Jameson's Addiction

by Glenna Maynard

  Jameson takes turns pushing Ruby Jane and me. I feel like I could fly right off the seat and soar like a bird, I am going so high.

  “Jump,” Jameson shouts to me.

  “No way!” I yell back at him.

  “Are you chicken?” He starts clucking and flapping his arms, mocking me.

  I hate being called a chicken, so I jump and hit the ground, hard. My shirt is all rumpled with dirt clinging to it, and I scuffed my new tennis shoes. I’ve scraped my palms too, but not bad enough to cry.

  “You okay?” He sticks his hand out to help me up. His sister is staring with wide eyes.

  “Yep.” I pop the P.

  “You sure?” He doesn’t look convinced. He is biting his bottom lip, chewing it between his teeth.

  “I’m cool.” I hold out my scraped palms. They sting but I’ll be okay.

  He relaxes and glances at the watch on his wrist. “We gotta go, see ya around, Fancy.” Jameson smiles at me and I feel brighter than the sun. I wave bye to his sister and she kinda waves back, I think.

  When I get home, my daddy is waiting for me. I can’t wait to get him all to myself. Lately I have been having to share him with his girlfriend Barb. Ugh. I haven’t even met her, and I already don’t like her. What kind of name is Barb and why do I have to share my daddy with her? He has always said the only man a girl can depend on is her daddy and if she don't have him then she is s-h-i-t out of luck. I told him that Barb should get her own daddy then I wouldn't have to share him. He just laughed at me and started tickling my armpits.

  My daddy takes me in his arms and swings me around. I love the weekends when he comes to visit. I live with my grandparents—my momma’s mommy and daddy, in a suburb in Hermitage Tennessee, near Percy Priest Lake. My mom died giving birth to me, and my dad couldn’t take care of me while going to college, but now he works at a law firm in the city. He is still too busy for me. My dad has an apartment in downtown Nashville. I rarely stay there though.

  “What happened to your clothes?” He looks down at my rumpled shirt and scuffed shoes.

  “I made two new friends today.” I tell him excitedly about meeting Jameson and Ruby Jane at the park.

  “A boy, did you tell him you have a big mean daddy that will squash him like a bug under his shoe?” He jokes after I tell him Jameson dared me to jump from the swing and that’s how my clothes got messy.

  “No!” I squeal at him. I don’t have many friends, so I don’t want him to scare him away.

  When we get in the house, I am so bummed. There is a woman with big boobs sitting at the table in the kitchen having coffee with my Nana. This must be Barb. She has on bright red lipstick, her hair is bleach blonde, stick straight and hanging down over her shoulders. I don’t like her already. Not. One. Bit.

  This woman—Barb, looks out of place in my Nana’s kitchen. Then my daddy goes over wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kisses her cheek. She is stealing my daddy away from me. I don’t like it. I don’t want to share my time with her. This is my weekend. What gives her the right to intrude? Who does she think she is anyway?

  Nan orders me to go wash up for dinner and I go, not liking leaving my daddy in the clutches of big boobs in there.

  Back at the table dinner is served, and I am stuffing my face with fried chicken, mashed taters, and corn. My Nana is the best cook in the world.

  Barb keeps trying to make conversation with me. “Do you like to play with dolls, Peyton?”

  With a mischievous grin I answer, “I like the Chucky doll. I asked Santa to bring me him and his bride last Christmas, but I must have been bad cause I didn’t get them. I got a new bike instead.”

  My father’s mouth sets in a hard line and my Nana laughs at me. Barb looks appalled. My grandpa shakes his head.

  “I told you I didn’t want her watching those movies. It isn’t healthy.”

  “The girl has a healthy imagination. She is curious, is all.” My Nana is defending me. She spoils me rotten. I always get my way with her. I love watching horror flicks and well anything sappy and sad that deals with dying.

  Before Barb can say anything, I excuse myself from the table, run to my room, pop my headphones on, and crank up Motley Crue. I found a stack of CD’s in my mom’s stuff. She had this whole collection of epic rock songs.

  Chapter 4

  Jameson

  Coming home after five years feels surreal. I swore I’d never step foot on this street again. Not after what I did, not after what—who, I left behind. However, this is where my family lives. I’ve been dying to see Ruby Jane; my baby sister is my world. Growing up it was just the two of us, well other than Peyton. Her name tears at my heart. She was my best friend and I betrayed her. I was selfish and I left her behind. It was for the best even though it tore me apart and cost me the most important thing I had ever had…her friendship — her love.

  The cab I grabbed at the airport, drops me at the curb. I grab my duffel bag from the backseat and reach the driver a twenty. I could have called my Uncle Rodney to pick me up, but I want to surprise them. The media hasn’t caught on to my being in town yet and I plan to keep it that way as long as I possibly can.

  Being on the road for five years hasn’t allotted much time with my family. I have no idea what I am walking into as I unlock the gate and make my way to the front door. I know Thea and Rodney have talked about separating a few times but as far as I know he never officially moved out. I can’t imagine them not married. I’ve always looked up to their relationship. Before my knuckles hit the door, my Aunt Thea yanks the front door open, squealing at the sight of me.

  “Jameson!” She calls, pulling me into a hug. Pulling back, she looks me over. “It’s good to have you home. How long you here for? Have you been eating good? You look a little skinny.” She squeezes me so hard I can’t breathe.

  I follow her inside before answering. I drop my bag in the hallway, go into the kitchen, and pour myself a glass of sweet tea.

  “Depends on how my meeting goes in the morning.” I take a big drink, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Damn that tastes good. I’ve missed Thea’s tea. “I’ve missed your cooking too.” I grin.

  “What meeting?” Her brows are raised, piqued with curiosity.

  “One that could bring me home for a while.” I wink as her face lights up. “How’s everyone been? When I talked to Ruby Jane yesterday, she seemed real down about something.” I didn’t tell her I was flying home, I wanted it to be a surprise.

  My Aunt smirks, smiling at an inside joke. “Did she now. Well, as you can see, we’re all fine here. Rodney is working but he’ll be glad to have you home.”

  “Where’s my sister?”

  “Down the street…,” she trails off coolly.

  “Which is where?” I have a feeling I know exactly where is. I’m just hoping she has a different answer.

  “With Peyton,” she states, clearing what sounds like a tickle in her throat.

  Damn, I wasn’t prepared for her to still be living here. I had hoped, sure, but didn’t think it’d be a reality. Ruby Jane avoids mentioning Peyton at all costs when we talk. We haven’t spoken of her in nearly two years, if not longer. My sister knows I screwed up with Peyton and it has been a sore spot between us.

  “I was about to go and get her, she has testing this week and needs to focus on her studies. You should go down, say hello, and surprise Ruby.”

  “Right...” I agree awkwardly. No time like the present to bring me face to face with my past. Might as well get it over with now. I plan on spending as much time as I can with my family, and if that includes bumping into Peyton, I might as well rip the bandage off now.

  I make a quick detour to the bathroom. Seeing Peyton shouldn’t make me so damn nervous. We were best friends for years. I thought that one day we would become more, well more than we were. I steady my trembling hand, gripping the sink as I look at the man I have become. The man looking back at me isn’t the boy I left here, surely Peyton will be able to
see that. “You can do this, Jameson. It’s just Fancy,” I encourage the me she doesn’t know to face the woman she has become.

  When I left, Peyton was just a girl and I was a boy with a dream. I sometimes wish things could have ended differently between us, but if they had, I might not have ended up where I am now. My life isn’t just good, it’s great. I have everything I could ever want, but in the back of my mind, I’ve always known there was something missing. That something is Peyton. I had so many plans for us, but life had other ideas. A future with Peyton wasn’t in the cards for me. She’s probably better off without me.

  A day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought of her. Every song I write is for her. I dedicate every performance to my Fancy. Many times, reporters have asked me who Fancy is, being the name is tattooed on my back, and I answer with the truth. I tell them she is a girl I used to know.

  I carry your heart with me

  It shadows over my own

  I never meant to steal your heart away

  It was never mine to take

  But I wanted it anyway

  As I’m going out the front door a little girl runs past the fence with her blonde curls bouncing, and crying for her daddy, reminding me of Peyton. I think I was twelve the first time I saw her cry.

  Flashback

  “Why you always hanging with that weird kid?”

  “What weird kid?” I ask Josh, knowing he’s referring to Peyton.

  He punches me in the arm hard. “Peyton. That girl freaks me out. She’s always talking about death, total downer. She will probably grow up to be a serial killer or something. Better watch your back.” I know he is joking but it makes me angry.

  He doesn’t know my Fancy like I do. That is what I call her, but she is so not elegant. The first day we met, she was dressed all nice, but now that we are friends, I know she is a Tomboy. When we hang out, she wears overalls like my little sister with a tank top under them. She’s cool, we hang out at the park and catch grasshoppers and butterflies, while listening to music.

  “She isn’t weird, dude, just different,” I defend her.

  “Different is a nice word for weird.” He laughs shaking his head before taking off on his bike.

  Josh came over to invite me to play baseball with him and some of the other boys from the neighborhood, but I am stuck here at my Uncle’s house cutting grass. My mom lost her job and she sent my sister and me here to live with her brother while she gets back on her feet. My Uncle Rodney owns a lawn care service, and he told me if I do good this summer keeping his lawn cut, next summer I can start helping on some of the jobs he has and earn some more money.

  I’m getting ready to start the mower when I see Peyton running behind the fence. I’d know her pink Chuck Taylors anywhere. Looking back at the house, I can see Rodney through the picture window sitting on the couch with a six-pack of Budweiser on the side table and a bowl of chips in his lap. I know he is watching the game and getting hammered. He won’t notice if I am gone for a little while. My Aunt Thea took Ruby Jane to get her a haircut, so I don’t need to worry about them ratting me out either.

  I think Thea enjoys having Ruby Jane here; she is like her own personal doll. Not sure she cares much for my being here, but they can’t have kids and love having my sister. I don’t know if it is because she is younger or a girl, either way, I don’t care.

  I head for the park knowing that has to be where Peyton was off to so fast. She loves it there. Walking along the sidewalk I jump over the cracks muttering, “Step on a crack break your momma’s back.” My mom calls when she can to check on us. I haven’t seen her since she dumped us here two months ago. I only had to go to my new school for six weeks before summer break started so it wasn’t so bad.

  “Hey, Fancy,” I call out to Peyton, as she pushes through the trees. She showed me her secret spot a few weeks ago. There is a part of the park that edges off into the woods where some tree stumps that make for a great sitting spot are away from everyone else. She keeps walking, either ignoring me or not hearing me.

  When I catch up to her, she is seated on a stump head leveled on her fists, with earbuds in her ears as tears stream down her face. She doesn’t know I am here. Her eyes are closed as she cries and then she sings. Even through her pain, she sounds beautiful. I didn’t know the girl could sing.

  I don’t know what to do here, I am not good with girls and tears. When my sister cries, I give her a favorite doll and she stops after a minute or two. I am trying to think of what to say, but I want to hear her sing more, so I stay quiet.

  I take up the stump across from her and listen getting lost in her melancholy tune. The song must have ended. She stops singing, wipes at her eyes, and brushes her hair back, startling at her first glance of me, but then relaxing seeing it's only me.

  “So…what’s it this time, promise your sister a hot dog?” She teases.

  “Something like that. Why you cryin’?”

  “Remember, I told you about that big boob woman, the one my daddy likes?” She wipes at her tears again.

  I nod, I remember — her father has a girlfriend she doesn’t care for.

  “I think they are getting married and my daddy is saying he wants me back in therapy. I hate going to those appointments. They are stupid. All they do is make me look at inkblots and ask me stupid questions. Nan thinks it is stupid too. Told my daddy I didn’t have nothing wrong with me. He’s the one with the problem. Well my daddy didn’t like that. Then they made me leave the room. They were shouting, fighting over me. Daddy was saying that he was taking me to the city to live with Barb. That’s when I left.”

  I kick at the dirt thinking of what to say. “Moving sucks so does big boobed women named Barb.” She smiles and then she giggles. My insides go warm. Her smile is the best thing I have ever seen.

  “Thanks.”

  “Anytime, Fancy.” I leave her with a smile on her face and go finish cutting the grass.

  When I am on my last row, I see Peyton walking by, headphones on bobbing her head as she hums along. I hope she doesn’t move, she is one of the only friends I have made here that I actually like. She’s sweet to my little sister too. Most kids snub their noses because she’s little but not Peyton she treats her like her equal and not an annoying brat who whines too much.

  Chapter 5

  Nashville Gawker

  Jameson Lewis has landed in Music City and our sources tell us there has been trouble in paradise. Is the band breaking up? One rumor is that one of his bandmates was secretly sleeping with his ex and that a feud has been brewing for months. Others say that the front man of our favorite band is coming home to his roots to regroup and write new material as a solo artist.

  I’ve still got my ear to the ground and am waiting confirmation of that show I told you about. Only time will tell. Just remember who broke the news to you first.

  Chapter 6

  Peyton

  “Little old to be playing dress up,” Jameson teases, as I turn to face him for the first time since he broke my heart five years ago.

  “It’s my wedding dress,” I snap, stating the obvious.

  His face falls. The jerk’s complexion seems to have turned a pale shade of green and I notice his hands clenching into fists. He can’t be upset about this, he’s the one that threw me away and never looked back.

  “Wow,” he says, recovering quickly. Is it that impossible for him to believe that someone wants to marry me? “Congratulations, Fancy, I’m happy for you.”

  I cringe inwardly at his use of my nickname. He doesn’t get to call me that anymore. That girl doesn’t exist anymore. “Just Peyton,” I correct him.

  “Right. Just Peyton.” He scratches the back of his neck rocking back on his feet. “You look different, but happy.” He smiles weakly.

  “Yeah, I need to change so...” I raise my brows at him. His cheeks turn pink. Wow. Is the famous rock star blushing right now? I didn’t think anything could make him blush, at least not after all the shit I’v
e read about him online over the years. Rumors say he gets around a lot.

  “Sorry.” He shakes his head as Ruby Jane stares between us with a grin plastered on her face. “I’ll be waiting outside, sis.” He turns to leave. It’s what he is best at, but not before looking back at me once more. My heart leaps to my throat. He’s as devilishly handsome as he always was but even more so now. He’s cut his hair. He has a black Mohawk. Normally I would think it looks too punk, but on him…he wears the style all too well. “Just Peyton, it’s good to see you, we should catch up sometime.” His eye blinks. It has to have been a blink, because there is no way in hell that he just winked at me after all this time.

  Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. “Have a nice life,” I call out as Ruby Jane closes the door behind him. She turns and goes to undoing my zipper for me. “A little warning woulda been nice,” I hiss at her. If anyone knows how deeply Jameson cut me, it is his little sister.

  Her hands go up in defense. “I had no idea he was coming home.”

  “That so explains the shit eating grin on your face doesn’t it?” I snap, shimmying out of my gown. I know it isn’t her fault he’s here exactly but seeing him cracks open all those old wounds that never truly healed. I never got to say all the things I need to to him. I never got closure. He was mine and then he was just gone. No goodbye. He just vanished, and the next thing I knew he was famous.

  “I am just excited to see my brother, bridezilla,” she quips, hanging my dress for me as I change into my denim cutoffs and a tank top.

  Curiosity gets the best of me as I walk Ruby Jane out.

  Why is he here?

  Why now?

  After all this time he just shows up a month before I am to be married and acts like he didn’t turn my life upside down when he pulled his disappearing act. I want to wrap my hands around his neck and choke him.