Blind Ambition

by Carol Ashby

Valeria rose as well and placed her hand on his arm. “You and your family are such good friends to us, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.”

  He patted her hand. “And you can count on us remaining so.”

  Decimus stood close to Valeria as she waved at Baldric and his sons as they rode away.

  “It was so nice of Baldric to bring his sons to help you and Galen. I can’t believe how fast you all got the stable up.”

  He glanced down at her lovely profile. What did she really think of Adolf? He couldn’t ask too directly about Baldric’s handsome son. She shouldn’t think he was jealous.

  “He brought Otto to help us, but he brought Adolf for you. I’m surprised he was able to tear himself away from such a pretty woman and spend his day working with us instead.”

  “Since I’m not a pretty woman, it wasn’t as hard as you might think. He and I were friends when we were children. He always made me laugh then, and he still loves to tell funny stories. He and his father are so different in that, but he’ll grow into a good man, too.”

  A satisfied smile tugged at Decimus’s lips. She saw Adolf as an entertaining childhood friend who was not yet a man, so he wasn’t a rival for her affection...at least not yet.

  But how close was he to capturing her heart? There were promising signs. A raised eyebrow, a crooked smile...almost anything could make her blush. He’d even caught her watching him like a woman watches her man.

  She kept treating his compliments as a joke, and he wasn’t sure how to change that. It was hard to be patient, but speaking his true feelings too soon carried the risk of frightening her away. Still, it might not be long now.

  Decimus cupped his chin and rubbed his cheek. He couldn’t wait too much longer. Soon his leg would be healed enough for the ride back to the legion, and anything between them had to be decided before he left. He still hadn’t worked out how to deal with him being a tribune and her being a Christian, but there must be some way.

  He would figure it out in time.

  It had been a long day of hard work on the stable, so Decimus shared Galen’s ravenous appetite at supper. After Valeria gave thanks, her stew was devoured by both. The silence while everyone ate gave Decimus time to think.

  It was just like Baldric to bring his son to court Valeria right in front of him. The big German never made any effort to conceal his dislike or his concern that Decimus might do something that would hurt her. Getting Adolf to work on the stable had kept him away from her, at least for today. Adolf did seem to be a good man. She obviously enjoyed his company, so there was a real possibility that Baldric’s plan might succeed, given enough time.

  His eyes kept drifting to Valeria as he ate. She was a remarkable woman―so kind, so clever, so capable, so pretty. Everything a man would want in a wife. Baldric saw it, he saw it, Adolf probably saw it, too.

  Valeria watched her brother shoveling stew into his mouth. “I’ll have to make a bigger pot if you two are going to be working so hard every day.”

  Her head swiveled toward Decimus, and her breath caught.

  An earnest look darkened his brown eyes, like a smoldering fire trying to burn free. She blushed deeply and looked away. The way he was looking at her stirred up the butterflies again. The sensation was not unpleasant, but it always made her feel off balance. Why did he have that effect on her? No one else ever had.

  The table had been cleared, and they gathered for prayers. Rhoda spread the cloth and opened the codex in front of Decimus. She’d chosen a reading from her favorite again.

  Decimus began as soon as she snuggled into his lap. “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.”

  He glanced down at the sweet girl with her head resting against his chest. She’d picked a good reading for the day they were building the stable. He’d built enough to know how important the foundation was. Her Jesus was right that what a man did, not just what he said, built the foundation of his life.

  He looked up at Valeria when he finished. His reading always evoked those glowing eyes and that beautiful smile. That was the best part of reading aloud, whether he agreed with what was written or not.

  “Father, we thank You...” Valeria began their prayers as he held Rhoda in his arms. An aura of peace enveloped the small group at the table. How good it would feel to stay together like this forever, with Valeria’s family being his family as well. As he watched her praying with her eyes closed, there was a glow about her that filled his heart with love for her. If only she would love him back.

  Valeria stood with her hand on the doorpost, waiting for him to come to her side so they could watch the stars together. She looked back over her shoulder as she walked out ahead of him. His eyes held that look that gave her butterflies again. Having him nearby like this made her feel so satisfied, like everything was just as it ought to be.

  She stopped at the edge of the porch where the sky stretched out above them. He wrapped his arms around her waist and stepped up against her, holding her close to keep her warm. She loved him holding her like that. It made watching the stars so cozy, so peaceful. It was even better than when she used to watch them with Gaius.

  “Thank you for teaching Galen so many things. You’ve been like a father to him. I can’t believe how much you all did on the stable today. I never dreamed you could almost build the whole thing in two days.”

  Decimus’s heart skipped a beat. Father, not brother. Finally, she was thinking of him as a man. She certainly made him feel like one as she rested against his chest, letting his arms envelop her with an intimacy he’d scarcely thought possible a few days ago.

  “We still have the thatching to do, but that should only take a day or so.”

  Her soft sigh lifted, then lowered his arms. “When you’re working all day, I miss your company on the porch.”

  “I’ll take more breaks tomorrow. Working on the stable can’t compete with sitting next to a pretty woman.”

  “I’m glad that you’re willing to settle for me instead.” She turned her head to flash a smile at him.

  It took concentration to keep the fire from his eyes. She’d be looking for laughing eyes that meant he was joking like she was. Except he wasn’t joking, and it was getting harder to pretend he was.

  They stood together in silence, listening to the breeze in the trees, watching the stars. He couldn’t remember ever being more content. She was almost ready to hear his true feelings for her. Not tonight, maybe, but soon. Before he had to leave.

  Finally, she turned in his arms and pushed a strand of hair back off his forehead. “Time to go in.”

  She led him by the hand to the ladder. Halfway up, she paused to smile down at him. “Good night, Decimus. Rest in peace.”

  “Good night, Valeria.” He didn’t move from the foot of the ladder until she disappeared into the loft.

  Valeria lay in her bed, thanking God that Decimus enjoyed being part of her family and praying that he would soon decide to follow Jesus, like they did. She wanted to know that he was no longer lost before he had to leave.

  Decimus lay on his bed, reveling in the thought that she now saw him as a man and eager for the opportunity to tell her that he loved her. Time was getting short, but the way she was looking at him now, he was almost certain that she would tell him she felt the same. Then they could plan a future together.

  Chapter 37: Keeping a Promise

  Decimus found himself in an exceptionally good mood when he awoke the next morning. He opened his eyes to see Valeria cook
ing at the fireplace. There was no better way to begin his morning or to end his day than by watching her.

  The bed creaked as he shifted his weight. She turned, and her smile lit up the cottage. Maybe today would be the day he would tell her his true feelings. He’d know the right time when it came.

  He swung his legs off the bed and stretched as he stood up. A pleasant surprise―he wasn’t tired and his leg was barely sore even though he’d worked hard all day yesterday. Almost back to the way he’d been before the ambush.

  He settled into the chair to watch her stir the porridge.

  Rhoda came bouncing in from gathering eggs. After she placed the basket on the shelf, she skipped over to the table, pausing to hug his arm before she went to Valeria to help pass out the bowls of porridge.

  Galen paused to wipe his feet. “Smells really good this morning, Val. I’m starved, so I hope you made plenty.” He sat and turned toward Decimus. “Do you think we can finish the stable today?”

  “We can finish most of the thatching, but there might be some left for tomorrow.”

  As Valeria placed his bowl in front of him, Decimus trapped her hand. “Nothing makes food taste better than having it delivered by a beautiful woman.”

  The smile that gave Valeria butterflies played at the corners of his mouth. She couldn’t stop the heat that radiated up from her neck to her cheeks and ears. Why did he make her blush so much even though she didn’t want to?

  “I’m sorry you have to rely on my skill as a cook to make the food taste better. We still haven’t been able to find a beautiful woman to serve you.”

  “That’s your opinion, but certainly not mine.”

  There was that look in his eyes again. Her cheeks flamed even more.

  “It’s not a good idea to disagree with the cook. You never know what she might put in your food.”

  “That’s something I’m willing to risk.” He squeezed her hand and finally let go of it.

  As they ate breakfast, she felt him watching her even when she wasn’t looking at him. Try as hard as she might, she couldn’t keep from blushing when she felt his eyes.

  As Decimus and Galen walked toward the stable after breakfast, Decimus jumped when the punch hit his upper arm. He turned to find Galen fighting to keep a straight face.

  Her brother bumped him with his shoulder. “You sure know how to make Val blush. You’re much better at it than me, but you have an advantage. She really likes you.”

  Decimus fought a smile himself. Galen had noticed. Proof that he wasn’t misreading her. “Probably not as much as I like her. She’s a very special woman.”

  A huge grin split Galen’s face. “I would sure like to have you as a brother, but are you ready to pass her test?”

  Decimus grinned back. “If I’m not now, I soon will be.”

  Galen punched his shoulder as his grin got even bigger. Decimus tousled Galen’s hair in response.

  Galen punched him again. “There’s no better life than following Jesus.”

  Decimus’s eyebrows scrunched. Where did that come from? Valeria and Rhoda were always saying something about their god, but it wasn’t something Galen usually did, even though he believed in the Christian god, too.

  Before he could respond, Otto emerged from the trees.

  “Otto’s here! I didn’t know he was coming to help with the thatching.” Galen trotted off to greet his friend.

  With three people working, they made rapid progress. By lunchtime, they’d finished almost three quarters of the roof. The cheese and bread that Valeria served her work crew under the trees was enough to fill up even two ravenous teenage boys.

  Galen had just swallowed his last bite of cheese when he started grinning at Decimus.

  “I need to work in the high meadow this afternoon, but Otto can help me. Why don’t you stay and keep Val company?” His grin got bigger. “I’m sure she won’t mind.”

  Decimus nodded his approval of the plan as he worked to stifle a grin himself.

  Valeria tousled Galen’s hair. “That’s a good idea.” She cast a quick glance at Decimus. “I still think climbing that steep trail isn’t good for a leg that’s not completely healed.”

  The boys headed toward the meadow trail, leaving Decimus to help her gather up what was left from lunch.

  As they walked into the cottage, she gave Decimus one of those smiles that filled her eyes with sparkles. A teasing smile, even though she had no intention of it teasing him. Not that way, anyway. How could an innocent smile make a man’s blood run so hot? No flirtatious Roman courtesan could hold a candle to this pure German maiden who’d captured his heart without even trying.

  “I’m glad we’ll have your company this afternoon. Rhoda and I are going to cut up carrots to dry for our winter stores. Maybe you could read to help the work go faster?”

  Read to her. That wasn’t exactly what Decimus had in mind, but he was willing. Nothing made her happier than him reading her religious codices, and nothing made her eyes more brilliant. Watching her would be enough to make it a good afternoon.

  Rhoda walked into the cottage with a basket of freshly washed carrots. Her eyebrows popped up, then she beamed.

  “Decimus is going to read? Let’s have him read your favorite. He already read me mine.”

  Valeria went to the cupboard and took out the copy of the gospel written by John. He sat down on the bed after she handed it to him. He’d told her he’d read it that night on the porch. This would be as good a way as any to fulfill that promise.

  “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men...”

  The more he read, the more he was bothered by what he was reading. This was very different from the well-crafted history he read for Rhoda. There were so many images and allusions that he found confusing and even disturbing. When he read about Nicodemus coming at night, he agreed with the Jewish leader that it was impossible for a grown man to be born a second time.

  There were all the statements by their Jesus about being dead unless you believed in him and about how you couldn’t die if you did. He’d never seen a man who couldn’t die.

  When he got to the part about not being able to have life unless you ate his flesh and drank his blood, that shocked him. No wonder a lot of his followers left when he said that. It sounded like cannibalism to him, but it was impossible for more than a handful of people to eat a single person, so he couldn’t mean exactly what he said. He must have meant something different, but what?

  The writing style was different from that of Luke, but one thing was the same. Both claimed the death of one man could be a sacrifice that would save everyone who believed in him from punishment for everything they’d done wrong. How could the death of one man do that?

  If he was a god like he claimed, maybe it could, but no god would willingly let himself be tortured to death like that. Decimus had watched many men die on Roman crosses. No one would ever choose that deliberately. It made no sense at all.

  Every time he glanced at her, he found that radiant smile and those glowing eyes. She loved this codex, and she loved having him read it to her. But why?

  There must be some meaning that escaped him, or she wouldn’t love it like she did. Maybe he’d get her to explain it to him later.

  Valeria and Rhoda had finished cutting and were spreading the slices on some cloth-covered frames before taking them out to dry in the sun. He stopped reading and rose to help them carry the frames outside.

  He’d read about a third of the codex, and that was already more than he wanted.

  Valeria stood beside him with her eyes still glowing. “Can you see now why this is my favorite?”

  He wanted to give her the answer she wanted, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t see why at all.

  “It’s very d
ifferent from the one by Luke. I need you to explain several parts to me. I’m sure I’ll understand then.”

  A joyous smile lit her face.

  He’d found what she wanted to hear, but something pricked at Decimus’s conscience. He hadn’t actually lied, but he hadn’t told the full truth, either. He hadn’t enjoyed her favorite like he had Rhoda’s history. He didn’t want to think about any of the disturbing parts. It left him feeling strangely off balance, but he wasn’t quite sure why. He was sure he didn’t like that feeling.

  He didn’t want her to explain it to him, but she wouldn’t forget that he’d said he did. It was equally certain she wouldn’t be content until he finished reading the entire codex.

  He suppressed a sigh. He didn’t want to read the rest, but maybe it would help him understand her more, even if he couldn’t understand her god.

  Chapter 38: Revelation

  Supper, as usual, was filled with relaxed conversation and laughter. Then it was Valeria’s turn to choose the reading. Rhoda opened the cupboard and took out the codex by John.

  Valeria shook her head. “Tonight, I want Matthew, precious.”

  That drew a smile from Decimus. Luke’s beautifully written history was his favorite, but Matthew was a good alternative. Anything but John. He’d read more than enough of John today, even with it exciting her most radiant smiles.

  When Decimus stepped onto the porch behind Valeria, his heart rate ramped up. He willed it down. To move too soon, to speak too soon was never a wise maneuver, in war or love. It was going to be another perfect evening on the porch―cool enough that he would have to hold her to keep her warm and no clouds so she would want to watch the stars for a long time.

  A good omen for his plan to finally tell her how he felt about her. At the right moment, that is, but that moment was so close. His many days of patience were about to gain him the prize.