Bouquet of Regret (Angel's Shifters Book 1)

by Lenai McGoveran

  On the next page, he sat underneath a tree, reading a book while surrounded by wolves. With the sun shining on them, they appeared to be basking, and at peace. The following picture, however, showed the young man in a predator’s stance, on the hunt and ready to rip something apart. His eyes glowed, while his hair seemed to have gotten longer. But the most startling thing about the picture was the infant wrapped in the blanket cradled in his arms. Perhaps not so much the baby caught my attention, but the blanket. I couldn’t breathe, and from a distance, I heard Dakota saying my name, but I could not focus on him.

  He tried to stop me when I stood from his lap, gasping to force what little oxygen I could into my lungs. Riff moved towards me, but I held up my hand to ward him off, and he stopped with a wounded expression. I didn’t mean to hurt him, but if he did what he wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to do what I needed. Char stood from his chair, albeit he did not approach me. Instead, when Marcus stood, he stepped into his path.

  “Char, move,” Marcus growled. Shuddering, I glanced at the young man who had become an essential part of my home, but he grinned over his shoulder with a wink. Then, he shook his head in answer to Marcus’s order. “Now.” Again, Char shook his head, and I backed away when he gestured for me to go.

  “Angel needs to do this alone. If we soothe her upset, she will let it go, and that won’t do her any good,” Char murmured in an almost pained sounding voice. Did disobeying the alpha hurt? Recalling Riff falling to his knees when he stood against Kyler on my first day of school, I determined that it must. Poor Char, I didn’t want him hurt because he was trying to help me. Did I somehow accept that he and I bonded through this pack? Was that why he understood better than the rest of them? Well, at least I had something to puzzle over to keep my mind off other things.

  While I mulled, as Dakota would say, my breathing calmed, although my shoulders tensed more with every step I took. It wasn’t so much the blanket that bothered me, because I was sure there were hundreds like it. Mom always bought things from stores since none of her friends were very crafty. With a sigh, I opened my closet to pull out my emergency bag that was always ready to go if ever I needed to run at a moment’s notice. Placing it on the bed, I swallowed nervously before opening it and pulling out the items on top. Once I reached the bottom, I grabbed the worn blanket, hugging it to my chest while returning to the table.

  Char indicated that I should return to Dakota, and I nodded with a shaky breath. Marcus hovered, and tears burned my eyes since I realized he was hoping to calm me down, so my emotions no longer clogged my throat. “I know I might be way off,” I whispered, clearing my throat when my voice cracked. “But this town isn’t far from where our apartment was, and, well, I don’t know the odds for this situation.”

  Dakota pulled me so I sat on his lap again, nuzzling his head against mine with a soothing purr. After a shaky breath, I unfolded the blanket to reveal the same tear shown in the picture, with an identical horrible stitching job done with a dark red thread. Mom always had that color of thread lying around, hell it was the only thread we had as far as I could remember. Mom said it was the first one she found when she needed to fix something, and she didn’t care what it looked like, so it became known as her fix-it thread.

  Touching the blanket’s scar as I named it years ago, my lip trembled with tears burning my eyes again. “I don’t understand,” was all I said even though there were many more words bouncing in my head. Are we related? How? Were he and my mom friends? More? How were we connected? Who took that picture? Who was he growling at? Why did I need defending? Why did I never meet him when I got older?

  “Jax disappeared and although we tried to follow him, he shook his shadows. The last time he disappeared, he brought that picture with him. We know no more about it than you, sweetheart. I daresay you know more than us since until now, we’ve always wondered who the infant was. Those like you do not always look as similar as you and Jax do, but I don’t know what that means for you,” Marcus murmured in a thick voice. When I glanced at him, his eyes were full of unshed tears, and he met my gaze with a sad smile. “You are not like us, but I don’t know what this means.”

  With a slight smile, Dakota grabbed the blanket and brought it to his nose. “It still carries a faint hint of his scent. So, it’s you in that picture, Angel, because he died before Matty was born. Albeit, I believe this was a beloved blanket of yours throughout your childhood, hence why you have it. I would love to know the connection myself since he was my cousin, so I feel his absence stronger. He was like my older brother while I grew up, and when he died nine years ago, I thought I might die with him. God, his death hurt us all, and I miss him so much. I hated Kyler for hurting you because you looked like him, you know? And when I realized you shared his gift, I wanted to kill the bastard for even upsetting you. That hug you gave me, god, it felt like one of his, and I felt whole for the first time in ages,” Dakota whispered thickly, and I swallowed audibly.

  “So, yes, that you have the gift you do and look like Jax makes everyone here adore you even more than they would have for being what you are. Jax, we loved him, and we felt his death like a blow to the heart and soul. I’ve been cold, wondering if I would ever feel warm again, until I looked up from the book I read to find his female look-alike standing in my wife’s gas station. I cannot describe the anger I felt upon realizing you were living the life Jax saved me from, nor the sorrow. While I would have taken you in either way, because of your situation, your resemblance made me even more determined to protect you,” Marcus admitted while staring at the table. A moment later, our eyes met, and a soft sob escaped my lips before I scrambled off Dakota to throw myself into his embrace.

  “Why did you come here?” Ava asked gently once I stopped crying, and Marcus produced tissues for us to erase the evidence of our tears. When I looked at her, startled, she gave me a tender smile and shook her head. “You misunderstand, darling. I mean, did you feel you had to come here, or did you stumble upon us? Was it pure chance, or something you felt you needed to do?” When I bit my lip, she chuckled with a nod. “You didn’t know why, but you felt like you had to come here. While you reasoned your monster wouldn’t think to look so close to home, you knew you were coming, regardless. Surely, you tried to stay away and did so for years, but eventually, the need became too strong. And, after getting off the bus, you walked to the nearest gas station, which is mine.”

  “Fate brought you here,” Marcus agreed with a nod, “leading your feet to me. Well, we’ll call it fate, but it’s probably Jax. Bastard never could stay out of my business.” His eyes were full of tears, although his lips curled into a slight smile, and I swear I heard the ghost of soft laughter which wrapped around me for a moment. With it, came the scent of pine trees and damp earth, the same smell my blanket used to carry years ago. Although Dakota’s nose was powerful enough to still perceive it, mine stopped noticing it ages ago.

  So, their omega once met me, although I didn’t understand why. Could werewolves have human children? Or was there something else at work here? Was mom really my mom? Or did Jax entrust me to her? Are Matty and I even related? Does it matter? No. No matter what, he’s still my baby brother, and nothing will ever change that. Another soft chuckle wrapped around me, followed by the feeling of ghostly arms, and I swallowed audibly. When I glanced at Ky, he stared over my shoulder, which told me I did not imagine the ghost that had an interest in me. But the question remained, what was he to me? My mom’s friend? A relative? Or some random passerby, although that felt wrong.

  “You and Dakota can meet my mom at the hospital,” Char murmured after a moment. “She works there as a doctor but not the one you met. She’ll be happy to run a test to see if you are related and to do what she can to dig up information on this picture. Without knowing who it was, we didn’t see a point in digging before. But, now that we know it’s you, well, that changes everything. Especially with how similar the two of you look. Regardless, I know Jax would have loved you, an
d probably did.”

  Clearly, he bonded to me or something. Hence his ghost hanging about. Has he always been around, and I didn’t want to admit it? Or was he just now starting to watch over me? I believe he’s been around for a while because I’ve survived things I shouldn’t have. Was he stronger now, or was I willing to admit he existed? To accept his presence? Was Jax only hanging about so I could help his former pack? Or did I mean more to him? Feeling a ghostly kiss on my forehead, I sighed and closed my eyes with the beginnings of tears. A moment later, his presence left, and I swallowed my feelings of abandonment, realizing that it’s been this way ever since mom died. How did I not notice a ghost showing up when I needed someone? Or when my life was in danger? Then again, perhaps he didn’t want me to and was only now willing to announce his presence. Because I’m where he considers home? Or because of my ability to complete his pack? Biting my lip, I glanced at Dakota, who stared at the space behind me with a bittersweet smile. Ah. So, I wasn’t the only one he allowed to perceive his presence. Poor Dakota.

  “You don’t smell like him, but your love feels like him if that makes sense,” Dakota whispered when I moved closer. Pulling me back to his lap, he wrapped his arms around me with a sigh. “It’s soothing, and calming, and feels so right like I’m home again. I see he’s hanging around you. Bastard loved puzzles, so he’s probably enjoying himself while watching us scramble to find all the pieces. Then, knowing him, several will seem like they fit but won’t because he’s a jerk like that.” A soft chuckle left my lips while I smiled with a shake of my head. Dakota tried to hide the love and happiness in his voice behind annoyance, but it didn’t work. Pain lay underneath it all, but I felt like it was beginning to ease.

  The werewolves shared a glance, and I could almost sense their desire to leave so they could talk about me and this recent development where I wouldn’t hear. Yawning, I covered my mouth but still felt exhausted and smiled sheepishly when they stared at me. “I guess I better go to bed since I’m tired. It’s not like we’ll be able to figure this out tonight, anyway,” I sighed, chuckling at the poorly hidden relief on their faces. Yeah, yeah, yeah, talk about the human when she’s not around, got it. Ah, well, I suppose it gave us a mystery to solve, although this apparent connection made my heart ache. Did I lose a family member without knowing? Was I hidden? If so, why?

  “A few more pictures first?” Dakota asked in a quiet voice, and I softened with a nod. I brushed my fingers over the picture of Jax and me, my lip trembling before I turned the page. I wonder why they put it in this album since they didn’t know who the infant was. Or did Jax put it together? Shaking my head, I focused on the next picture with a slight smile. A laughing Jax lay at the bottom of a pile of smug teenagers, and I wondered over the reason behind this picture. Was it for fun, or did he tease them and earn their dog pile? The next few photos showed an always smiling Jax with an assortment of different werewolves who seemed happy. As I looked at the last page, I swallowed audibly upon seeing a picture of the park mom used to take me to. “Somewhere you know?” Dakota asked when he noticed I lingered over it. I nodded, and he sighed. “We always wondered where that was. Strangely enough, Jax said his little bunny played there. So, I guess you can blame my cousin for the nickname you shall henceforth be stuck with.”

  He and Marissa stood, as did Marcus and Ava, and I bit my lip while watching them get ready to leave. “Keep that to look over some more if you like,” Dakota offered with an easy smile. “I know you’ll take wonderful care of it, and I believe Jax intended it for you, anyway. I meant to grab a different album this morning, I intended to offer it to you to look at tonight regardless, but somehow, I brought that one. Out of all the albums, it’s the only one Jax put together himself.” I gave Dakota as tight a hug as I could manage, and he gently hugged me in return. “Don’t mull all night, bunny, you need your sleep to heal.”

  After exchanging a few more hugs, I stared at the door Riff closed behind our visitors with tears burning my eyes. Ky followed me into my bedroom with a soft whine, watching me put the blanket away at the bottom of my bag. With a sigh, I repacked the clothes I took out and returned my emergency bag to its spot in my closet. Swallowing nervously, I returned to the table to grab the photo album, looking at the last picture again. Biting my lip, an instinct had me pull the image out and flip it over.

  ‘Hey, bunny, I’m sorry you don’t remember me, but if werewolves are real, why can’t witches be as well? Most are nice, unlike the stories, and only agree to mess with memories to protect the recipient. But I digress. I’m sure it took me a while to get you here, and not from a lack of trying. You’re stubborn, but you get that from me. I tried to imagine how you feel but I cannot fathom the pain and confusion you must feel. This was our spot, even in the rain you dragged me out to it. We built forts, played hide and seek, and tag, and I taught you how to kick ass at chess here. You’ve always loved puzzles, so here you go, bunny. Have fun, and if what I hoped to put in place works, I’ll be around. Love you more, Jaxy.’

  Staring at the small, neat handwriting, my heart ached while I tried to recall the young man from the pictures in my memories. Each one came up empty, and I bit my lip while tears stung my eyes. Sniffling, I brushed the swings in the picture with a bitter smile, and as if from a distance, I heard a young girl shout, “higher Jaxy!” The soft chuckle from before filled my mind, and a single tear escaped to roll down my cheek. Who am I, and who was he to me?

  With a shuddering sigh, I put the photo back and chewed my bottom lip while looking at the one on the previous page. With a determined nod, I pulled it out and closed my eyes before flipping it over.

  ‘I will guess it took you less than two minutes to determine that if one picture had a note, the rest might as well. Marvelous job, bunny! Most of the deliberating time was because you tried to recall how I fit into your life, huh? Sorry, bunny, I know you very, very well. It hurt, taking these memories from you, but they assured me they might come back someday. Yup, not erased, merely blocked, so perhaps one day you’ll get them back. It’s up to you, Angel. Again, I digress, and I can hear you scolding me, bunny. I think that’s what I will miss the most. I don’t have a choice, however. They will kill me to hurt the pack. I know they will, and I wish I could change things because I know this hurts you, but I cannot. Still, I know you’ll buckle down and be strong because you are the strongest person I know. You just have that low self-esteem that all omegas struggle with. Mine, since I was born into a pack, disappeared by your age. So, I’m playing with numbers going with how stubborn you are, I’m guessing you’re close to eighteen? Am I right? I totally am, and I know it. Still, by your age, the pack enabled me to see I am important and loved, needed even, so I grew up comfortable in my skin. But you, my little bunny, you’ve always scratched and itched because you think you’re a mistake. You’re not. Never, ever, let anyone convince you that you’re a mistake, bunny. Especially not those goddamn bastards! God, I hate them. Peter and… nope, I hate him too much to write his name. He watches you so closely that I want to kill Peter for exposing you to that slimy snake. Ah crap, I’m out of room, and I even wrote smaller. Dammit. Love you more than most, Jaxy.’

  A soft laugh escaped my throat while I imagined the beautiful young man scowling at the picture as if it were its fault for being too short for any more words to fit. Jaxy, the name was so familiar, yet even with seeing his face, I couldn’t put the two together in my mind. Swallowing nervously, I replaced that picture to grab the next one.

  ‘I have so much to tell you, bunny, but not enough space to do so. Lame. I will not give away what I mean to you, not yet. But, please, take care of Dakota for me. I know he must hurt something fierce, especially seeing you walk around looking like me. If I were still alive, we would have twin days. Ha! Just because we are omegas, darling, doesn’t mean we cannot have fun stirring up trouble. It comes with the territory, actually. Silly Kyler will find that out the hard way. Fun fact, an omega comfortable in their worth can se
nse if a pair are mates.

  You never met Kyler, but I came across you directly after leaving him and knew you’d get stuck with him. He needs you, bunny, but no one will fight that more than him. He thinks he’s king shit, whereas you believe yourself to be lower than low. You’re opposites in all the right ways. He is selfish and childish, while you, my beloved bunny, are mature and selfless. Unless cookies are involved. Then you hoard like no other. Still, if he rejected you, and I know he did, it’s because he doesn’t want the responsibility of a mate. It has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with his inability to see past himself. Knock him about a bit, and perhaps one day, he might be worth something. His father is one hell of an alpha, so Kyler believes he has that greatness in his blood and therefore doesn’t need to work at anything. Idiot. Even at six, you knew better than that. He’s dumb, you’re intelligent beyond belief. You will ground him and force him to grow up. Although what he really needs is a swift kick in the ass.

  Omegas are not pushovers, we’re just respectful and avoid hurting others. We don’t enjoy bossing people around. Instead, we ask. But an omega can lead just as easily as an alpha can, hence why most are the mates of alphas. Plus, this way, the pack has a claim on the omega, because the alpha’s mate is considered the member in need of the most protection. Because, and you won’t like this, a mated wolf dies if their mate does. Stop scowling, bunny, I don’t make the rules. Love you to the moon and back, Jaxy.

  Scoffing, I stuck my tongue out at the picture and replaced it with a soft huff. How well Jax seemed to know me made my soul ache and feel so happy it could soar. My heart hurt again, but I also felt loved. I wish I could remember him. Closing the book, I decided to not try to solve the entire thing in one day. It would be here tomorrow. And, although I didn’t want to risk the people of this town, I suppose I’ll stay. I can’t leave with this puzzle to solve. Ah. So that’s why he did this. He knew I would want to go, that I would feel like all I’d do is bring trouble to this place. I wonder if he knew about my monster, or if he guessed I would become an orphan? A lump formed in my throat while I pondered if I was an orphan long before I believed.