by Simon Davies
The first investment you should make is on a quality pair of black leather shoes, lace-up or slip on. Forget the latest fashion for now, instead go for a classic style that looks smart with either jeans or trousers. I personally have a preference for English shoemakers such as Jeffery West, Barker or Loake.
Moreover, they don’t cost a fortune because you can buy sale items, discontinued lines or slight seconds (‘slight seconds’ means they have a minor imperfection).
If you shop online then you should be able to source a pair of £150 shoes for half price or less. Try typing ‘barker shoes + sale’ into Google.
If you don’t or can’t shop online then go to the shopping mall or specialist shoe store and buy one good pair of shoes. The best quality ones usually have leather soles and the heels can easily be replaced. Once broken-in these shoes should only be worn when you’re escorting.
Think of them as part of your uniform and resist the temptation of wearing them for walking the dog, digging the garden or night clubbing with your buddies. If well cared for they’ll last for years.
I know I’ve ranted on about shoes and that’s because women just love ‘em. And it’s a knocking bet that your client will notice your expensive looking and highly polished shoes and think “this man pays attention to detail.” You’ll flick the attraction switch in her brain, and you’re off to a perfect start.
If you don’t believe the wisdom of bad shoes are a no, no, then go ask a few female friends or your mother and hear what they think about men with bad shoes.
I do appreciate that you might not be in a financial position to buy expensive shoes at the moment. Therefore, if you’re operating on a very limited budget then I’d suggest you buy the best quality black leather shoes you can afford and keep them in tip top condition.
Secondly, buy at least one good shirt, and don’t use the one you’ve been wearing to work for the last five years because apart from showing signs of age it will not feel right: how you feel is vital. Stick with a plain colour or one with subtle stripes or checks or design. Avoid anything that smacks of Hawaiian holidays like the plague! No offence, but they are just too garish. Should you wear the shirt tucked in or out? Well, if you’re wearing a formal shirt i.e. one normally worn with a suit, then I’d say tucked in. On the other hand, if it’s more of casual style it should be fine to wear out. If you live with any females then ask for an opinion on what looks best.
The third item on your list should be a suit jacket or blazer (no brass buttons please). Single breasted with a rear vent is the way to go. In terms of colour choose a mid to dark grey, blue or black, but remember black tends to highlight marks, stains and dandruff.
The suit jacket or blazer is versatile, as it can be worn with jeans or trousers, and makes even the worst clothes horse look presentable. However, and this is a big HOWEVER, it must fit correctly. If you’re shopping on a budget the bespoke option will be too expensive. Unless you happen to be in Hong Kong or Thailand where tailor-made suits can be bought dirt cheap.
Therefore, for quality, variety of sizes and good value I’d recommend Marks and Spencer (150 stores worldwide) or Macy’s in the USA. If you’re lucky enough to live close to a branch of TK Maxx, then check it out as you may be able to bag a bargain or two. The forth item on the agenda are the things that cover your legs. As already mentioned the smart, casual look will be the order of the day for most occasions. When coupled with a well-fitting jacket, a nice pair of jeans give the appearance of a cool, upscale guy.
Personally, I’m a fan of Levi’s, they don’t cost very much and are an iconic brand. A straight leg or boot cut are fine, but base your choice on what looks and feels right. Moreover, choose a dark blue as they look classier then faded denim.
I also wear Hugo Boss and Paul Smith jeans as they’re classy and slightly upmarket. You should steer clear of the latest fashions which in England at the moment amounts to either skinny jeans (they look like they’ve been sprayed on) or baggy ones worn with the ubiquitous Calvin Klein underwear showing.
If you wear a belt then make sure the colour matches your shoes and that it’s not showing signs of age. Remember, pay attention to the little details because your client may notice.
That the covers the main items of your wardrobe, but I’d just like to mention a few other important bits of kit... The Homer Simpson socks you got for Christmas are a fashion mistake. Just go for plain black or subtle pattern, and make sure they haven’t got any holes in them.
Unless you are offering a strictly no-sex service then there’s a good chance your client will see your underwear. If you normally go ‘commando’ and don’t wear anything then I suggest you start doing so. It might be very liberating to have your balls hanging free, but it could also be construed as being a little unhygienic. Moreover, when you’re stripping off or she’s ripping off your clothes it adds a little suspense and sense of anticipation to have something covering your manhood.
Therefore, I recommend you to buy at least one pair of underwear that you only wear for escorting. I don’t know about you, but I always feel better when I’ve got a new pair of briefs on. It’s not necessary to splash out on a designer brand immediately because there are more important to things to invest in.
Go for unglamorous, solid colours such as black, blue or grey as they are unlikely to offend the eye. White should be avoided because dirty brown marks have a strange habit of appearing in them, a definite passion killer.
In terms of style there are boxers, trunks, briefs and thongs to choose from. I’d say wear what suits your body type. For example, if you’re quite slim then a pair of baggy boxer shorts will make your legs appear real skinny, so a better choice would be a close fitting trunk or brief.
I would urge caution about wearing thongs, most girls don’t think guys should be wearing them - you’ve been warned. Jewellery is a very subjective choice, so the question is should your wear it? Well, the short answer is NO, especially if you’re sticking to the conservative look. However, there is one item that can add to your overall look without giving the impression you’re a dodgy second-hand car dealer, aging hippy or beach bum…
A quality watch will do this. In addition, it’s less conspicuous to check a watch than it is to pull out your mobile phone to see how much time you have left on your appointment.
Ultimately, your fashion style should reflect what you are offering. Therefore, if you want to make the statement that “I’m a rock star and therefore über cool” then feel free to dress and accessorise accordingly. If you wish to appeal to the broadest possible market then dress conservatively. And, I don’t mean like your grandfather. If you find yourself struggling with clothing style then ask a female friend - whose fashion sense you trust - and ask her opinion.
ESSENTIAL GROOMING GUIDE FROM AN OLD ARMY BUDDY
Next, I’d like to talk about grooming. I’ll apologise in advance if I’m teaching you to suck eggs, but I used to be in the armed forces and cleanliness was a big deal. You’d be surprised at how many guys didn’t know about basic hygiene and grooming.
The hair on your head should be clean, free of dandruff and cut as regularly as money will allow. Styles are very personal, so just make sure you choose one that suits you, and don’t be swayed too much by the latest fashion. Having to flick your hair away from your eyes every few seconds marks you out as a very vain guy.
If you have a receding hairline and or are going bald on top, like I am, then the best advice is to accept it. You have only two viable options, either shave it all off (think Bruce Willis or Vin Diesel) or have your barber to clipper it very close.
There’s nothing worse than a guy who tries to cover-up the fact that he’s going bald by styling his hair in order to hide it – you’ll get found out. Moreover, it sends out a signal that you’re insecure about your baldness: be bold, be bald!
With regards to facial hair I believe the safest bet is to be clean shaven. I appreciate that designer stubble is quite cool, but you risk alie
nating part of the market. (Sharon Stone refused to allow filming of Michael going down on her in the film Basic Instinct until he was clean shaven because he gave her stubble rash down below). In other words some ladies may not book because you have facial hair, especially if it’s a handlebar moustache.
If you firmly believe that facial hair enhances your look (check with a friend or three) then keep it. I don’t wish to stifle your individuality. But make sure you declare it on your website when describing yourself. Nose and ear hair are a no, no, get rid of it…
Moreover, keep your eyebrow hair tidy by plucking with tweezers or having them waxed or threaded by a beautician. A word of caution with regards to eyebrows. Be careful about doing them yourself as you could end up looking far worse than before. It’s best to ask your sister or female friend. In fact, a trip to the beauty salon won’t break the bank. Lopsided eyebrows ain’t sexy and you’ll look like a Vulcan from the Star Trek films.
Having a hairy back, chest and shoulders will make you look like Chewbacca, which is definitely not the way forward. You never see one of those Armani or Calvin Klein male models with excess body hair do you?
If you have a mass of chest hair then I’d recommend you at least trim it down, so it looks neater. Personally, I’d lose the back and shoulder hair, depilatory cream is the cheapest option. However, some ladies love the hairy caveman look, so you could use it to your advantage. In other words, it you could use it as a selling feature.
Okay, so what about crack hair? Yes, the stuff that grows out of your ass. Well, it’s certainly more hygienic to have a hairless butt and you’ll not get any of those embarrassing ‘clingons’. However, your client may start to wonder if you have a severe OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and this may distract her from enjoying sex with you. If your but looks like the Amazon rain forest then I’d suggest you just prune it a little.
In terms of pubic hair you can either go for the completely bald look - and look like a skinned rabbit - or do as I do and just trim it right down with scissors or clippers. Again, it’s more hygienic and less hair will make your manhood look bigger. Women notice hands therefore, you should take care of them, if you don’t already do so. They should be scrupulously clean, with dirt-free fingernails. Cut your fingernails with scissors or nail clippers because bitten nails look nasty. I’d also suggest you get into the habit of moisturising your hands as often as possible, so they feel soft on her skin. Also, consider having a male manicure.
Wear gloves if working outdoors or lifting weights at the gym because this will reduce the severity of calluses on your hands.
Most men tend to neglect their feet probably because they are rarely on show. However, this is no excuse for having cheesy smelling feet. Toenails should be cut regularly and don’t forget to scrape any scum from underneath them. If your feet do generally smell then use an antibacterial foot spray or powder after showering and drying them properly. When having a shower pay special attention to cleaning behind your foreskin (if you have one), between your toes, and the crack of your butt.
Use deodorant – fresh sweat during the act is sexy, stale sweat is a big turnoff.
Have fresh breath – floss regularly, use mouthwash, don’t smoke.
Whilst on the subject of smoking it should be remembered that most people don’t smoke. And people who don’t can smell a smoker a mile away (slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean). The fumes linger on clothing, breath, and hair. So, I’d advise if you do smoke then ensure you have your last cigarette/cigar before you get showered and changed for your date.
If you do smoke and you say so on your web site then you WILL lose out to those male escorts who do not. One last thing with regards to your mouth. It’s home to perhaps the most important items in terms of giving a great impression – your TEETH.
As we get older our teeth start to discolour, especially after years of drinking coffee, tea, and cola. Oh, and smoking. I’m not suggesting that you need to have porcelain veneers on every tooth like some Hollywood film star, but you should take care of your teeth. In fact I’d highly recommend that you invest money in dental work, should you need it.
Having a great smile will help you feel more confident. It will make you appear younger, and your clients will be very impressed. Cool, now we’ve dealt with the general cleaning bit I’d like to switch focus to your head, specifically your face. I’m making a big assumption here that you’ve gotten over the spotty stage, but if you haven’t then seek medical advice.
Obviously, the face takes a hammering from the elements and consequently it can often look dull and show signs of age. So, I recommend four steps that should improve your complexion within a short space of time. Firstly, use a face mask once or twice per month as they’re great for unblocking the pores.
Secondly, use a gentle facial scrub a few times per week, but avoid the sensitive eye area. The benefit of exfoliating your face is that it helps to unblock pores, removes dead skin cells, stimulates circulation, and softens stubble. I personally use a face scrub prior to shaving.
Thirdly, moisturise your face daily as it will help replenish the moisture lost during washing and shaving. Lastly, buy an eye care product for the area around the eyes. Using it regularly helps to reduce puffiness, dark rings and fine lines around the eye area.
Oh, I almost forget to mention lips... ladies adore soft lips. Therefore, after brushing your teeth gently brush the lips using small circular movements. This will have the effect of buffing them up. Then to keep your lips in tiptop condition finish off by applying a lip balm or Vaseline, and use regularly.
Using the above tips will ensure you present yourself in the best possible light.
A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH
Before you even consider going the whole hog as a male escort you should first visit the clinic. And I’m talking about the one that screens people for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Some lie dormant for a long time, without any symptoms so it’s good to know you are definitely clear. If you attend a GUM (Genito-Urinary Medicine) clinic (rather than your GP) information stays confidential and you’re dealing with people whose daily job is other peoples’ genitals. Put another way, they’re very blasé and have heard it all before.
The added benefit of getting regular check ups is that the nurse will check your testicles for lumps or other abnormalities – something most guys don’t do. In addition, you’ll likely be given loads of free condoms.
Now for the scary bit: if you’re working as an escort you need to get checked regularly for what the medics call “blood borne viruses” (HIV, hepatitis B, C and A). All except hep A can be transmitted via sexual secretions (male and female) and blood (including menstrual blood).
The tests are free (in the UK) and done from a single blood sample. You (or perhaps more importantly your client) can have all these viruses for years without any symptoms. All can cause severe liver damage andamp; potentially kill if not detected and treated.
You can be vaccinated against hepatitis B for free at any GUM clinic. You should be if working as an escort – it’s one less thing to worry about.
Disease is no respecter of class: the ladies may be posh and loaded but you should treat each as potentially infected. In other words:
Always use a condom – that’s ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS.
Never have any form of genital contact with a menstruating woman, not even with your fingers as you could have tiny cuts invisible to the eye
If you give oral sex there is a risk of contracting STDs and a theoretical risk of picking up hep B/HIV so you may want to use a dental dam (free from GUM clinics) or Clingfilm (the stuff used for covering sandwiches) to protect your tongue andamp; lips from her secretions
If your gums bleed EVEN SLIGHTLY when you floss or brush your teeth then do this well before you meet, not in the bathroom before you “retire” (otherwise there’s easy access to your bloodstream to any viruses in her mouth from her bleeding gums) Never share razors or toothbrushes – microscop
ic traces of blood left on them, naked to the eye, could contain virus, which is not destroyed by soap and water.
Don’t let any woman with cold sores suck your penis.
If you have cold sores best to cancel.
Hep A, whilst not lethal, can damage your liver. It’s passed on essentially from excrement to mouth, or excrement to finger to mouth. Again, if you’re going to kiss/lick around the anal area you definitely want to protect yourself using a dental dam or piece of Clingfilm HOWEVER CLEAN it looks. If you touch around the anal area you need to wash your hands before you touch anywhere else (you could touch a breast with the same finger then later kiss or lick and pick up the hep A virus).
Okay, I’m done scaring you. Always keep your wits about you, don’t take chances. Yes you need the money, but it’s no good to you dead. End of lecture!
Disclaimer: whilst I’ve endeavoured to advise you on the common health risk factors, I’m not a doctor. Therefore, before starting as an escort you should visit your local GUM clinic for professional advice.
MALE ESCORT TOOL KIT
The picture below (figure 1) contains the items a professional male escort should carry when meeting a client: travel toothbrush, mint flavoured chewing gum, lip balm or Vaseline, lubricant and condoms. I use a small cloth bag with a drawstring top to carry everything accept the gum, which I have in my pocket.
Even if you’ve only been booked for a dinner date you never know how things can turn out - be prepared! Also, make certain that you have enough money to get back home just in case something goes wrong and you don’t collect a fee from the client.