes. “I hate this. I love you. But I’m scared. I’m so damn scared, Lucas.” I kissed him, lifting to my knees and shoving him onto his back. “I’ve never felt this with someone. You completely consume me.” I sunk my teeth into his neck. “I want to rip you apart and make you forget that you ever touched her in the first place. I want you to show me how you are. How you truly are. I want your wrath. Your rage as you force your cock inside me.” I lifted my head, staring down at him. “What’s wrong with me?”

  “Nothing.” His hands pushed beneath my shorts, cupping my ass. “Nothing is wrong with you. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I’m fucked up. I’ve been fucked up since I was a kid.”

  “Normal is boring,” I said, my voice wavering.

  He gave me a small smirk. “Yeah, baby. It is.”

  “I just want to move on.” I rested my head on his chest, my body shaking. “I want her gone and out of your life. And I want you to stop feeling so damn guilty.”

  “Lily.”

  “Don’t say that you don’t feel guilty because I know you do.” I lifted my head that time, placing my hands on his chest and straddling his lap.

  His thick erection pushed into me.

  I moved my hips back and forth in slow circles.

  He swallowed hard, the thick muscles in his neck working over the movement.

  “I know you feel guilty that you couldn’t stop that shit from happening. And I also know that you feel guilty that she kissed you.”

  Lucas sat up, pinched my chin, and forced me to look at him. “I do.”

  “But you shouldn’t,” I murmured.

  “I feel like I cheated on you,” he said, his voice cracking.

  “No.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “That wasn’t your fault. She started it.”

  “Lily.”

  “Did you like it when she touched you?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Not at fucking all.”

  “Did you want her to continue? Did you not push her away?”

  “No, I didn’t want her to continue and yes, I pushed her away, but I also wanted to come back here and show you just how rough I can be.” He blew out a slow breath. “I don’t fucking deserve you.”

  “Stop. You didn’t cheat on me. You didn’t.” I pushed my face into the crook of his thick neck and held him. We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. Just holding. Touching. Breathing. I had been with a lot of guys, but nothing ever compared to this. I didn’t just love Lucas. I was obsessed with him.

  And he was more than my world. He was my very existence.

  Lily

  I HAD GONE WITH Lucas later that afternoon to meet up with Mel, but she actually never showed up. She had delivered a package and kept it with the front desk of the hotel. Maybe she was scared. Either way, I was thankful we didn’t have to see her again.

  After that, we decided to check out of the hotel right away and head home.

  “I can’t believe Mel never showed up. Or that she works at the hotel we decided to rent for the weekend,” I said, breaking the silence and voicing the questions running through me. “Life is cruel if you ask me.”

  Lucas grunted, gripping my hand tight in his. “We didn’t live anywhere near that town either.” He sighed. “But yes, life is cruel. I’ll deliver these to Shephard and he’ll get rid of them.”

  “How do you know that those are the videos?”

  Lucas’s gaze flicked my way before looking back out at the road in front of us. “I don’t. But I can’t watch them to make sure they are what Mel says they are. So I’ll get Shephard to do it.”

  “God, I wouldn’t want that job.” I shivered, bile rising to my throat.

  “I know, baby. I’d watch them myself, but I know it would just destroy me. I’m man enough to admit that…I’m scared to see them and what they would do to me.”

  My eyes burned. “I know.” It still didn’t make sense to me. How could Mel work at a hotel that we decided to spend the weekend at? Did she know Lucas was going to be there? No. I mentally smacked myself. There was no way she could know that.

  Once we reached his apartment, we spent the evening cleaning it up and making it livable again. He hadn’t said much since we got home.

  “Are you hungry?” Lucas asked a few hours later.

  “I can always eat.” I gave him a small smile. I wasn’t curvy for nothing.

  He nodded, leaning the broom against the wall and heading into the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later with two plates.

  I could never get used to the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches he made me. “I like this,” I told him, sitting on the couch and bringing my knees up to my chest.

  “Yeah?” He sat beside me.

  “Yeah. It’s kind of our thing.” I took a bite of the sandwich.

  “Our thing?” He stretched his legs out in front of him, placing the plate on his lap and bringing the sandwich to his mouth. “I like having a thing.”

  I laughed lightly. “Me too.”

  A soft knock sounded on the door, jarring through our comfortable moment.

  “Who the hell could that be?” Lucas grumbled, putting his plate on the table in front of us. He headed to the door. “What are you doing here?”

  My heart jumped to my throat.

  “I was able to find out some information.”

  A breath of relief left me when I heard Shephard’s deep voice.

  “What did you find?” Lucas closed the door and locked it up. “I don’t have any beer.”

  “That’s fine.” Shephard came into the living room. “Hi, Lily.”

  “Hey.” I grabbed up the plates and put them away in the kitchen before joining the guys back in the living room.

  “Sorry it’s so late. It’s been one hell of a day.” Shephard knelt on the floor, placing a folder on the table.”

  “That’s fine. I have a favor to ask anyway.” Lucas handed him a black duffle bag. “I need you to check what’s on these. If they are what I think they are, they need to be destroyed.”

  Shephard nodded, taking the bag from him. “You have my word.”

  “Good.” Lucas sat on the couch. “So, what’s this about?” he asked, reaching out for me.

  I sat beside him.

  “After you called and told me that Lily was attacked and your apartment was broken into, I did some digging and found out that your computers were actually turned in at the station.”

  “Who turned them in?” Clearly the person didn’t get what they were looking for.

  “You didn’t hear this from me.” Shephard pushed the file closer to Lucas.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Lucas mumbled, opening the folder.

  “Good.” Shephard pointed at the folder. “That’s—”

  “Killian.” I gasped, clapping a hand to my mouth at the black and white image of Killian staring up at us from the folder.

  “You know him?” Shephard raised an eyebrow.

  “Yeah.” Lucas shifted beside me. “He has a thing for my girl.”

  “Interesting.” Shephard sat back, pulling one knee to his chest.

  “Why do you say that?” I asked as Lucas kept flipping through page after page.

  “Because Killian actually got kicked off the bureau about a year ago. He shot a person of interest in a suspected trafficking ring.”

  “What?
” My eyes widened. “He never said that.”

  “Because he shot someone who may or may not have been involved in a trafficking ring, is beside the point.” Shephard pointed at Lucas. “Remember, you more than anyone should know that some people do nice things as a cover up.”

  Lucas rubbed his nape, rolling his head back onto his shoulders. “I know.”

  “Why did he get kicked off the force for that?” I asked. “Wouldn’t that be a good thing?”

  “Sure. If the suspect ended up being guilty. But he unfortunately was in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Shephard shook his head. “And it didn’t help that Killian was doing illegal searches on his ex-wife’s new boyfriend. He was just looking for ways to get fired.”

  “Who the fuck is this guy?” Lucas grumbled.

  “Someone who wanted your computers. I don’t have any proof yet, but rumors are that he was trying to find some shit on you. It all makes sense now. If he wants you…” His words trailed off.

  “No, this doesn’t make sense. We dated but that wasn’t for long. That was months ago. He showed up here a few weeks ago but that was the last time I saw him,” I explained, not liking where this was going any more than Lucas did.

  “Are you sure?” Shephard pulled the file from Lucas and flipped the pages to the back. “Does this look familiar?”

  Both of us leaned forward.

  “What the fuck are we looking at?” Lucas demanded. “Is that…”

  “That’s me,” I whispered. I took the file from him and looked closer. It was a picture of the alleyway. Even though it had been nighttime, the camera got a clear shot of me on the ground with my attacker on top of me. “How did you get this? We tried finding…”

  “You tried hacking into the cameras,” Shephard added. “Lucas told me you were good with computers.”

  “She’s better than I am,” Lucas said, giving me a small smile.

  “I’m really not,” I mumbled.

  “You are.” He kissed my temple. “Be proud. I am.”

  “Thank you but I wouldn’t consider myself a hacker. I just know a thing or two about computers,” I told Shephard.

  “She’s being modest,” Lucas said. “Her capabilities far exceed mine.”

  Shephard grinned. “My boy’s in love.”

  I laughed.

  Lucas only shook his head and pulled me in closer to his side.

  “Either way.” Shephard cleared his throat. “That image was taken and removed from the camera before you could get your hands on it.”

  “Is this…” My eyes flicked back and forth between the two men staring at me. “It’s Killian. Isn’t it?”

  “It is.” Shephard rubbed the back of his neck. “But unfortunately, his face isn’t clear enough in that picture. I only know it’s him because I overheard him talking to someone else about it. They were planning it. He said something about the girl he’s seeing being into someone else. He was jealous. Not in the hot possessive way either.” Shephard stood and began pacing back and forth.

  “This doesn’t make sense. I’m no one important. He could get anyone he wanted. Why me?” I was just a random woman he dated out of convenience. I was no one.

  “That’s just it.” Lucas turned to me. “It’s because he can’t have you. That’s what his issue is.”

  “But why?” I asked again. “I’m no one special.”

  “I know I haven’t known you for long but the fact that you snatched up Lucas is saying something.” Shephard shrugged.

  “Uh…really?” I cupped Lucas’s shoulder. “Why? Were you unsnatchable or something?”

  “That’s not a word,” Lucas grumbled, his cheeks reddening.

  I smiled, placing a soft peck on his cheek. “Either way, this doesn’t make sense. At all. If he wouldn’t have been spooked, he could have raped me. Or killed me.” I forced those images to the back of my mind, not wanting to think about what could have happened.

  “It’s because you’re with Lucas and not him. Some people are like that. They can’t have you, so no one can have you. That sort of shit.” Shephard pointed at the file. “There’s more in there.”

  Lucas rubbed the back of his neck, flipping through page after page. “This doesn’t explain who broke into my apartment and stole…shit.”

  “What?” I peered over his shoulder. “Is that…”

  Shephard nodded, patting himself on the back. “You taught me a thing or two about computers. Remember?”

  Lucas grunted. “Yeah but I never expected you to remember half the shit I showed you.” He glanced at me. “I was able to get time cut off my sentence for helping this fucker out.”

  “You can do that?” I asked in awe.

  “Probably not but I did it anyway.” Shephard sat on the couch beside Lucas. “And you need to elaborate, Lucas. I actually took him under my wing,” Shephard explained.

  “Really?” I looked between the two men. “You mentioned he saved you.”

  “Aww.” Shephard batted his eyes.

  Lucas gagged.

  I giggled.

  “But in all seriousness….” Shephard paused, letting out a hard sigh. “I was just lucky to be in the right place at the right time.”

  “That’s so fucking true. He helped me when no one else would. He’s also the one who made me go to NA in the first place.”

  “You were in bad form, Lucas.” Shephard grimaced. “I don’t want to go back to that. Ever.”

  Lucas grunted. “Neither do I.”

  “Good.” Shephard clapped his shoulder. “Now, enough traveling down memory lane. Your computer got a clear shot of who stole everything. Clearly these guys are amateurs.”

  “Clearly.” Lucas showed me the image.

  My eyes widened. “I don’t understand. Why?” I asked, staring down at a perfect shot of Killian that Lucas’s computer camera took.

  “Because Killian is a fucker who is willing to do anything to make ends meet. And luckily, Lucas is smart and had his camera set to record everything standing in front of it.” Shephard stood, nodding toward the file in Lucas’s hand. “Keep it. I have another one.”

  “What would Killian need with your computers?” I asked Lucas.

  “He probably wanted to see if there was anything on it that can throw me back in jail.” Lucas stood, giving Shephard a one-armed hug. “Thank you.”

  Shephard nodded.

  Lucas released him.

  “I still don’t understand,” I said softly.

  “I don’t understand everything either but I’m working on it. I will find out what’s going on. I promise. But I have to ask…” Shephard hesitated. “Did you do any research on Killian?”

  “Uh…fuck.” Lucas tossed the file on the table. “I meant to, but I was distracted. I must have…” He cleared his throat.

  “Well, we’ll get this shit sorted. But I’ll leave you two alone now. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’ll be in touch when I find out anything else.” Shephard clapped Lucas’s shoulder, grabbed the duffle bag and showed himself out.

  When we were alone, Lucas knelt in front of me, taking my hands in his. “Killian is trying to bring me down to get to you. He probably thinks that if he can show that I’m a bad person or whatever, you would leave me.”

  “Never.” I cupped Lucas’s face. “You could be the Devil himself but as long as you’re good to me, I’d still love you.”

  “That’s a bit extreme,” Lucas mumbled.

  “Maybe.”

  “I should have done research on him like I had intended.” Lucas rubbed the back of his neck. “I can’t believe I forgot to do that shit.”

  “Hey.” I grabbed his hand, kissing his knuckles. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not, Lily.” He went to pull away, but I only tightened my hold.

  “I promise it is. Killian is an asshole and he’s looking for something. We’ll figure it out. But I don’t want you blaming yourself.”

  “You’re too good to m
e,” Lucas mumbled.

  “No such thing.” I leaned closer, needing to feel him. To touch him. It had felt like so long, I just wanted him to hold me. To tell me that everything was going to be okay. That Killian and Mel would leave us alone. “Lucas,” I breathed.

  “Yeah?” He licked his lips, inching closer.

  “I don’t know what to do.” His hot breath fanned across my lips. “But I know that right now, I want you.”

  His nostrils flared, his good eye darkening. “Have me, baby. Have every inch of me. It’s yours. All of it.” He kissed the corner of my mouth, brushing his lips down the length of my jaw to my ear. “Every last drop, Lily.”

  I whimpered, my core clenching, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t budge. I wanted him to control me. No. I wanted us to control each other. I wanted our love to snap until all we could feel was that raw passion sizzling between us.

  “I can smell your pussy.” He sunk his teeth into my neck. In a quick move, he pulled me from the couch and onto his lap.

  My breath came out in pants. “I can feel how hard you are.”

  “For you, baby.” His mouth roamed down the length of my throat. “Always so fucking hard for you.”

  “Does it hurt?” I gripped his t-shirt, reaching beneath it to touch his hot skin.

  “It does, Lily. It hurts so fucking much.”

  “I can kiss it better.” I bit his shoulder. “I can make that ache go away.”

  “Nah, baby.” He fisted my hair, forced my head back, and stared intently into my eyes. “I want you to make it worse.”

  ***

  (Lucas)

  “Do you know what’s going to be done about Killian?” Lily asked later that night. She was on top of my bed, naked, on her stomach with her feet kicking back and forth behind her. She rested her chin in her hands, smiling at me as I got dressed.

  “I’ll meet with Shephard, make sure he destroyed the videos and also see what I can find out. But I don’t want you worrying about it.” I placed a soft peck on her mouth. “I have to stop by the shop. I need to email my clients and tell them that I’m back in business.”

  “Isn’t that my job?” she asked, rolling over onto her back.