Heal With You (Trials of Fear Book 6)

by Nicky James

  Then after dinner, when we were alone and had all night…

  Raven dropped on the bed too, rolling to his side to face me. His hand lingered a minute in the air so I would register his intent to rest it against my abdomen. I nodded.

  Once he made the connection, he brushed his fingers up and down, following the same pattern as he watched me. I tilted my head to study his face. A few strands of his long black curls had fallen from the elastic he’d used to tie his hair back, and they framed his face. His icy blue eyes shifted over me as though he was searching for something.

  “How are you doing?” he asked, speculation making his brow rise.

  “I’m okay.” I rolled to my side, mirroring him, and his hand came to a rest on my hip.

  “Every now and then when we’re alone, you get lost in your head a bit. It’s brief, but I see it. You’re thinking hard about something.”

  Leave it to Raven to see through me. Every time we were alone in our room, my mind inadvertently drifted to my number one goal of this weekend away. It was almost time, and that was exactly where my thoughts had strayed.

  But I didn’t want to say anything prematurely.

  I leaned closer, feathering my lips over his and pecking once before pulling away. “I’m perfect. Not sure what you think you see.”

  He studied me a minute more, and I wasn’t sure he bought it. Regardless, he let it go and kissed me again.

  I took the offer and deepened it, flicking my tongue against his when he initiated a soft glide along my bottom lip. He groaned and inched closer, applying pressure with his hand and encouraging me to do the same.

  I was aware of every place we touched. I always was.

  Our thighs brushed.

  His hand remained planted on my hip.

  His warm lips covered mine.

  His sock-covered foot gently grazed my own.

  Then he moved the hand on my hip.

  Slowly, ever cautious of the way I’d react, Raven skated his fingers under my shirt, meeting bare skin and sending goosebumps to shiver up my back and over my nape.

  His leg weaved between mine, bringing us closer still. His hand explored freely over the muscles of my abdomen.

  And I was okay with all of it.

  Aware. But okay.

  In a faraway place in my mind, there lived a seed of constant worry, but it was contained and only lived as a shadowed reminder to proceed with caution. Raven knew of that shadow, and he took pains to be careful every single time we came together, no matter how great I’d been doing.

  I rolled him to his back and straddled his thighs, licking at his mouth and sucking his tongue. With my arms planted on either side of his head, I hovered close, enjoying the moment.

  He kept one hand up my shirt, but now it grazed the curve of my back.

  When his free hand cupped my rising arousal and stroked me through my pants, I almost broke down and told him to fuck me then and there. I was ready. I wanted it. I knew without a doubt we could cross that line.

  But I’d been the one to make dinner plans, and we didn’t have time.

  Ending our kiss, I rested our foreheads together as he continued to fondle my now full erection.

  “Want me to take care of this?” he asked, a sly smirk rising the corner of his lip.

  “Yes, desperately, but not right now. As enticing as that offer is, we need to change and get downstairs for dinner because some idiot thought it’d be a good idea for us all to get together.”

  “Having regrets?” Raven chuckled.

  “So much.”

  “Later?”

  “Definitely. And maybe I have a surprise for you.”

  “Oh?” He cocked his head to the side in question.

  “I’m not telling, or it won’t be a surprise.”

  He shook his head as he sprawled his hands out wide to either side of his body. “Fine, then get off me, or I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”

  I pressed my backside against his equally hard length underneath me and rocked my hips once.

  “I promise, it will be worth waiting for.”

  We changed—unable to keep our hands to ourselves—shared a few lingering kisses, and somehow managed to make it downstairs on time to meet everyone.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Arden

  Once I cleared the conference room, I ducked my head and aimed for the elevator. My presentation was over, and I could officially run away and fall apart. This day had been nothing but tension and awkwardness.

  It needed to end.

  The canyon between Iggy and I kept growing. We hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words to each other all day. It was my doing. He’d tried, but I’d shut him down or walked away. Plus, I’d avoided getting caught alone with him by hanging out most of the morning with Anastasia.

  None of that mattered anymore. The important part of this trip was done and over with. He could look me in the eye and tell me the truth now. The pieces would land where they would, and when we got home, I’d need to go crawling to Phoenix and beg him to take me in until I could arrange an apartment in Toronto.

  I just hoped Iggy would wait to have this conversation until we got home.

  I paced our room, unable to sit still as my stomach clenched and knotted. Breakfast had been a bust, and I’d barely eaten anything at lunch. I knew that was bad and I should try to get something in my body, but I couldn’t find the energy to care.

  Nausea wasn’t helping.

  Less than five minutes after I arrived in our room, the click of the lock disengaging made me jolt around to face the door.

  I should have known he would follow me. I’d tried not to make a scene when I’d left the room, but his gaze had burned into my back the entire time.

  And now I was trapped.

  Iggy came through, and when our gazes locked, I saw the determination on his face.

  “I don’t want to—” I started.

  “That’s not an option anymore. I have something to say, and you’re going to listen to me.”

  I snapped my jaw closed and flinched as Iggy crossed the room, conviction in every step. He’d never talked to me like that before.

  Iggy was notoriously kind-hearted and soft-spoken. He rarely raised his voice or got angry. He was diplomatic, a mediator, someone who listened and took all sides into consideration before providing his opinion. This was the first time he’d used a no-nonsense tone with me. He wasn’t asking if we could talk any longer.

  He was telling me it was happening and I wasn’t getting out of it.

  Iggy stopped less than a foot away, his amber eyes pinning me in place. “Are you listening?” he asked, his voice low and serious.

  I nodded, wanting more than anything to stop time and run away. The floor could open up and suck me down any time it wanted.

  “You got an amazing job offer in Toronto. An unbelievable offer. One no student has probably ever seen before. Why? Because you’re brilliant at what you do and someone recognized your potential.” He clutched his chest by his heart and his eyes misted. “And I couldn’t be more fucking proud of you. You were meant for great things, Arden, and this is where it will all take off.”

  He stopped, studying my face as I bit my lip. “But?” I prompted, the word barely a whisper. The impending answer made it hard to breathe.

  “But for some reason, you haven’t taken it.”

  “Because I don’t know if—”

  His finger flew up and stopped my words, pressing to my lips as his eyebrows rose. “Not your turn. You keep doing this, and you haven’t given me a chance to explain myself. I’m partly at fault because I should have been clear from the start what my hesitation was instead of stewing over it by myself and not giving you a proper answer. But I knew—I knew if I said what I am about to say, you’d give up this once in a lifetime opportunity, and you can’t do that.”

  After a pause, he removed his finger from my lips and cupped my cheek, stroking his thumb along my jaw on the side
I could feel. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

  The dam inside me cracked, and I blinked hard a few times as tears pooled. I’d been hungry for those words. Starving for them. But I feared they were about to be followed by a great big “but.”

  When I didn’t answer, his face crumpled. “Jesus, Arden. You doubt my love, don’t you?”

  Clenching my jaw, I nodded briskly, not taking my eyes off him. In the past two days, I had doubted. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t know what else to think.

  Iggy backed me up until I hit the wall. Crowding me, pinning me in place with a hand on either cheek, he tipped his forehead down so it rested against mine, and he peered deep into my eyes. “Never. Fucking. Doubt. That. I have never loved anyone like I love you. I hardly know where to put myself sometimes because the feelings inside me are so overwhelming. I’d follow you to the ends of the earth. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you—and maybe that’s too soon to say out loud, but it’s the truth.”

  I swallowed hard, my throat tight with emotion. “Then why?”

  “Why have I hesitated to tell you I’d go with you? Why when you asked what happens did I tell you I had to figure shit out?”

  I nodded as the first tear slipped free and rolled down my cheek to Iggy’s thumb.

  “Because it means leaving my mother behind. I’m all the family she has around here. She hasn’t been able to be fully independent in years, and she relies on me more than she’ll admit. I love my mother, but telling her I’m leaving town means telling her it’s time she accepts her disabilities and moves into an assisted living home. She’s always been against the idea, but I am no longer going to give her a choice, and it breaks my heart.

  “So when I hesitated, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with not knowing how to approach my mom. It’s gutting me because I know she won’t take it well. I’m going to break her heart, and it’s breaking my fucking heart.” His voice cracked, and his eyes pooled.

  Guilt swamped me. Here I’d been selfishly thinking it was all about me and I hadn’t considered Iggy’s mother at all.

  “I’ve been stewing over options ever since you got the first offer. I keep wishing there was a better way, but I can’t find one.”

  “She could come live with us.”

  He nodded like he’d considered that possibility. “She could, but I don’t think she will. Maybe I’m wrong, but it wasn’t an offer I could make to her until I knew how you felt.”

  “I’d be happy having your mom live with us.”

  “Really?”

  I clung to Iggy’s waist and lifted myself on my toes to join our mouths in a soft, tear-laced kiss. “I know how important your mom is to you. I feel like an ass because I didn’t even think about what would happen to her if we left.”

  “I can ask her. I honestly don’t know what she’ll think of that. She might be able to hire an in-home nurse aide to come in a few times a week too. I’m not sure what her pension covers.”

  Iggy peered into his head as he thought, and for the first time, I saw the anguish he’d been suffering with all this time.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

  “I’m going with you, Arden. I just have some stuff to work out beforehand.” He kissed my eyelids one at a time then found my mouth. I savored the slow way he claimed me, breathing him in and holding him close as we tasted one another.

  “Mi corazón. Always, Arden. I love you so much. Never doubt that.”

  I circled my arms around his neck, and he hoisted me up with ease. I might have gained some much-needed weight over the past few months but I was still half his size.

  I wrapped my legs around Iggy’s waist and massaged my fingers through his shorn hair, absorbing the soft sensation I’d feared I might never experience again. Deepening the kiss, Iggy walked us over to the bed and lay me down before crawling over top of me.

  His hands were warm against my bare stomach as he glided them up my abdomen and removed my shirt. His joined mine on the floor.

  Iggy planted kisses along my collarbone, across my chest, my nipples, along my ribs, and down to my navel, taking his time and worshiping every inch of my body. I wanted to cry because twenty minutes ago, I’d been convinced this was over.

  He licked and kissed over my hipbone and back up the other side, covering every place he missed on his journey down. Face to face again, he hovered, the love he held for me spilling from his heart and showing clear on his face.

  I touched his cheek, memorizing the curve of his jaw as I traced along its sharp edge, warming at the sensation of his scratchy cheeks and their day-old scruff.

  He kissed me then, engulfing me, lowering his body and nearly crushing me to the bed. I didn’t care. Being smothered by Iggy was everything.

  The heat between us burned hotter with each passing second. I wanted to crawl inside him and live there. Meld together until we became one. We couldn’t get close enough. My pants grew more and more confining the longer we kissed. Iggy must have felt the same because he fumbled with the button on my slacks, doing all he could to get them off while not parting from my mouth.

  I got my hands between us and worked to remove his as well.

  Naked, flesh to flesh, we consumed each other. Our hands desperate. Our mouths starved.

  Iggy rolled to his back, dragging me with him until I was on top. His strong arms held me securely in place, ensuring I couldn’t get free.

  I didn’t want to go anywhere.

  We rocked and ground together, building more sensations and swallowing moans and long sighs. Iggy cupped my ass cheeks, gripping almost painfully. He tugged me down and thrust up, increasing our friction.

  The slick of our glide increased. Our kiss became more furious and demanding. My body tingled as syrupy hot desire flowed thick through my veins.

  “Arden,” Iggy said into our kiss, eating at my mouth and tongue, always moving, jerking his hips, holding me tighter. “Will you fuck me? I know we’ve talked about it, but we’ve never done it that way. I want you to. Please.”

  Our rhythm stuttered as I broke free of our kiss, peering down into his hooded, lust-drunk gaze. I’d never topped before. Not that I had a whole lot of experience with sex beyond Iggy, but it was something we’d discussed.

  “Really?”

  “Need to feel you inside me.”

  I knew Iggy enjoyed both, and I’d told him at the beginning of our relationship that I was open to trying one day. We just never had. It hadn’t come up.

  Until now.

  “Oh.”

  I sat up, straddling his hips and blinked down at him, a burst of nerves stilling my advances. He grabbed my erection and stroked a slow, steady rhythm, thumbing through the drips accumulating at the tip and making it hard to think.

  “Do you not want to? It’s okay if you don’t.”

  “No, I…” A tingle ran up my spine, and my eyes fluttered closed as he stroked with purpose. “I can. I want to.”

  “Lube is in the side pocket of my bag.”

  I jerked my head up and down in a nod and squirmed off the bed to find it. We’d done away with condoms a month ago after getting tested. Iggy had made multiple comments of how intense it felt without, so I worried I might not last once I got inside him, and the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass myself.

  Lube bottle clutched in a death grip, I returned to the bed. Iggy propped himself back on his elbows, his gaze raking over me.

  “Um… how?” I asked.

  “You’re nervous.”

  “Yeah. I’ve never done it this way before.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “I want to.”

  He nodded. “It’ll be good. I promise.”

  Iggy gave me a reassuring smile and rolled to his stomach. He peered over his shoulder, a hungry, eager look glistening in his eyes.

  I could do this. If only my hands would stop shaking.

  I snapped open the lid on the bottle and coated a few finger
s as Iggy spread his knees wide and pulled his ass cheeks apart, presenting himself for me. I almost swallowed my tongue.

  My dick ached it was so hard, and my balls pulled tighter just looking at him like that.

  I gripped the base of my erection and squeezed, strangling off the building heat so I could keep going.

  I leaned over Iggy’s back, kissing along his wide shoulder blades as I slicked one finger over his entrance. He sucked in air when I breached him, groaning and burying his face in the blankets. Every sound he made encouraged me onward.

  I sucked his earlobe as I fit a second finger inside, seeking his prostate as I moved them in and out of his body. Blissed out beneath me, Iggy relaxed as his pleasure grew. An endless string of satisfied noises leaked from between his parted lips as he hiked his hips up further, encouraging me on.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. When Iggy started moving with me, grunting and shivering with need, I had to take the next step.

  I removed my fingers, and Iggy glanced back, hitching his lower half up and spreading his knees wider to give me access. “You won’t hurt me,” he encouraged.

  I lined myself up and glided a hand up and down his spine.

  “Do it, Arden, I’m ready. Need to feel you.”

  Holding my breath, I applied pressure and closed my eyes at the overwhelming sensation of Iggy’s body accepting me inside him.

  He was hot and tight.

  So tight I had to pause as my whole body grew taut, my orgasm lingering right at the edge, threatening to launch me into bliss with the slightest provocation. Iggy must have sensed my urgent need to be still. He didn’t move a muscle and waited until I pressed further inside.

  Once we were fully joined, it was game over. I lay my body over his and we rocked together, pulling each other along as the heat between us mounted higher and higher.

  “I’m never going to last,” I panted. “Too good. You’re so tight. Holy shit…”

  I pinched my eyes closed and fought for control. My jaw clenched. I increased our speed. Iggy met every thrust.

  His hand disappeared under his body, and he tugged himself to my increased rhythm, grunting and slamming back against me with every jerk of my hips.