by Jessica Ames
Now, the thought of being without her makes my blood turn to ice. I don’t know what to do with this thought either. There’s plenty of people I care about in this world, that I’d die to protect, including my sister, Bailey, and two nieces, but Lucy is different. She gives my entire being meaning.
Day and Titch straighten as we approach.
“Done?” Day asks, crushing the cigarette he’s smoking under a heavy motorcycle boot before blowing out the smoke. He drags a hand through his shaggy hair, pushing it back from his face.
“Yeah.”
I hand him Lucy’s bag. He takes it from me and secures it to the back of his bike while I place the helmet on Lucy’s head and quickly fasten it. Her eyes meet mine and I see the fear there, and it fucking pisses me off seeing it. Those fuckers have her terrified of her own shadow. She’s not the same Lucy who stood between me and Sasha in the hospital, spitting fire. Oh, she’d been scared then too. I’d seen it in her eyes, but there was a strength there as well. That’s being slowly eroded the longer her boss’s assassins remain out there.
Once her helmet is secured, I throw my leg over the bike and sit my arse down. Lucy doesn’t hesitate this time to get on behind me and I can feel the tension in her limbs as her hands wrap around my waist.
I rub her arm, trying to assure her I won’t let anything happen to her, and she snuggles against my back.
Glancing at my brothers, I nod and the three of us gun it out of the car park. London traffic is, as always, a fucking bitch, but we weave between the taxis and buses, moving as quickly as we can. A group of tourists step out in front of my bike, and I have to weave around them to avoid a collision. I hear Titch yelling shit at them as I race on ahead, checking my mirrors to make sure both he and Day follow me.
My heart is in my throat until the gates of the compound come into view and when Kyle opens it to us only then do I start to relax. When I pull my bike into my space, Lucy releases her hold on me, and it leaves me feeling cold. I don’t like it. I want her back in my sphere, but she’s already using my shoulders to climb off the bike.
There’s relief in her eyes as she gets her feet back onto solid ground and starts to unfasten the helmet. Day drops Lucy’s bag at my feet and gives me a chin lift before he and Titch head inside.
Once we’re alone, I turn my attention back to Lucy.
“Okay?” I ask her, tipping her chin up when her gaze goes to the tarmac.
I watch her tongue dip out and wet her bottom lip. The movement is hypnotic and it makes my dick twitch in my jeans as I imagine sucking it into my mouth.
“I hate this,” she says.
“It won’t be forever.” Just until we find the fuckers who killed her boss and take them out of the equation.
“I don’t want you getting hurt… not because of me.”
I can’t help it, I laugh. “Baby, the only people getting hurt will be the fuckers who took out Hank.”
She flinches at my words and I pull her into my arms, needing to feel her softness, her warmth. Needing to assure her things will be okay.
“I won’t let shit touch you, Luce, I promise.”
“I know,” she whispers and I kiss her hair.
It’s a promise I fully intend to keep. Nothing and no one is going to fucking touch her.
15
Lucy
As soon as we get inside, Nox’s phone starts to bleep. He pulls it out and scowls at the screen.
“Fuck, baby, I’ve got some shit I’ve got to take care of. Leave your bag here. I’ll have the prospect bring it up to your room.”
I nod, even though I have absolutely no intention of leaving my things here. Before I can do anything, his mouth is clamped over mine and he’s kissing me until my legs are trembling. Everything about this man turns me soft, takes all the fight out of me. I forget that I’m trying to survive, that I’m on the run, that I have to leave. I forget everything but the feel of him against me, the way he makes my head spin and my frantic butterflies beat against my stomach. Fuck, I forget how selfish wanting him makes me because Nox fills my heart, my soul, my everything completely. I don’t know that I can exist without him. He filled that hole inside me with light. For once my darkness is gone, and that’s his doing. How can I give up a man who makes me feel like I can do anything—that I can be anything?
Because I have to.
Staying puts Nox’s life at risk. Staying puts the club at risk too—a club Sasha and Lily-May are a part of. No, I need to leave and I need to do it sooner rather than later. I’ve already stayed too long. I’ve already allowed myself too much time because I got caught up in a dream that can never ever be. Nox will never be mine, no matter how much I want him, no matter how much he wants me. I don’t belong in his world, and the sooner both of us realise that the better. He looks at me like I’m an angel. Does he not realise they’re not wings but claws?
He pulls back, breathing hard, his eyes molten as he takes me in. His need for me terrifies me. Eventually, I’m going to break his heart and I fucking hate myself for it, but what choice do I have? I can’t tell him the truth. His club will use me as leverage against my husband. There’s no love lost between Isaac and any other gangs or clubs that operate in London. Isaac always had delusions of grandeur. He wanted to rule the entire capital with an iron-fist, but he could never expand too far because there’s so many gangs and clubs operating here. I doubt that has changed, just as I doubt his will to be crowned king has either. My husband likes to collect things, including territory and people. I’m just one of the many things he’s collected over the years.
“I’ll be back soon,” he tells me, and kisses my forehead.
He pulls back, giving me a lingering look that makes my mouth dry to Sahara levels and then strides off up the corridor.
I peer down at my bag and grab the straps, hoisting it up. Everything I need to disappear is in this bag. No way in hell am I leaving it in the hallway.
I heave it up to my room, my shoulder burning like fire by the time I get it up there. I should have waited with it until the prospect came to help, but impatience made me twitchy.
I dump it at the foot of the bed and rush to the door to lock it behind me. Now that I have my documentation, money, ID, I can start making plans to leave. My car is still in the garage, but now I have money, it doesn’t matter. I can pay for a taxi to the airport. Cash.
I don’t know if Isaac has access to my accounts yet, but my cards are useless. They are a way to track me, so they’ll be staying here, along with my car and my phone. The club can sell it if they want to—compensation for the crap I’ve put them through.
I scrub a hand over my face, trying to calm my wildly fluttering heart. Getting out of here isn’t going to be easy, but I need to make plans over the next few days. I need to be gone before Isaac discovers where I am and comes looking. I need to be gone before Nox falls any further for me.
Leaving Nox behind is going to destroy me, shred what little hope I have left. I don’t know if I can survive it. For the first time in my life, I feel like I found home, a family, and now I’m going to lose it all.
The thought makes a lump stick in my throat, stopping me from swallowing.
On autopilot, I unpack my things and repack the shit I absolutely can’t live without, lightening my bag. The rest of my clothes I hide in the empty drawers.
I flop back onto the bed and I let my tears flow as I stare up at the ceiling tiles. My heart is breaking, my soul is dying. I hate Isaac for making this my life, for taking everything good I’ve ever had and ruining it. I hate him for ruling my life even when he’s not here.
But my husband is nothing if not persistent. He won’t stop until I’m back with him. He’s not a man who lets things go, and that’s all I am to him—a thing.
The thought of being back in his clutches makes my stomach swirl and my hands shake. I’ll die before I let him take me again.
I push up off the bed and stumble into the bathroom to check there’s nothing
in there I need to take. I catch sight of myself in the mirror. My bruised face looks terrible and it’s not going to be easy to hide it while I’m on the road. It’s going to draw attention, but I can’t wait for the skin to heal.
I sink onto the edge of the mattress, chewing on my thumb as I do, my mind scattered, my heart heavy.
Whatever happens, I need to say goodbye to Sash. I won’t leave without doing it, but calling her is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. She’s the sister I never had, but always wanted growing up. Maybe if I’d had a sister or a brother, better parents, I wouldn’t have found myself in Isaac’s arms. Maybe, just maybe, I might have found real love, not obsession. I have no doubt Isaac doesn’t love me, especially now I’ve tasted real passion with Nox. He just wanted a trophy to keep, someone he could control. How wrong he was about that last thing. I often wonder how he felt when he discovered I couldn’t be tamed, that all the pain he inflicted on me, all the control he tried to push on me wasn’t worth a damn. He hadn’t broken me, although I sure as fuck felt destroyed by the time I found my freedom. Working in that bar was the only thing that kept me sane, reminded me I had options, that I wasn’t completely useless on my own, and of course, I met Sasha, and that told me I wasn’t alone, as Isaac led me to believe. I could find people outside of him and that made his hold on me weaken further.
I’ve tasted freedom. Now, I’ll do whatever it takes to stay free. I won’t go back to him without the fight of my life. Nothing will make me go back there. Nothing. I won’t be used and abused any more. That’s not who I am. I’m not this weak little girl any longer, and Isaac will have realised that the moment his men tried to take me from my office.
I’m a survivor, and I’m going to survive this, even though it might shred the last of my sanity.
16
Nox
The last thing I wanted to do was leave Lucy, but a message from my president meant I had to go. Club first. Always. Although that loyalty lately is being tested more and more. If it came down to a fight between the club and her, I’m not sure I would choose the club anymore, and that honestly freaks the fuck out of me.
My life has always been so rigid, so straightforward. I was born to be a member, I was raised in the life. The Sons are everything to me and my loyalty has always been certain.
Until now.
Lucy has embedded herself into my life in a way I can’t get her out. I don’t want to get her out. She’s mine and I want the world to know that.
I stride towards the chapel, the room we use for church, and empty my pockets into the box outside the door before stepping inside. Rav is already seated at the head of the table. Fury is sitting straight backed to his left-hand side, his eyes distant, as usual.
I move to my chair, pulling it out and taking a seat.
The others arrive almost at the same time, Day, Whizz and Levi all taking their seats after Titch locks the doors behind him and claims his own chair.
Rav gets straight into business. “Any luck finding Blackwood’s men?”
“Nope,” Levi mutters. “They’re slippery motherfuckers. They ain’t been seen since the last report of them being in town.”
Fire licks through my gut. The longer they’re out there unchecked the more fear I feel. I need my girl safe.
Rav leans forwards, gripping the table edge until his knuckles whiten. I can see the frustration rolling through him. I recognise it because it’s the same frustration that is steaming through me. I hate not knowing what those cunts are doing in town. It’s a prelude to fucking war them being on our patch without permission.
“I wonder if it’s time to reach out to Blackwood and tell him we know his guys are here,” Whizz says.
“It’s way past time to send a fucking message,” Levi jumps in, his eyes sliding around the table. “We let this stand and soon we’ll have every fucker thinking they can just ride on through our territory unchecked.”
Rav considers this, his knuckles scraping over the table as his eyes go distant.
“You’re right. It’s time. I can’t figure out what those fuckers are doing here, so let’s just fucking ask Blackwood, see what that fancy fucker has to say.”
“What about this shit with Lucy?” Day interjects, tapping his fingers on the table before pulling his pack of cigarettes out. He puts one between his lips and lights it before asking, “We found the men who tried to kill her yet?”
My jaw clenches, my teeth hurting under the pressure. Even the thought of what they tried to do to her makes homicidal rage pump through my veins.
Titch leans forwards on the table and clasps his hands together. “Still can’t turn up shit on the boss. I’m telling you, this bastard doesn’t have any dirt on him. He’s a fucking saint. Lived a good life, donates to charity. Him and his wife take in foster kids.”
“That doesn’t make fucking sense,” Day mutters, raking his hair back with the hand not holding the cigarette. “You don’t get assassinated for no fucking reason. He’s got to have dirt.”
“Unless…” Titch starts and cuts himself off.
“Unless what?” Rav demands.
Titch’s eyes meet mine and his mouth pulls down at the corners. “Unless he wasn’t the target.”
“This shit again? You honestly think Lucy is caught up in something?” I demand, the tingles of anger starting to fizzle in my belly. “Seriously?”
Titch’s gaze shifts to Rav before coming back to me. “I think he’s clean and we don’t really know fucking anything about this bitch.”
My chair flies back as I push to my feet and snag a handful of his kutte. Dragging him out of his seat, I pull him close until our noses are nearly touching.
“Watch your fucking mouth.”
Arms wrap around me tugging me back. Daimon. I let him pull me back, even though I want to throttle Titch. Instead, I release the fucker with a shove.
He smooths down his kutte as he takes his seat, eyeballing me. I can see the rage burning in his eyes as he takes me in. Titch might live up to his name as the smallest member of our club, but he still has a big fire that burns in his gut and he’s a scrappy fighter.
“It’s something we have to fucking consider. I know you don’t want to hear it, but if it ain’t him, it’s got to be her. If she’s the target, then shit changes drastically.”
He’s not wrong, but Lucy being involved in something dodgy like this doesn’t make a lick of sense.
“You really think Lucy is caught up in something that would get her taken out by a bunch of thugs with guns? You think for the last three years she’s been sneaking out of hers and Sasha’s flat, living this alternative life?”
“I don’t know what the fuck to think,” Titch mutters. “Hank’s not coming up with squat. It seems like a fucking big coincidence to me that he gets whacked and two of Isaac Blackwood’s guys suddenly are hanging around for no good reason. All I’m saying is we need to consider something more might be going on here.”
His words hit the back of my brain like a wrecking ball. Is he seriously saying he thinks there’s a link between what happened to Lucy and Blackwood’s men? Blackwood’s a fucking mobster. Why in the hell would he take squeaky clean Hank out? Or Lucy, for that matter?
“We don’t need to consider shit, because she ain’t caught up in anything, you hear me? And you call her a bitch again and I’ll ram your fucking teeth down your throat.”
Titch gives me a lazy lift of his brow. “What the fuck do you care what I call her?”
“Because she’s fucking mine!” I growl at him like a captured animal. I feel pretty fucking wild right now.
“Yours?” Rav’s voice doesn’t sound surprised as he asks this, as if he knew where my head was at before I did. “You claiming her?”
Claiming a woman is a big fucking deal in our world. It means Lucy would have club protection, but it also makes me responsible for any shit she pulls. The sensible part of my brain wonders if there is any truth to Titch’s words, believes there
could be, knows it’s likely considering the evidence. The arsehole part that wants her doesn’t want to listen and refuses to.
“Said she was mine, didn’t I?” I say without missing a beat.
My chest should feel heavy. Claiming a woman isn’t a small thing, but instead I feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. This feels righteous. This feels like where I’m supposed to be in my life. I don’t understand it. Really, I hardly know Lucy, but there’s no denying the connection between us. There’s no denying we have a special chemistry I’ve never experienced before with any other woman.
Rav stares at me a beat.
“I get why you’d make her yours, saw it coming. I like the girl. She took care of Sasha and Lily-May for years, but until we get to the bottom of this, I don’t want to bring her into the club.”
“Me neither,” Titch agrees.
“I don’t want to take sides,” Day says, “but I want to know more before we vote on this shit.”
My jaw clenches as betrayal turns my saliva to ash. “What the fuck?”
“He’s right,” Fury says, speaking for the first time. “Need to know what we’re dealing with.”
“We’re dealing with a woman who went over and above to keep your old lady safe,” I point a finger at Rav. “I’m claiming her. Don’t give a shit if the club likes it or not. She’s mine.”
“If she was the target of this attack—”
“She’s not, and if you can’t take her word, take mine—your fucking brother,” I snap. Everyone looks away, making the anger turn to lava as it pumps around my veins. “Club doesn’t want to help, fine. I’ll fix this my fucking self.”
I kick my upturned chair and storm from the room, rage billowing through me. I stop briefly to grab my phone, keys and wallet, my anger boiling over. My brothers have never not had my back before, so this feels foreign. I don’t like it.
Lucy isn’t the enemy here. She’s a fucking victim, and she’s getting my protection, whether my brothers want me to or not.