Gosh.
I missed writing. Whenever I read strong words, I wanted to fall back into them.
“My turn,” Jax said from across the way.
“Okay, pull a book, page one hundred and four, paragraph five.”
He cleared his throat and began reading. “‘Iris, don’t let go,’ Harry begged, pulling on her tattered T-shirt. ‘If you go now, I’ll be here alone. I don’t know how to get back to town. I don’t know when or where I’m supposed to go. I don’t know how to breathe unless you are guiding me. This place is filled with war, and you are my peace. So, please, don’t let me go.’”
My heart leaped into my throat, and I turned to my left to see Jax standing there with a book in his hand, and not just any book. My book.
“Where did you get that?” I asked.
“It was on the shelves.”
I shook my head. “I doubt it was on the shelves.”
“I might’ve put it there,” he replied. He walked over to me and took my hand in his. “You’re an amazing author, Kennedy.”
I snickered. “You can’t know that from one paragraph.”
“I know,” he agreed. “That’s why I read them all.”
“You…” I breathed out slowly. “You’ve read my book?”
“I did. It’s powerful and moving, like you. You are powerful and moving.”
“Jax…” Before I could finish my thought, Jax moved to the wall a few shelves away from me, pulled out a certain novel, and lo and behold, the hidden room opened. It was filled with more shelves of books, a beautiful lounge couch, and an oversized chair and ottoman. I could’ve spent the rest of my life in that room and been okay.
I laughed. “You knew where it was this whole time?”
“Guilty as charged.”
I wanted to smack his arm, but more than that, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to pull him into the beautifully hidden nook, fall onto his body, and kiss him hard and long. As I stared into the room, I began to turn to speak to Jax, and he was right there. He was in front of me, staring down at me as if I were something he wanted to ravish before the end of the night.
“If it’s okay with you, I think I’m done reading for tonight,” I whispered as I trailed a finger down his chest.
“Do you want to leave?” he asked as his stare lingered on my lips. When he looked back up at me, his eyes were dilated, and the want I was feeling was completely seen within him.
“No,” I said on an exhalation.
He moved in closer and rested his forehead on mine. “You want to go into the nook with me, Sun?”
“Yes.”
“You want to kiss me inside the nook, Sun?”
“Yes.” Yes, yes, yes…
“You want to take off our clothes inside there, Sun?” he said softly against my lips before sucking on the bottom one.
“Please, Jax,” I begged, moaning into his mouth as desire began to fill me up inside. He lifted me up and carried me into the room. He pinned me against a bookshelf and kissed me as if he’d been waiting all night for his lips to be pressed to mine. My legs were wrapped around his waist as I felt his want pressed against me. His mouth roamed down my neck, and I moaned as I placed my hands on the shelves beside me to balance myself. Jax’s groans against my skin sent a pool of heat to my core as I began grinding my hips against his jeans.
Eventually he placed me on the floor and began to undress down to his boxers. I began to do the same, tossing off my clothes. As he approached me, his eyes were fixated on my red panties, and he dragged his teeth along his bottom lip. “Fucking beautiful,” he mumbled.
He hooked his fingers in the edge of the lace and pulled them down before leading me toward the oversized chair. “Sit,” he commanded, and geez, I liked that. I liked his commands.
I sat, and he lowered himself to the ground in front of me. He kneeled before me and looked up at me as if I were a queen and he was there to bow. He spread my legs, and the desire I had for him that night shot through the roof. I wanted him to taste me, lick me, tease me, and he did exactly that.
As he moved in closer to my core, he began kissing and licking and fucking my inner thighs with his mouth. The anticipation was killing me as I placed my hands on the armrests and dug my nails into the fabric.
When Jax made his way to my core, his wet tongue lashed me, lapping me up and down as I moaned in pleasure.
“You taste so good, Kennedy…you taste like everything I’ve ever fucking wanted,” he swore. He placed his hands beneath my ass cheeks and lifted my hips so he could drive his tongue into me deeper. He wasn’t only fucking me to the point of orgasm; he was making love to my needs, too. He was focused and dedicated to the needs that I had.
Jax lifted one of my legs on top of his shoulder and went to work. His tongue sucked on my clit before he slid two fingers deep inside me. As his tongue moved, his fingers danced, bringing me closer and closer to climax.
“Yes, please,” I begged, “Keep…going…Jax, I’m going to…” I hadn’t known, hadn’t known it could feel so good. I hadn’t known a man could ravish a woman as if she were his queen and his sole purpose was to please her in every way possible.
I couldn’t stop the shaking that overtook my whole body. As he fingered me and made love to me with his tongue, I was unable to stop the fierce orgasm that flooded my entire system.
“I love that, Sun.” He groaned in pleasure, still licking up my excitement. “I love how you taste on my tongue.”
I couldn’t even form full sentences anymore. I couldn’t find the words to connect in my mind to tell him what I wanted next, what I needed next. So, I stuttered out the only three words I could muster up.
“Fuck me, Jax,” I said breathlessly, and his eyes locked with mine.
“Yeah?”
“Please,” I begged, needing to know what it felt like to have him inside me.
He reached for his wallet in his jeans and pulled out a condom.
As he stood, he slid off his boxers, his hardness was revealed, and I was pretty certain I gasped at the size. As he slid the condom down his shaft, and I watched, I almost came all over again from the sinful sight of him stroking himself.
He held a hand out to me, lifted me from the chair, and moved me over to the couch.
As he positioned himself over me, he paused as his hardness lightly rubbed my core. “I want this forever,” he confessed, his voice low and somewhat shaky. His dilated eyes locked with mine as he began sliding into me. His lips parted as he lowered his mouth to mine. “I want you forever.”
“Yours,” I promised, wanting to cry out in pleasure from the feeling of him giving me every piece of him. “I’m yours.”
He began making love to me right there in the hidden room of the library. He rocked into me with no regrets. He fucked me with purpose. I felt all of him, too. I felt his light and his darkness, his happy and his sad, his forever and his always as he slid in and out of me with a rhythm that matched my heartbeats. Jax made love to me amidst thousands of novels, and I knew none of their stories were ever going to top the one we were creating within ourselves.
There was something so powerful about making love to your best friend.
And when we finished making love?
We did it again.
27
Kennedy
I started writing again.
It was nothing to tell the world about, and everything I scribbled might have been gibberish, but those words were mine, and I’d never been so thankful for being able to create. Each day, I headed to the library to write in the hidden nook. I’d stay there until the sun went down, typing away at words that were coming at me faster than my fingers could move.
I’d forgotten what it felt like to feel inspired, to be unable to focus on anything around me for a few hours a day.
When I wasn’t writing, I was spending time with Jax, as much time as I could. It felt as if I couldn’t get enough of being around him. So, when he told me that he was heading to Chicag
o to visit his brother, my heart deflated a little bit. The idea of not having him around over the weekend was a lot to take in, which felt silly. A few weeks back, he wasn’t even a spot in my life. Now, the idea of him not being around was sad.
“It’s just a weekend,” he smirked as we sat in the convertible. “I promise to come back.”
“You better. Or I’ll find you again, like I did in this town,” I joked. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“I wouldn’t want to get rid of you. I am looking forward to seeing my brother, though. We only get together once a year, for our mother’s birthday.”
I frowned. “That has to be hard.” I remembered how hard it was for my loved ones birthdays to come around.
“It was at first, but over time, it gets better, Kennedy.” He placed his hand in mine and squeezed. “It will get better and easier for you.”
That comfort was nice to have.
“My brother refuses to come back to this town to visit, though, so I always have to head up to Chicago. It might be different after our father passes away. I have a feeling that was why he ran away after our mother died. Or maybe it’s too hard to be in this town after the accident. Who knows? But for now, I’m okay getting away from Havenbarrow to see him.”
“Are you two close?”
He snickered. “Not like you and Yoana,” he replied. “But we’re fine. He’s my brother, and I know if I ever needed something, he’d be there for me.”
There was so much comfort in that fact.
He glanced at his cell phone and grimaced. “I should actually get back to my place and pack, seeing how I leave so early in the morning.”
“Oh, okay,” I nodded as I hopped out of the truck. “Maybe I can come over to help you pack. Or, well, watch you pack. Or…I don’t know…” I just want to be near you.
He smiled. “You’re really going to miss me, huh?”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Jax. Don’t’ make it a thing.”
“It’s already a thing. I’d love your help packing, though. I’d also love if you stayed the night with me. I want to be able to kiss you when the sun comes up before I go.”
That was the easiest request I’d ever fulfilled.
We walked through the woods to get to his house, and it was at that moment I realized I’d never been inside Jax’s place. I’d never seen where he lived, where his father used to live. Oddly enough, I was equal parts excited and nervous to step foot into the place where he grew up. I knew a lot of terrible things happened in that house. Yet, I liked to believe a lot of loving memories lived there, too.
As we walked inside, and he showed me around, my chest tightened. There were all the pieces that made a house a home. The furniture was lived in. There were photographs of his family throughout the space. On one doorway frame, there were markings showcasing Derek’s and Jax’s height growth. I ran my fingers across those and couldn’t help but smile. What a special memory to have.
Sadly, with the splashes of light, came the darkness. My hands landed against a wall that had a hole through it. It looked as if someone had punched their fist right through the drywall. Those types of holes were seen throughout the house.
When Jax caught me touching one of the spots, he cleared his throat. “Those are my memories with my father.”
“Why didn’t you fix them?”
His mouth twitched as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t want to forget the way he was. It sounds stupid and petty, but I didn’t want his declining health to be a reason for me to forgive him for the hurt that he caused me. So, I left the holes as reminders.”
“How many times did he miss the wall and hurt you?”
He went silent.
That made me want to cry.
“I’m so, so sorry, Jax.” It took a certain kind of monster to lay their hands against a child. Jax didn’t deserve that treatment. No child in the whole world deserved to be hurt by the ones who were supposed to protect their lives.
He shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”
“Still,” I said, “I’m sorry.”
He gave me a halfhearted smile before leading me to his bedroom to pack a suitcase.
When I entered the room, I froze as I saw two large, open boxes sitting on his desk. “What is that?” I asked, rushing over to see what was inside of them, even though I was already certain I knew.
He glanced over and turned a bit sheepish. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”
“But I did.” I dug through the boxes and shook my head as a small laugh left my lips. “I know you said you bought one of my books for the library, but it seems you brought all five of my books,” I said, stunned. “Five times over!”
“I wanted to support you.”
I laughed. “One book would’ve been effective.”
“What if I accidentally spilled something on said book? I wanted to have a few backups. One day, I’m going to build a library with all of your books on the shelves.”
He was the sweetest man I’d ever crossed paths with, and I was so thankful he was back in my life. “By the way things are going, these are going to be the only books I have,” I joked.
He shook his head, extremely certain of the opposite. “You’ll get there, Kennedy. One day at a time.”
I hoped he was right.
That night we made love, and then fell asleep in each other’s arms. When morning came, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. As we stood in front of his truck, guilt filled me up inside.
“I’m sorry I can’t drive you to the airport. I wish I was better than this. I wish I didn’t have all of my issues.” What was wrong with me? I should’ve been able to do it. I should’ve been able to get into the truck and take him to the airport, like a normal person. I wished I could’ve been my old, normal self again.
He leaned in and kissed my lips and then my forehead. “You’ll get there, Kennedy,” he repeated like the previous night about my novels. “One day at a time.”
When he drove off, I already began to miss him, and I selfishly started counting down the hours until he’d be back.
28
Jax
There was no way to get around the fact that my brother Derek was very well off. He was a successful businessman who worked his ass off throughout the years to climb the corporate ladder. If you’d asked me what he did exactly, I’d shrug the hell out of my shoulders, but I knew he made a good living doing it.
As he pulled up to the Chicago O’hare International Airport to pick me up in his BMW, I was reminded just how well he’d been doing.
“Well, if it isn’t my favorite little brother,” Derek smirked, hopping out of his car. He walked over to me, placed his hands on my shoulders, and shook his head. “You’re looking bigger than the last time I saw you. You’re going to make me have to get in the gym and start pumping some iron.”
“If you did that, you might not fit into your designer suits anymore,” I joked.
“That’s what tailors and alterations are for, brother.”
He pulled me into a hug, and I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t feel good. It always felt good to touch down in Chicago to see Derek. Sometimes, it felt like I was seeing Mom, too, looking at his face. She would’ve been so proud of the man he’d become.
After we broke up our hug, I was shocked when a woman climbed out of the passenger seat of his car. She was a very pretty girl with the brightest smile I’d ever seen—other than Kennedy’s. That was a first for my trips to visit Derek. It was no secret that my brother had a bit of a playboy persona. He’d slept with a lot of women, but he never let them stick around to ride in his BMW.
And he definitely didn’t have them come with him to pick me up from the airport.
“Hi, there!” She smiled. “I’m Stacey. Derek’s—”
“Fiancée,” Derek jumped in. Stacey giggled and nudged Derek in the side. “You’re supposed to let me say it!”
“Sorry, I can’t get enough of saying it out loud,
” he said, kissing her forehead.
“Fiancée?” I asked, trying my best not to sound surprised. “I didn’t know there was even a girlfriend.”
“Yes, well, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind,” Stacey grinned. “We’ve only been talking for about two months, and last night bam! Proposal!”
Color me stunned.
“You know what they say, when you know, you know,” Derek said, kissing the girl’s forehead again. They both seemed smitten as hell. Happiness looked good on Derek. Sometimes it seemed that he struggled to find his way in life apart from working. There were times when his mind would get so dark, but he refused to let anyone in. He said therapy wasn’t for him, but he was glad it worked for me. Still, I wished he would talk to someone. It couldn’t hurt.
“Congratulations!” I said, holding my hand out toward Stacey to shake.
“Oh no, sweetheart, I’m a hugger,” she said, pulling me in close. As she squeezed me to death, I looked to my brother who was grinning ear to ear at her as if she were his sun.
Good for them.
“Now, don’t worry. I won’t be in your hair all weekend. I just wanted to come and meet you to say hi. Derek has told me so much about you.”
“Hopefully good things,” I joked.
“There’s only good things to say,” Derek commented, even though I knew it was a lie.
We headed to his apartment, which showcased once again that money wasn’t a problem for him. It was a huge place with three bedrooms on the eightieth floor in downtown Chicago. Sometimes, I wondered where I would’ve been if I’d taken him up on his offer to come work at his company. Then again, I knew deep down in my soul I was a southern boy through and through. Big city lights didn’t call me home. I felt more at peace deep in the woods.
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