Heal With You (Trials of Fear Book 6)

by Nicky James

  “Arden… gonna… shit…” Then he cried out as his orgasm ripped through him.

  Every muscle in his body tensed—including the tight hold already gripping my length. It was overload. The minute he hit his peak, I was launched into mine.

  We fell out of rhythm and eventually collapsed, both panting and trembling from release.

  “That was so intense,” I murmured against his shoulder a few minutes later as our hearts slammed in unison.

  “So good.”

  I laid my head against him and listened to his heart beating under my ear. “I love you, Iggy. I’m sorry I made assumptions. I should have let you talk.”

  He reached an arm around his back and tried to hug me. “We’ll be okay.”

  I had to believe it. Our future was going to involve a lot of changes. Toronto was a huge city compared to Dewhurst Point.

  “Come here,” Iggy said, encouraging me to roll off him.

  I shuffled until I was in his arms. We held each other for a long time. I felt safe and loved and relaxed for the first time in days.

  “Have you eaten at all today?” Iggy asked after a while.

  “Not really. I tried at breakfast.”

  “I figured. Ireland planned a dinner down in the restaurant for everyone. Why don’t we hop in a shower, grab a few of your premade food bags, and join them?”

  I didn’t want to leave the comfort of Iggy’s arms just yet, so I snuggled closer and breathed him in. “Okay. But not yet.”

  He didn’t argue. I think he needed the closeness as much as I did.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Grayson

  Beck’s phone rang just as we were being shown to the table that had been reserved for our large group. He slipped it from his pocket and check the screen before pausing in his step.

  “Finally. Sorry, I have to take this. I won’t be long.”

  He pivoted without another word and left the restaurant, phone crushed to his ear. He’d been acting strangely since our trip to the antique store that morning. Lost in his head. Mumbling to himself. Sweating for no discernible reason.

  And unwilling to share whenever I asked what was up.

  I watched him leave, his body taut and a concentrated look on his face that made him look constipated. He was being sneaky about something.

  Frowning, I turned back and rushed after the hostess before I lost her.

  The majority of the people from our group had arrived, and there were only a few empty spots left around the long table. I grabbed the two chairs next to Ireland, giving him a pinched smile. He flashed me a much more welcoming one in return and peered over my shoulder before frowning.

  “Where’s the man?”

  “Had to take a phone call. He’s coming.”

  “Good, good. Have a seat.”

  I shuffled my chair right up to the table and thumbed through a drink menu, still uncomfortable around these people I barely knew outside of group.

  “What did you think of today?” Ireland asked, sipping his drink. Raven sat on his other side, chatting with Elodie.

  “Not nearly as daunting as I made it out to be in my head.”

  He chuckled. “Agreed. I wasn’t sure what to expect. Doctors can be intimidating.”

  “They can.”

  I scanned the faces around the table and was relieved to see I’d chosen a spot a good distance from Krew. My relief must have shown on my face because Ireland followed my gaze and rolled his eyes, chuckling.

  “I take it you’ve met Krew?”

  “You could say that.”

  “He’s a whole lot of bold and in your face, but he’s a decent guy. I’ve known him for a while. The guy with him, the older man, that’s Max.” Ireland indicated with a tip of his glass. “He owns Limbos back home. Ever since they got together, Krew has settled down significantly, so don’t fear him. He’s all bark and sass, but I promise he won’t bite.”

  Ireland’s analysis was accurate. “I’ll take your word for it. Actually, it’s the constant reminder of our shared past I’m trying to avoid.”

  Ireland quirked a brow. “Oh yeah? I can see how that might be challenging. Krew is shameless.”

  “Completely and had no problem bringing it up in front of both our partners.”

  I glanced around, needing a drink and wanting to order. I waved at the server taking drink orders at the far end of our table and asked for two pints.

  “So,” I said, digging for conversation. “I hear you’re engaged.”

  “Yup, Raven got down on one knee a year ago at Christmas.”

  “Have a date planned?”

  “We do. End of September. Nothing huge. His sister is planning a big backyard wedding. She owns a farm outside Dewhurst. She wanted all the fall colors for the pictures or something to that effect, so she made us push the date. It was supposed to be in August.”

  The server returned with mine and Beck’s drinks and set them down. I took a hefty sip and glanced around to see if Beck was coming back yet.

  “How about you and Beck? Have you two been together long?”

  “That’s a hard question to answer. We grew up together. I’ve known him since we were kids, but we only just took our friendship to the next level this past summer when I finally convinced him he wasn’t as straight as he thought.”

  Ireland twisted his glass on the table and smiled. “Labels are hell, man. I don’t like thinking in terms of straight or gay personally. Love just is. If we force ourselves to live within boundaries, we might miss out on something really special.”

  “That’s true. Beck would probably agree with you on that.”

  Ireland’s attention was drawn to Raven and Elodie’s conversation just as Beck flopped onto the seat beside me. A smile filled his face as he sipped his beer, knocking our glasses together after he swallowed a hefty mouthful.

  “Why do you look so smug?”

  He shrugged and snagged a menu, flipping through options. “No reason.”

  “So I take it whatever your mysterious caller had to say was good?”

  “Yup.”

  “Still not sharing?”

  “Nope. What are you eating?”

  I leaned against his side and shared his menu. He turned the page and the burger list caught my attention. “A Swiss and mushroom burger with sweet potato fries.”

  Beck’s chin dropped as he groaned. “Please order fish or something. I beg you.”

  I took a long drink of my beer and chuckled. “Not a chance. I’m feeling a burger.”

  “But that just means you’re going to drag me to the gym at the ass-crack of dawn and work me ten times harder than usual. Please. Fish is healthy. Fish means sleeping in and snuggling. Sex. I offer you sex if you pick fish.”

  “Still feeling a burger.”

  Sighing, Beck closed the menu and dropped it on the table before leaning back, his head tipped to the ceiling. “Remember when we were fresh and new and sex trumped the treadmill? I miss those days. Why can’t we have them back?”

  “I’ll make you a deal.”

  Perking up, Beck scanned my face. “Lay it on me.”

  “Burgers and fries, sleeping in, sex, and no working out… if…” He narrowed his gaze as I paused for dramatic effect.

  “If what? Spit it out.”

  “If you tell me why you’ve been so sneaky all day.”

  “No deal.”

  He didn’t even hesitate. It was a solid no. End of discussion like I’d asked him to dance naked in the street. He shifted back to his drink and drummed his fingers on the table as he scanned the rest of the group at our table.

  His smirk remained.

  The fucker.

  I’d figure it out. Sooner or later, he’d slip, and I’d know what was going on.

  It was another ten minutes before the last of our group arrived. It was the small kid, Arden, and his boyfriend, the EMS worker who’d apparently been on the scene for my accident. Iggy. They joined the table, sitting across from Beck and me,
both a little flush-cheeked and looking more companionable than they had earlier when the whole conference room could tell they’d been at odds.

  Arden stacked a few little baggies of snacks in front of him, including a protein drink. Iggy ordered a beer while Arden popped Fruit Loops into his mouth one at a time, inspecting each with a wary eye.

  Food phobia.

  That one still surprised me.

  Our server came a few minutes later and worked his way around the large group, taking orders. I ordered my burger and Beck asked for the same, offering me a shrug. “Might as well go big or go home. You’ll drag me to the gym regardless.”

  “You have a way out. That offer expires at five thirty a.m. tomorrow.”

  His eyes widened. “Five thirty? Are you serious?”

  “Thought we should be there when they unlock the door. Maybe get a good five miles under our belt before we lift.”

  “Five?!” Beck nearly choked on his beer. He grabbed a napkin and swiped his mouth. “I can’t run five miles. I can’t run one mile. Why do you hate me?”

  “Why are you keeping secrets?” I quirked a brow and sipped my drink.

  “I’m not telling you. You won’t get it out of me. You’ll have to scrape my expired body off the floor at the gym tomorrow morning and explain to your mother why I can no longer walk.”

  “Done.”

  “Asshole.”

  His phone rang again, and Beck adopted the most self-satisfied smile as he pulled it from his pocket, answering it right in front of me. His gaze never left mine.

  “Hey… yup, all taken care of. Tomorrow? My flight leaves at three, so I can swing by maybe around noon… perfect… yeah, and the papers. Oh, that would be perfect, could you? Okay… sweet. Later.”

  Then he mashed his finger on the disconnect and returned his phone to his pocket.

  We stared at one another.

  Well, Beck stared, looking like a smug prick, and I glared, trying to see what he wasn’t saying.

  “Sorry,” he said, sitting taller. “All taken care of.”

  “Where are we going tomorrow at noon?”

  “You’re going nowhere. I’m going to see a friend about a thing.”

  He was saved by the waiter coming around, delivering everyone’s dinner plates.

  The burgers were half the size of the plates, and the mountain of fries took up the rest. Beck flipped his gaze between my plate and his, shaking his head. “I’m going to die in the gym tomorrow, aren’t I?”

  I popped a fry in my mouth and shrugged. “Not too late to save your soul.”

  He got his hands around the massive burger and sighed. “Totally worth it.”

  As we ate, the buzz of the restaurant and its patrons surrounded us. Conversations happened from one end of the table to the other. Everyone seemed much more relaxed than earlier.

  Only once through our entire meal did I experience anything resembling panic over the time. Distractions often helped me stay focused on the here and now. However, the steady murmur of voices blending together gave me a brief sense of racing about halfway through our meal.

  The derealization of time didn’t happen often anymore, but when it did it only lasted a few seconds before it vanished and my control returned.

  So when the hum of voices quickened, I dropped my napkin and gripped the table’s edge. With concentration, everything resumed a normal pace almost immediately. No one noticed the jolting panic that made my heart skip triple time, and with a deep breath, I resumed eating.

  Beck noticed. But Beck always knew.

  He rested his hand on my lower back and nudged our knees together.

  “Okay?” he asked under his breath.

  “Yeah.”

  Instead of letting the conversations roll over me, I sat up straighter and tried to pay closer attention and get involved. There seemed to be a lot of attention being spared to Finnley and his husband Aven down the end of the table.

  When I tuned in, I realized the discussion was over baby names. I’d heard they were expecting a child any day and the group near them were all pitching in options. Krew was the most vocal of them all—of course.

  “I vote for Augustus. Very Roman gladiator.” Krew grinned like it was the best suggestion in the world.

  Rory made a face and swatted Krew’s shoulder. “And why would they name their baby after a gladiator? You’re an idiot.”

  Aven, at least, seemed amused. Finn looked worried.

  “Oh, oh! I know!” Krew squealed, almost bouncing out of his seat. “Leland. That’s different, right? Max made me watch this weird-ass show called Twin Peaks, and there was this psychotic guy in it named Leland. You should call him that.”

  “Oh my God, shut up.” Rory looked horrified.

  Max secured an arm around Krew’s shoulders and held him close. “Maybe let other people offer suggestions,” he said, making Krew pout.

  “Fine.”

  “How about Brian?” Arden said, his voice soft as he gnawed on a strip of dried fruit.

  “Brian?” Aven confirmed, leaning over to see Arden from his end of the table.

  Arden shrugged. “Never mind. It was a stupid suggestion.”

  Finn brightened and peered down the table at Arden. “Brian as in a male version of Bryn. After your sister?”

  Arden shrugged and peeked up from under long lashes. “Yeah.”

  I watched as Aven and Finn had some silent conversation amongst themselves as Beck leaned in close and whispered. “Am I missing something? Why would they name their baby after Arden’s sister?”

  “No idea.”

  Ireland overheard and smiled. “Arden’s sister is carrying the baby they’re adopting.”

  “Oh. Wow! That makes a whole lot more sense then,” Beck said. “That’s really cool.”

  Based on the exchanged looks at the far end of the table, Brian seemed to definitely be a choice they were considering.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Rory

  Our dinner plates had been cleared, and a few people were browsing dessert menus. Adrian laced our fingers together under the table and rested his head on my shoulder as he yawned.

  “You tired?”

  “It’s been a busy few days.”

  “Wanna take off?”

  “No, no. It’s okay. We can mingle.”

  “I don’t mingle.”

  “You’re doing great.” Adrian rubbed my arm and gave me a heart-stopping smile.

  I couldn’t deny feeling calmer since the presentation part of the weekend was over. The Sunday portion of the event didn’t involve us patients, but Adrian still had to be present for some of it.

  I scanned the people at the table, remembering all their stories, heard in full detail earlier—some for the first time. Group therapy sessions had allowed us to open up, but most people, like myself, had chosen some non-disclosure until today.

  Today, we’d bared it all.

  My story wasn’t the only one with shock value, and listening to others had motivated me to push myself harder. It had proven that I could get better with enough determination and hard work.

  Maybe things wouldn’t ever be perfect, but I felt confident I could get to a place with life where I wasn’t still so limited.

  “When we get home,” I said, resting my cheek on the top of Adrian’s head, “I want to start taking more aggressive steps forward.”

  Adrian tilted his chin and studied my honesty. “You don’t need to push yourself. Baby steps, remember?”

  But I’d been baby stepping for well over a year. It was time to widen that gait.

  “I know, but I think you’ve been soft on me. If I wasn’t your boyfriend, you’d have encouraged me to open the blinds every day or stay outside until the sun fully broke the horizon when we go. You’ve allowed me to chicken out. Don’t get me wrong, I know it should be my choice, and no one should pressure me, but it’s okay to give me a harder nudge sometimes. I think you worry I’ll be mad or something.”

 
Adrian fixed his glasses and lowered his head again. “Sometimes. I don’t like seeing you defeated or mad at yourself. Or at me. And that’s why you need Erin. I’m too personally involved. I can’t distance myself from my feelings toward you and push you forward when you need it. I’m always afraid of hurting you or causing you more discomfort. Seeing you struggle isn’t easy.”

  “I’m telling you to push me, though. I need it. I need harder to obtain goals. I need to fight through the discomfort. I should be able to manage a cloudy daytime setting by now. Or an early morning walk along the water just after sunrise.”

  Adrian stayed silent, but I knew he understood what I was saying. I also understood his position.

  “Do you want dessert?” I asked.

  “Nah. I’ve been informed, Krew’s taking me clothes shopping next weekend. He warned me I’d be wearing skinny jeans like it or not, so the last thing I need is sweets.”

  I chuckled and eyed my best friend who was trying to feed Max a bite of lava cake off his plate.

  “You have a perfect bubble ass for skinny jeans.”

  “That’s a compliment, right?”

  “Believe me, it is. Krew noticed too. Do not let him cop a feel, and if he does, tell me and I’ll kick his ass.”

  “Threaten his testicles, remember?”

  I snorted and tugged Adrian closer. “He’s ruined you. Wanna take a walk outside? I could use some fresh air, and it’s dark now.”

  “Sure.”

  We settled our bill and said our goodbyes. Many of the group were flying out the following day, but I’d see them another time since group therapy sessions were planned to continue once we were all home. Adrian and I were staying until Monday, but that was only because of Adrian’s participation in all the extra events.

  The cool April air felt good against my face, so I pulled back my hood and lifted my chin in the air, breathing deeply. The night was cloudy and dark. The stars and moon were hidden away.

  Adrian took my hand, and we wandered across the hotel parking lot to the sidewalk. Picking a direction at random, we lazed along in no hurry to go anywhere. The streetlights glimmered off the pavement, and the traffic zooming by us was light. It was a quiet evening.

  We didn’t talk for a long time as I thought about the future and what I hoped to someday accomplish, personally, and with the man on my arm.