Seeking Refuge

by Alana Terry

  Zach’s mind zeroed in on the last part of the question. “What do you mean by benefit her in the long run?” He normally was very astute, but it was like this man talked in riddles.

  “You aren’t yourself with Shauna; she can sense that. She won’t ever trust you enough to receive the full benefits of your therapy sessions. I think she needs that, especially now.”

  “You aren’t in on our counseling sessions. How do you know she doesn’t share?”

  Michael gave him a sidelong look.

  “Yeah, all right. So, you mean especially now because she’s here hiding from a stalker?”

  Michael’s gaze became even more intense. “Because the security firm her father hired believes they’ve found her stalker.”

  The surprises just kept on coming. “So soon?” he spoke without thinking. “I mean, that’s good. They were quick.”

  Michael’s lips lifted to one side. “Not really. They’ve been looking for him for over a month now. I think after Shauna almost got hit by the car, he backed off, knowing there would be an intense search for him. She stayed in the hospital for a little over two weeks and recouped at home for the next two. It was either get her out of the city or take the chance of him approaching her at work because she was getting a bad case of cabin fever. I’ve witnessed Shauna’s attitude and have been a victim of her sharp tongue when she feels trapped. It’s not pretty.”

  Zach worked to make his voice sound as nonchalant as possible. “What does that mean? Will she be leaving early?”

  “No. She’s booked for the month. Besides, they’re just getting started and Shauna’s father wants to make sure she stays neatly tucked away here. I think changing therapists will make her stay a little more pleasant,” Michael said, not shifting his gaze from Zach.

  “Me handing her over to Ryan doesn’t automatically mean that I will pursue her.”

  “No, but it does mean you’ll give yourself permission to be nicer to her and you’ll find a way to assure her that it isn’t because you’ve heard or seen anything regarding her personality or character that would cause you to end your sessions.”

  Zach couldn’t deny the accusation or feel anything less than impressed by Michael’s shrewdness. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. “And how do you suggest I do that?”

  “You be nice to her. You approach her with a smile on your face instead of a frown. You ask her how her day has been. You treat her like a human being. You act like a gentleman.” Michael waved his hand in dismissal. “I’m not saying for you to ask her out or have an affair with her. I’m just giving you ideas on how you can remove the barriers between the two of you and ease the doubts you’ve introduced with your behavior that’s causing her to second-guess herself.”

  Zach was dismayed at the thought that he’d caused more damage to Shauna’s already delicate psyche. “That bad?” Zach asked, no longer trying to hide his reactions.

  “It could be, and I’d rather not get to a place where she leaves here feeling worse than when she arrived,” Michael said, then took another sip.

  Zach took a deep breath. He would relinquish Shauna’s therapy to Ryan.

  “I think you’re decent, Zach, so I’m going to ask you another question and I hope you can answer it for me.”

  “Sure, if I can.”

  “What happened with your wife and child?”

  Zach braced himself against the wave of pain he expected to accompany the mention of his family, but it never came. When his focus came back to Michael, the man waited expectantly.

  He cleared his throat and shifted in his chair while he got his thoughts together. “If you did the background check, you know what happened,” he said as an attempt to avoid talking about that day.

  “I want to hear it from you.”

  “No offense, Michael, but why would I tell you my story? I don’t know you.”

  “That’s exactly why you should tell me.”

  Zach allowed his skepticism to show clearly on his face.

  “From your initial response to my request, I can tell that you either have never talked about this from your point of view or it’s been a long time since you’ve had to.”

  Zach shrugged. “So, I’m not eager to share the death of my wife and child. I don’t think I’m the only one.”

  Michael sat back sighing. “I can understand a person not wanting to relive a tragic incident, but I’m wondering if you can.”

  Zach didn’t know if it was a challenge or just a request as he’d said before. He stared back at Michael and asked one more question. “If I can’t, then what will that tell you?”

  “If you can’t face your past, it’ll follow you into your future one way or another until you’re able to do so and put it back in its place.”

  “Who said that?” Zach said, unsuccessfully hiding his smirk.

  “Me,” Michael said, stone-faced. “Usually when you’re unable to face a terrible event, it’ll haunt you until you’re able to do so. Haunt implies that it’s worrying or disturbing you. Why wouldn’t you face down something that disturbs you? Is it fear, guilt... maybe an extremely deep well of sadness? You’re a therapist. You tell me.”

  Zach knew he’d been talked into a corner, but he didn’t feel the need to lash out as he had in the past. He found that he actually wanted to talk about his loves instead of continuing to keep them hidden away in the deepest corner of his heart. He sent up a silent prayer for strength then told the man everything.

  “I’m really sorry you suffered such a loss. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy,” Michael said, when Zack was done, allowing a crack to form in his demeanor. “I mean it, man. I think you’re a good guy. Your obvious love for animals and people let me breathe a little easier, your contentiousness toward my girl notwithstanding.” The left side of his mouth lifted. It wasn’t quite a smile, but it was something, Zach thought.

  “Well, is there anything I can do besides be nicer to her?”

  “Yes, you can tell me if you’re going to release her sessions to Ryan.”

  Zach just watched Michael as he nodded. Michael looked as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

  “Two more questions. How long have you been a believer and follower of Christ?”

  Surprised by the question, Zach took a moment to answer. “Um, I grew up in church, but I rededicated my life to Christ five years ago.”

  Michael nodded. “What do you do for fun here that doesn’t include riding a horse?”

  Zach leaned back in his chair, feeling lighter than he could remember. “I normally read, but that’s only because Sebastian is such a bad chess player... My dog,” Zach said in response to Michael’s confused look.

  “I thought his name was Bass.”

  “That’s his nickname,” Zach said nonchalantly.

  “Why give a dog a nickname? Wouldn’t that just confuse him?” Michael said, frowning.

  “No,” Zach said with a shrug. “He answers to both.”

  “I’m no expert, but I believe I can do better than your Sebastian.”

  “We’ll see,” Zach said, taking the last sip of his water.

  Chapter 16

  SHAUNA WAS IN THE TWILIGHT zone. She had to be. It was the only thing that would explain the extra attention, or the attention period, she was receiving from Zach, his boss Giovanni, and the owner of the ranch, Mr. Murphy.

  Saturday came in bright and sunny, or it was just the fact that she woke up later because she wasn’t racing against the clock to get in her riding time before therapy. Michael met her outside of her cabin as usual and they walked over to the cafeteria. He selected a table that would give her the security she needed but still allowed easy access to the exits.

  The type of patrons changed because it was too late for most of the ranch hands to still be eating. There were more families present and she smiled shyly at a few of them, then retrieved her food from the buffet. As she sat eating her right arm’s weight in fluffy scrambled eggs with re
d and green bell peppers, a shadow fell over her side of the table. She looked up and the eggs in her mouth were temporarily forgotten.

  “May I sit with you guys?” Zach asked, holding a tray filled with plates and cups.

  “Sure,” Michael said between bites of his own food. Shauna’s head whipped around to see Michael’s expression, but all she found was the easy nonchalance he wore whenever just the two of them were together. Hoping to hide her confusion, she turned back to Zach and began to offer him a smile when she remembered she still had food in her mouth. She hid her mouth behind one hand while gesturing for him to sit across from them.

  “Good morning, Shauna,” he said once he’d sat down. She chewed quickly and swallowed.

  “Good morning, Zach.” It dawned on her that he’d used her first name. It had become a point of contention having to tell him day after day not to call her Dr. Nathan, but he seemed to ignore her request. Well, wonders never cease.

  He gave her a shy smile that caused her heart to do a crazy flip flop as she dug into his grits. All she could think of was how unfair it was that with one look, he could derail her plans and thoughts. She watched for Michael’s reaction out of the corner of her eye, but he seemed to be oblivious to their exchange.

  She looked back down at her eggs that held less interest since her stomach was now full of butterflies. She took a few bites, mourning the food that would remain on her plate.

  “How did you sleep?” Zach asked after washing down a few bites of French toast with milk.

  “Fine. The bed is very comfortable.”

  “Glad to hear it. Sometimes people from the city that come to stay here have a hard time getting to sleep because it’s so quiet, but I think there are plenty of sounds at night as well as in the morning.”

  That was the most words strung together that he’d delivered to her, ever. She denied herself the satisfaction of looking at Michael to gauge his thoughts to Zach’s sudden chatter. Shauna nodded, not really knowing how to respond to his comment. She glanced at Michael’s plate which was still half full and hoped he’d eat as efficiently as he usually did.

  “Sebastian and I were going out to the south pasture to watch the foals in a little bit. You guys want to come with us?”

  Shauna did look at Michael this time. She expected him to reject the offer but he had a thoughtful look on his face.

  “Is that the southeast pasture that’s near the security?”

  Zach nodded.

  “I needed to go down there anyway. Thanks for the invite.”

  Shauna’s eyebrows came together as she considered the fact that Michael hadn’t had a chance to survey the area.

  “As soon as I’m done, I’ll go down and take a quick look,” he said, glancing at Zach.

  “But this is your day off,” Shauna began, but Michael interrupted her.

  “Shauna, you know I’m on the job twenty-four seven. We’ve been through this.”

  “I was just going to stay in today with a book. That way you could take care of any errands you need to get done or just relax,” she said, trying not to get defensive.

  “I will relax when I get back to Chicago, and any errands I need to take care of can wait.”

  She did think going to watch the foals would be fun. Horses were already such beautiful creatures, and at that age they were absolutely adorable as they tried out what their lanky legs could do.

  “Would you like to see the foals, Shauna?” Michael asked, cutting into a country-style potato. He didn’t look at her but the telltale sign of his mouth twitching made her shake her head slightly.

  She took a sip of her orange juice and glanced back at Zach over the rim. “It looks like we’re going to look at some foals.” He grinned in response and went back to eating.

  The foals were adorable, but they had nothing on Sebastian. The dog had more personality than most of her coworkers and he was cuter too. He introduced himself by offering his paw after she bent down to let him sniff her hand. They shook, he leaned forward to lick her chin, and just like that, she was in love.

  After that, he ran ahead and came back to her a few times, then stayed by her side. She thought she heard Zach mutter something about a trader as they leaned against the outer railing to the pasture. By the time she’d looked at him, his face was impassive. It was all she could do to keep the smile back.

  “Do you have any other talents besides your skill with horses and your obvious ability to place smaller animals under spells?” he asked, frowning over at Sebastian as they walked up to the stables.

  “Well, I’m developing this new potion that’ll make everyone love me,” she responded.

  “I don’t think you need a potion for that,” he said quietly, almost more to himself than her, but she heard it anyway and it sent a warmth through her that was impossible to ignore.

  “How long have you worked here?”

  “About six years. I started out as a stable hand, but as they expanded, those of us who wanted the work were trained as ranch hands. A year or two after that, I decided to earn my B.S. in psychology and get my masters in therapy.”

  Shauna took in the information like a sponge. He seemed so sure of himself.

  “What type of expanding have they been doing here? Everything seems to be running efficiently.”

  “That’s Giovanni’s doing. He’s a stickler for order and efficiency.”

  As they walked, Zach continued to share some of Mr. Murphy and Giovanni’s more challenging concepts. “The scheduling of the therapy sessions was always pretty simple, but with the new cabins, we were finding security a little tricky. It’s much easier getting people to see what you want them to when they only have a few hours on the ranch. When they stay twenty-four hours, though...” He stopped and shook his head. “They tend to get into all kinds of things by just taking a walk.”

  “So, what did you do?”

  “We set some new boundaries a half mile beyond the opening to the pasture and cleaned up a half-dozen trails. It wasn’t too much trouble. We just needed to see things from another perspective, so Murphy invited some friends to stay for a few days. They were told to get into all kinds of mischief. It was a crazy week,” he said, laughing and shaking his head.

  They continued to walk quietly up to the stables. When they reached the door, she noticed that Michael was no longer with them. She turned around, searching for him and saw him on the phone a few feet back. She waited for him to catch her eye and signaled to the stable door. He gestured for her to go up ahead. She shrugged and allowed Zach to usher her through the door.

  “I want to show you something,” Zach said in a hushed tone. “Bernie’s favorite mare, Gazelle, named for her mother’s jumping ability, is here this weekend. She’s a beauty.” His eyes lingered on hers and her cheeks heated. “He’s planning on breeding her with Rollo in a year or two.” He matched his strides with hers. “Have you seen him?”

  She nodded. She’d seen the stallion being exercised one of the mornings she’d been riding Zeus.

  They arrived at the stall and Zach walked closer, sticking his hand into the space. Shauna walked forward and caught sight of the exquisite creature. She could tell from the horse’s lines that she was a thoroughbred. She stood sixteen hands high, her silver-gray coat and mane of the same color catching the overhead lights.

  “Oh, she’s beautiful,” she gasped.

  “I thought you’d like her.”

  “Why?” She continued to stare at the mare. Not having the courage to look him in the face.

  “Why did I think you’d like her?” She heard him idling closer.

  “Why are you being so nice?” She leaned forward, allowing the horse to sniff her hand. “I mean you just saying more than two words at a time to me would be considered nice, but this is... curious.” She continued to observe the animal while it made up its mind as to whether or not they’d be friends. Her huge, brown, intelligent eyes watched Shauna just as closely.

  “I owe you an apology.�
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  She did look at him then. “You’re being nice because you want me to accept your apology?”

  She watched as he looked down at his boots, a slight frown marring his looks.

  “I owe you an apology because I’ve been handling my attraction to you very badly. I’m hoping you’ll forgive me so that we might start over.”

  Startled at his straightforwardness, Shauna was at a loss for words and resumed gazing at the horse. Her mind ran through reason after reason why she should cut him off at the knees, but it only took one reason for her to give his request serious consideration. She was about to concede, when she thought about their therapy.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re my therapist.” She watched as Zach’s jaw tightened and relaxed.

  “Come sit down with me for a moment please.” He gestured toward a set of benches down the aisle.

  She followed him, not knowing what to think about his somber expression. He was acting so different than what she was used to that she had a hard time reading him.

  She sat down and he sat on the bench next to hers. Sebastian came over and placed his head in her lap.

  She caught the sardonic look come into Zach’s eyes, but it left almost as quickly as it came. When he lifted his eyes to hers, they were full of warmth. He rested his elbows on his knees before he started. “I don’t think I should be your therapist anymore.”

  Her mind stalled for a second. “What?”

  “I think my attraction to you is getting in the way of your progress.”

  Wow. She said to herself. “Oh.” Was all she could get out before her mind came back online.

  “You want to stop our therapy sessions.”

  Zach frowned, “Well, I’d be handing your sessions over to Ryan. I think you’d benefit from a more objective counselor and he’s really good.”

  Shauna worked it over in her mind. “So, you don’t want to counsel me anymore because of what — you want to go out with me?”

  Zach looked uncomfortable but pressed forward. “It may hinder more than help, for me to counsel you feeling the way I do. I’ve gone out of my way to keep my distance from you so I didn’t do anything inappropriate.”