Broken Scars

by J. M. Walker

  Lucas

  AFTER WHAT FELT LIKE years, Lily and I were finally let go. Thanks to Shephard. When I headed outside, I found Lily and him talking quietly between themselves.

  She caught my gaze, holding out her arms.

  I rushed to her, picking her up and holding her so fucking tight against me. I should have been concerned about breaking her. But I wasn’t because I knew that she was strong. She was so damn strong.

  “I’m fine,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m fine, Lucas.”

  I placed her gently back on her feet, cupping her face. “Tell me everything,” I said to Shephard, keeping my gaze locked on Lily’s.

  “The cops who arrested you are rookies. They were on break when Killian called them. They didn’t know that there was a search warrant out for him. But I was able to have your names cleared and he will be charged.”

  I glanced up at Shephard then, tugging Lily into my side. “And?”

  “I have a tail out on Mel but haven’t heard anything yet. So just be careful. Please for the love of God, be careful.” He shook his head. “You would think after what you guys have been through, you would stick together.”

  I grunted. “You would think.”

  “Let me drive you home.” Shephard started walking away.

  Lily and I followed.

  “Lucas?” Lily said softly.

  “Yeah?”

  “You okay?” she asked gently.

  “Yup.” But I wasn’t. My body was vibrating. Although neither of us were charged with anything, the fact that Killian had touched her in the first place made me crave his death. My hands clenched into fists. My skin rippled over my bones. My blood was burning through me. I needed a release.

  “Shephard?” Lily stopped walking. “I think we should walk home. Lucas needs to burn off some of that rage.”

  Shephard looked between us two. “Do you want me to follow?”

  “No,” she answered for us. “But thank you. Thank you for everything.” She took a step forward, but I wouldn’t let go of her hand. She raised an eyebrow. “Lucas.”

  “Not letting you go, baby,” I ground out. “Not letting you go ever again.”

  Her breath caught. “Fine.” She motioned for Shephard to come toward her.

  He did.

  I growled.

  “Seriously.” He chuckled. “I’m not stupid enough to want your girl.”

  Lily laughed lightly, giving him a one-armed hug. “Thank you for everything. Keep your phone close by. Just in case. But I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

  He nodded. “You good?” he asked me.

  “Yup.” But I wasn’t. Not one fucking bit.

  ***

  (Lily)

  “Look at me.” I placed my hands against Lucas’s chest. “Hey.”

  His good eye met mine, his jaw clenching. He tightened his hold on my wrist, running his thumb back and forth over my pulse point.

  “We’re fine,” I reassured him. “I’m fine. I promise.”

  “He touched you, Lily. That’s all I can fucking see. And I’m sure he said vile things to you as well.” Lucas wrapped his other arm around my shoulders. “This isn’t about me being possessive of you. This is about him threatening your life.”

  “I know,” I whispered, cupping his nape. “But he’s gone. I’m fine, baby. I am.”

  “Fuck.” Lucas shivered, leaning his forehead against mine and letting out a slow breath. “I’m losing my shit over here.”

  “I know that too.” I leaned my head back and tapped my mouth.

  “I can’t, Lily Pad.” He tightened his hold on my hand and led us away from the police station, to my grandmother’s place.

  “You’re going to kiss me.” I wrapped my hand around his arm. “And I’m going to kiss you back, Lucas. And then we’ll talk. We’ll have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and lots of coffee.” I tugged his arm when he didn’t say anything. “But you will kiss me.”

  “Fuck, Lily. Of course I’ll kiss you but I can’t kiss you right now because I’m losing my control. I can’t kiss you knowing his hands were on you because I want to kiss you and make you forget that you ever fucked him in the first place. If it wasn’t against the law, I’d throw you on the ground and fuck you here until there was nothing left. And then I would expect you to do the same to me. We would own each other and make both of us forget.”

  I shivered at the thought. “I thought you said it wasn’t about you being possessive?”

  Lucas grunted. “I lied.”

  “Alright, Lucas. Take me home so we can wash the police station off of us.” And talk. God, did we ever need to talk.

  We walked the rest of the way home in silence. It was unnerving in a way. As much as I knew that the sex right now would be explosive, it wouldn’t help either of us. So I had to rein in on the control that Lucas was losing.

  When we reached my place, I unlocked the door and entered the house.

  The door slammed shut behind me.

  I jumped, spinning on Lucas.

  “Sorry.” He blew out a slow breath, rubbing a hand over his head. “I just need a moment.”

  “Come with me.” I held out my hand.

  He took it, letting me lead him down the hall and to my bedroom.

  “We’re going to have a shower.” I lifted my hand when he went to speak. “But we’re not having sex. Not this second anyway.”

  His brows narrowed.

  “Trust me, as much as I would love it and know that we both need it, we need to talk.”

  He frowned. “I know but I need you.”

  “We need to talk,” I insisted, heading into the bathroom.

  “I can’t have a shower with you and not…”

  “You can touch me and not fuck me, Lucas.” I turned at the same time he crashed into me.

  “I need you,” he whispered, his rough voice sliding over every inch of me.

  “I know,” I murmured. “But you need this more. Trust me. Right now, I need…” I stared up at him. “We need this. We need the intimacy of just showering together.”

  “I don’t…” He shivered, his big body shaking. “You’re holding back because of Mel. Aren’t you?”

  “I…” Was I? “No. Not exactly. I need to know that it’s just you and me. I need to know that I can trust you again. Please prove to me that I can trust you, Lucas.”

  He nodded, placing a soft peck on my nose. “I’ll give this to you right now, Lily Pad. But come tonight, you say the word and your submission is mine.”

  My stomach tumbled. Stepping away from him, I stripped.

  Lucas’s breath caught in his throat, but he took off his clothes as well.

  We showered in silence, the evidence of our day washing down the drain. When we were done, Lucas wrapped me in a large towel and lifted me onto the counter. He wrapped a towel around his hips and left the bathroom. He came back a moment later with two bags of ice.

  I grabbed one from him. I reached out, taking off his eye patch and pressed the ice pack against his upper cheek.

  He grabbed my hand and placed his against my knuckles, stepping between my knees.

  I shivered at the cool touch even though having him this close sent a wave of heat rushing through me.

  “How bad does it hurt?” he asked, running his thumbs over my knuckles.

  I shrugged, flexing my hand. “It’s not broken. Just tender.”

  He nodded. “You did well, Lily Pad. I wasn’t expecting you to actually hit him.”

  “He attacked me. God, after all this time, I had actually hoped it wasn’t him. I thought maybe he just had issues. But to actually attack me?” I grimaced, my stomach twisting.

  “He’s a bastard, Lily.”

  “I’m sure Killian’s face hurts more though.” One could hope.

  Lucas’s face broke out into a grin. “Oh yeah. You got a good hit in. I still can’t believe the fucker threw us in jail.”

  “Same.” I removed the pack from his eye. Th
e spot was bruised but it was the only hit Killian could get in before Lucas almost pummeled him into the ground. “If I wouldn’t have stopped you, would you have taken it further?”

  “You mean, would I have killed him?” Lucas placed the pack on the counter and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Probably, Lily.”

  I swallowed hard. “Are we…is this…” My breath hitched.

  “What are you asking me?” Lucas stared down at me.

  I cupped his beautiful scarred face.

  “Lily.” He pushed his cheek into my palm. “I need to know.”

  “Ask me,” I whispered.

  “Are we done? I don’t want to be, but I understand. As much as it will hurt, I can’t force you to stay with me.” He lifted me in his arms, carrying me out of the bathroom. He placed me on my feet before pulling back the covers. “It’s been a long night,” he said without waiting for me to answer.

  Were we done?

  I nodded, slipping out of the towel. My cheeks burned when I remembered what I had walked in on. When I told him that I was done. When I realized that I shouldn’t be standing naked in front of him, but it was out of habit. “I’m sorry.” I crouched to pick up the towel when a gentle but firm hand cupped my own.

  “We just had a shower together,” he reminded me.

  “I know. I just…this feels…”

  “It’s a habit. Isn’t it? Being naked in front of me? Letting me touch you. Hold you. Make love to you. It’s all a habit.”

  I looked up at him and slowly nodded.

  “I’m not going to press for anything, Lily. I just want to hold you. That’s all. Please let me hold you.”

  I let him pull me to my feet. I let him cup my face and place a soft peck on my mouth. I pushed back the images of what I had walked in on. I pushed back the idea that it looked like he and Mel had sex even though he was supposed to be with me. They didn’t. They didn’t have sex. It was what she wanted me to think. But she did touch him. I pushed back the bile that had suddenly risen to my throat and just felt Lucas’s lips against mine.

  I felt. I cherished. I owned.

  I would conquer this. Whatever this was. Lucas was mine. He had to be. I couldn’t have it any other way.

  “You said you would explain,” I said softly, my voice cracking. “When I walked in on…I wanted to throw up. I’ve been insecure since she showed up and seeing her with you, naked…” I shook my head. “I’ve never felt self-conscious of my curves until her.”

  “Your curves are fucking perfect,” Lucas growled. “Don’t think they aren’t because they are.”

  “Thank you for saying that but it still doesn’t make me feel better.”

  “I need to explain something to you.” He pulled me to the bed, wrapping the blankets around me, shielding my nudity from him. He rubbed his nape, blowing out a slow breath. “I remembered shit from my past. I don’t understand the psychology behind it, but my brain blocked some of it out. I’ve had random blackouts over the years. They don’t happen often but when they do, things happen, and I don’t remember. I think that might have been why I forgot to do research on Killian.” He scowled. “Anyway, my adoptive mom was her real mom.”

  “You told me that. I should have heard you out. I should have…”

  “Don’t. Don’t blame yourself.” He grabbed my hands, holding them tightly in his. “This is all on me. I’m going to be honest with you. You may not like everything I have to say.” He brought my hands up to his mouth. “But I need to get this out. I need you to know all of me. Every dirty fucked up detail.”

  I inhaled a sharp breath. “Tell me.”

  ***

  (Lucas)

  “I don’t remember any good part of my childhood. From the moment I was born to the moment I escaped, my childhood was fucked up.” Lily placed her hand on my forearm. I pulled strength from that touch. “I remember now that my adoptive parents forced me to fuck Mel. She acted like she didn’t want it, but I quickly realized that she did. It was fucked up. It was like some sick porn film. I raped her repeatedly. But I wasn’t the only one. Other guys my age. Some younger. Some older. Even other girls. They were forced to sodomize her, each other.” My stomach twisted. “Our adoptive parents made me watch them fuck each other. Bobby, my adoptive father, forced me to fuck his wife. I was used the most because I had a…my…”

  “I understand,” Lily said softly.

  “I never asked to be this size,” I told her. “But I was used the most. Fucked the most. Because I’m big. I…” Memories twisted together. Evil, depraved, vile nightmares that threatened to ruin me. To bring me back to the past.

  “We don’t have to continue.” Lily squeezed my hands.

  “No.” I blew out a slow breath, turning my body toward her. “I need to get this out. I need you to understand. Hell, I don’t even understand but I need to explain what I can, to you. I should have known something was off. She used to wear this rose perfume. It was the only thing I could smell as a kid, it was so strong. It was used against me to the point that it’s now a trigger. So when we went to the hotel, I could smell it. I should have known, Lily.”

  “Roses are popular.” She cupped my cheek. “How could you have known?”

  “She said she wore it because it reminded her of our time together.” I picked at a fuzz on the blanket, my gaze not meeting hers.

  “When she showed up at my shop the other night, she said things that brought back horrible memories,” I continued. “She smelled like that damn rose perfume and it triggered something to the point I couldn’t differentiate present from my past. But something reminded me of you. I heard your name. I don’t know how. But your name slid into my mind. And it made me snap out of it. But she had already…she was…fuck, she was sucking me off. I’ll never forgive myself for letting it get to that point. I was naïve to think that she could just talk and nothing else would happen.” I cupped Lily’s face. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for breaking your heart. I know it doesn’t help but it didn’t mean anything. She…”

  “Sexually molested you,” Lily added.

  “Yeah, I guess you could call it that.” I leaned my head back against the headboard. “There was a point in my life where I considered becoming celibate. I even considered becoming a man of the Church. I know it doesn’t make sense, but I thought maybe if I was a man of the cloth, I wouldn’t be tempted to have sex no matter how much I didn’t enjoy it as a kid.”

  “I get that.”

  “You do?” I asked her.

  She nodded. “It’s almost like if you were to become a priest or whatever you decided, other people would be less likely to hit on you and things like that as well. They would have more respect for you.”

  “I know that’s not always the case but…yeah.”

  She gave me a soft smile. “Thank you for telling me.”

  “Lily? I’m losing my shit over here.” I needed to know. “Are you leaving me?” My voice cracked. I hated how desperate I sounded.

  “No, Lucas.” She threw herself in my arms. “I’m not going anywhere. I still don’t understand this mental thing, but I think you have some form of PTSD.”

  I looked away.

  “Hey.” She cupped my face, forcing me to look up at her. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You went through a lot, Lucas. You survived more than most. I may not understand it, but I believe you. I’m sorry for freaking out and not hearing what you had to say.”

  “No.” I leaned my head against her chest. “Don’t. Don’t you dare fucking apologize. You had every right to freak out. It sounds crazy. I know it does. But that’s what happened.”

  Lily leaned back. “I believe you.”

  I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “Thank fucking God.”

  ***

  Later that night, I was holding Lily against me when I clued in that we were still naked. Very naked. My dick twitched beneath her ass. All of the feelings from the past few weeks came rushing back. They were hard. Fast. And they hit me right
in the chest. “Lily.” I placed a soft peck on her neck. “I need you.”

  “Lucas,” she whispered.

  “I need your taste on my tongue.” My body vibrated, my hold on her tightening. “Please, Lily. Let me taste you.”

  She started rocking against me.

  “Fuck.” I shivered. “Don’t tease me.” I flipped us so she was laying on the bed beneath me. “Please, baby.” I placed a soft peck on the corner of her mouth. “Let me please this sweet little body. Let me show you how much I’ve missed your creamy cunt on my tongue. I need you. Let me make it up to you. Let me savor you.” My voice became lower, my skin rippling over my bones. I had never wanted her so damn much.

  Lily cupped my face. “You can wait.”

  “I don’t want to wait.” I kissed her palm and slid down the length of her body before sinking my teeth into her hip. “I want to please you. I want to make you explode on my tongue. I want to drink up your sweet sugar. Please. Fuck. I’m begging here.”

  Her cheeks reddened, her pupils dilating. She was fucking enjoying this. Lifting her hips, she taunted and teased. “How bad do you want it?”

  I groaned, the sweetness of her desire wafting into my nose. I glanced down at her shaved pussy. Her clit was peeking through the folds of her center, a drop of cream dripping from her body. “As bad as you, clearly.”

  She laughed, her cheeks reddening even more. “I love you.”

  “Fuck, baby,” I said, my voice gruff. “I love you too.” I kissed her bent knee, trailing my lips down her inner thigh. “I love you so damn much. Everything about you. Everything that makes up you. My sweet girl. My Lily Pad.”

  “I’m yours,” she panted.

  A growl escaped me. “I need your pussy.”

  Her breath caught, her chest rising and falling. She ran a hand over my head, through my hair, and when her fingers brushed the scar of my blind eye, she licked her lips.

  “I’m losing my fucking mind,” I snarled, giving her inner thigh a sharp bite.

  She yelped, her eyes blazing with a heat I had never seen from her before. “Do it. Now.”

  ***

  (Lily)