Courage to follow your heart

by Christina Aas

  “Huh?” Kris stared open-mouthed at her quizzically. “What do you mean?”

  Liz looked briefly down before continuing. “Well, I went by your apartment the evening before you left to ask how you were doing, and Carrie opened the door introducing herself as your girlfriend…” Liz peered carefully up at Kris, not really sure how to bring this up, this moment which had strained her heart for a week already.

  e“Oh”, Kris’ voice lowered distinctly and an edge of anger tore through, to Liz’ surprise. Liz quickly evaded her look and fidgeted with her hand at her side, nervous at the sudden mood shift in Kris. Kris gently embraced her fingers with her own and stilled her emotion, intertwining their fingers again. “You have nothing to worry about, I promise” she looked deep into Liz’ eyes. “It was just Carrie being Carrie. She couldn’t really accept that I’d broken up with her, so she flew down to California that day without my knowing it. We had a huge fight about it back in Canada before I left, and I made it crystal clear to her that things are over between us.”

  Kris’ angry eyes glazed over and a careful softness took hold. “The thought of returning here to you and trying to find out what this thing between us is, that’s what kept me going all week.” Kris closed her eyes and let out a soft breath. “I hope I still haven’t lost my chance?” she asked while she opened her eyes and looked into Liz with a painful vulnerability Liz had never seen in Kris before. Liz grabbed Kris’ hand and brought it to her lips while she very gently kissed her fingers, returning the smile with as much warmth as she could muster in a single look. “Never.”

  A splash brought them both suddenly back to reality as one of the Indian students jumped in at the far end of the pool. Kris looked out across the pool, “I wanted to go for a swim, do you wanna join me?” Liz cast Kris a regretful look. “I do, but I promised Felicia and Katie that I would meet them this afternoon to go over some things before dinner. It’s in fifteen minutes and I still have to shower and get dressed.” She quickly glanced at her watch and grimaced. “I’m really sorry about this, but I don’t have a way of reaching them to let them know I won’t show up after all.” Kris shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, really, it’s no stress.” She squeezed Liz’ shoulder.

  “But maybe I could see you after dinner, just to talk and catch up?” Kris looked questioningly into Liz’ eyes. “Of course, I would love to.” Liz nodded fiercely. “Let’s meet at the grass spot behind our apartment building?”

  “Okay, you have a deal. Now go, get ready and join your friends. I’ll just swim for a while and get my head straight before I have to face the rest of the crowd during dinner” Kris smiled at Liz and waved her off. Liz hesitated before she finally started slowly walking away, regretting her plans but already looking forward to later that evening, feeling butterflies moving about in her belly in eager anticipation of finally getting Kris to herself to hear more about how she was really doing. As she was about to exit the gate at the pool, she turned one last time only to catch Kris jumping into the pool. The sight was magnificent, her lean body sailing through the air and her muscles rippling when they hit the water. Wow… Liz felt her heart skip a beat and a tingle strike across the skin of her body. Calm yourself! She needs a friend right now, more then she needs a lovesick puppy following her around. Liz silently scolded herself for not having any self-control. Kris didn’t need that now, she needed someone who could listen and comfort her, and be there for her through this tough time. Get a grip of yourself! Liz strode quickly off toward her apartment.

  Behind the bushes a shadow emerged, and walked slowly away in the opposite direction. Away from the pool area and the sight of Kris and Liz shooting sparks between themselves, their love so apparent it would take someone blind and deaf to miss it. They seemed painfully perfect for each other, Hunter thought sadly to herself while she dragged her feet away. I have to let her go, I can’t keep doing this to myself. Kris won, I lost. That’s just the way it went. It’s the end of it. Jeff’s right, there’s plenty of others here and I should just move on. Hunter picked up the pace and started jogging into the nearby cluster of trees. She needed to shake off these melancholic feelings. Easier said than done though. But I’m gonna try, I owe it to myself…

  ◆◆◆

  As Liz looked into the mirror, drying off her hair after the cool shower, she found she was nervous about finding the right outfit for this afternoon. Mostly because she knew it would be the same outfit she would be wearing later when she would meet up with Kris again. She turned away and started going through her closet once more, not finding anything suitable for the occasion. It was either too happy, or too revealing or too laidback or too fancy. Nothing seemed to suit and she was about to give up all together when she remembered she had left some clothes in a bag on the floor which she had meant to wear the other day and had forgotten. She quickly walked over to her desk and grabbed the bag from the floor underneath. Ah, here it is she exhaled and smiled to herself. This will have to do, cause now I’m seriously late for my appointment.

  “You think she forgot our appointment? She’s usually never late, and now it’s been almost ten minutes. Maybe we should just go ahead without her?” Felicia asked Katie while they sat on a bench waiting for Liz outside the apartment complex. “Let’s just give it a few more minutes, and then we can walk over to the main building and get started.” Katie squinted in the late afternoon sun before she stretched out her legs and spread her arms behind her back. “See, there she is” she happily stated and jumped up from the bench when she saw Liz walking hurriedly toward them, shooting them both an apologetic look while she drew her shoulders up. “Sorry sorry sorry, I know I’m late!” she hollered at them while she approached and hugged them both quickly before grabbing their arms and starting to walk toward the main office building. “I think the phone office hours are until six o’clock, so we should still be in time” Felicia patted Liz friendly on her back, “Don’t stress”.

  ◆◆◆

  “Yess, we got it, everything has been fixed now!” Katie threw her arms over her head in a cheerful whoop while she did a little wiggle dance around the office they had been allowed to borrow in order to make all the necessary calls. “I can’t wait to see her face when she realizes it’s all been taken care of” Katie exclaimed while she grinned toward Liz, sitting on the couch with a laptop in her lap. “So all the cars have been booked as well?” Liz asked, a hopeful tone in her voice. “Yup, we’re all set for an amazing weekend” Katie cheered before wrapping up her gear. “Now let’s celebrate with some yummy cafeteria dinner” she laughed and pulled Liz up from the couch. “Felicia, you ready to go as well?” she yelled toward the toilet. “Sure, you don’t have to shout you know” Felicia smiled when she stepped out, all freshened up. “Getting ready for a certain someone?” Katie winked at her and poked in her side. Felicia withdrew quickly and huffed as she pretended to be insulted by the comment. “I have to be ready for whatever may come” she winked back and grabbed her backpack. The girls exited the main building and walked back toward the smell of burgers and sausages.

  While Felicia told Liz all about the cute guys she had spotted earlier, Katie walked one step behind them, taking a pause to herself. It was a rarity at this camp, so she had learned to appreciate every opportunity. She walked slowly along the grassy fields and looked across the cantina building toward the fiery orange horizon appearing in the distance. What am I gonna do? I used to love Roger. When did that stop, or did it? Katie stopped for a moment and felt her heart’s strong beating. I’ve known for a while, haven’t I? I just needed to realize it, I guess. But what does this mean? Katie’s conversation with herself kept her pushing forward, across the asphalt road to the front side of the cantina building. It means I have to end it with Roger, he deserves better. I’m in love with someone else. I’m in love with Bryan. Katie felt her heart jump of joy when she whispered the words to herself, and a smile lured its way across her lips. I can’t control it, I’m in love. She smiled widely no
w, while she entered the cantina building following Liz and Felicia’s laughter and joy.

  Chapter 16

  Liz looked across the open space cluttered with dining tables and filled with laughing and talking students. She looked right past their smiles and faces to the far corner of the patio, to the figure hunching over her food poking it around slowly while pretending to be listening to the conversation among the group surrounding her at the table. Liz could see her tiredness, feel her sorrow and exhaustion loudly across the open space. She wanted so desperately to walk over to Kris, stroke her fingers gently through her hair and lean down and kiss Kris sweetly on her temple. Instead Liz sat here trying to remind herself to laugh on and off to at least appear part of the ongoing conversation between Katie, Felicia, Ricardo and Erik. Her mind kept drifting off to the other side, her body left behind at this table, a persistent conflict of emotion while she waited for dinner to finish. It felt like the longest half hour she had ever had to endure, helplessly being a mere spectator to the heartbreaking scene of torment she was witnessing across the room.

  “You want to come to the game room and play some cards with us?” Katie asked Liz before Erik cut in. “We have beers!” he grinned trying to entice her to join them. Liz looked away quickly before she shrugged her shoulders. “I have to take care of something in my room, but I might join you guys later, not sure yet. Just go ahead without me for now though.” By the look in Katie’s face her white lie was apparently quite obvious, but she couldn’t care. All she cared about was getting to the grass field behind their apartment building as soon as possible. All she cared about was looking into the greenest most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. All she cared about was feeling Kris close to her.

  Liz walked off in the opposite direction to most of the other students, who looked to be going over to the main building to study or work on their team projects, to the game room to hang out, or to the laundry room. But she didn’t see the one person she wanted desperately to see. Apparently Kris had managed to sneak off earlier without Liz noticing. She hoped this did not mean anything, and that they still had their appointment and Kris would show. Please let her be there.

  While Liz walked she took a deep breath and soaked in the smooth night air, relishing the warm Californian evening. This was something she would definitively miss when she had to return back home to Europe at the end of the too short summer. She shook her head abruptly, don’t worry about the lack of a bridge until you’re at least closer to the river, enjoy the walk through the field meanwhile. She looked up at the clear sky which had darkened to a deep black since dinner, letting its vail of light dissipate to reveal an astounding display of massive star formations. Liz felt her heart tug at the beautiful sight, she marveled at the scenery bringing her closer to her dreams. And tonight, carrying courage to her gently on its breeze.

  As Liz rounded the corner behind the apartment building and looked across the grassy area, she saw a familiar figure at its far end, squatted down on the soft ground. She smiled even though she wasn’t sure if the distance could carry it. Liz quickened her pace while she approached Kris, already feeling the fluttering of wings in her belly when the swarm of butterflies woke up. Her skin tingled with anticipation and she had to take a deep breath to calm herself down while she approached.

  “Hey you” a deep husky voice sounded while a sensuous smile spread across full lips. Kris patted the area next to her, “come join me”. Liz suddenly realized she had forgotten to bring anything and hesitated while recognizing her absentmindedness. As if seeing her uncertainty Kris reached behind her and pulled out two glasses and a bottle of red wine. “I bought this before I left...I don’t know about you, but I sure could use a glass about now.” Kris smiled crookedly at her, a slight hesitance in her eyes. “That would be good, yes. Thank you…” Words seemed so trivial under the circumstances, and Liz wasn’t sure what to do or say right now. “I’m sorry, I didn’t bring anything.” Liz shoved her hands in her pockets. “I might have some chocolate in my room, I can go get it.” Liz halted and was about to turn around when she felt fingers grasp at her wrist and pull her back around. “It’s okay, let’s just begin with the wine, okay?” Sensing that her presence was more needed here, Liz simply relaxed and sat herself down on the grass field next to Kris.

  “So, tell me everything I missed while I was away” Kris said in a light tone turning toward Liz, and Liz quickly caught on to Kris’ need for some distractions and to focus her mind elsewhere. Liz settled herself better in the grass and grinned at Kris. “Well, you missed the parade of space geeks dressing up during the big party this Friday, it was so hilarious! It’s impressive how many different costumes people could come up with, especially in the short time. Everything from telescope instruments to lunar police officers to a set of formation flying satellites. I can show you some of the pictures later, but it was really amazing how good costumes people made with the scarce supplies we had.” Liz exclaimed enthusiastically and Kris smiled to herself while she felt a warmth spread through her limbs and her heart settle into the peace of being thoroughly at ease with the pleasure of Liz’ company. “What?” Liz asked curiously when she noticed Kris’ smile. “You’re just so incredibly cute sometimes” Kris looked at her with deep warmth in her eyes.

  Liz felt herself blushing and her mouth dried up. She was at a complete loss for words. Kris leaned slowly in and grazed fingertips at the collar of Liz’ t-shirt, letting confident fingers dance their way up behind her neck to tug her gently forward. Kris let her lips carefully touch Liz’, stroking her tongue across her bottom lip, asking permission to enter. As she felt Liz’ lips part and Liz’ body leaning in to meet hers, Kris let her tongue probe its way between lightly parted lips and search until it found its counterpart, swirling to meet Liz’ tongue in a slow tango. Kris sat up on her knees and put her left hand down in the grass while her right hand went downwards and lifted Liz onto her back to position her down in the grass. Kris laid down halfway on top of her, and brought her hand up to Liz’ ear to playfully tug at her earlobe while her tongue continued its discovery across Liz’ lips and probing deeply within. She felt Liz’ chest heave and her heartbeat race underneath her fingers while she desperately pulled at Kris to get as close as possible. Kris placed one leg between her thighs, parting them wider while she slid in and placed herself closer to the warmth. She could feel Liz radiate strength and desire. I have to move slow. But oh, I need this, I need this so badly.

  “Mmm, that feels really good” Liz murmured between their kisses and sighed happily when she stroked through the short hair in the back of Kris’ neck. “I missed you”. She gathered both hands around Kris’ body and pulled her down on top of her, having Kris resting fully between her legs and enjoying the firm pressure against her warm center. Even with the jeans separating them, she could feel her body soaring, tingling spreading up from her toes, and she gasped while she tried fiercely to pull herself together. “You’re struggling, aren’t you?” Kris’ lips curled mischievously before she slowly moved her right hand up the inside of Liz’ thigh, enjoying the obvious response of Liz shivering and closing her eyes to stretch further into Kris. “Oh, it’s going too fast, I can’t control it” she gasped while she curled her fingers into Kris’ back and pushed herself into her, eager for more.

  Kris’ fingers traced circles when she moved closer and closer up Liz’ thigh. She kissed Liz deeply and demandingly, letting her fingers simultaneously slip up and stroke across her heat, still outside her jeans. Liz let out a muffled cry, desperately trying to control herself, without luck. Kris let her finger stroke back and forth across her clit while her tongue danced deep inside her mouth, feeling Liz shiver more and more when she approached the edge of her orgasm. Kris was getting incredibly wet and struggled herself to contain her rising feelings when she continued to circle her thumb across Liz’ hardening center, faster and faster while she felt Liz’ hips push up into her.

  Finally Liz cried out and grasped onto Kris wh
ile she shook visibly, letting the orgasm ripple through her. “Oh my god, I can’t believe how good that was” she exclaimed and then laughed, “and I’m still fully dressed!”. “You’re incredible, you know?” she looked up at Kris lovingly while she stroked her chin and pulled her down into a deep kiss.

  “Mmm, I want to finish you off as well.” Liz winked at Kris. “But maybe some place a little bit more private?” Liz let her hand move slowly down between Kris’ legs. “I can feel you’re ready”. Kris grabbed her hand by the wrist and stopped her all too pleasant maneuver, “I’m too ready actually, so you have to be gentle with me” she smiled warmly at her. “But yeah, how about we finish the wine back in my room?” she struggled to find strength enough in her arms to raise herself up off Liz’ body. While their bodies parted she already felt cold and lonely, needing to be as close as possible to Liz. Kris grabbed the wine bottle in one hand and Liz in the other, pulling her toward their dorm rooms. “Someone’s in a hurry” Liz laughed before she followed quickly, teasingly pinching Kris’ behind while they half walked half ran across the lawn. “Well, a certain someone, not mentioning names, got me so ready I’m struggling on the edge right now, and if I don’t get inside somewhere it’s gonna be a very public display of lost control” Kris muttered while they approached their dormitories.