Black Matter

by G D Parker

  ‘What has just happened?’ Tommy asked. ‘Why are you on the floor? Shit, you’re bleeding!’ He was confused, and his voice was broken.

  Taylor groaned and managed to stand, holding her eye, trying to catch the blood at the same time, but some had already trickled onto her clothing.

  ‘This will be the last time you ever see me, I swear on my life, Tommy McGregor! You are a fucking horrible, nasty person! I never ever thought you would ever lay a hand on me – how naive must I be?’ Taylor glared at Tommy, focusing directly into his eyes.

  ‘Taylor, I have no idea what happened. I blacked out, honestly.’ Tommy placed his palms together as a plea for her to believe him.

  ‘Funny, that’s what Mick said after he raped and beat the living shit out of me! If you ever make contact with me again, I will call the police. Now, fuck off down your precious gym!’ Taylor finally burst into tears.

  Unspeakable hurt boiled in her heart. She knew she had to leave him. She would never forgive or forget. She’d never ever seen Tommy like that ever. Even when they were going through their really bad patch, he had never spoken to her like that and had never given any tiny indication that he would be violent towards her. Taylor sat on the sofa and sobbed her broken heart out, hurt by the vicious words, hurt and wounded physically and mentally. Her soul had been broken once again.

  Tommy drove towards the gym to give her space. He felt utterly confused. I blacked out, I know I did? He couldn’t focus. When he parked up outside the gym, he sent Taylor a WhatsApp message;

  “Babe, I’m so sorry. I do not know what happened, nor can I explain it. I love you so much. I’ll give you some space. Please don’t do anything rash xxx”

  Tommy watched the message. The first two ticks appeared, confirming the message had been delivered. He continued to wait until they turned blue – an indication the message has been read. Within a few minutes they turned blue, and Taylor simultaneously went offline again. Clearly, she didn’t want to talk - and who would blame her.

  The gym was liked by many, but to Tommy it was like a playground for adults. It was his place for escapism, somewhere to clear his mind and to also feel good about himself. He scanned the gym to see if any of his mates were around, but the place was pretty dead, as expected for a Sunday. He did, however, notice Emily. The girl Taylor was once convinced he was sleeping with.

  She clocked him and gave him a smile – he’d never spoken to her before, they’d just exchanged the odd flirtatious smile occasionally. Tommy knew she fancied him, but he only appreciated her looks. He’d never cheat on Taylor.

  Emily then came over. There was a slight dance in her step. Tommy was a little surprised. Didn’t realise she was this forward, he thought to himself.

  ‘Been here long, hun?’ Emily said.

  Tommy looked her up and down but felt uncomfortable with the approach.

  ‘No, just got here. You ok?’ he asked, trying to be polite.

  Emily ignored his question and asked, ‘What happened to your hand?’ It was slightly swollen and purple from hitting Taylor.

  ‘Ah, I punched a wall. It’s nothing.’ Tommy looked at his watch. ‘I need to get on. Nice to see you.’

  ‘Wait, would you like to train together?’ Emily gave a slight grin. She clearly loved herself.

  Tommy tilted his head to the side and made an awkward facial expression. ‘Ahh, I can’t. I’ve got to get on, sorry. Maybe another time, yeah?’ He tried to walk off, but she interrupted him again.

  ‘When?’ she asked.

  ‘When?’ Tommy pulled a confused expression.

  ‘You said we can train another time. When would you like to?’ Emily asked again. Christ she’s full on. Get the hint girl. I don’t want to train with you, he thought, rather than saying it out loud.

  ‘Yeah, I’m not sure. I’ll let you know!’ Again, Tommy attempted to walk away.

  ‘Do you want my number then?’ she asked.

  ‘Errm, it’s ok, thanks. We’ll catch up next time we bump into one another.’ Tommy then managed to walk off, leaving her confused by what had just happened – probably because no one had ever rejected her before. She was used to guys falling at her feet.

  Tommy’s workout was a good one, considering the emotional trauma he’d endured due to hitting Taylor, which he still had no recollection of. He looked at his hand, which was deep red and swollen. It hurt. He rubbed it and reality hit him. It was real. It really did happen. Why don’t I remember? He became upset, trying hard to not cry, holding in his emotions, but it was too much.

  He briskly walked from the gym into the changing rooms and sat in a toilet cubicle behind a locked door, then he let it all out. He kept checking his phone, but there was nothing – Taylor hadn’t got back to him. She’s gone, I’ve lost her.

  Tommy shook himself off and washed his face to try and disguise his upset, then walked back out into the main gym area. Emily clocked him and walked over. She could see he had been upset.

  ‘What’s wrong, hun?’ she rubbed her hand on his shoulder, but he instinctively pulled away.

  ‘Don’t!’ Tommy said.

  ‘Is it because you’ve split up with Taylor?’ Emily asked.

  Tommy looked at her, astounded. ‘Excuse me?’ He frowned hard, and his face went slightly red. What the fuck! he thought.

  ‘Taylor, she’s left you, hasn’t she?’ Emily gave a smarmy smile with a look of gratification.

  ‘No! She hasn’t left me! What business is it of yours anyway?’

  ‘None, I just know,’ Emily said.

  ‘Know what?’

  ‘Everything, Tommy McGregor.’

  All of a sudden, the pretty girl who Tommy appreciated for being hot-looking became ugly from a personality point of view.

  ‘How do you even know my name, or Taylor’s for that matter?’ Tommy asked.

  ‘I just do, but... when you’ve finished, we’re going to need to shower. I’m going to use the staff showers today, as it’s only Jake on duty.’ She turned the flirting back on.

  Jake was the brother of the gym owner. He was about 30 years old and so laid back he was pretty much dead. Emily wanted to use this opportunity to sneak Tommy into the showers where they wouldn’t be disturbed.

  ‘No, I shower at home, and don’t change the subject!’ Tommy exclaimed.

  ‘Well, Tommy, I’ll be up there in the next forty-five minutes. If you want to join me, you know where to find me.’ She winked, turned like she was all innocent, as though butter wouldn’t melt, and strutted off, moving -her body in a way that Tommy couldn’t look away, even though he didn’t like her.

  All of a sudden, his headache came back. This time he could hear an awful ringing in his ears. It was deafeningly loud – horrendous. He held his head, pushing at his temples, then he just stood up straight with no emotion, breathing gently – he was still, like a statue; a little freaky.

  Tommy walked over to Jake at the desk. ‘Can I have a bottle of cherry egg whites and a bowl of porridge with a cup of almond milk, please?’ His speech was slightly slurred.

  ‘No probs, mate. Good session?’ asked Jake. Tommy just grunted.

  ‘What’s your problem, mate?’

  ‘Nothing,’ Tommy said, as he walked off with his order and sat down. His movements were slow and he was a little wobbly on his feet, but he managed to sit on a chair before he fell over.

  Once Tommy had finished his food, he stood and walked up the flight of stairs leading to the changing rooms. He walked straight into the staff changing area, glancing behind just before he entered to see if anyone was watching. He was moving differently, with a slight stagger, and his knees buckled once or twice, but he managed to not fall.

  The room was steamy. Tommy staggered through. Emily heard him and exposed herself from behind the shower curtain. Tommy just glared at her. She stepped towards him, and he placed his hand on her breast. He showed no emotion.

  ‘Are you fucking numb or something?’ Emily asked. Tommy just continued
to stare at her. ‘Ok, now you’re freaking me out.’ She grabbed her towel and pulled it around herself to cover up.

  Tommy then snapped out of his daze. ‘What are you doing?’ he asked. Confusion, anxiety and a dose of fear coursed through his body. He had no idea how he had got to where he was.

  ‘I told you to meet me in here, but you’ve gone all freaky on me. I’ve changed my mind,’ Emily said.

  ‘About what?’ he asked, literally having no idea what had just happened.

  ‘About us, you know, getting down to it,’ she winked – this girl just could not help herself.

  ‘I’m not interested in you, sorry.’ Tommy walked out of the shower room and headed towards his car.

  He had a moment of rage. He felt like he had cheated on Taylor, even though he hadn’t. He felt like a bad person; first he had punched Taylor, then he had been in the shower room with a hot, naked girl, what next, why? He screamed at the top of his lungs, punching his steering wheel in rapid succession.

  When he eventually calmed down, he could see Emily standing in front of his car, gobsmacked by his actions. She walked over to the driver’s side window, which he simultaneously wound down.

  ‘You’re not all there, mate,’ Emily said, as sweat ran down Tommy’s face from the stress. ‘Remember, I know you, Tommy McGregor. You could have had this.’ She ran her hands down the side of her body.

  ‘Yeah, and I didn’t want it! Fuck off, you slag!’ Tommy wound up the window and she punched the glass followed by a big ball of phlegm – lovely.

  ‘Classy girl!’ Tommy shouted through the window and held up both thumbs in a sarcastic manner.

  Emily hated this and started to hit the window again, shouting something, but Tommy couldn’t make out what it was. He sat there, letting her get on with it, as she shouted all sorts of abuse and gave offensive gestures. God she really can’t handle rejection this one. He smiled at her and gave a little wave, which infuriated her even more. She then gave up and walked off – probably feeling a little silly.

  Tommy checked his phone. There was still nothing from Taylor, just a bunch of notifications from his IPEA, which at this point he didn’t care about. He started the engine and drove back home.

  When he parked up, the freak from upstairs was standing outside smoking a fag. Tommy got out of his car and politely said, ‘Alright!’

  ‘I know what you did,’ the freak replied in his high-pitched voice. His eyes were just glued to Tommy’s.

  ‘You know what?’ Tommy asked.

  ‘Everything!’ He then walked off past Tommy and through the carpark.

  ‘Freak!’ Tommy shouted. He didn’t think too much of what he had said and made his way into the apartment block.

  Tommy took a deep breath and walked into the apartment. He felt anxiety. There was pressure applied to his chest, causing him to struggle for breath. He was scared about what he might find. He walked into the lounge, and Taylor was nowhere to be seen. He checked all over, but she was gone. Some of her clothes had gone, her toothbrush and toiletries, even the toothpaste.

  ‘Could have left me some bloody toothpaste,’ Tommy said to himself.

  He pulled his phone from his pocket and gave Taylor a call, which was rejected after two rings, making it clear she didn’t want to talk. He tried again, and the same thing happened, so he sent her a WhatsApp message, only to find she had blocked him. He sat on the floor in the hallway and said to himself, ‘Shit, what have I done?’ He put his hands over his face and sobbed – his world was starting to crumble.

  Some time had passed, and Tommy was still sitting on the floor. He pulled himself together and made himself a cup of coffee. The battery on his phone had died due to the fact that he had been staring at it for so long, just waiting for Taylor to make contact with him. He decided to go to her mum’s house to try to explain.

  There was hesitation before he knocked on Taylors mums door. Do I really want to do this? He had to. He owed Taylor and her family an apology. He used the brass door knocker, flicking it twice. It didn’t take long for Taylor’s mum to answer. As soon as she saw him, she lunged towards him, almost falling, but managed to steady herself.

  ‘You’ve got some nerve coming around here! You’re not welcome! You’re lucky Taylor’s dad’s not alive; he would have killed you for hitting her!’

  Tommy pleaded with her, ‘I’m so, so sorry! It wasn’t meant to happen! I don’t remember it!’

  ‘That doesn’t make it ok now, does it, you vile, disgusting human being! You’re lucky I haven’t called the police. It’s only because Taylor begged me not to that I didn’t. Now clear off!’ Taylor’s mum shouted whilst thrusting her hand at Tommy, which caused him to flinch. ‘Yeah, you flinch! God, I could swing for you!’ She slammed the door behind her. Guilt twisted inside of Tommy for what he had done.

  Back outside of his apartment, Tommy pulled out a packet of fags – he didn’t normally smoke, but he needed something to calm himself, and that was all he could think of. He sparked up and looked up to the sky. There was a beautiful mixture of orange and pinks. An aeroplane caught his eye, with a long contrail stretched for miles. Tommy wished he was on that plane, imagining where it was going. Lucky people going about their lives, he thought.

  Tommy finished his fag and flicked it across the path. He looked up, and the freak was standing in front of him, staring. He was surrounded by his strange aura, which caused Tommy’s hairs to stand on end.

  ‘What mate?’ asked Tommy. ‘Why are you so weird?’ The freak looked at him. ‘Can’t you fucking speak? What do you want?’

  ‘Nothing, Tommy,’ the freak answered and went to walk past. Tommy stepped to the side to block his path.

  ‘Look, right, stop all this bullshit nonsense!’ Tommy said. ‘You don’t need to stare at us. Just walk past, understand?’

  ‘Us?’

  ‘Yes, me and Taylor!’

  ‘There is no Taylor now, is there, after what happened?’ announced the freak.

  ‘What do you know about that?’ Tommy could feel his cheeks glowing red as the anger rose inside him. He repeated his words again, ‘I said, what the fuck do you know about that?’ Tommy stepped forward, so close that their noses were almost touching.

  ‘Everything, my friend. Now move!’

  Tommy let the freak past. What's going on? he asked himself.

  He lit up another fag. He couldn’t take the stress. Things were really getting to him. He tugged hard on the fag and drew it deep into his lungs. He then heard a voice.

  ‘Didn’t know a fitness fanatic such as yourself smoked?’

  He looked over. It was Emily. ‘What the fuck do you want? If you’ve come round here to cause more drama, then don’t bother. I’ve had a shit arse day as it is!’ Tommy exclaimed.

  ‘I came round to apologise for my behaviour. I’m truly embarrassed and ashamed of myself,’ Emily said.

  ‘Forget it; I have.’ Tommy had a don’t-give-a-shit attitude.

  ‘Can we start over?’ Emily gave him a cute smile. Presumably it had always worked for her.

  ‘Start what?’ Tommy asked.

  ‘Just being friends. Look, right, I reacted the way I did, because I’ve liked you for so long. I hated you rejecting me. I felt ugly.’

  ‘I’m sorry I made you feel that way. If it was another time, when my life wasn’t so fucked, then yeah, but I’m not in a good place at the moment.’ Tommy dropped his head down, showing signs or adversity.

  ‘Sometimes, Tommy, we all need a friend. Look, why don’t we go up to your apartment and have a hot drink and a chat?’ Emily rubbed his arm.

  This time Tommy accepted the comfort from her gesture and nodded.

  ‘Nice place you have here,’ said Emily, as they walked into the kitchen. ‘Do you own it?’

  ‘I do, yeah. Bought it a few years back. Sugar?’

  ‘No thanks.’

  Tommy finished making the tea, and they sat on the sofa together. Emily had that look about her. She was ve
ry pretty and petite. Tommy was hugely attracted to her. She leaned forwards and he just couldn’t help but kiss her, which turned into passion. The mugs of tea went flying. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.

  The next morning, Tommy woke up to find Emily laid next to him, which made him feel surprisingly good. Maybe she’s right, sometimes we do just need a friend. He watched her sleep. Her skin was perfect without makeup. Her platinum blonde hair spread across the pillow and her breathing was gentle. She was wearing one of his work shirts that looked really sexy on her. He felt like a creep just watching her sleep, but it gave him comfort. He leaned forward and kissed her, causing her to stir and wake up.

  ‘Morning beautiful,’ Tommy said as she opened her eyes and looked at him.

  Emily smiled at him and sat up. She leaned forwards and gave him a closed-mouth kiss.

  ‘Morning breath,’ she said as she covered her mouth, and they both laughed – no one likes morning breath.

  4

  Three days had passed, and Tommy had had Emily over every night - they couldn’t get enough of one another. They were in a whirlwind of passion - one little look and they were all over each other.

  His working week was a struggle. He’d been under a lot of stress with work, and his boss had been on his case for various reports he hadn’t managed to finish. There had been no training all week in the gym and he hadn’t been eating properly, which had caused the IPEA to inundate Tommy with alerts and notifications. He had ended up muting the alerts to enable him to focus on work and to get himself back on track with things.

  It was Friday night and Tommy just sat staring at the TV screen, not taking in what was on show. His mind was going around and around and his stress levels were through the roof. His job had peaks and troughs; for

  weeks on end it could be quiet and then all of a sudden, he would be inundated.

  Whist sitting there, another one of his insane headaches came from nowhere. His eyes rolled back in his head and he fell off the sofa and onto the floor. He convulsed for a few seconds, but then settled quickly into a state of calm.