The Secret

by Maggie Cole

  Collin glanced at me, then over to Liv, and waited for her to start.

  "Sam, damage has been done." Liv sternly told him.

  "Meg, I'm sorry again. I'm willing to do whatever is needed to fix this." He gave me apologetic eyes.

  Liv jumped back in, "If you want any chance of getting Turbo back on board, so you get your shoe and can merchandize, then you need to do exactly what we say."

  "Okay. Tell me what to do,” Sam said.

  Liv repeated to him what she told Keri about the Community Center events. Not surprisingly, he reacted the same as Keri.

  "Anything but that, Liv."

  Once again, Liv wouldn't take his shit.

  She explained about the hangouts and dinner with Keri. Sam shook his head and rolled his eyes.

  I pointed at him. "Roll your eyes and let your ego do all the talking. There is no money in eye rolls or ego."

  He processed my words.

  I walked over and sat down next to him. "Were you bullshitting me about wanting to evolve, so you don't end up where you started?"

  "No, that wasn't bull shit."

  "Well, now is the moment you need to evolve—the most important moment. You will never get another. Turbo doesn't go for anything but all in. So you're all in and evolve, or you're all out. There's no in between. Decide." I snapped at him, and felt the stare of Collin's eyes, as I remembered, once again, how I required him to be all in.

  Sam stared at me for what seemed like forever. He didn't speak. No one else spoke either. We all knew that he had to decide.

  He finally said, "I'm all in, Meg."

  "Good, but this is the final chance." I patted his shoulder, walked back to my seat, and let Liv take over the rest.

  I felt Collin's eyes on me. I gazed up, and once again, Collin's anguish flooded his face, and I had to turn away.

  The meeting went quicker than Keri's. I shook Sam's hand, turned, and walked out of the conference room. Liv could send Collin and Sam off.

  I sat down at my desk and took a deep breath. I had made it through two of the toughest meetings of my entire career.

  Emotions flooded me. Happiness that Keri finally understood how to morph but also bitterness that it would never be between us. I realized that as much as I was over Keri, there hadn't really been closure for us.

  His friendship overwhelmed me in a time when I needed it. And his unselfish behavior surprised me and showed me another layer I didn't know existed.

  Grief over Collin rushed back. Seeing him suffer made my pain reach a new level. Devastation I had never felt before reeled through me.

  If only he would have fought for me.

  Clearly, the 'what if' of keeping a client trumped being in a relationship with me. It stung. Our relationship hadn't been that long, but it had been intense, and I had assumed wrong about us.

  There was a knock on my door. "Come in."

  Liv came through. "Collin wants to know if he can talk to you for a minute?"

  I inhaled sharply, thought for a bit, then shook my head.

  "Meg—"

  I held up my hand and shook my head again.

  "Okay." She turned and left.

  I worked for the rest of the day. Around 5:00 p.m., Tom stood in the door of my office. "Hey, can I come in?"

  I motioned for him to sit down. He shut the door and sat in the chair across from my desk.

  "Heard the kids played nice in the sandbox today," he joked.

  I grinned. "Seems that way. Whatever you discussed with them before the meeting worked. Thanks for that."

  "No problem. You and Keri are okay, too?"

  "Surprisingly, yes. What exactly did you say to him?"

  Tom winked. "Sorry, can't reveal my secrets." He paused and searched for the right words.

  I waited.

  His leg started to twitch. "Did you talk to Collin?"

  "No point. If Collin can't be all in then he's all out."

  Tom jerked his head.

  "What?"

  "Did Liv ever tell you that I gave her an ultimatum about being all in or all out?"

  I shook my head.

  Tom nodded as he remembered it all.

  "Liv's all in," I pointed out.

  "Yes, but there was a lot of trusts broken and a lot of past baggage. It wasn't easy."

  From what I knew of Liv's past dating history, I had a feeling I knew who had the most baggage and trust issues.

  "I don't know all the dynamics of Collin and your relationship, but I know that the guy was dying this weekend," he revealed.

  "What do you mean? You saw him?"

  "Quite a bit."

  Hmmm... Liv didn't fill me in on those details. Thinking back, though, I didn't give her a chance today.

  I waited for him to continue. Tom didn't have the personality to stick his nose in other people's business, so the fact he made an effort to talk to me told me that I needed to listen.

  Tom's leg started twitching more, "So...it's not my business, and whatever you decide I will support you, but love doesn't come very easy. From what I can tell, Collin is in love with you."

  "Then why didn't he go all in?" New tears welled up in my eyes.

  Tom shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe he needed a minute to process. Maybe you two thought different things in the conversation. Maybe he has baggage that came up. Maybe he didn't understand the extremity of the situation. I don't know. All I know is that the guy is dying, and if any part of you still wants him, I think a conversation might solve a lot of your pain."

  Now I felt a bit guilty. Panic started to seize my chest. My self-preservation hadn't allowed me to speak with him earlier, as I tried to keep it together at work. But, at that moment, I realized that I hadn't been fair to Collin.

  My broken heart had allowed me only to see my version of our relationship, and I hadn't looked at possible scenarios of how Collin may have perceived things.

  "Collin tried to talk to me after the meetings today, but I wouldn't let him back."

  Tom raised his brow.

  I let out a huge breath.

  "Go talk to him. It won't hurt to talk. At the very least, you'll get closure." He stood up and patted my hand.

  I thought of the closure I felt today with Keri. Tom was right. At the very least, both Collin and I needed closure.

  Tom turned around in my doorway. "Hey, Meg?"

  "Yeah."

  "We always have Ben and Jerry's, if you ever need to come to stay." He winked at me again.

  I laughed. "Thanks, Tom, you know exactly what every girl needs."

  He gave me a wave and left.

  I sat at my desk for a minute. Panic rushed through me—I needed to talk to Collin.

  I grabbed my purse, threw on my coat, and left. I prayed it wasn't too late, and we could figure things out.

  15

  Meg

  I hailed a cab to Collin's. I didn't know if he would be home or not. A rational person would have texted or called, but not me. I avoided him all day and told myself we were done, but new hope surged through me.

  Please let us be able to work it out.

  I was trying to find the key in my purse when I heard a hoarse voice. "Meg, what are you doing here?"

  I turned. Collin stood behind me on the front step. His bloodshot eyes stared curiously at me.

  "Can we go inside and talk?" I asked. Suddenly, I wasn't sure what he would say. Thoughts raced through my head.

  Maybe rejecting him earlier today pushed him too far.

  Maybe he was ready to move on.

  Maybe my new sense of hope was too late.

  I stood on the stoop, my heart racing, and waited for him to answer me.

  I expected to see the negotiator, but he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes they looked defeated, full of pain; he merely nodded.

  My heart hurt to see him this way. I wanted to grab him and hold him, but I didn't know if we would make it back or not. All the anger I harbored towards
him at the office, left. I realized at that moment how much I still loved him. It sent my anguish to a new level.

  Collin unlocked the door and led me to the elevator. We rode up to his floor, silently. When we got into his apartment, he helped me take my coat off and then hung it up in the closet.

  My instincts were to reach out and stroke his face. I yearned to put my lips on his, but I knew that we needed to talk, and there were only two outcomes.

  I went and sat on the couch. Collin looked at me, debating where he should sit. "Collin, sit down, please," I gently patted the seat next to me.

  He hesitantly sat down, and an uncomfortable silence followed while I tried to figure out where to start.

  Collin saved me. "Meg, I'm so sorry." Fresh tears welled in his eyes.

  "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have ignored you today."

  He moved closer to me. "I wanted to tell you that I want to be all in. No matter what the consequences, I want you in my life. Keri, Sam, whoever—I don't care if they stay with me or not. I one-hundred percent want to be all in with you."

  Tears of relief fell down my cheeks, and I pulled his face into my hands and kissed him. He kissed me back and pulled me on his lap.

  He pushed the hair off my face. "I should have followed you. But I kept hearing you say you didn't want me."

  "Collin. I didn't say that!" I cried out. "I've not wanted anything except you since the moment I laid eyes on you."

  A tear rolled down his face. I kissed his tear, tasted the salt, and pulled his face closer to mine.

  I realized that Tom assumed correctly. Collin had baggage. Things in his past played a role in our pain.

  Collin Corwin was a gorgeous, strong, powerful negotiator—while he could battle with the best of them and win, he had been hurt, and the pain stuck with him.

  "There will never be a day where I don't want you, Collin Corwin—never!"

  Another tear fell down his face. "I'll call Keri right now and tell him about us if you want. I should never have allowed you to be hidden. I'm so sorry."

  I put my finger to his lips to quiet him. "We both made that decision. It was my idea. Looking back, it was necessary at the time."

  "But I shouldn't have allowed it," he insisted.

  I kissed him again. "We're both adults. You're not the only one to blame. And don't worry about Keri, he won't be a problem as of today."

  He swallowed, hard. "I thought maybe you got back together. It seemed pretty intense in there."

  "No. Keri and I are friends and always will be. I needed a friend today. He only wants me to be happy and will be fine when he finds out about us."

  "Really?"

  "Yes."

  Collin let out a big shaky breath.

  "You really thought I got back together with him?"

  "I saw him holding you, and it drove me crazy all day."

  I smiled at him and realized the hell I must have put him through at the office. "Just friends."

  "All right."

  I kissed him, explored his mouth with my tongue. The heat of our first kiss rushed back again, and I straddled him, trying to get as close as possible.

  "I love you, Meg," he whispered to me.

  I bit on his ear and whispered back, "I love you too, Collin."

  "Please don't ever leave me again," he whispered.

  I kissed him harder. "I won't." I meant it. Never in my life had I needed anyone. There was no doubt now. I needed Collin Corwin like I needed air to breathe.

  His mouth pressed against mine urgently as he picked me up and walked through the apartment. He gently set me on the bed, kissed me more, and removed my clothing ever so expertly.

  I grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head as I kissed his chest and grabbed onto his strong shoulders.

  He started to make his way down my body, but I stopped him.

  "Collin, don't. I need all of you."

  He hesitated.

  "Please," I begged.

  He gracefully slid out of his pants, so we were both naked.

  I rolled on top of him, slid onto him, and pushed my body as close as possible to his. He crushed his mouth to mine, and I didn't take my lips off his. I felt his desire and love for me as each of our tongues explored the others.

  Our bodies moved together in perfect unison. We gripped each other like never before.

  I clung to him and moaned. I wanted every inch of his soul and never took my eyes off his.

  For the first time in my life, I didn't have sex—I made love.

  As we climaxed together, my body cascaded in total pleasure along with Collin's, and I knew that there was no going back.

  Collin and I were both all in.

  Collin

  Meg slept in my arms, exactly where she was meant to be. We made love, on and off, all night. I said another prayer of thanks.

  Meg's red hair rested on my chest, her body curled into mine, and my hand softly stroked her curves. I had almost lost her. The gut-wrenching pain I had felt hurt more than the pain of my divorce, or when I lost my pro basketball status.

  I gazed down at her as she slept peacefully. I vowed never again to hide her from the world. I knew in my heart and soul that I loved Meg Grail more than anything or anyone on earth. I would spend the rest of my life, making it up to her.

  Nothing mattered more than her. Not the Turbo deal...not my clients...nothing. I lost her once, and I would be damned if I ever lost her again.

  I took a deep breath at the thought of the Turbo deal. Meg was convinced that Keri would be fine. I now trusted her enough to know if she thought that, then I wouldn't worry about it. For any reason, if Meg were wrong, then I would handle it.

  There was still so many ifs around the deal. Both Sam and Keri needed to do their part, to close this up. If they could do it, we could make this happen. However, should either of them not deliver, then this deal was without a doubt over.

  If we lose Turbo, then life will go on.

  My priorities had been screwed up. I had put Turbo, Keri, and Sam, all before Meg. I had been a straight-up fool. The most important priority in my life was Meg, and I would never put anything but her first again.

  I kissed the top of her head. She stirred and snuggled into my body further. I grabbed her tighter. If anyone deserved this deal to go through, it was Meg. She had taken on so much that wasn't her responsibility. I felt guilty I had gotten her so involved. The truth was, we were still in the game only because of her willingness to help.

  I knew it was because she cared about her clients professionally, but also personally. Most men would have been worried about her friendship with them, but I wasn't that guy. Sure, I thought maybe she got back together with Keri, but she assured me they were only friends, and I knew she wouldn't lie to me.

  She cared so much for others. I loved that about her.

  If anyone deserved this Turbo deal, it was Meg. I needed to make it happen. If it fell through, we would deal with it, together, but I felt it would be a more significant blow to her than me. The thought of her being disappointed, should that happen, crushed through my soul.

  Those two better not fuck this up.

  16

  Meg

  I woke up the next day, and lovingly stared at Collin, who slept peacefully.

  The thought of how close we came to losing each other made me reach over and kiss him.

  Collin’s eyes opened. A grin formed on his face. “So much better waking up with you in my bed,” he pulled me closer to him.

  I stroked his cheek and was about to kiss him some more when my phone rang.

  I rolled my eyes at Collin and wondered who was calling me so early.

  I looked at the screen. “Great. It’s Keri.”

  Today was the Community Center events and a pit grew in my stomach. Keri better not be drunk.

  Collin motioned for me to take the call.

  “Hey, Keri.”

  “I don’t know if I can do it, Meg. I don’t want to go back there.” Panic
engulfed Keri’s voice.

  I sat up. “Keri, it’ll be okay. You can do this.”

  I heard a deep, shaky breath. Had Keri been crying?

  I sat up even straighter. “Keri, you all right?”

  “I’ve been up all night. I don’t think I can do it, Meg. If I lose my shoe, then I lose my shoe. I just can’t.”

  “Keri, have you been drinking all night?”

  Anger crawled up Collin’s face.

  “No, Meg, I promise. I haven’t drank since the charity event the other night.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. I promise you. I realized I can’t be drinking right now after what I put you through.”

  "That’s good, Keri.” I mouthed, ‘he hasn’t been drinking,’ to Collin. “Look, you can do this. It’s only a day in your life. You’ve done harder things.”

  “Meg, I can’t. I don’t want to let you down, but I don’t want to relive it,” Keri whispered.

  “Where are you?”

  “Home.”

  “Don’t move. I’m coming over.”

  "Okay, Meg.”

  I hung up and turned to Collin. “Keri is seriously losing it. I have to go over there. He hasn’t drank since the charity event.”

  Collin was about to speak when my phone rang again.

  I looked down. I blew a big breath out of my mouth and looked at Collin. “It’s Sam.”

  Collin started to shake his head and looked up to the ceiling.

  I pushed the button and answered.

  “Meg, I’ve been up all night. I can’t do it,” Sam’s voice came over the phone.

  “Sam, it’s one day. You’ve done harder things,” I repeated what I told Keri. Collin got up and walked out of the bedroom.

  Shit, we just got back together, and he’s mad at me already?

  “I can’t go back there, Meg.” Sam let out a shaky breath.

  Had he been crying too?

  “Sam, have you been drinking?”

  “I haven’t drank since the charity event,” Sam repeated Keri’s words.

  So maybe Keri and Sam learned a lesson from their behavior?

  “Sam, you can do this. It’s only one day,” I repeated.

  “I don’t think so, Meg. I want my shoe, but going back there…” his voice trailed off and sounded haunted.