It's All Relative

by S. C. Stephens

  Sighing again, he looked around the room full of empty chairs and tables, all surrounding a low-burning circular fireplace. Turning away from yet another fireplace, he looked around for the most comfortable chair to rest his aching body in. He found it immediately, and smiled when he did.

  Kai walked up to a plush, padded chair that looked like you’d sink right into it and have to be helped back out of it. He smiled down at the form of a soundly sleeping woman curled up on top of it, her long, curly locks flowing over the chair’s arm as she used it as a makeshift pillow. Sighing and shaking his head, Kai gazed down on his exhausted cousin. Her face was pale, her lips slightly parted as she breathed shallowly. Her cheeks were red and splotchy, like she’d fallen asleep crying. Kai hated that she had.

  Kneeling before her, he brushed a strand of hair falling across her cheek back behind her ear. She twitched at his touch, but didn’t move. “I’m so sorry, Jessie, for everything,” he whispered. Leaning over, he softly kissed her cheek. “I love you so much,” he said in her ear, knowing she wouldn’t hear it.

  Jessie stirred and made a noise, but said nothing and didn’t open her eyes. Kai pulled back, his eyes drifting down her body before scooping her up into his arms. He couldn’t just leave her out here alone, curled up on a chair that looked comfortable, but would surely kink her body in unpleasant ways by morning. Jessie meant everything to him, and he couldn’t abandon her. Family didn’t abandon family.

  Lifting her up, he was careful to not disturb her too much. She grumbled something under her breath and ran her arms around his neck, but she still seemed asleep. Kai paused, taking a second to just enjoy the feeling of her wrapped around him. Then knowing that that feeling was the source of all their problems, he sighed and started walking her back to their room.

  He fumbled with the key card in his pocket, but eventually he got the room opened and staggered inside it. Kai was getting tired too, now that she was safe and secure, now that he no longer had to worry about her. Gently closing the door with this toe, he twisted and walked her to the bed. He laid her inside the turned-down covers, popping her shoes off before tucking her legs in. Jessie sighed contently, stretching once before turning away from him and curling into a ball. Watching her, he listened to the low, even breaths that she took in her slumber and smiled that, for once, he could take care of her.

  His hand trailed down her back for a second before he yanked it away. He couldn’t shut off his feelings for her. He couldn’t stop how much he loved her. And now that he’d had her, freely and soberly, he knew he’d always want her. And there was no future for them like that. Swallowing painfully, he took a step back from her. There was no future for them at all. Tears stinging his eyes, he quietly gathered up all of his stuff. Once he was finished, he glanced back at her sleeping body.

  Knowing what he had to do, knowing it would break them both, a tear rolled down his cheek. “I’ll always love you, Jessie. Always.”

  Another tear followed the first and then he quickly opened the door and walked through it. Walking with his stuff out to the front desk, he was relieved that the night person was back. She blinked sleepily, then opened her eyes wider when she saw a guest obviously checking out.

  “Hello, sir…is there a problem?” She tilted her head, seeming to be a little nervous that she was going to get a disgruntled customer on her shift. Her blonde curls swished over her shoulder, momentarily reminding Kai of Jessie’s darker shade.

  Swallowing back the bile in his throat at what he was doing, he shook his head. “Um, no…I just…” He handed her the room key and his credit card. “An emergency popped up back home and I need to leave.” The woman smiled politely, relieved that she wasn’t going to be yelled at, and nodded, taking his information. Kai pointed back down the hallway. “My cousin is still using the room tonight, so…don’t kick her out or anything.”

  The woman smiled as she swiped his credit card. “No problem, sir, you’ve paid through checkout tomorrow, so she can use the room until eleven.”

  Kai smiled grimly and nodded, wondering what Jessie would think when she woke up, not in the place she’d fallen asleep, and with Kai and all of his stuff gone. Sighing as he ran a hand back through his hair, he pointed at the phone on the front desk. “Do you think you could call me a cab? I need to get back to Denver.”

  The woman paused while reaching for the phone. “Are you sure? Denver is a couple of hours away. That’s going to be an expensive cab ride.”

  Kai glanced back at the hallway where his cousin, the love of his life, lay sleeping. Sighing again, he twisted back to the curious blonde. “Yeah…I’m sure.”

  ***********************

  Jessie’s eyes flew open. Her heart racing, a sense of foreboding permeated her. Looking around with only her eyes, she tried to recall just where she was. She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she was pretty sure that she hadn’t been lying down anywhere. And as her arms curled tighter around her legs, all she was completely aware of was lying down.

  Her hand came out to touch the heavy fabric of the quilt on top of her and reason started to fill in the blanks of her memory. She was back in one of the lodge’s rooms. But who’s? Dread filled her at the thought of a stranger lifting her and taking her back to their suite…for who knows what. Frowning, the rational side of Jessie’s brain told her that was ridiculous. Women that were absconded were not tucked into rooms in the same hotel where they were staying. No, if something nefarious had happened to Jessie, she would have woken up in the back of a van, tied to something.

  Exhaling that at least she was safe, she slowly sat up. In the early morning light of dawn, she could clearly tell that she was back in her own room. Well, her and Kai’s room. That could only mean one thing. Kai had found her, picked her up, and gently put her to bed. She’d been so out of it, exhausted physically and emotionally, that she hadn’t noticed her cousin’s loving attentions.

  Her cousin.

  Jessie sighed, looking around the room for him. They should talk about what happened. They should talk about what they were going to do next. Jessie herself was torn on the matter. Half of her wanted to tell him that it was one of the greatest nights of her life, and they should just forget the societal walls they’d built around themselves and let the love between them grow unrestrained. The other half of Jessie wanted to spend a good half hour in the bathroom, heaving in the toilet before scrubbing every inch of him off of her. There was just something intrinsically sick and wrong about what they’d done. The “ick” factor of it was too strong to just ignore…or forget.

  She’d made love to her cousin. She was in love with her cousin.

  She’d spent a good chunk of last night crying - horrified over what they’d done, but mostly, aching. She wanted him, she needed him, and he was just out of reach. Unobtainable. It was like a railroad spike had been wedged in the middle of her heart. She couldn’t pull it out; surely its removal would kill her? And she couldn’t leave it in there; how does a damaged, misshapen heart continue to beat? How did they move on now?

  Her eyes noting the emptiness of the room, she frowned deeper. And where did he go? The front of the fireplace was empty, so he hadn’t returned to sleep at the scene of the crime. His bag that had been tossed beside the table under the window was gone. Its absence alarmed Jessie the most. Surely he wouldn’t just leave? Would he really take off without saying goodbye, without talking to her about it?

  The foreboding in her chest thudded to a nearly painful point. Did he flee from her? Was he so distraught that he couldn’t even stand to be near her? If that were true…would he stay here? Was he in fact, right now, making plans to leave Denver, to go back to Hawaii? Would she return home, only to find that her reason for being, had up and left her?

  Jessie shot up off the bed, her hands running back through her hair. Lamely, she searched every nook and cranny of the room hoping to find him, hoping that if she couldn’t, it was only because he was out getting some coffee, and any second he�
��d walk back through the door. Kai was everything to her now, and the thought of him hightailing it back home, giving up everything he’d built here, because of her, well, it drove that spike completely through her chest.

  Realizing that her searching the coat closet for the fifth time was pointless, that he wasn’t hiding in the room somewhere, Jessie gathered up all of her stuff, shoving all of the random things she’d pulled out back into her bag. She couldn’t stay here. She couldn’t just stay and lazily lounge around while he was making plans to leave the State. For surely that was what he was doing. Why else would he have fled? Once packed, she threw her backpack over her shoulder and clutched her other one. At the door, she briefly considered leaving the bright pink skis attached to the wall; she didn’t think she could ever ski again.

  Cursing, she snatched them. No, she wasn’t going to be impulsively careless. Her father had bought those for her before he’d left with her mom. She wouldn’t disrespect the gift by leaving them for some employee to toss in the lost and found. Holding them tight, Jessie briefly considered her parents and brothers, all very far away from her, living their own lives. They’d all loved each other, fiercely, but eventually life had driven all of them their separate ways. That was just the way of it for Jessie. And now, she was sure, that was the way of it with her and Kai. Love through distance. Why was everyone always loving Jessie from afar?

  Strolling down the hall at a nearly speed-walking pace, Jessie passed the front desk. She paused, momentarily wondering if they knew anything about Kai leaving. A lively blonde man was chatting with a tired blonde girl. The woman seemed exhausted, like she’d been up all night. She giggled at something the man said, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder. It seemed obvious to Jessie, although not to the guy, that the woman was openly flirting with him.

  Deciding that they could at least tell her when he’d paid for the room, because she was certain he had before he left, Jessie walked up to the cozy pair. The man instantly snapped to customer-service attention, giving Jessie a glorious smile. The tired blond frowned slightly, before shifting back to professionalism.

  “Good morning, Miss. Are you checking out?” He eyed her bags and skis, appraising what needs she may have of him.

  Jessie bit her lip. She had no idea what her needs were…other than information. “Um, no, actually I was just hoping you could tell me when a guest checked out last night.”

  The man frowned at her, in the most polite way a person could frown. “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but that information is confidential. Company policy.” He gave her an apologetic smile. The blonde woman beside him discretely ran her eyes down his body.

  Jessie sighed, currently hating the privacy policies the lodge instituted. “Well, it was my cousin and…there was an…emergency and he had to leave suddenly…” Jessie had no idea what to tell the man. She didn’t really know why Kai had left so suddenly, or if he even had. He feasibly could still be here…somewhere. Frustrated tears sprang to her eyes.

  The blonde perked up, raising an eyebrow. “That was your cousin?” She eyed Jessie appraisingly, like she didn’t see the resemblance, then she shrugged. “You don’t have to worry about the room, if that’s your concern. He paid for it when he turned in his key, but you may use the space until checkout at eleven. Just hand in your key before you go.” She smiled widely, seemingly sure that her information had solved all of Jessie’s problems.

  Jessie leaned into the desk, as close to the woman as she could. “You were here last night when he left?”

  As if to emphasize how long ago that was, the woman yawned as she nodded. “Yeah, he said he had an emergency and needed to leave, but he wanted to make sure you could stay. I called him a cab.”

  Jessie’s eyes widened. “A cab? To Denver? When?” She couldn’t even comprehend how much that had cost him. Did he really need away from her so badly?

  The blonde tilted her head, thinking. “It was just after my break so maybe…1:30?”

  Jessie looked away, those tears dangerously close to falling. Outside, the front door was being lit by the warm rays of the sun. The entire glass masterpiece gleamed orange. It reminded Jessie of the firelight last night. It reminded Jessie that Kai had had plenty of time to get home, and start making arrangements to leave.

  The man beside the woman scoffed and Jessie returned her attention to him. “There’s no way a cab drove him home.”

  Jessie scrunched her brow. “What do you mean?”

  He looked over at her, throwing his professional face back on. “Denver is too far, unless he was carrying a thick stash of cash, no cab driver would go that distance.” He shrugged. “They’d lose too many other fares if they did. The buses around here only drive within the county, so the cab probably took him to the shuttle pickup point in Frisco. That goes to Downtown Denver daily.”

  Jessie smiled, thinking he was maybe still there. “Do you have a schedule of the pickup times?” He smiled and rummaged through his papers until he found one. Jessie clutched it, eager for some sort of information on her cousin’s whereabouts. Smiling, she saw that the earliest departure time to Denver was 6:30AM, with an arrival time a little after 8:00AM. If he truly hadn’t been able to catch a cab home last night, then he’d only just left a little while ago. She hated that he’d spent the night in a grimy transfer station, but loved that he wasn’t on a plane right now.

  She handed him back the flyer and thanked them both for the news, then she turned to go wake up her friends. Glancing back, she noticed the pair watch her for a moment and then settle back into their friendly conversation. She heard the blonde seductively murmur, “I didn’t know about that shuttle.” Jessie heard him huskily reply, “These are the things you have to know, working here.”

  As she briskly climbed up the stairs, she thought that maybe he was completely aware that the woman wanted him. Jessie wanted to sigh. They probably didn’t have the obstacles she and Kai had. Life moved fast; she hoped they went for it.

  Once at Harmony and April’s room, Jessie started pounding on the door. She was horridly aware that it was really early in the morning, and she was very aware that the sleeping guests around her would most likely call downstairs and complain to the flirty couple at the front desk, but Jessie had an abundance of nervous energy flowing through her and couldn’t calm down enough to causally knock. She had to get to Kai. That was all she knew – she had to get to Kai. She couldn’t let him leave town like this.

  As she pounded on the door, she heard muffled cursing and what sounded like someone falling over. Groans and muttered oaths to kick someone’s ass filtered through the door. Jessie suddenly remembered that her friends had been out late last night, flirting with some boys. They may even have company in the room with them. She bit her lip as she heard someone shuffle to the door. It didn’t matter. The hung-over drunken boys would just have to wake up and get out. Jessie needed her friends right now.

  Blinking in the faded morning light, Harmony’s face appeared in the crack of the door. Her red hair was wild and messy, looking like she’d been electrocuted recently. Running a hand down her face, she scrubbed her pale eyes like surely she was hallucinating. “Jessie? What the…” She paused in her reaction, opening the door wider. Looking completely awake now, her blue eyes widened as they flicked over Jessie’s face. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

  Harmony’s voice lost all the edge of sleep to it as concern filled her. Jessie realized that the tears she’d been holding back had trailed down her cheek. She brushed them away; she didn’t have time to lose it right now. Jessie steadied her voice. “I need a huge favor.” Her eyes pleaded at her best friend and Harmony automatically nodded and opened the door for her.

  April grunted on her bed and sat up on her elbows. Groaning at Jessie’s entrance, she glanced at the clock and then back to where Harmony was closing the door. “Jesus, Jessie? What the hell? Is there a fire or something?” She scrubbed her face and flicked her eyes around the room, like she was actually looking for f
lames. Under normal circumstances, Jessie would have laughed at her. But not today. Nothing about today was normal.

  Shaking her head at a yawning April, Jessie set down her stuff and sat on the edge of Harmony’s bed. Harmony sat beside her and rubbed Jessie’s back, obviously sensing her distress. Noting that there weren’t any visiting boys in the room, Jessie exhaled in a shaky breath. “It’s Kai…he sort of left last night…” Her eyes shifted over to Harmony. “I’m sorry, I know you really wanted to spend all afternoon here, but I need to go home…” Her voice trailed off, guilt stealing it.

  Harmony blinked and looked at their skis by the door. Jessie knew that what she was blindly asking her friend to do was hard for her. This was sort of Harmony’s thing, and this weekend was supposed to be the three of them out enjoying it together. Now Jessie was asking her to abandon that, to pretty much forfeit the money they’d spent on the lodge for a few more hours here, and all the girl time they would have had today, all to go chase down a boy. Even to Jessie it sounded unfair.