Seeking Refuge

by Alana Terry

  “Why tell me this now? You sharing your feelings isn’t a guarantee that I return your feelings.”

  “It’s been a week. I think this is more than overdue. You should have the best experience here possible. I want to facilitate that, but it’ll have to be done without me as your therapist. I can’t tell you what you need to hear when I can’t think of anything but how courageous, intelligent, and gorgeous you are. I’m no longer objective enough.”

  She stared at him for a moment, then looked around her as inconspicuously as possible, searching for the camera. She must be getting punked. No one was that forthcoming with their feelings. When she couldn’t spot any cameras, she risked a look back at Zach. He was staring at her as if he’d just asked her something as mundane as if she liked the weather they were having.

  “Are you serious?”

  He looked confused but nodded slowly.

  “You’re being pretty forward,” she said, keeping her eyes on his face.

  She saw the confusion deepen, then give way to understanding and relief.

  “Do you think I told you with the purpose of pursuing you?”

  She felt uncomfortable — that was exactly what she thought.

  I’m obviously more out of practice than I thought. He rubbed his hands together. “It has been some time since I’ve met someone who affected me on such a visceral level. It wasn’t too long ago that I toyed with the thought that I’d never have these feelings again. Sebastian there used to be my best friend and though he’s a great listener, he’s not a big talker.” He gestured to his dog who still had his head in her lap. “So, you can imagine that my social skills aren’t up to par.” She nodded even though she was even more confused now than when he’d started. He must’ve seen it on her face because he took a deep breath.

  “Just because it feels like lightning flows between us sometimes doesn’t mean that I have to move on that. But when it hinders my ability to listen with undivided attention or have a clear enough head to ask you a question that’ll lead you to a better understanding of what you’re working through, then I have to step back.”

  It had been so long since she’d met a man who was both attractive and decent, she’d forgotten that they didn’t feel the need to play games. They spoke their mind and took what the other person said at face value. She wanted to know how well he knew himself, though.

  “So, if I told you that I feel the same way and wanted you to pursue me, what would you say?” She gave him a cheeky grin, letting him know she was only half serious.

  He leaned forward enough to fill her line of sight. His eyes went from calm to intense. “Be very careful what you wish for. It may change your life in ways you never imagined.” He stared at her for a few more seconds then leaned back. The tension that built around them dissipated some, but it was still thick and full of the electricity he’d mentioned earlier.

  “Zach, I didn’t expect to see you up here today.” Mr. Murphy’s voice rang out in the mostly hollow structure. Shauna saw Zach school his features before turning toward his boss. Since her bench was slightly obstructed by a pillar, Bernie was almost up to them before he saw her. The look of surprise gave way to speculation before he was able to wipe his features clear.

  “Dr. Nathan. How are you doing today?” He came forward and shook her hand.

  “I’m doing very well.” She would’ve stood, but he motioned for her to stay with his hands and reached down to scratch Sebastian behind the ears. She watched as the dog leaned into his hand. It reminded her of what her mom told her once.

  “Babies and animals will tell you what type of person you’re dealing with.” If she judged all men by that one statement, Bernie was a decent man and Zach more so.

  “Zach brought Michael and me down to the pastures to watch the foals frolic, and up here to show us the prize beauty of the stables today. Gazelle is a rare beauty. You must be proud.”

  Bernie preened at her words. He looked like the proud father of a newborn. “She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?” he said, his eyes dancing.

  “The training center she was staying at is being renovated, so to help out, I brought her here and the trainer will be coming up here for her daily sessions.”

  “What’s she being trained in?” Shauna asked both out of politeness and curiosity. She hadn’t gotten a good look at the horse, though she looked very strong.

  “Dressage and jumping.”

  “Really?” Her heart beat a little faster. That magnificent animal would be competing in dressage.

  “That’s why I brought Shauna up her, but I hadn’t gotten to that part yet. Shauna competed in dressage in high school and college.” He looked at her. “Right?” She nodded, touched by his thoughtfulness.

  “Would you like to ride her sometime?” Bernie asked.

  She looked back and forth between Zach and Bernie to see if they were jesting. It was rare for an owner to allow anyone other than the horse’s rider or trainer to ride them.

  “Absolutely.” She would ride that heavenly creature.

  “She could use some exercise and since you’re familiar with the style, you can take her through some of the basic moves once you get to know each other better.”

  She practically bounced on her bench she was so excited about the prospect.

  “I’ll let her trainer know you’ll be up next week. What day works for you?”

  She looked at Zach, forgetting their previous conversation in the excitement of the moment. She looked down at Sebastian who was looking at her almost expectantly.

  “Wednesday afternoon, around three p.m.?”

  “I’ll let him know.” He touched the brim of his hat.

  “I hope you continue to enjoy your day,” he said to her. “See you later, Zach.”

  They watched him walk down the aisle and stop at Gazzelle’s stall for a couple of minutes.

  “You never answered my question,” Zach said. She turned to him and saw that he was still watching Mr. Murphy.

  “Which question would that be?” she said, willing him to look at her.

  “Whether or not you’ll forgive me for being so rude before.”

  “Is there a deadline or expiration date?” She watched him grow thoughtful.

  “No,” he finally said, dragging out the one word. “Do you need more time to think about it? Is there anything I can do to sway your feelings one way or another?” His soft smile was proving to be her undoing.

  “Why does it mean so much to you?”

  “I could say it’s just because I want to make sure I’ve done everything I can to redeem myself to you, but I know there is also a big part of me that can’t stand you thinking ill of me anymore.”

  “Why?” she asked, knowing his next answer would tip the emotions she had riding on the pendulum they’d been on since she’d met him.

  He looked down as though he was deciding whether or not to reveal something. He took a deep breath. “It’s almost painful to consider that you, someone that I think so highly of, would think less of me because I struggled against my attraction to you.”

  And right there, as she looked into those warm, gold-speckled, brown eyes, every single emotion hovering at the edge of reason jumped off.

  “I forgive you,” she whispered and watched his eyes light up and crinkle at the edges. Her eyes traveled down to see he was smiling.

  “Now what?” she asked with an answering smile.

  “Now I say, ‘thank you.’”

  The smile on her face froze. “That’s all?” She couldn’t understand the disappointment she felt.

  He watched her, his smile dimming some. “I have no other faces, Shauna. I feel a strong pull toward you. I think you’re an incredible woman and I’d like to get to know you better, but I’m not up for a fling, and though it’s possible, five hours is considered a pretty long drive.”

  She schooled her features and let her ego take the hit. “So... friends?” Please say no. Please say no.

  “Yes and no.”
<
br />   She didn’t want to be relieved. She didn’t want to be a whole lot of things when she was around this man, but she was.

  He leaned in closer. “I’d like to be your friend. I’d like to find out why you work as a chemical engineer, which by the way is a very illustrious career, instead of a horsewoman or trainer. I’d like to know why you don’t have a husband or boyfriend, and I’d like to know why when you’re anywhere in my vicinity, my heart feels like it’s been hooked to a battery charger.”

  She felt her insides melt. He was a conundrum, but she’d had more fun with him in the last few hours than she’d had in the last few days. She liked the way she felt with him today. He intrigued her and made her think. He looked at her and treated her like she was a gift, but he also made her question herself and she didn’t need any more of those questions.

  “What would you like?” he asked softly.

  She stared back at him while he waited for her answer, his light-brown eyes searching hers. She could deny her feelings for him until they quieted and went away, then go back to her work and life as if she’d never met him. His eyes narrowed slightly and the left side of his mouth tipped up.

  “If I told you, what would you do?” She leaned in slightly.

  “Listen,” he said with no hesitancy. It took her a moment to realize that he was answering her question and not giving her an order. Then his answer washed over her and she couldn’t stand the thought of never feeling again the way she felt at that moment.

  “I’m intrigued by you. Your confidence...” she said as she looked away from his face, “...and other things are extremely attractive to me, but I wonder what brought you here and why your best friend is a dog?”

  He leaned in a little more and she could smell his aftershave. He whispered close to her ear, “Actually, he’s not my best friend, but don’t tell him Falyn is.”

  “Who’s Falyn?”

  He leaned back, smiling sheepishly. “My horse.”

  She laughed, thinking he was kidding, but stopped when he continued to look at her. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Huh.” She didn’t know what to think of that. So, she went with the best question she could think of.

  “What type of horse?”

  “He’s a Morgan.”

  “Will you introduce me to him?” She watched his face soften and wonder what else she could do to earn that look from him.

  “Yes.”

  “I’d like to get to know you better. I’d like to be your friend because I’ve never met anyone like you before.” She blew out a deep breath, not quite believing she’d admitted those things to him when she’d only just admitted them to herself.

  She looked at him while he stared at her. The warmth in his eyes heated and the golden specks in them darkened. “Thank you for being honest with me, Shauna.”

  Shauna could’ve sworn by the heat in her cheeks he’d thanked her for something more.

  “Michael, may I take Shauna to the other stables to meet Falyn?” Startled, Shauna turned to see Michael behind her. She’d been so mesmerized by Zach, she hadn’t heard him. That was dangerous.

  Michael looked at Shauna then back at Zach. “Are you just going to see the horse or will you go for a ride as well?” Shauna’s heart skipped a beat. The thought of riding with Zach filled her with excitement.

  Zach’s gaze swung back to her, but she knew the delight on her face was plain to see.

  Michael sighed. “Do me a favor. Stay on the track,” he said, leveling a serious gaze at her. “I have to take care of a few things in town. I will be back in a couple of hours.” Michael glanced between the two of them again. “You all right with this?”

  She nodded, not knowing what else to do.

  “Good.” He checked his watch. “I’ll be back by four thirty p.m.”

  She watched him turn and leave, feeling somewhat bereft. When she looked back at Zach, shyness stole over her, making the next few moments awkward. She looked at everything but Zach. She saw a chip in one of her nails and decided to research the best places in Bourbonville or Chandler to get it repaired.

  She noticed Zach moving to stand, and looked up when he held his hand in front of her face. “Come on, let’s go for a ride.”

  She quirked a brow. “Does that line really work?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never tried it.”

  She took his hand and gave Sebastian enough time to move away from her lap before she stood. “Sorry to tell you, it was kind of corny.”

  He looked at her. “That’s okay. I still got to hold your hand.” He tugged, bringing her closer to him. He tipped his head, gesturing to the back of the stables leading to the track. “Come on, let’s go for a ride.” This time, the words were accompanied by a wink and a smile.

  She burst out laughing and shook her head, but let him lead her down the aisle.

  Chapter 17

  SHAUNA GLANCED BACK over her shoulder and spurred Zeus into a faster gallop. She knew there was a good chance that Zach would beat her, but for right now, she was in the lead and she loved it. The thought that nothing could touch her here, she sang in her head as it had so many times before. She gave Zeus more of the reins and lifted herself slightly out of the saddle. The sound of the wind breezing past her ears sang and she focused on the last lap.

  Halfway down the stretch, she heard and saw movement from the side of her left eye. She lifted higher and squeezed Zeus. He seemed to sense Falyn as well and gave her another burst of speed. Her heart hadn’t felt this light in years. She released a little more length in the reins then gripped them harder, giving him his head and holding on for the ride.

  They’d reached the last thirty yards when she saw Falyn increase his speed and move to match Zeus. She felt her horse straining and knew if Falyn had anything left, she’d lose. She silently spurred her mount forward, trying to share any energy she could with him, but at the designated finish, Falyn stretched forward to beat them by a head.

  She slowly pulled up on the reins, letting Zeus know the race was over and allowed him to take his time coming back to a walk. She couldn’t stop smiling and the adrenalin running through her threatened to give her wings. Zach trotted up to her side and she looked over at him and laughed. He looked stunned for a moment then broke into a grin himself.

  “That was great! You’re not a bad rider,” she said when she could catch her breath.

  He chuckled. “I beat you.”

  “So?” she countered.

  He laughed and shook his head. “I won the race and you say I’m not a bad rider?”

  “I was having fun. I’m not saying I didn’t go for it.” She shrugged her shoulders and pulled Zeus back around toward the stables. “I think that the competitiveness was a byproduct. It couldn’t be helped. I think we both knew you would beat me. I just wanted to make sure I made it as hard for you as possible.”

  “How did you know I would win when I didn’t even know?”

  “How could you not?” She turned to look at him. “You two are friends. You’ve ridden him enough to know the changes in his strides and what that says about his endurance and strength. You have a superior horse, no doubt, but Zeus is gorgeous when he moves.”

  “Well said.” Shauna’s head whipped around at the voice coming from her right. She watched as Giovanni walked to them.

  “That was an incredible display, young lady. I heard that you’ve ridden, but that was beautiful.”

  Shauna felt herself blush at his praise. “Thank you, Mr. Bowens.”

  He tutted at her, the sound reminding her of a grandmother. “Call me Giovanni.”

  She inclined her head. “Well then, Mr. Giovanni, thank you,” she said pointedly. She watched him relent with a shrug.

  “You look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

  “Very much so,” she said, tightening the reins to keep Zeus still.

  “I’m glad. How has your stay been so far?” She looked over to where Zach had been on Fa
lyn to see if Giovanni had been made aware of the change in her counselor, but he wasn’t there.

  “Good. This place is like a playground for horse riders.”

  “Exactly what I like to hear.” He nodded. “Well, I’ll leave you to your fun. I hope to see you again soon.”

  “Absolutely. You know where I’ll be every weekday morning from seven to nine a.m., for the next few weeks, anyway.” She smiled at him, feeling a great deal more comfortable about the somewhat standoffish ranch manager when he smiled back before sauntering off.

  She felt something at her other leg and looked down to see Zach. He looked up and tapped her foot in the stirrup. She removed it along with the one on the other side. He reached up, grasping her waist as she leaned forward, never taking her eyes off him. The sizzle between them was palpable. When her feet touched the ground and he didn’t release her immediately, a thrill ran up and down her spine. Zeus shuffled to the side, bumping them, thus pulling her out of the spell he seemed to weave around her whenever they were together.

  She blinked away the haze and smiled shyly up at him.

  “Oh, Shauna, you may just be my undoing,” he said, stepping back and removing his hands.

  She half-chuckled, half-sighed; she was so relieved he felt the same hold on his senses.

  He handed her the reins to Zeus, his hands lingering for a moment.

  They walked the horses back to the grooming station then brushed and rubbed them down, talking all the while about the different horses they’d ridden or taken care of over the years.

  She hung around, helping out with a few other horses Zach was seeing to while she waited for Michael, knowing he’d expect her to remain with Zach until he got back.

  As they walked to the door of the stables, Sebastian ran in, heading straight toward her. She was afraid he would jump on her for a moment, but he stopped just shy of her, sat on his haunches, and lifted a paw.

  “Well, aren’t you the gentleman.” She shook with him and squatted to give him a good rub.