‘Do I look like I can afford that?’ Adam opens the patio door, stands outside and lights a cigarette. ‘Where’s the tree?’ Smoke trails back into the room.
‘I told you I’d have the bloody thing chopped down. You wouldn’t listen.’
‘Okay, let’s all calm down and try not to apportion any more blame.’ PC Blunt indicates that he should come and sit down. Adam drags the cigarette stub down the brick wall and comes in.
‘Why the hell did you go off in the first place?’ Alison takes the glass of water from Jamie and whispers to him to go upstairs. He shakes his head and stands near his dad.
‘I couldn’t take it anymore.’ Adam sits at one end of the sofa, nearest the policewoman.
‘Take what?’ Alison’s voice rises.
‘You deciding to have a baby without telling me. You spending all my money like it comes out of a tap. Do you want me to go on?’ Adam grips his hands together in front of him, turning them over, twisting the broken skin.
‘I didn’t get pregnant on my own.’ Alison moves along the sofa closer to him. His hair is matted and his skin and beard could do with a good scrub. He smells like he’s not washed properly for a while. Even the soles are peeling away from his trainers. She’s never seen him in such a state.
‘Take your time.’ PC Blunt nods to him.
‘I had to think…’ he stops and swallows hard, ‘…about why we were having another child.’
‘But I thought you were happy with growing our little family. You said we were good together, remember?’
‘It wasn’t the right time.’ He shakes his head. ‘I kept trying to tell you, but you didn’t want to hear it.’
‘But I was already pregnant by then.’
Adam puts his hand to his forehead. ‘I just don’t think you and I…’
‘It wasn’t as if we could change our minds,’ Alison says softly.
‘Why didn’t you come back for the birth?’ PC Blunt asks.
‘I was going to, but I had an … accident and I needed to be on my own to sort my head out. The thought of coming back got harder and harder. I convinced myself you’d be better off without me.’ Adam raises his head and Alison can see streaks of tears on his cheeks. She’s never seen him cry.
‘Perhaps a phone call or a message to say you were all right would have helped?’ PC Blunt says.
‘That’s the thing, I wasn’t all right. I didn’t know how to explain that.’
‘The doctor confirmed he’s had a breakdown,’ PC Blunt says.
‘He’s put me on medication. It’ll take a couple of weeks to start working.’
‘But you did come back, without telling me,’ Alison says, crossing her arms again.
‘What are you talking about?’ Adam glances at PC Blunt.
‘You’ve been here, opened your post, changed your clothes,’ she directs her explanation at the policewoman, ‘he even took the photo of Jamie as a baby out of the frame on the landing.’
Adam shakes his head. ‘I’ve not set foot in this house once in all these weeks.’
PC Blunt leans forward. ‘Adam, this could be crucial. We need to know the truth for the sake of your baby.’
‘I swear on Jamie’s life I’ve not been here.’
Alison lets out a sob.
‘Can you think of anyone who may have taken your baby?’
‘No.’
‘Then we have a serious problem.’ PC Blunt gets to her feet. ‘Someone has your front door key and has been letting themselves in and out of your house. Possibly the woman your neighbours saw.’
‘Before Charlie was taken, nothing went missing apart from the baby photo.’
‘Can you confirm that you didn’t take this photo?’ PC Blunt asks.
‘No, I didn’t, how many times do I have to say it?’
‘And I don’t have a photo of Charlie to help them find him.’ Alison covers her eyes.
‘You’re kidding me?’ Adam lets out a sigh. ‘So how are you going to know it’s him if you find a baby?’
‘He’s got a small strawberry birthmark on his back in the shape of a crescent moon.’
‘Right, I’m off to speak to your ex-boyfriend, Tony Willis.’ PC Blunt leans on the table. ‘Is there anything else I should know?’
‘I don’t think so.’ Alison glances at Adam.
‘That bastard stabbed me.’
‘He was released from prison three weeks ago. Is there a chance he has a key?’ PC Blunt looks from one to the other.
Adam stands up. ‘I bloody hope not. If he’s laid a finger on our baby…’
‘I don’t think he would do that,’ Alison says.
‘Why are you defending him?’ Adam walks around the room.
‘Because he wouldn’t steal a baby. I know him better than you do. He’s good with kids.’
‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this.’ He presses his hands over his ears.
‘Please answer the question.’ PC Blunt sits down again.
‘I don’t see how he could have a key,’ Alison tells her.
‘I see, and remind me, when did your relationship with Mr Willis end?’
‘About a week before Adam and I got together, two years ago. But I lived somewhere else then.’
‘Is it possible he’s holding a grudge against either of you?’
‘Me definitely.’ Adam crosses his arms. ‘Stabbing me obviously wasn’t enough.’ He holds his hand up so they can see the scar.
‘I am certain he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, or my baby,’ Alison says.
‘It doesn’t sound like it could be him, unless he’s had the opportunity to steal a key from you. I need you to both think hard about who you might have given a key to, or how someone might have stolen a key from you.’ PC Blunt stands up. ‘I’ll be in touch later today.’
When she has gone, Alison and Adam sit in silence.
‘I can’t believe this is happening.’ He pulls Alison and Jamie into his arms.
‘Adam, don’t…’
‘Daddy.’
‘Yes, Jamie.’
‘Do I have a sister?’
‘Who told you that?’ He grips his arm and looks right into his eyes.
‘You’re hurting me.’
‘Sorry.’ He loosens his grip.
‘There was a woman at the park. She let me meet her. Emily her name is.’
‘When was this?’ Adam asks.
‘About two weeks ago.’
Alison takes Jamie’s hand and kisses it. ‘Darling, I’ve told you that none of that is real.’
‘Will you be all right for a while?’ Adam stands up and yanks open the front door.
‘Where are you going?’ she calls after him.
‘I’ve run out of fags and there’s someone I need to see.’ He slams the door after him.
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Maddy: December 2019
Sam is napping after a light feed. It won’t be long before he sleeps through the night. Maddy switches the kitchen light on. It’s dark outside and the gales have passed, but the rain is relentless, like it might never stop. She pours herself a glass of Merlot then rips off a piece of fresh baguette. Lifting the cloth covering the brie, she digs the bread in its creamy ripeness. The taste is tangy and moreish, like nothing she’s ever eaten before. She knocks back the wine and pours another. It’s so smooth and fruity, the best wine she’s ever tasted.
In the living room, she settles in front of the television with the lights off and switches on a recording of the Proms, which starts with Monteverdi’s ‘Arianna’s Lament’. The music lights a touch paper in her body, all her senses on high alert. Standing at the patio door, a rumble of thunder rolls its drums and lightning flashes through the cloudy sky. It’s the most incredible sight she’s ever seen. Mother’s voice is louder and clearer than ever: This is your special moment, you’re in the midst of a miracle.
After the Proms has finished, she hears a light tap, tap on the front door. At first she doesn’t want to
answer it, but the tap, tapping grows louder. Answer it, Mother tells her. The person has their back to her at first but turns at the sound of the door opening. It is a man with a goatee beard, wearing a raincoat, the hood hanging over his eyes. She slowly shakes her head.
‘Maddy, it’s me.’ The man steps forward into the light of the open porch.
Her eyes blur with tears. His voice unlatches a lock inside her, she is shaking all over.
‘I thought you were dead,’ she shouts and shoves him in the chest.
He staggers back, loses his balance and lands on the wet path. He pulls himself up and throws back his hood. His blond hair is soaked in seconds. She cups her hand around her mouth, muffling a cry. Neither of them speaks while she studies his face, still unable to believe it’s really him. But there’s the passing grin Max gives when he’s nervous, the tiny mole under his eye, the full Elvis Presley lips. She sways as blackness tries to envelop her. She reaches out to the porch wall, her head swimming. He’s alive! In a surge of euphoria, she grabs both his arms and shakes him. But images of him with Alison bleed into her mind. The surge of love drains down the gutter with the rain. She turns back inside, leaving the door wide open.
He follows her into the kitchen. They stand either side of the table.
‘Where’ve you been for six whole weeks?’
‘Sheffield.’
‘Is that it? No explanation? Why did you go there? I thought you were dead. Drowned.’ She shivers, pulls a cardigan from the back of the chair and wraps it around her shoulders.
‘I had to get away.’
‘What for?’ The dogs are scratching at the utility door.
‘Why don’t you let them out?’
‘Answer my question.’ She opens the back door so she can breathe. The rainfall has softened into a mist and an earthy smell wafts in.
‘I couldn’t cope after losing Chloe.’ Max’s shoulders hunch over.
‘Was it really you on that bridge?’ Sparks fly in front of her eyes.
He looks more through her than at her and rakes his wet hair, lost in his own thoughts.
‘Did you fall?’ She needs to know.
He tips his head up, but after a moment, drops his gaze. ‘I’m in a lot of debt. I was struggling. The whole partnership with John… it didn’t work out.’
‘You were never in business together, were you?’
Max’s fingers burrow deeper into his hair. He turns his face away and shakes his head slowly.
‘So, where’s my money?’ Her voice sounds like her mother’s.
He looks down and rubs his thumb over the letter A on his wrist.
‘Gone.’
‘Just like that?’ She takes two glasses out of the cupboard and pours a slug of whiskey into each.
‘You’ve moved things round,’ he says, following her into the living room, ‘and your hair looks different.’
‘I fancied a change.’
‘I thought your bump would be out here by now.’ He looks at her as though for the first time.
She hands him the drink and they sit down. The silence curdles. She watches his eyes narrow as he considers the sofa pushed against the back wall instead of across the room, the new plain rug and the pictures on the walls in different positions. Max knocks back his drink in one. He picks up the picture of Chloe and Emily from the shelf.
‘How’s Emily been?’ he asks.
‘Don’t pretend you care,’ she snaps. ‘You should have been here for her.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He puts the picture back, but he stays facing the wall, head down. ‘There’s something I need to tell you, Maddy. I should have told you a long time ago.’
‘Mummy.’ Emily appears in the doorway, giving them both a start.
‘Darling, what are you doing down here?’ Maddy asks.
Emily’s eyes brighten. ‘Daddy!’ She embraces Max with open arms, squeezing him with all her might.
‘I’ve missed you so much.’ He kneels in front of her, examining her face, pushing her tears aside with his thumbs. He kisses her forehead and hugs her again.
‘Where’ve you been?’ Emily asks.
‘Daddy’s not been well.’ Maddy stands over them, stroking Emily’s hair.
Emily links her hand with Max’s and swings them back and forth.
‘You are staying, aren’t you?’ Emily says. ‘Mummy’s been very upset.’
Maddy takes her other hand. ‘Back to bed now.’
‘Don’t leave us again, Daddy.’ Emily starts to cry.
‘You can see Daddy tomorrow,’ Maddy says. Max nods.
‘See you in the morning, darling.’ Max clears his throat. ‘I’ll come and tuck you in.’
Emily’s hand slips out of Max’s, but she reaches out to him as Maddy leads her towards the stairs.
Once Emily is settled in bed, Maddy lets Max go in to give her a good night kiss. When he comes out, they stand together in the glow of the light from downstairs. His hair is beginning to whiten around his ears. He touches her face and a thousand lanterns lift her heart. She longs for him to hold her, but when he bends to kiss her, she pulls away.
‘You can’t snap it back into place just like that,’ she says.
‘I know, I know.’
‘Come and see your son.’
His face is the picture of surprise.
‘When was he born?’
‘He came early.’
‘Oh, was everything okay?’ He frowns.
‘They said my dates could have been wrong.’ For a moment she is pulled back into the murky darkness of another night. ‘It all happened so fast.’ She can see him thinking it over.
‘What have you called him?’
‘Samuel, Sam.’
He nods his approval and follows her into their bedroom.
She breathes in the sweet smell of baby wipes and milk. The wooden crib is next to her side of the bed. Sam is asleep.
‘He’s beautiful.’ Max smiles.
‘Doesn’t he look like you?’ She smooths the crochet cover and touches the edge of the crib setting off the gentlest rocking motion.
‘That blanket…’ Max sits on the corner of the bed.
‘It was in the loft with a few other baby bits we’d kept.’ She thinks she crocheted it when she was pregnant with Emily, or was it Chloe? She lifts a loose thread from the bottom corner. A flower in the centre of a square has started to unravel. ‘Emily’s had more fits since you disappeared.’
Max is quiet, pressing his fingers to his temples.
Maddy smiles at her mother keeping a close eye on them in the dressing table mirror.
‘I’ll make some coffee,’ Maddy says. ‘You said you had something you wanted to tell me.’
He runs his hand through hers as she walks past. She stops for a moment but turns away and he follows her downstairs.
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Alison: December 2019
Alison doesn’t want to sleep, because if she even dozes off, she wakes up to the knowledge afresh. The shock of it drowns her under a huge wave, like the first time all over again, gasping for breath, not knowing if she’ll ever surface or feel solid ground. It takes her all day to learn to cope, to calm her breathing, even to make a cup of tea without spilling it and burning her hands.
While she washes Charlie’s bottles yet again, she tries not to listen to the television, or contemplate the statistics and theories about how increasingly unlikely it is that her baby will be found alive with each hour that passes. The now familiar sickness is stuck in her throat.
‘Adam said he was nipping out for a packet of fags hours ago,’ Alison tells Ray as soon as he comes in, ‘and he’s still not back.’
He follows her into the kitchen. Breakfast bowls and mugs are stacked in the sink, unwashed. ‘I doubt he’d have gone back up to Sheffield,’ he says, ‘it’s only been one night. I suppose he’s in shock over it all, to be fair. The police will have told him to stick around until they find Charlie.’
‘But w
hy would he go off again?’ She takes two Foster’s out of the fridge and hands him one. ‘What if he does have Charlie hidden somewhere?’
‘Then they’ll find him.’ He pulls the ring off the can and has a swig. ‘What’s the latest?’
‘They don’t seem to have a clue who’s taken him, and they can’t trace any flipping cleaning lady,’ she ends with a sob.
‘Come on, sit down, you need to calm yourself.’ In the sitting room he pats the seat next to him.
‘I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.’ She tips the can up and drinks.
‘What about the TV appeal?’
‘Several leads and a bunch of crackpot callers. The police aren’t saying much.’ She takes in a long breath. ‘Why would he go off again when I need him here?’
Ray opens the patio door and lights a fag. ‘I didn’t want to tell you this but, well, he was mucking about with someone, before he went to Sheffield I mean.’
‘Really, who?’
‘That tarty friend of yours, Jaz, is it?’
‘What? The little slut.’ She gulps her drink down until it is finished and takes the can out to the kitchen. She chucks it in the swing bin. She can hear Adam’s voice saying, Aren’t you going to recycle that? Fuck off. Ray is shutting the patio door when she comes back in.
‘Ever since baby Charlie went missing, I’ve had some of the lads out looking for Adam. Jaz reckons he only stayed with her for one night and swears it was before he got back with you.’
‘Bastard! I didn’t know they’d slept together. Could Jaz have something to do with Charlie being taken?’
‘I doubt it. Don’t think they’re exactly on speaking terms.’
‘How could he do any of this to me?’ She takes one of Ray’s cigarettes and lights it.
‘Darlin’, like I said, we warned you about him years ago. Dad did try his best after Mum went, whatever you think.’
‘Adam says Dad threatened to kill him.’ She slides the patio door open again.
Ray laughs. ‘Do you remember Lorna, who ran the cake shop?’
Alison nods and blows smoke out of the door.
‘Adam was living with her when he first started seeing you.’
‘No, he can’t have been, he said there wasn’t anyone else. We loved each other.’
Every Little Secret Page 26