Bouquet of Regret (Angel's Shifters Book 1)

by Lenai McGoveran

  When I frowned, silently disagreeing, Marcus nodded toward Ava, who I admit looked a lot calmer than she did when I first arrived. I chewed my bottom lip, and Marcus chuckled. “When you’re afraid, we know and cannot help but calm down because when you’re upset, we perceive it, and it hurts. Not sharply, but more of an ache. When you’re in pain, we desire to remove or destroy whatever caused it. For me, my soul burns and aches because I am the one who caused your hurt. My heart feels a sharp ache which is my due, so stop trying to soothe it by burying your feelings. Yes, I know that’s what you’re doing, little girl.” My cheeks heated when Marcus scolded me, and I shuffled my foot while trying to not feel awkward. “When you repress your feelings, it hurts us more.”

  Raising my head in alarm, I stared at Marcus, and he nodded. “It does because it means we’ve failed you, Angel. You should never be afraid to feel, nor should you try to force yourself to only experience certain emotions because you think you need to. That is not the case at all. While you affect us, you don’t control us, if that makes sense. We can resist, at first, but once we’ve bonded with you, it gets harder for us but easier for you. Again, your type, the ones who share your gift, don’t have ulterior motives in them. It’s so wrong just talking about it makes my skin crawl because it’s that impossible. Try imagining a tiger eating only salads. It’s so wrong that your back goes up a little, right? That’s what imagining you taking advantage, or having nefarious motives does to me and those who live here. Some are unaware of you and your ability, but it still affects them, those you’ve sung to, anyway. So, hah, you won’t be able to tell the difference anymore. You noticed, but didn’t realize it,” Marcus explained with a triumphant grin.

  I scowled, and he threw his head back to laugh while I huffed under my breath. “It’s hard to explain with only this small a piece,” Ava sighed, giving Marcus a scolding look when I glanced at her, and he chuckled. “But what my idiotic husband means is when you’re at peace because that’s how you feel, so are our souls. When you’re upset, our souls perceive it, and we strive to fix whatever wrong you’ve experienced. Not obsessively, however. Damn you, Marcus, this is frustrating. Asshole. But, um, Angel, don’t force your feelings down. Riff and Char affect you the strongest because you trust them the most. And, oh, how am I going to explain this?” Ava huffed.

  “I may have told Angel that something within her soul recognizes something within mine which completes hers. Just as it makes mine whole too,” Riff chuckled with mirth in his eyes. “But, Angel, what I didn’t tell you, is it’s like that for you and everyone in town. Well, almost everyone. We need you in a way that Marcus will explain someday, although I agree today is not the right time. Let me put it this way, you are a coveted indulgence. Something that most like us want but can’t have. But, god, do we ever hope to stumble upon someone like you. We had someone, remember? But, a group of people who hate us killed him because they wanted us to suffer and knew that was the best way to ensure we would. We were heartbroken and miserable until you arrived. Now, we’re seeing color again and tasting and looking forward to every day with excitement, which we haven’t experienced in years. That’s how important you are to us, which is one of the many reasons we won’t let you run off alone. To you, we’re friends. To us, you are beloved and precious, and we can’t go on without you unless you don’t want us anymore.” Riff looked so much like a kicked puppy that I hugged him, and he chuckled, kissing my forehead and my soul relaxed.

  “Yes, you sense our pain too, although you may not realize it,” Char added with a shake of his head and a slight smile. “You gravitate towards those who need you most without noticing. Dakota was in such a state of turmoil until you eased it. By hugging him and letting him talk to you, you allowed him to soak up your presence and soothed his ravaged soul. His and Kyler’s parents are performing a task for our town, trying to smooth things over with the group that hates us. It won’t work, we need one like you there, but they refuse to allow any entrance… perhaps not you, however. They won’t realize…” Char’s voice faded, and I stared at him warily.

  “You are a true diamond in the rough, my dear,” Riff chuckled with a pleased smirk. “Normally, only those like us have your ability. But not you. No, you’re so special, there’s perhaps one like you born every century if that. You’re a unicorn, Angel.”

  “The problem is,” Char continued with a frown, “if they realize what you are and they’re angry with us, they’ll try to kill you.”

  “Because it will hurt you,” I finished, my eyes on the floor.

  “And, it’s too late for this session anyway,” Marcus added with a wry chuckle. “But Dakota was upset because they left him and Kyler in charge of certain things, and Kyler dragged him into failure. Until you gave him his redemption on a silver platter by forgiving him for Kyler’s idiocy. Char suffered that failure too, but he wasn’t affected as heavily as Dakota. Remember that second sacred rule so hallowed Claire couldn’t describe it? We do not, under any circumstances, abuse or strike one with your gift. Nor do we cause you pain for shits and giggles. My actions are frowned upon, even though they were done to save your life. That is the absoluteness of this unwritten law.”

  “Enough talk about this,” Ava decreed, and I flinched in surprise. “Not because you don’t deserve to know, but you need time to process so you can figure out what questions you want to ask, sweetheart. So, how about you mull it over, and any of us will answer whatever questions you come up with?”

  “For now, I only have one,” I whispered in a thick voice, and they waited with expectant expressions. “Is this ability of mine the reason everyone texted me?” Riff barked a laugh while Char chuckled with a shake of his head, Ava looked confused, and Marcus sighed heavily.

  “No,” Char told me, his voice shaking with suppressed laughter. “They texted you because they care, Angel. You can’t make them care, that is beyond you. Nor can you make anyone love you. As far as I know, there does not exist a creature that can force another to feel love. Now, while they can sense you’re in pain, that doesn’t force them to do anything about it. They chose to offer their sympathy and lend an ear if you need one. You’re an adorable dork, Angel.”

  A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

  Whistling, Marcus brought a stool to place behind the counter, indicating it with a smile after he sent Riff to get our homework. Moments later, I sat with three backpacks around my feet, doing my homework at the counter, off the clock, while Riff and Char sported their vests. Now and then, I glanced up to smile at customers when they greeted me, but otherwise, I focused on my work. Once I finished, I sketched Char with a slight smile.

  Blinking, I jerked in surprise, causing pain to shoot along my spine, when Marcus placed a box on the counter, covering my sketchbook. “I only have the songs I’ve heard you humming or singing on there so far. But it’s ready to go, and you can add music at my house whenever you like. I’ve got the same songs on a USB, so when you get a laptop, you can add them to it. Otherwise, your library will be incomplete, and it’ll remove the songs from your iPod, all right?” Marcus murmured, and my cheeks heated before becoming cold. “Do not protest, Angel. Consider it a late birthday present, all right?”

  Swallowing nervously, I nodded and picked up the box with shaking fingers. Opening it, I found a silver iPod nestled inside and its cords. Ava appeared from behind Marcus to place a pair of wireless headphones on the counter with a sweet smile. Its box followed a moment later, and I stared at them with tears burning my eyes. When I sniffled, they smiled, shaking their heads before coming around to hug me. Ava patiently explained how to charge and use the headphones, kissing the top of my head before she and Marcus waved goodbye and left.

  Trembling with excitement, I turned the headphones on, placing them on my head and hitting the power button on my new iPod. Ava said Marcus already paired the devices, so they were ready to go whenever I was. So long as they meant them as birthday presents, I didn’t feel as guilty for accepting
such expensive gifts even though I knew I didn’t deserve them. It made me so happy when I got Matty something for his birthday, especially if I was sure he’d love it, and I couldn’t deny anyone that wonderful feeling. Even though I should, because I was so undeserving of these gifts.

  Still, my soul thrummed with happiness to have music I controlled for the first time. I never put songs on my phone because I didn’t have a way to do so. I didn’t want to download any apps that might put the slightest hint of my information where the bastard could find it. Scrolling through my choices, I smiled upon discovering many of my favorite songs and picked one to listen to before I resumed sketching. Char and Riff seemed to brighten when they noticed how happy I was, and my soul became peaceful for the moment.

  Unfortunately, I stopped paying as much attention to the few customers that came to the store, while I focused on drawing. I sketched Char at the counter with his bad-boy grin while he waited for customers to approach. I almost expected the Char I drew to chuckle and drawl a line guaranteed to make me smile. A shadow fell over me, and I leaned my head back to discover Riff standing over me with a smirk softened by his expression of awe. I moved one headphone behind my ear when he tilted his head to the side.

  “Someday, draw me like that too, okay? I feel you’ve captured him in a way no one else can. Like you’ve got the essence of his soul on that page. It’s hard to explain, but I’m jealous,” Riff whispered in my ear. He gave me a pouty expression that was so pathetic I couldn’t stop the laughter bubbling in my throat. The twinkling in his eyes ruined his attempt at looking even poutier, and I shook my head with a smile, moving my headphone back while rolling my eyes.

  When Riff distracted me, Char grabbed my sketchbook because he studied my drawing when I glanced at him. My breath caught in my throat, and I chewed my bottom lip, worried that he hated it. He turned his head to meet my gaze, enveloping me in a hug before I could interpret what I saw in his expression. Gently, Char brushed my hair back from my face, moving one headphone off my ear as well. “I’m honored,” Char murmured, “and if that’s how you see me, then I feel so loved. I, I cannot explain it properly, but I feel seen, known even. It’s a wonderful feeling, and I also feel you’ve claimed me somehow, which makes me feel even more loved. Now I’m all warm and fuzzy inside.”

  Riff snorted, and Char picked up a stapler, which he chucked at Riff’s head. Riff caught it easily, sticking his tongue out at Char, who scoffed, albeit his lips curled into a grin. I flinched when Marcus laughingly scolded them for throwing equipment around. My eyes met his, and he smiled tenderly, asking me how I felt. Shrugging, I replied that I was more at peace, mostly. I was still uneasy about the expensive gifts, and what I saw as his betrayal.

  Chuckling, Marcus murmured, “you’re worth far more than those gifts multiplied thousands of times. But I understand where you’re coming from, having worn shoes similar to yours. And I can never apologize enough for what I put you through today, and everything that comes of it. But I am not sorry for doing what I must to keep you healthy. Still, I’m sorry for doing it so poorly, but I kind of panicked. A piss poor excuse, but the truth all the same. Now, let’s get you to Ava so she can try to entice you to eat dinner. Before we go, however, do you want to go to school tomorrow?”

  The blood left my head in a rush, and Marcus steered me towards the bathroom, pulling my headphones off after giving me a gentle push. I made it just in time, hurling everything I ate earlier. After rinsing my mouth, I stumbled out of the door, keeping my eyes on the floor in shame. Marcus tutted, pulling me close for a warm hug that helped settle my jumbled emotions.

  Moments later, I stood in front of Ava, who clucked her tongue and ushered me into a chair. She set a small bowl of broth in front of me, and I frowned at it. I wanted it, but I also didn’t. “If you want to visit your wolf friend in the woods tonight, you must eat,” Marcus ordered nonchalantly, shrugging when I glanced at him sharply. “If I order Char and Riff to keep you inside with the window locked, they will. I’m not trying to punish you, Angel, but you need to eat. Now, I’m not saying you must eat all of it, but some of it, yes.”

  My shoulders slowly relaxed while tears burned my eyes, and when he sat beside me, I gave him a wobbly smile. The rest of them devoured what looked like ribs while I slowly ate my broth. About halfway through it, my hand shook when I raised the spoon, so I set it down with a sigh. I doubt I could eat anymore. Marcus kissed my forehead, praising how much I ate, and my soul relaxed while I sighed my relief. After Riff and Char returned from school, Ava insisted on giving me a hug goodnight, not that I argued. Marcus kissed my forehead before he left, making the boys promise to text him once I was safely in bed. I gave him another hug, and he chuckled, ruffling my hair with a grin before returning to his wife.

  Char and Riff walked beside me until my rock came into view in the clearing, then they stopped, leaning against the trees at the entrance of the path. Moments after I sat, my sketchbook out and headphones on, a loud howl cut through my music. Pulling my headphones off, I smiled at Ky when he came racing into the clearing with an excited bark. I laughed when he licked my face while I tried to keep from getting trampled by the overexcited wolf. Whining when Riff told him to calm down, I chuckled at the pouting wolf. He appeared upset to see them, and I shrugged. “Marcus says I’m not allowed to be alone anymore,” I mumbled, and Ky tilted his head from one side to the other. Nodding after a moment, he barked once, sat, and thumped his tail on the ground. “I take it you agree?” I asked dryly, rolling my eyes, albeit I smiled. It was nice to feel cared for, even if it was also kind of frustrating.

  Yawning, I eyed the sketch of Riff I worked on. He was leaning against a tree with a soft expression while keeping watch, and I could almost feel his gentle strength. Ky raised his head from my lap, and I stroked his fur with a soft smile. He stood, yawning with a soft whine when I got up. Stretching, I turned my headphones off before kissing Ky’s nose and walking towards Char, who straightened as did Riff. Ky whined louder and followed me with a whimper. Sighing, I looked from him to the boys, who frowned. “He followed me home, can I keep him?” I asked in a voice shaking from laughter, and they rolled their eyes while grinning.

  Jerking his head, Riff started along the trail, and Ky barked once, racing along after him for a moment before barreling back to me and dancing excitedly. “All right, all right, I’m coming,” I laughed, and he wagged his tail. Once we returned to my apartment, Ky ran in to lie at the foot of my bed. Rolling my eyes, I climbed in, glancing at the boys afterward. “I sleep better with you guys if you don’t mind.” Startled, I stared at them when they burst out laughing. Grinning, they climbed in, kissed my forehead, and bid me goodnight. With warm cheeks, I wished the three of them a good night and fell asleep with a content sigh.

  Char let Ky out in the morning, smiling when he saw I was awake. “Go back to sleep, Angel, and I’ll see you later, all right? And don’t think I didn’t notice you avoided changing your bandages yesterday. Marcus will be over later to help you with them because it must be done. Otherwise, it’s to the hospital you go, sweetheart,” Char warned with concerned eyes. Sighing, I nodded glumly, and he chuckled before kissing my forehead.

  I woke when someone gently shook my shoulder and blinked my eyes open to find Marcus sitting on my bed with a soft smile. “Get in the shower, sweetheart, and I will help change your bandages afterward, all right?” Marcus offered in a gentle voice. With an enormous sigh, I nodded and grabbed some clean clothes before making my way to the bathroom. Riff smiled when I passed the doorway, another doughnut in his mouth. Shaking my head, I chuckled, happy to see he was in good spirits even though I kept him out of school. At the thought of that place, I felt cold, and I ran for the bathroom, barely making it in time.

  At least I could brush my teeth afterward this time. Ugh. That was so gross, and I wished I would stop doing it. After stripping, I hopped in the shower, sighing when the hot water soothed my achy muscles, although my wounds made th
emselves a little more known. Meh. Worth it. After I was half-dressed, lacking only my shirt, and with my hair still wrapped in a towel, I let Marcus in. Reminding me to breathe, he slowly helped me remove my bandages, clean my wounds, put the cream on, and re-bandage my wounds. Some hurt more than others. The cuts on my ribs, for example, but my hot shower still helped the crusted ones become a little looser. Either way, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

  Once dressed, with my hair towel-dried and brushed, Marcus sternly ordered me to eat breakfast, and I sulked all the way to the table. However, when Riff put a plate with two pastries covered in icing in front of me, I brightened. Wolfing them, I hummed happily to myself. Only once I was licking the frosting off my fingers did I notice the silence and froze. Boy and man stared at me in shock, albeit Marcus smiled with a shake of his head after a moment. “From now on, that is your offering to Angel in the mornings,” he laughed, and Riff nodded, still looking shocked. “Now that we know your weakness, you have no excuse to not eat breakfast every morning.”

  I almost argued, but I love those things, so I couldn’t bring myself to deny his words. Matty loved them too. For us, they were a beloved indulgence. Mom bought them as a treat whenever I did well in school, and I shared with Matty once he was old enough to eat them. Once, he ate them so messily that icing was in his hair and oh how he chortled during his bath. Shaking my head, I cleaned up after myself before following Riff to the couch. Today we played games, and Marcus left after he was sure we were okay. He mentioned that Char turned in our homework, and I gave him a grateful smile. Raising his brows, he gave Riff a pointed look before leaving, and I tilted my head to the side, confused.