Seeking Refuge

by Alana Terry

  She stomped down on his instep and she felt him jerk and heard him swear in response. He pushed her head into the door violently. She heard the bang against the door before she felt the pain her forehead. She welcomed and held on to it in hopes it would keep her from blacking out. The movement gave her elbow enough space to maneuver and make contact with his ribs. There wasn’t enough room to make it a debilitating blow, but she knew it smarted. His stance shifted and she brought her head back, satisfied to hear the distinctive crack as spots dotted her vision.

  His body moved away and she tried to open the door enough to wiggle through, when her mind registered the sound of a gun being cocked. She stilled and began to pray for her soul.

  “Now move away from the door so we can do this properly,” he said, his voice sounding more nasal, and she knew she’d broken his nose. Hopefully, they’d find some of his blood mixed in with hers.

  She moved slowly back from the door, wondering why she suddenly felt so calm. Was this what happened when someone was about to die? She would’ve laughed if she was sure the sound wouldn’t cause him to pull the trigger sooner. As crazy as it seemed, the fear was overpowered by the very clear thought that this being would no longer have any hold over her. If she died, she knew where she was going.

  She remembered something the pastor had said that morning when she wasn’t distracted by the window. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? She couldn’t remember what verse of Corinthians it was in, but she knew it was speaking loud and clear to her now.

  The irony of the situation didn’t escape her. It was only this morning that she’d rededicated her life to Christ, seeking a deeper relationship with Him, and this afternoon she’d come face-to-face with her mortality. The conversations with Michael and Zach had given her a great deal to consider. Sitting there in that church, staring at the image in the window, and feeling Him beckon to her, helped her come to the conclusion that she needed a more intimate relationship with Jesus. She just wished she had more time to get to know God more in this life before going on to the next.

  All of this time, the void she’d been feeling in the depth of her being — and the yearning she felt for more — she’d mistaken for ungratefulness in her life. But it was Him drawing her and giving her cause to search for Him beyond anything she could achieve on her own.

  They moved into the middle of the living room and he placed her finger on the trigger of the gun. “Why?” she asked, more to stall him than out of curiosity.

  “Your father destroyed my family,” he said, wrestling with her as he pointed the barrel toward her head.

  “Why would he do something like that?” she asked, hoping to distract him long enough to get her foot in the perfect position to kick him in the knee and not get shot in the process.

  “I don’t know, but I’ll ask him right before I kill him.” He began to push her down to the floor when she shot her foot out.

  The sound of splintering wood caught both of them off guard. She lost her footing, but ducked around him quickly so as to make him turn his body if he wanted to shoot her in the head.

  The shot came a moment later, but the pain she expected to feel never came. She looked up to see Michael striding forward, his gun aimed at the man now writhing on the floor next to her. He kicked away the gun the man had dropped and bent in front of her, never taking his eyes away from her assailant for more than a few seconds. “Are you okay to move? Is anything broken?”

  She tried to think around the pain in her head and focus on his face. “Head,” she said, raising her shaking fingers to the sensitive area on her forehead.

  Michael nodded in understanding. “Your dad called the police and the hospital after warning me about this piece of filth.” Michael looked over at the man moaning and clutching the upper-right side of his chest.

  “Who is he?” Her voice sounded loud in her head.

  “A Dr. Paul Lauden.”

  Shauna gasped. “Is he related to Nicolas?”

  “Yes. They’re cousins.” Michael looked like he wanted to spit on the man. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to check your cabin before you entered, but...” An odd look crossed his features. “Nicolas is here.”

  “Inside the ranch?” Shauna started feeling sick. “Do you think he’s involved?”

  “I’m not sure.” Michael backed up a little.

  “All clear,” he yelled, startling Shauna.

  Zach rushed in, picked her up off the floor and carried her out onto the porch. She didn’t know who was shaking more — him or her — as shock set in.

  He sat on the top step with her still in his arms. His hands roamed around her, checking for any injuries. When he didn’t find any, he hugged her close. She wrapped her free arm around him and held on tight.

  “I thought you were gone,” she said through chattering teeth.

  He grunted something unintelligible then tried again. “The thought of you in such pain and danger brought on a surge of anger and sickness I could barely hold back. I didn’t want you to see me give up my lunch. I almost didn’t meet you...” His voice broke and he stopped speaking.

  She could understand. He wasn’t leaving, just adjusting. She clutched him tighter, trying to comfort him in return.

  A couple of minutes later, she heard a screech as wheels came to a halt in front of her cabin. She raised her head from Zach’s shoulder to see her father jump from the car and run toward her.

  “Um, son, we’re going to have to take a look at my daughter,” her father said, his voice full of emotion when Zach looked as though he wouldn’t release her.

  She felt Zach tense for a second, then loosen his hold. She held on for a few seconds longer. “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered. She released him slowly, but the moment he leaned back, she was pulled up and enveloped in her father’s embrace.

  She felt the tremors running through his body almost immediately, but the sob that came from him still surprised her. “Oh, my baby. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Please.” She felt the wetness from his tears, and the obvious pain he was in sidelined any determination she’d had to push him out of her life. She wrapped her arms around his wide back, giving him the comfort he needed. They had a lot to resolve but she loved him, and she couldn’t deny his love for her.

  She opened her eyes when she heard footsteps. Gerald walked onto the path holding one of Nicolas’ arms which looked to be bound behind his back.

  “Nicolas, were you in on this?” Shauna gasped, moving away from her father.

  “What?” He looked over at Zach, looking more than a little uncomfortable.

  Gerald stepped forward, handing her father an open note enclosed in a sandwich bag.

  “So, I’m guessing it wasn’t you who wrote me that note.” Nicolas said to Shauna, seemingly nonplussed about not being able to use his hands.

  “What note?” she asked, the pain in her head intensifying.

  “Nicolas, is it?” Zach said, moving toward him. But Gerald raised a hand to halt him.

  Her dad read the letter then let her look at it. “Did you write this?”

  “No. It isn’t my handwriting,” she said, feeling sick to her stomach. Her dad nodded.

  He spoke to Gerald. “He can join the other one when the police get here. They can sort out their stories at the station.”

  “What?” He said in bewilderment. “I thought I was being harassed by ‘rent-a-cop’ here,” He gestured with his head at Gerald. “For trespassing. What story? What other one?”

  The rest of his rantings drifted into the background as her father obscured her view, taking her face in his hands.

  “I love you, Shauna. You’re one of the greatest gifts of my life and your love means a great deal to me. Parents aren’t supposed to have favorites but you’re also my friend. I will answer any questions you have and give you the time you need, but know that not having you in my life will lessen its joy for me immensely.”

  She closed her eyes, taking in the
words. She allowed them to melt a little of the ice that had formed around her heart. “Even if I decide to leave Chicago and do something else with my life?” He looked startled for a moment, glanced at Zach who was in deep conversation with Nicolas and Gerald, then back at her. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  “Even then,” he said reluctantly and hugged her to him again.

  SHAUNA SAT ON ZACH’S couch, sandwiched between her mother and father with Zach’s hands on her shoulders. Maddison had claimed his armchair upon entering his cabin and Kimmy now occupied one of the chairs to his small kitchen table. Michael and Gerald were still down at the police station filling out paperwork since Michael had discharged his weapon, but were expected any moment.

  Shauna and Paul Lauden had been taken separately by ambulance to a hospital in Lexington. She was released after what it seemed were dozens of tests to determine her degree of head trauma, and answering question after question regarding the afternoon and twelve years ago for the Chandlerville Sherrif’s deputy.

  She sat there quietly, going over everything she’d learned from her father regarding Paul Lauden and his family.

  Paul Lauden, Sr. had been caught embezzling state-allocated funds and Dr. Nathan had no choice but to fire him. He wasn’t sure why the man would put his career on the line but thought he might have had a gambling problem.

  His son had found his body with one gunshot to the head nine months after he was let go. Six months later, his mother died from injuries sustained from driving her car over a bridge. That seemed to be the beginning of the son’s obsession with Dr. Nathan’s family.

  He abducted Shauna from the party twelve years before and left her for dead in an abandoned cabin in the woods.

  “It looks like he followed Maddison from Chicago yesterday morning and registered for the medical conference in Lexington.” Dr. Nathan turned to her. “When I saw him getting on the elevator at the medical conference, I thought I was seeing things. He looks so much like his father.” He said. “Overbearing father that I am, I was curious about him so I had a background check done on him and found that he was on sabbatical from University Illinois Hospital where he specialized in infectious diseases. The same field his father had specialized in. I wondered why a person on vacation would attend a medical conference.

  When I got a call from Michael telling me Nicolas was at the ranch and said you’d contacted him and wanted to meet him at your cabin, I became highly suspicious. What are the odds of both cousins being at the same conference just a few miles from where I had you hidden? I told Michael to leave Nicolas with Gerald and get back to you as fast as possible.”

  “I was heading back over, when I saw Michael bounding up the stairs,” Zach said, looking down at her.

  “It turns out, Paul was setting Nicolas up to take the blame for your... for what he was going to do to you. It seems there’s bad blood in that family,” her dad said.

  EVERYONE BUT KIMMY stayed at the ranch for the rest of the week, but she found time to stop by each day. She’d been more shaken than Shauna first realized, and Shauna tried everything she could think of to reassure her friend of her well-being. Finding time with Zach became challenging, but he was determined. He met her each evening at the door of her new cabin, since the other was being cleaned and having new carpet laid.

  He’d knock and she’d come out dressed in layers — winter decided to show its teeth once more, right before spring came in. Despite the coldness, she loved sitting and talking with him, snuggling up on the porch swing. They talked about God and her rededication, Scriptures, hobbies, likes and dislikes. She learned more about him during those nights than she had the previous days, and found that Zach’s resolve and determination to live a life without fear was just as strong as hers.

  It was also a bittersweet time because she knew it was coming to an end. She had some serious decisions to make; even though Zach hadn’t pressed her for a decision, it was inevitable. The quip she’d made to her father was more of a statement of independence than any decision she’d been prepared to make.

  The night before she was due to leave, Zach invited Shauna over to his cabin for a candlelight dinner. He’d pulled out all the stops. She couldn’t blame him. She would’ve done the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot.

  They sat on his couch, her head on his shoulder, his fingers playing with hers. She was lulled by the cheerful fire in front of them and Sebastian’s even breathing as he lay on her feet, when Zach pulled away slightly and looked into her eyes. She knew what was coming and had to brace herself against his allure.

  “Stay,” he said, his eyes burning into hers. The one word did more to crumple her defenses than any profession could do. She wanted more nights like this. She wanted him.

  She cupped his jaw in her hand. “I can’t.” She watched as he closed his eyes, hiding his feelings from her. “But I’ll be back.”

  His eyes snapped open and surprise gave way to confusion and hope. “For how long?”

  “Ask me again when I get here.” It was the most she could give him at the moment.

  He nodded then moved in slowly. She didn’t shift her gaze from his until his proximity took him out of focus. The next second, his mouth was on hers and the electricity that danced between them when they were near, burned a path from his lips to hers. The kiss was spectacular. It felt like coming home and shooting to the moon at the same time. She sighed into his mouth as his arms wrapped more firmly around her and she was lost to the sensations.

  The next morning, she got up early to join him for a ride and breakfast. She’d said goodbye to Giovanni, Ona, Ryan, and Bernie the day before, so it was only Zach and Sebastian who she watched blur in her rearview mirror as she drove back to Chicago.

  Epilogue

  “DID YOU REMEMBER THE flowers?” Zach asked, still trying to get used to speaking while walking outside.

  “Yes, and I remembered the hat, the shoes, and the purse.” The weariness of the voice on the other line had no effect on him.

  “What about the dress?” he asked, his heart rate picking up.

  “I assumed that was a given.”

  He rolled his eyes at the comment. He knew Kimmy’s impatience had grown with each request he’d given her. He’d make it up to her with a really nice birthday or Christmas present.

  The last month and a half had been the hardest and the most fulfilling in a very long time for Zach. Watching Shauna leave was the hardest thing he’d done. The night before she left he’d laid his heart on the line and asked her to stay. When she said she couldn’t, the pain struck him so hard he was sure that if he hadn’t been sitting, it would’ve taken him to his knees. She threw out a lifeline though and told him she’d be back, and left whether she’d be back to stay, open to his interpretation.

  He gave it one week of daily calls before he began preparations to make it nearly impossible for her to leave him the next time she visited.

  He wasn’t walking around blind to her wants and needs, though. He’d asked Shauna as much as he could without sounding needy or pushing her on her decision to move to Chandler County. He’d also taken Kimmy into his confidence, worked a few secrets from her lips, and talked her into helping him devise a plan to bring Shauna back for the Kentucky Derby.

  He bought the vacant farmhouse and the eight acres it sat on next to the Bakers’ farm. This not only kept him close to the Equine Therapy Ranch but gave the Bakers the assurance of knowing their neighbor wouldn’t encroach on their land.

  For the first time in seven years, he accessed the funds from his savings account and hired a company to renovate the house, barn, and storage garage in the month left before the Kentucky Derby. He would’ve helped, but he was busy assisting Giovanni and Ona to prep the horses Bernie chose for competition.

  If March was busy on the ranch, April was the month full of endless days. Zach had experience with endless days, but never when his heart was divided.

  He wondered how hard it would
be to stay and work when he could drive ten minutes and be in her arms. Tomorrow couldn’t get here soon enough.

  “Zach, are you still there?” Kimmy’s voice came through the phone louder than he would’ve liked.

  “Yes, sorry. So, it sounds like everything is set. I’ll be on the track early, but if you need to reach me before the specified time, I will have my phone on vibrate.”

  “Yes.” The one word spoke volumes. He’d be giving her a very big present for her birthday or Christmas.

  “Kimmy?” he said, knowing she’d think it was the beginning of another request.

  “Yes?” He smiled at the barely repressed annoyance in her voice.

  “Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  He heard the breath she blew out on the other side of the line.

  “That’s my girl, Zach. You just do what you’re supposed to do.”

  “Roger that. See you tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow, Zach.” She ended the call.

  SHAUNA CHECKED HER lipstick again. It was the exact same as it had been five minutes before. She was nervous. No, nervousness was reserved for those with butterflies in their stomachs. All of hers had flown away on the ride down here.

  She wasn’t even this nervous when she handed her boss her resignation, and that was nerve-wracking.

  In the last month and a half, she’d packed up half her life and placed the other half in storage, rented an apartment, and given up the lease to her current one. She accepted a position as a dressage horse trainer and resigned from a job she’d been proud of, but not necessarily happy doing.

  Her father had questioned her once about her decision to leave the career path she was on but when she explained the joy she received from being around horses and the thought of sharing that joy with others, he conceded. Their relationship wasn’t as close as it had been before the discovery of her half-brother, but it was getting easier.