by E. L. Todd
He clenched his jaw and a vein in his forehead started to throb. A cloud of hatred had covered the ceiling and lightning was about to strike. His eyes darkened, becoming as black as shadows.
Trinity intervened before the shit hit the fan. “Dad, Slade can look after me. I want him to. You and Mom really don’t need to worry about me.”
Her voice seemed to bring him back to earth. “I’m not comfortable with that…”
“Well, I am,” she said firmly. “I trust Slade with my life. He’ll do a good job—I promise.”
He still wasn’t convinced. He rested his fingers on his lips, deep in thought. Mike didn’t overtly threaten people. He usually did it with just a simple look or movement. Aggression and possessiveness for his daughter radiated from him, unwilling to share her care with someone else, someone he didn’t trust or approve of. “Then I’ll come once a week to check on you—and I’ll call every day.”
I knew that was the only compromise he would ever make.
Trinity took it. “Okay.”
When we got to Trinity’s house, Mike picked her up and placed her in a wheelchair. Her left thigh was in a cast and she was told not to move it. I knew Trinity was struggling with the revelation she wouldn’t be walking for a while, but she didn’t complain. She loved to run and wear cute heels. That was out the window.
Cayson and Conrad built a ramp at her front door so she could roll through the front door. They made a similar one through the garage so she would be able to move around easily.
When we walked inside the house, the place was clean and spotless. Fresh flowers in vases and glasses covered tables and bookshelves. Skye and Silke stood there and greeted Trinity when she came through the door.
“Welcome home!” Skye hugged her and smiled at her.
Silke rubbed her shoulders.
Mike pushed her inside then guided her to the living room. One of the couches had been removed so there was more room for her to move around in her chair. The kitchen table had been replaced with a small one that was level to the height of her chair.
I placed the medications on the kitchen counter, along with the instructions. My aunts and uncles were there, happy Trinity had returned in once piece. Cassandra got choked up when Mike picked Trinity up and placed her on the couch.
“We got pizza,” Scarlet said. “Your favorite.”
“Thank you,” Trinity said with a smile. “I really appreciate everything everyone has done. I’m lucky to be here and you guys have made everything so easy. I love all of you.”
Everyone awwed at her words.
Janice wrapped her arms around her shoulders and gave her a long hug. Scarlet wiped her tears away and kissed her cheek. Uncle Sean stood behind her then rubbed her shoulders, trying to comfort her.
Uncle Mike turned away, hiding his face.
My dad leaned against the other couch, his eyes flooded with emotion. I knew my aunts and uncles loved Trinity like their own daughter. Losing her would have been like losing one of their own.
I stayed in my corner and watched Trinity be showered with love and affection. No one had spoken to me since the incident. I felt like the black sheep, no longer welcome in the clan. I suspected they refrained from talking to me because of Mike, unsure how to treat me since everything was still up in the air.
When Mike walked past my dad, a look of anger came over his face. My dad returned the look, but not with anger, rather sympathy. Mike stared him down, his jaw clenched tight, and then walked away like he meant nothing to him.
Shit, I knew that wasn’t good.
We spent the evening playing games and eating pizza. Trinity was thrilled to be with her friends and family, being in a place she felt most comfortable. I refrained from touching her or invading her space, letting her spend time with the other people she loved.
Conrad stared at me a few times, the anger palpable.
Roland did the same, his loyalty to his best friend unshaken.
Cayson and Skye were my only allies. Cayson stayed by my side and comforted me without words. When I felt alone, he reminded me I wasn’t. He didn’t bother feeding me with empty words or trying to make me feel better. But he stayed by my side, sticking to me like glue.
Cayson knew me in a way no one else did. He was the only person who knew I was sensitive and caring. He was the only person whom I let see it, other than Trinity. Maybe everyone thought I was just using Trinity and I didn’t love her, but Cayson knew me better than that. He knew I had layers, thousands of them, and it took a while to get past them. Never judging me or ridiculing me, Cayson was by my side—no matter what.
He put his arm over my shoulders. “It’ll get better. I promise.”
“Can you really make a promise like that?” I said bitterly.
“Yes.”
I walked my parents out to their car and gave them each a hug. My mom got in the passenger seat, knowing my dad wanted to speak to me in private.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” I whispered.
He didn’t bullshit with me. “Well, it’s not good.”
“Does Mike hate you?”
“He’s…upset.” His words hinted at a lot more.
“Just tell me.”
“He’s upset I didn’t tell him what was going on when I knew.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“What makes him think you knew? Trinity and I haven’t told anyone.”
“He asked me.”
“Why didn’t you just lie?”
He gave me a dark look. “I’m not a liar—not my style.”
I guess I should have known that.
“But I told him you really care about her, and I knew that without you even telling me.”
“And…?”
“He still wasn’t thrilled.”
“But he shouldn’t be mad at you for it… I was the one who slept with her.”
“Mike and I are really close…it feels like a personal betrayal to him. But he’ll come around…he’s just stressed about his daughter right now. He said a lot of mean things, but I’ve already forgiven him because I know he’s scared. Keep that in mind when you do talk to him. The worst thing in the world almost happened to him—almost losing his daughter. And being excluded from knowing about your relationship didn’t help matters.”
“Trinity is a grown woman. It’s none of his business who she sleeps with.”
“I couldn’t agree more. But you and I know that isn’t the case here. You’re family, Slade. Fooling around with her was unacceptable on so many levels. Mike is fiercely protective of her and you’ve got heartbreaker written all over you.”
“I’m not going to leave her. I love her…”
Fondness shone in his eyes. “Well, you’ve spent six months convincing Trinity of that…but the rest of us haven’t seen it. Be patient with him and let him catch up. Just be yourself and he’ll see how much you’ve changed and how much you care about his daughter.”
That sounded like an eternity. “How about you just tell him for me?”
He laughed. “Slade, you did this, so you have to deal with the consequences. I’m not going to clean up your mess like I used to when you were a young boy. And neither is your mother.”
I sighed, feeling like I was drowning. “Why can’t I just be accepted like Cayson was? Sean was thrilled.”
My dad laughed again. “First of all, Cayson is a model person. He can do no wrong. And secondly, he asked his permission first. I can guarantee Mike would have had a much different reaction if you had come to him first.”
“But I can’t change the past…and I didn’t know I’d feel this way about her.”
“Which is why he’s upset. He’s not stupid, Slade. He knows exactly what you were doing with his daughter before you actually started giving a damn about her. And honestly, if someone I considered a son had done that to my daughter…I wouldn’t be happy either.”
I was never going to come up for air.
He gripped my shoulder. “I’m not going to gi
ve you false promises and say everything is going to be okay. I have no idea if it’s going to be okay. But I know you have a lot of work to do if you ever want it to be okay.”
“Thanks for the comfort,” I said sarcastically.
He smiled. “But I have faith in you, son. I know you’re complicated and confusing. I know there’s more to you than you let people see. Everyone says Cayson is perfect, but you’re so much more than that. I’ve never been prouder of you. You turned out exactly as I hoped.”
“Really…?” I always thought the opposite, that I was just reckless and a waste of potential.
He nodded. “People construe your actions as mistakes. But I don’t think they’re mistakes. You live your life the way you want, diving in headfirst and thinking later. And you know what I think?”
“What?”
“That every decision you’ve ever made has only brought you closer to what you really want. Most people are too scared to take risks. You aren’t. And look what it got you.”
“Buried six feet under,” I said bitterly.
“No, the greatest love you’ve ever known.” He studied my face for a while. “You remind me so much of myself. And I turned out okay. For the longest time, I thought I wasn’t good enough. But in the end, I turned out to be just fine.”
Somehow, he made me feel better, even with brutal truths. “Thanks, Dad.”
“I love you, son.” He pulled me in for a hug. “Call me if you need to talk…and drink.”
I laughed as I pulled away. “I’ll take you up on that second offer.”
My dad walked to his truck and got inside.
I stayed on the sidewalk, wishing he wouldn’t leave me.
67
Trinity
My first memories of my father took place in his office. I watched him work on his computer, fill out paperwork, talk on the phone, and speak to his employees. He was always respectful and nice to his workers, but he was different in meetings. Whether he was working on contracts or business, he was different. Both he and Uncle Sean were sharks in the darkest part of the ocean, swimming around their prey but not striking until it was the right moment.
And even then, they only took a single bite, preferring to let their prey bleed to death just because they could.
My dad changed, becoming aggressive and cold. He was calculating and intelligent, never giving anything away until the right moment. He was an opponent unbeatable physically and intellectually.
As the years passed, I understood him even more. While he had a hard exterior, and when it came to my mother, brother, and myself, he was straight-up frightening, it was only a façade. When he was home with us, his family, he was completely different. He was thoughtful, sweet, funny, and caring. He lived for us and always showed us how much he appreciated us. And he gave my mom a look I didn’t understand until Slade had given it to me, of profound love that would never dissolve.
He wasn’t just my father, but my friend. We did things together, talked about things, and formed a bond that was undeniable but indescribable at the same time. I knew him better than almost anyone, beside my mom and Uncle Sean. And recognizing his thoughts even though he was silent, understanding his moods with just a movement or a look, led me to have an unshakable foundation of who my father was.
And right now, he was pissed.
He didn’t say it, but I could see it in his eyes. His movements were rigid and tense, like he wanted to punch something but somehow restrained himself. The news of Slade hadn’t been received well, and in fact, I feared he hated the man I loved. While I understood him so well, I couldn’t read his thoughts. I didn’t know what he was thinking. I waited for him to say something to me, to address what was getting under his skin, but he never did. Since Slade was always by my side, the opportunity for an intimate conversation never arose.
So, I waited.
And waited.
Perhaps he was scared to stress me out. Maybe he was so relieved I was okay that he didn’t have the heart to yell at me, to get into an argument that would leave us both feeling weak and hopeless.
The worst part of this situation was the obvious pain he was in. He hated seeing me in a wheelchair, unable to use my leg. He hated seeing the tubes in my body, the way the nurse had to give me morphine every few hours so I could stand the pain, the way I lay helpless in a bed, unable to move.
He hated the fact that he couldn’t fix it.
And I hated myself for putting him through it. I should have just slept at his house and waited until morning. My father’s advice was always best, and I should have listened to it.
But I also knew he was hurting because I lied to his face.
I lied to him.
And I loathed myself for that.
The conversation could happen at any time, but my dad didn’t seem to be ready. I knew he would be angry, and he was internalizing it and trying to dissipate it on his own before he turned it on me. While he wanted to vent his frustration and pain, he didn’t want to frighten me.
And my dad was a frightening man. If I saw him alone in a dark alley, I’d get the hell out of there. Even without a weapon, he was formidable. His eyes and darkness were always intimidating to other people, but they didn’t know him like my family did. It was all an act. But if he was really pissed, that side of him would come out.
Slade took care of me like he said he would, and he was doing a great job. We sat together on the couch while the TV was on. I flipped through my homework and tried to catch up on everything I’d missed.
A blanket rested on both of us, and his arm was around my shoulders. The companionable silence was nice. It was much better than listening to a monitor beep every few seconds and nurses coming and going every hour.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked quietly.
“No. Unless you can do my homework for me.”
He smirked. “You’ll get an F on everything.”
“At this point, I don’t care.”
He ran his fingers through my hair, comforting me.
My face had returned to normal, and the bruising and swelling had gone down. But I was sick of using a wheelchair for everything. I just wanted to walk again, to go on a run in the morning like I used to.
“You’re doing great, baby.” He pressed his lips into my hair. “It’ll be over before you know it.”
I tried to stay positive, but sometimes it was difficult.
“Just remember that it could have been a lot worse…”
He was right. My outcome could have been fatal. “I know…” I pushed my homework aside, sick of working on it all day. Then I cuddled into his side, relishing the warmth and protection he brought.
“Ready for bed?” he asked quietly.
I was but I didn’t want to admit it.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” He moved to pick me up.
“Don’t.”
He stilled then sat back down, confusion in his eyes. “Trin, what’s wrong?”
“I just feel demoralized every time you carry me…”
His eyes softened. “Baby, this isn’t permanent.”
“I know…I still feel weak and useless.”
He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “That isn’t true, and you know it.”
Every time he carried me to the bathroom, I wanted to die of humiliation. I closed my eyes, trying to block it out.
“Look at me,” he commanded.
I opened my eyes again.
“I like taking care of you.” Sincerity shone in his eyes. “And I will always take care of you. One day when I fall off my motorcycle, you’re going to do this for me, and you’ll see what I mean.”
“Wait…what motorcycle?”
“When I get my Harley.” He said it like we’d already had this conversation.
“Uh, no. You aren’t getting a motorcycle.” Those things were too damn dangerous.
He smirked. “Are you bossing me around now?”
“You bet your ass I am. I’ll slap the
shit out of you if you get on one.”
Affection shone in his eyes. “But I like it when you slap me…”
“But I’ll slap you hard…”
“Ooh, even better.”
I hit him on the arm playfully. “I mean it. No motorcycle.”
“I don’t let someone boss me around…” He pressed his face close to mine. “But since you’re so damn cute, I guess I’ll let this one slide.”
My heart melted into a puddle on the floor, and my earlier shame was forgotten. Slade made me feel things I only saw in books and movies. Butterflies flew in my stomach, and I wanted him more and more with every passing day.
He lifted me from the couch then carried me to bed. After he changed my clothes and pulled off his own, we lay in bed together. I had to lie on my back because of my leg, but I preferred sleeping on my side.
Slade cuddled beside me, his arm around my stomach and his face in my neck. He had brought the rest of his belongings to my house, and now he was here all the time until I got better. I didn’t mind because I loved being with him every second of the day anyway. But when my father came tomorrow, I knew Slade would have to leave during the night. My father wouldn’t allow him to say, and it would make him too uncomfortable to let us sleep together in my bedroom while he stayed on the couch. I wasn’t looking forward to it.
“Slade?”
“Baby?” he whispered in my ear.
“Make love to me.”
He flinched at my request then leaned over me. “Trinity, I can’t. I would love to, but I can’t.”
“Why?” Was it because of my leg? Or the distinct cuts on my body?
“I can’t risk hurting your leg. It needs to heal. I’m sorry.”
I hadn’t had him in weeks, and it was driving me crazy. I missed him, and I knew he missed me. If I didn’t satisfy him, would he resent me? Would he leave? The initial foundation of our relationship had been sex. What would we be without it?
“I have Vaseline in the bathroom…”
He cocked an eyebrow. “To do what with?”
“Rub one out for you…” I sat up and leaned on one elbow.