Broken Scars

by J. M. Walker

  I didn’t know what to say. I held him. I held him so damn tight.

  Lucas cradled me against him, rocking us back and forth. He ran light circles over my upper back, soothing the pain coursing through me.

  “You’re freaking me out, Lily Pad.” He rained pecks on my face, kissing my tears away.

  “My grandma,” I said, my voice cracking. “She had a heart attack.”

  “Shit.” Lucas held me against him. “I’m so sorry. Have you talked to the doctors yet?”

  “I did last night. I think.” I was lost, so damn lost, I didn’t know how many hours had passed since I had shown up at the hospital. “What time is it?”

  “It’s morning. It’s been almost eight hours.” He gave me a lopsided smile. “Have you seen her?”

  “Briefly. She was resting, and I didn’t want to bother her or have her to see me cry. I know it’s bound to happen. She’s getting old. But she’s the strongest person I know. This isn’t right. The doctors said that it was mild but…”

  “I get it.” Lucas placed a soft peck on my mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. For everything. For the pain I’ve caused you. No matter what I’ve been through, losing you hurts the worst.”

  “You haven’t—”

  “Don’t.” He pinched my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “We’ll talk about this later.” He brushed his thumbs under my eyes.

  We sat there and stared at each other. God, I loved him. I loved him so damn much. He had said that I was the light in the darkness that had taken over his life, but the truth was, he was my light too. Every time he walked into the room, my breath caught. My body heated. And my love for him grew.

  He looked like he had aged years in a matter of hours. I noticed for the first time that some gray had grown in through his beard. Reaching out, my fingers grazed over his scruff. We weren’t that many years apart in age. He was in his early thirties, but the gray was already starting to come through.

  “I like this gray,” I whispered.

  He leaned his forehead against mine, grabbed my hand, and held it tight between us. “I know we have a lot to work through but I’m hoping, I’m praying we can get through this.”

  “Just hold me, Lucas. Please.” I didn’t want to talk about everything else at the moment. I moved to the chair beside him and leaned against him.

  “Rest, Lily Pad,” he murmured in my ear and wrapped his arm around my waist. “I got you. Everything else can wait.”

  I grabbed his hand, running my thumb over his bruised knuckles. “What happened?”

  “I got into a fight with a wall or two,” he murmured.

  “You did?” I turned, looking up at him. “Who won?”

  His gaze flicked down to mine. “I did. I always fucking win, Lily, and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to win you back.” His hand cupped my thigh, holding me, squeezing me, giving me the strength I needed to move past this.

  “I…” My breath caught in my throat, the words dying on my tongue. I didn’t want to be apart from him but the image of Mel naked in his storage room, wouldn’t leave my head. Add to the fact he confessed to her sucking his cock. Even if it were true and that he was stuck in his head, it still didn’t make it right. It fucked with me. I could still see every inch of her. Her perfect curves. Her full tits. Her slender waist. Everything that I was not. “She’s beautiful,” I whispered. “I can still see her. And what you confessed…” I swallowed past the hard lump that had taken permanent residence in my throat.

  “Fuck.” Lucas turned me toward him. “I don’t know how to explain that. I don’t understand it myself but it’s what happened. I’m just being honest with you. But I can tell you that you are beautiful, Lily. You have no reason to be insecure, but I get it. Alright? I do. How do you think I felt when I found out you slept with Killian? There’s a lot of shit about him that you don’t know but we can discuss it later.” He shook his head. “What I’m saying is that I felt…you don’t think I have my own insecure moments? I’m fucked up, Lily Pad.” He kissed my forehead. “I have scars. I’m sure you’ve been with other men who are perfect.”

  “No.” I latched on to his hoodie. “None of them compared to you. You are gorgeous, Lucas.”

  Lucas pinched my chin, tilting my head back to meet his intense stare. “And you are perfect. You don’t need to compare yourself to Mel. At all. You’re curvy in all the right places. I love the way you feel in my arms. I love the freckles that dance on your skin because the sun kissed your body. I love the deep green of your eyes that darken when you’re pissed or turned on. Sometimes both. I love when you chew your bottom lip and it turns red to the point it looks like you’re wearing lipstick. I’m sure most women would kill for that.”

  I laughed lightly.

  “I love that tiny brown speckle in your right eye. It’s so faint but I can see it. It’s a perfect flaw.”

  “You can see it?” I asked, surprised that he would even notice such a thing.

  “I can.” He kissed my nose. “I also love how strong you are when I know you struggle. We all struggle. But no matter how hard you have it, you put others before you. You put me before you and I can never repay you for that.”

  Tears pricked my eyes, my nose burning. “I…”

  “I love you, Lily. I will do whatever I can to make this up to you. You have questions and I’ll answer them as best I can. We will talk about this, but we need to make sure your grandma is okay first. That’s the most important thing right now.”

  I nodded, throwing my arms around his thick neck. God, I loved him. He pissed me off and drove me crazy, but I loved him. I loved him with every fiber of my very being. I just prayed that our love was enough.

  ***

  (Lucas)

  I wasn’t sure if Lily and I were good. I had never been in a relationship before, so I wasn’t sure what the signs were. Women were confusing all on their own and add my own fuck up to the mix and I had no idea what the hell was going on.

  The doctor came and told Lily that she could see her grandmother. Even though the heart attack had been a mild one, with her age, they wanted to keep her in the hospital under observation for a few days. Much to her dismay.

  “Why the hell do I need to stay here? I feel fine.”

  “Grandma, you know why you have to stay here.” Lily patted her grandmother’s hand. “I promise that you’ll be out soon, but you need to rest and take it easy.”

  “I play Bridge.” Ethel scoffed. “What’s easier than that?”

  “Is that all you play?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  Both ladies looked my way.

  “I just mean…” I shrugged. “You know.”

  Ethel laughed. “You can’t get the words out? Come on. I’ve heard you two.”

  “Grandma.” Lily gasped, her cheeks reddening.

  A laugh boomed through me. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Right. Just because I’m old, doesn’t mean shit, Lucas.” She pointed at me. “I like sex too there, sweetheart.”

  “Oh God.” Lily covered her face. “I can’t believe you two are having this conversation.”

  I chuckled. “I guess that means you need to take it easy.”

  “Well, apparently this old ticker can’t handle it. This sucks.” Ethel sighed. “This sucks a lot.”

  “Okay, well this got really weird.” Lily stood from the bed. “We should go so you can rest.”

  “Fine.” Ethel sat forward. “But I need to know something first.” She patted the spot in front of her. “Sit. Both of you.”

  We did as we were told with Lily on one side and me on the other. Ethel grabbed our hands, bringing them together and held them.

  “You two love each other. I see it. God, I can feel it. I know something has happened. I don’t need to know what.” She looked pointedly at me. “I’m not going to threaten you but when it comes to my granddaughter, she’s my life. She’s the only family I have left. Whatever happened, I know t
ogether, you can work through it.” She looked at Lily then.

  “I proposed to her,” I blurted.

  Ethel’s gaze popped back to mine.

  “But it wasn’t the right time,” I added.

  “You’ll know when it is,” Ethel said. “Just please don’t give up on each other. Lucas, I know you had a hard childhood. I’m not stupid. I can sense it. And while both of you have your own struggles, don’t think you have to deal with them by yourselves. You have each other. You have me. That love you have is hard to find, so please don’t give up.”

  My chest tightened.

  Lily sniffed, wiping under her eyes. “I love you, Grandma.”

  “I love you too. Now give this old woman a hug and leave so I can flirt with the hot doctors and get some sleep.” She waggled her eyebrows.

  Lily giggled and gave her a hug.

  “I want a hug from you too, big guy.” Ethel held her arms out.

  My face burned but I did as I was told.

  She gave me a hard squeeze which was strong coming from someone so small. “She loves you. Treat her right and make up for what happened and everything else will fall into place.”

  I swallowed hard, leaning back.

  “Promise me.” She cupped my face.

  I nodded. “I promise.”

  ***

  (Lily)

  “I’m happy to know that she still has her humor,” I told Lucas as we walked out of the hospital.

  “Me too.” He smiled down at me.

  “How did you get here?” I asked him, once we stepped out into the cool evening air.

  “Toby drove me.” Lucas pulled his cell from his pocket. “I’ll call a taxi.”

  A few minutes later, one pulled up in front of us. I gave the driver the address to my place. “You’re coming over, right?”

  Lucas grabbed my hand. “If you want me to.”

  I nodded. “Yes, please.”

  A breath left him, his shoulders relaxing like he had been waiting for me to say those words his whole life.

  I held his hand in mine. No words passed between us, but they didn’t need to. I wanted to work through everything. I loved Lucas and while I didn’t understand what happened, I was willing to try. For us.

  When we pulled up to my house, Lucas paid the driver and we left the car.

  We walked hand in hand up to the house when a throat cleared, stopping us in our tracks.

  “Fuck,” Lucas grumbled.

  I slowly turned around, finding Killian coming toward us.

  “Well, don’t you two look cozy.” Killian rubbed the thick scruff on his jaw, his dark eyes flicking between us. “Clearly, you’ve made up.”

  “That’s none of your fucking business,” Lucas threw at him. “How the hell did you get out? Shephard played that little recording for me. Did you pay someone off?”

  Killian grinned.

  Lucas stepped in front of me. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because I want to watch you break.” Killian’s face turned red. “I want you to fucking suffer.”

  “You’ve lost your fucking mind,” Lucas threw at him, his back rigid. “Is that what happened? Were you fucked stupid?”

  My heart jumped. “Lucas?”

  Killian took a step toward him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “I know who you are,” Lucas told him. “I didn’t recognize you at first, Ronny. And I was too damn distracted to do any research on you. You’re lucky there. Because if I would have, I’d have found out who you were weeks ago. And then you wouldn’t have been able to use Mel.”

  “I would have found a way and the fucking name is Killian,” he snapped, shoving Lucas into me.

  I stumbled back a step, grabbing onto Lucas’s hoodie.

  “You good, Lily Pad?” he asked, not taking his gaze from Killian’s.

  “Yes.” But it didn’t mean that I wasn’t concerned as to what was about to happen.

  “Good.” He reached behind him.

  I grabbed his hand.

  “What do you want, Ronny?”

  “Stop calling me that,” Killian boomed.

  “But it’s your name. Or it was. Does Lily know who you are? No. Probably not. Seeing as I haven’t had a chance to tell her. So how about we educate her now?” Lucas peered down at me over his shoulder. “Ronald Olle. You know him as Killian Hayes. He’s my adopted brother.”

  My eyes widened.

  “Killian, Ronny, whatever the fuck you want to call him, has an issue with me because Mel wanted me and not him. And now you want me.”

  “And not him,” I added.

  “He’s feeling left out, it seems.” Lucas glanced back at Killian whose face was beet red. “Isn’t that right?”

  “You just wouldn’t die. No matter how much I tried getting you in fucking trouble, you took it. You took it all. Whatever they had to give you. You just wouldn’t fucking die.” Killian’s chest rose and fell with ragged breaths. “I hate you. I hate you for coming into our home. It was me. I was the damn star. And then you showed up.”

  “You’re proud of that fact, Killian? We were raped, abused, tortured. We were in fucking movies and you’re jealous of me? This isn’t about whose dick is bigger. It was about life and fucking death. But I begged to die. I begged repeatedly but they got off on that shit. You know that.” Lucas released my hand, taking a step toward Killian. “I tried protecting you. I tried protecting all of you. I didn’t want any of that shit to happen.”

  “You took her from me,” Killian yelled, charging for Lucas. “You took her and made her fall in love with you. Mel was mine. She was always mine.” He pulled his arm back, slamming his fist against Lucas’s face.

  I gasped.

  Lucas stood stock still, a dark laugh escaping him. “Hit me again, fucker. I never asked for that shit. I never asked for Mel to fall in love with me. I don’t want her. You can do whatever you please with that woman. I’m done with that shit.”

  Although Lucas told Killian that he was done, it only made Killian swing another blow at him. But this time, Lucas caught his fist and forced him to the ground.

  Doors slammed shut. Two cops came toward us, their guns drawn.

  “Lucas.” I rushed to him. “The cops are coming. Lucas, stop.”

  He released Killian. “You’re dead to me.”

  “Like I give a fuck, asshole.” Killian rose to his feet, his dark eyes glaring into me. “I should have fucking killed you in that alley.”

  My stomach dropped to the ground beneath me.

  A growl sounded beside me.

  “What have I ever done to you?” I demanded, shoving Killian back. “You’re a monster.”

  “No!” He pointed at Lucas. “He’s the monster and you’re fucking in love with him. How does that feel, Lily? How does it feel being in love with something that lurks in the fucking shadows? I’ve seen the shit he did. The kids he forced himself on.”

  “No.” I shoved him again. “He did it to survive. Stop this. Please. You two were in hell together. You should be there for each other.”

  “Fucking please.” Killian turned around and began walking away. “Arrest them.”

  “What? You can’t do this!” I screamed when the two cops charged for Lucas. “Killian. Stop this!”

  “Shephard, we need you,” I heard Lucas say.

  “Killian.” But he ignored me and continued walking to his SUV.

  “You’re not even a fucking Fed anymore you bastard,” Lucas yelled. “Do you have them on your payroll?”

  Killian glanced at us over his shoulder, a wicked grin spreading on his face. “Keep talking. Your sentence is getting longer by the second.”

  “Stop!” I ran to him, beating my hands against his chest. “Please stop this.”

  Killian grabbed my wrists, kicking my feet out from under me and dropped me onto the ground.

  I landed hard, the air leaving my lungs on a sharp gasp.

  “Let her go!” I heard Lucas bellow.r />
  I couldn’t see him. All I could focus on was the cold, soulless eyes staring down at me.

  “I should have gotten my fill of you in that alley. I bet you’re nice and tight too. I could have broken you in for him. Maybe fuck this sweet little ass too.” Killian leaned down to my ear. “I should have ripped you apart and left you for the rats to feast on.”

  My blood burned through me. Struggling beneath him, I kicked and shoved. I was able to get one hand free and before I thought twice about it, my fist landed against his cheek. Agony screamed up my arm, but I didn’t care. I did it again. And again, before he grabbed my wrist.

  “Hit me again, Lily. I like it rough.” Killian pushed off of me, fisted my hair, and pulled me to my knees.

  I screamed as hair ripped free from my head.

  “Let her fucking go,” Lucas growled.

  I saw him then. He was on his knees, his hands handcuffed behind his back.

  “Take them.” Killian kicked me in the back, shoving me forward.

  I cried out.

  “They’re not worth it. Especially this fucking whore.”

  One of the cops came toward me.

  Before I could run, he grabbed my hands. The sound of a handcuff shackling around my wrists forced tears to my eyes. He tightened them to the point they pinched the skin.

  “Get up,” the other cop demanded, pushing Lucas.

  Lucas stood, coming toward me. “Don’t say anything,” he whispered. “I called Shephard. He’ll help us. But if they ask questions, get a lawyer, baby. Please get a lawyer.”

  “I will.” I leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his mouth before I was pulled back and shoved into the back seat of the cop car.

  Lucas was pushed in beside me, the door slammed shut behind him. “Look at me.”

  I turned my head toward him.

  “You’re strong,” he murmured. “You hear me?”

  I nodded, my heart pounding in my ears.

  He leaned his forehead against mine. “Don’t say anything.”

  I nodded again.

  The cops sat in the front. We headed to the police station in silence. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t right at fucking all.