Terminal Regression

by Mallory Hill

  “The scenery obviously.”

  He gave me a short pity laugh. “Funny. My view’s just as good as last time.” He gave my hand a squeeze.

  “You can’t be adorable!” I ordered. “You already denied me my make-out time last night. I won’t be able to handle it if you start acting cute.” This was a serious, real-deal mission. I couldn’t afford to lose focus.

  “God, why are you so obsessed with me?” he teased, oblivious to how true that was.

  “I don’t know!”

  He laughed. “Fine. Nothing cute out of me.”

  “Thank you.”

  We walked on in silence for a while. I started planning what I’d say to Mom. Nothing about prison, nothing about suicide; play up the boyfriend thing, maybe mention Dad? No, that was too far. I knew nothing of his current situation, and I couldn’t get her hopes up.

  “What are you thinking about?” Will asked after a while.

  I shrugged. “My mom mostly. Do you want to see your family?”

  He shook his head. “I guarantee they’d turn me right back in.” He was trying not to seem so upset about it.

  “You know we’re morally obligated to get revenge for you, right?”

  He grinned. “Please go on.”

  “I’m thinking TP-ing. But like, ridiculously.”

  He chuckled. “Casey too?”

  “Casey first! Or better yet, just let me have a few minutes with all of them. They’ll wish they never looked at you wrong let alone sold you out.”

  “Okay, I do love the enthusiasm, but it’s fine. We can just forget about them.”

  I hated them, but other than that, I knew very little of his family. He’d only ever told me they’d abandoned him.

  “Are you an only child?”

  “No, I have an older sister and a twin brother. Heather and Brian.”

  “You are not a twin.”

  He nodded. “I am. Fraternal, but everyone swears we look alike. Brian was a genius and skipped a grade. Otherwise he would have been in our class.” I noticed just a hint of resentment in his voice.

  I was just drooling at the idea of there being two of him. Two copies of absolute perfection.

  “What does he do now?”

  “He’s a math teacher. Heather’s a veterinarian. They’re both major geeks.”

  “It must run in the family.”

  He shot me a look. “I got the brains and the brawn. Law enforcement isn’t for skinny math wizards.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You know I practically worship the bod. It was a joke.”

  He smiled. “You’re ridiculous.”

  “Way to catch on. Neither of your siblings tried to help you with the arrest?”

  His smile fell. “We’ve never been close. That’s kind of why I’m so gung ho with this love thing. I’ve always wanted to connect with people the way my family never connected with me. I wanted loud, obnoxious expressions of feeling. My whole house was calculating and exacting. I’m just not a math-science guy.”

  I smiled. “Huh.”

  “What?”

  “You’re a family defector. You see so many legacies these days. I always love finding the rebels.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t get how anyone could settle for what they’ve grown up with. Where’s the fun in that? I mean, I get it if you’re good at it or honestly enjoy it, but a lot of people just seem too lazy to actively search. Not doing what you’re passionate about is just…”

  “Pointless?”

  “Exactly.” He looked at me. “Did I just figure you out?”

  He was still holding my hand, but I wrapped his arm around myself. “You’re getting closer.”

  It was actually really comforting that he understood the necessity of passion in one’s life. It gave me hope that we weren’t purely situational but compatible as well.

  “Speaking of getting closer, do you feel that?”

  I stopped. The tunnel was shaking a little. Far ahead, I could see train lights coming for us.

  “That must be today’s batch of newly dead. Get to the side and try to blend in.”

  It would have been better if we’d had dark clothes, but hopefully the passengers were too scared to really notice anything out the windows.

  We had to get closer to the wall than I’d anticipated. It zoomed past less than a foot from my body. Will had his arm up, guarding me in case I felt the inclination to get closer to a speeding train. But with my history, maybe he did have reason to worry.

  When the train passed, we could both breathe a little easier. We continued on our way.

  “Do you remember when that was us?” he asked.

  “You act like it was years ago. Of course I remember. I was so ready to die that day.”

  How much easier would it have been if that had been where my story ended? Sadder, maybe, but definitely simpler.

  “And I was so not ready to let you go.” He had my hand again, and I sensed him recalling the memory.

  I remembered his arms around me and how strangely wonderful it had felt. I’d come up with that stupid theory about how final moments were always magical. Now I knew that it had simply been Will and his dazzling effect on me.

  It was all I could do not to stumble over my own feet. Had I loved him since the train? Had those beautiful little tremors been my body’s way of telling me he was the one? What was I even thinking? The one? Love? These were things I hadn’t decided yet. They were open-ended hopefuls that I was putting off until I absolutely had to deal with them. But why was it so easy to think of him that way?

  “How much longer?” he asked.

  I looked at him. He was trying to be casual, but I saw how tired he was already.

  “I think we’re about halfway. Maybe it’s time for a break. I could use the chance to prep for my mom.”

  He nodded. “That’s probably smart.”

  We sat down, backs against the wall. Will closed his eyes and leaned back. As sneakily as I could, I got an arm around him and had him lean on me.

  Maybe I’d miss taking care of him one day. Maybe these sweet little moments of masked weakness would be a fond memory eventually. But in the moment, I wanted him healthy. I wanted him strong.

  Especially when another train started coming.

  “Will.” I shook him a little. “Get up. There’s a train.”

  “Again?” he asked as we got to our feet.

  It was unusual. There’d been nothing on the schedule about a train coming from Terminal B. Unless somehow we’d strayed onto a different track.

  Will got his guarding arm up again, and we prepared to wait it out. But as it started to pass us, something wasn’t right.

  “It’s slowing down,” Will said grimly.

  He was right. We didn’t have the room to run or any idea which end would be safer. My heart started pounding. This wasn’t happening. Not after all I’d staked on it.

  The train screeched to a halt, and doors slid open right in front of us. There were several officers waiting, one more intimidating than the rest.

  “Get on the train,” he ordered.

  They were armed. We didn’t have a choice. And that may well have been where my life finally ended.

  Chapter 28

  <<<

  We received no information as they took us back to Terminal B. No one even spoke to us except to have us scan our cards with some portable device.

  I looked at Will. He held his head up, eyes forward, a hard look on his face. He must have hated me.

  I couldn’t help it. I cried. I tried sniffling it away, but it didn’t work. Will noticed and immediately came to my rescue. He held me tightly.

  “It’ll be okay,” he whispered.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. We’ll be fine, Laura.
”

  Of course I failed. Hadn’t I always? What had made me think this would be any different? I couldn’t do anything right. I didn’t deserve to be a person.

  When we arrived at the terminal, we were escorted to the management district, a place I’d never seen that lay beyond the factories. There was a big main building that housed the holding cell they dumped us in.

  The scary officer stayed with us while the others went to put us in a file or something.

  “William Noble and Laura Baily,” he spat our names. “What exactly were you doing in our tunnels?”

  I didn’t answer. I hoped I didn’t have to. Will was also silent.

  “Are you aware you’ve committed a crime?” the officer asked.

  Will sat still. He wouldn’t even look at the guy.

  “No,” I ventured. “No one ever told us not to be in the tunnels. There weren’t any signs. No one showed us any laws.”

  He glared at me. “And that makes it all right?”

  “That makes it your fault.”

  Will grabbed my hand, urging me to shut my mouth.

  Another officer brought our guy some papers, information on both of us. He looked it over.

  “A prisoner and a suicide? What was this, a kidnapping?”

  “Not at all,” I declared a little too fervently.

  “Then what were you doing with him down there?”

  “Making out.” It had just popped into my head. “We ditched work and went exploring, okay? There aren’t a lot of date locations around here.” Was I making things worse?

  He leaned in closer to me. “You expect me to believe a suicide can fall in love with a prisoner?” he asked, spitting on my face in the process.

  “No,” I said, rage boiling inside me. “I expect you to believe Laura Baily can fall in love with Will Noble.”

  I felt Will look at me, but I didn’t break eye contact with the officer. It wasn’t like I’d admitted anything. I’d only allowed for the possibility. But it did seem pretty official in the moment.

  Another man came rushing in, not in an officer uniform but wearing something very similar. Our guy saluted him. “Thank you for coming, sir.”

  “What’s this about?” he asked, glancing at us. “Kids?”

  “We found them in the tunnel. They claim they didn’t know better, but we believe it was an escape attempt.”

  The new guy sighed and nodded. “Thank you, Jones, I’ll take it from here.”

  Jones handed over the papers, but our guy didn’t seem too interested. In fact, he hardly looked at us, the situation being too minor for him to get invested or so I hoped. For some reason, I couldn’t stop looking at him, studying him, probably just trying to figure him out so I could get us out of this easier.

  “Sorry about this, guys,” he said. “Escape attempts are handled very seriously around here. We’ll have to hold you a couple days, check for records and criminal intent; then you’ll be free to go.”

  That worried me. Will did have a record. And if we were trying to escape, did that count as criminal intent?

  The guy saw my concern. He smiled and bent down to where I was seated, not nearly so condescendingly as Jones. “I promise it’ll all work out. I have some pull with these guys. Mr. Baily’s going to take care of everything; don’t you worry.”

  I stared at him. No. No way. But those eyes, so dull now and framed by wrinkles.

  There was a lump in my throat, but I choked out the word.

  “Daddy?”

  He stepped back, looking back and forth between Will and me. Frantically, he looked at the papers. He covered his mouth with his hand. “Oh my God! Laura?”

  I didn’t know what to do. What could I do? I just sat still with tears streaming out of me. I couldn’t move or think even. This wasn’t real.

  He read through my papers more carefully. I saw shock turn to horror. “Laura, you’re a suicide?”

  Though I felt so ashamed I actually wished I’d been successful with that suicide, I nodded, still bawling my brains out.

  He shook his head. “I don’t… No, Laura. No, you…” He looked at Will, turning hostile. “Who’s this? What have you done to her?”

  Will looked terrified. For me, for him, maybe for all mankind.

  “He’s my boyfriend,” I managed to sob. “Please, Daddy, don’t be mad!” I felt like I was a kid again. Like it was the day he left and if I was good enough he’d stay with me forever.

  He knelt down and took me in his arms. I could feel him! He was there! It only made me cry harder.

  “Shh, you’re okay, Princess. Daddy’s here.” I heard him crying with me. “Daddy’s here.”

  I could have clung to him for eight years and probably needed to, but we did have some big issues at hand.

  He held me away from him and wiped my tears. “God, you’re beautiful. Where’s Mom?”

  “At home,” I said shakily. “I left her. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Tell me what happened, honey.”

  Where to start? The arrest was probably as good a place as any.

  “Will’s dying,” I said. Those two words alone threw my insides into deeper turmoil. “If he keeps working here, it’ll kill him. I have to get him to safety. I have to.”

  He nodded, trying to calm me down. He looked at Will’s papers.

  “Assault?” he demanded, glaring the most hateful expression I’d ever seen. “You were arrested for assault?”

  Will nodded. “I can explain.”

  “Like hell you can! You’re never to so much as think about my daughter again, is that clear?”

  Will hung his head, moments from crying himself.

  “Daddy,” I said quietly. “You can’t.”

  He looked at me sadly. “I have to, Princess. It’s for your own good.”

  I shook my head, ready to vomit out all these feelings, but I managed to speak them instead. “Daddy, I killed myself. I wanted to be dead. But I don’t want that anymore. All I want is for him to be okay. All I want is for him to find someplace where he can be happy and healthy and live the most gorgeous life possible. I don’t matter. I’ve never mattered. But him…” I looked at Will, knowing I might not be able to save him, knowing his life may have been over and I’d never see him again.

  “I love him.” It felt right. It sounded right. I was in love. And there wasn’t a doubt in my mind.

  Will wasn’t even fighting it now. He cried along with me, trying to give me this moment with my dad, but hopefully knowing that part was solely for him.

  I looked back at Dad, who stared at me like he couldn’t tell who I was anymore.

  “My first priority is you,” he said. “I’ll do what I can for him, but it doesn’t look good. Trust me, Laura, I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy.” He looked at Will. “Even if he’s a part of that.”

  I swallowed. “Thank you.”

  He nodded, wiping my face again. “I’m going to make some calls. I’ll be back just as soon as I can.” He kissed my forehead then rushed off to work.

  I was on the ground, watching after him. Watching my father go. Knowing he’d be back.

  “Are you okay?” Will asked in hardly more than a whisper.

  “I think so… That’s my dad.”

  “I know, sweetheart.”

  I looked at him. “He’s been here for eight years, Will.”

  He nodded, having nothing to say.

  I reached for him and he joined me on the floor.

  “I do love you,” I said. “I really do.”

  He smiled. “I love you too.”

  I smiled back. “See, this is what it’s like to wait an appropriate amount of time.”

  He laughed. Then I laughed. And we both laughed until we were suddenly kissing each other so urgently I thought I’d burst.<
br />
  He drew back only about an inch, his nose still brushing mine. “At least I know you’ll be safe now,” he whispered. “You have someone to take care of you.”

  I shook my head. “He’ll take care of both of us. I’m not giving up on you.”

  He nodded, not agreeing just not wanting to argue. We picked ourselves up and sat in chairs like civilized people eventually, but we never let go of each other.

  I almost wanted to sob again when my dad got back.

  “Okay,” he said. “I’ve talked to some of the guys. They’ve agreed you can come live with me for a while instead of incarceration. They say you’re sick and couldn’t have known better.” He struggled with that last part. I hated how much of a disappointment I must have been to him.

  “What about Will?” I asked.

  “With his record, they’ll want to do a more thorough investigation. I’ll transfer him to a more permanent cell.”

  “I’m not going back to the plant?” Will asked.

  “Not just yet. If we subject you to further damage we’ll have to let you off for mental incompetence. My colleagues would prefer to make an example of you than let you go free. I figured escape from the plant was what inspired this. I hope you don’t mind I didn’t argue for your return.”

  Will shook his head. “Of course not. Thank you.” He squeezed my hand. He had a reprieve for a while longer at least.

  “Can I visit him?” I asked.

  “I have to keep you with me at all times. You’re not allowed to be alone. So while I’m working, you can visit with him, but there has to be surveillance. Eddie at the camera desk will always be watching. Keep that in mind, and for heaven’s sake, behave yourselves or you’ve got no chance at all.”

  I nodded.

  “Yes, sir,” Will agreed.

  Dad looked us over, honing in on our clasped hands. I’d been a kid when he last saw me, so he didn’t know the full, twisted story of my emotional collapse, but I suspected he could tell I hadn’t had a lot of boyfriend experience. I could also tell Will worried him, but he was grateful I’d found someone to love me in my condition.

  “All right,” he said. “Let’s get you to your cell.”

  It was just down the hall, past a series of security features, doors and keypads. When we got to his cell, I couldn’t help choking out a bitter laugh. It looked just like my apartment. A bed in the corner, concrete walls, floor, and ceiling. There wasn’t a separate bathroom, but even all those fixtures were the same. There was a window facing the hallway, probably so guards could keep an eye on him.