Just Breathe

by Célia Pereira

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Bailey

  “My parents had me really young. Mom was nineteen, and my father, Frank, was twenty-one. My parents always spoke about adding another member to the family. My father really wanted a boy.”

  I don’t know why he wanted kids so bad. When shit hit the fan the bastard abandoned us and turned into some crazed monster.

  “Seven years ago, my mom told me she was pregnant.” I hold my breath as I let Ash absorb that knowledge. That Logan is actually my brother and not my son. She sucks in a breath before reaching for my hand and giving it a tight squeeze.

  “I was excited since I knew my parents had been trying for some time with no luck. After Logan was born, Mom started going in for regular check-ups. At first, she said everything was fine. Logan was healthy and growing as he should be and all was good with her as well.”

  She lied to me! Why didn’t she just tell me?

  “It wasn’t for another month that I found out that my mom had been diagnosed with lymphoma. She didn’t want to worry us until she had all the results back and a plan in place. At that point, she had already started her first round of chemo. I was angry with her and acted out. I didn’t want to lose my mom,” I whisper the last part as tears begin running down my face.

  “Shit, B.”

  “During mom’s treatments, I helped take care of Mom and raise Logan. When Mom wasn’t too tired or sick from her treatments, she would spend time with Logan and me, but the poor kid was too young to know what was going on and who our mom was to him. He spent so much of his time with me that he started calling me Mom. I didn’t want him to think that, but he just couldn’t grasp the difference.” Thankfully, Ash never utters a word as I struggle to explain, except for her occasional curse word.

  “After Mom had finished her treatments, we left Logan with the sitter, who happened to be our neighbor, and I went with her to her follow-up. It was the best day of my life. The doctor stated that, as of that moment, Mom was cancer-free. She still had a long way to go to be a hundred percent in the clear, but it was a start.”

  “After a few months, my mom decided she was feeling stronger and wanted to return to work. I was a bit hesitant but figured it would be good for her to get back into a regular routine. She decided we needed a girls’ night since I had taken on a lot of the responsibilities since she got sick. Frank… he disappointed me so much throughout that entire time. He was barely there when my mom was ill, saying he couldn’t bear to see the love of his life suffering that way. He would go to work and only return in the late evenings. I couldn’t understand his actions since he was so affectionate toward my mom before cancer.”

  The bastard. Mom should have left him along time ago. What kind of man abandons his wife in her time of need? Granted, he never showed his true colors until it was too late.

  “For some odd reason, he insisted Logan stay with him, instead of going to the babysitter, while Mom and I went out for dinner; maybe he felt guilty and wanted to start getting on my mom's good side again, I’m not sure, but this was unusual for him. It was the best and worst night of my life.” I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, wanting to break free. I will never forget that night.

  “By that time, I had finished high school and was working at the local bakery in town. I was supposed to go to culinary school, but with Mom’s diagnosis, I just couldn’t. She brought it up, and we made plans on how we would make it work. She even brought up how she wanted to file for divorce. She was hurt and disappointed that my father abandoned her and us when we needed him most.”

  “Damn, Bailey,” Ashton says on a whisper.

  Time for the messed-up part of the story.

  “On our way home, it had begun to rain heavily, Mom was driving. She had been given the clear to drive a few weeks prior; she was like a kid in a candy store behind the wheel. I never laughed so much in my life. She had her favorite country music playing and singing out loud. Everything was perfect until, out of nowhere, our car went spinning across the road. I couldn’t tell you what hit us or when we came to a halt. The only thing I remember was waking up in the hospital and the doctor giving me his condolences.”

  We’re very sorry, Miss Silverthorne. We did everything we could to resuscitate your mother, but she was already gone when the paramedics arrived on the scene.

  What a fucking joke, right? My mom battled cancer, and when she gets cleared and in remission, a fucking drunk driver takes her life. How is that even fair!

  “Shit.” Ashton wraps me in her arms, and I let her hold me as I build up the courage to tell her the rest. “I feel like you saved the fireworks for last,” she whispers into my hair.

  If I weren’t consumed with so much hurt and anger, I would laugh. I pull back and make my way over to her living room window and take in a few deep breaths before giving my finality.

  “When my mom passed, Frank checked out completely. He would barely be home. He’d go to work, or so I thought, and would return well into the night. I wasn’t surprised since that’s how he acted when we found out about Mom’s cancer. Although I was angry at how, yet again, he was abandoning Logan and me in our time of need, I was also worried about him. I would leave him food, and on many occasions, I would wait up for him and try to speak with him, but that would never go well. He would yell that he was fine and for me to mind my own business. After the fifth or so time, I stopped asking.”

  “I continued to work at the bakery and began saving money to be able to move out with Logan. My plan was to gain guardianship over Logan since my father was neglecting him and I was the one providing for him. I researched how this could be done, but realized unless I had solid proof my father was unfit, I would never gain guardianship. So, I stayed.”

  “It was on my mom’s first anniversary that Frank began beating me and blaming me for her death.” I close my eyes and clench my fists as I recall what he’s done to me. I feel Ashton behind me but, thankfully, she doesn’t move to comfort me, which is good since I don’t want to be touched right now.

  “The first time he beat me, Logan saw and began crying so hysterically that our neighbor heard and called the police. I lied and said that someone broke in, but I didn’t get a good look at his face. I know what you’re thinking, I should have reported him, but it would have been his word against mine. He was gone by the time the cops arrived, and no one had ever heard any arguments coming from our place. Since Logan was the only minor in the house and was left unharmed, there was nothing to go on.”

  “After that beating, I made sure that if it happened again, Logan was to hide and wait until I came for him and to be very quiet. It happened more often than not after that. I also began noticing that Frank didn’t always go to work and a few times came home sporting bruises on his face and mumbling that he had to come up with the money or they’d kill him. I don’t know what he was involved in, maybe gambling or something related, but I knew I had to get my shit together and get Logan and me out of there. I couldn’t fight for custody since Frank would fight me tooth and nail to keep him, and he made it very clear on numerous beatings he gave me that he would never let me take Logan away from him.” I inhale deeply then exhale before turning to face Ashton. When I do, I see she’s silently crying at my words. I give her a half-smile and reach out for her hand.

  “Over two months ago, in the middle of the night, I heard Frank on the phone, half yelling half whispering that he had the means to make up for the money he owed whoever. He told them that he had a twenty-one-year-old virgin ready to sell. That all he needed was a few days to bring her to them.” At this point, I can barely say the words above a whisper, as I realize that the one parent who was supposed to protect me from any harm was willing to sell me to save himself.

  “Holy shit, Bailey. I don’t…” Ash cries a little harder.

  “I packed as much as I could for Logan and me and left in the middle of the night. I just kept thinking, at least he offered me up instead of Logan.” At that, we both wrap
each other in our arms and both cry. No words are needed, as there are none to say at this moment. Just having Ash hear me out without judgment has lifted an enormous weight off my chest I didn’t realize I was carrying.

  “Listen to me, Bailey.” She pulls back, so we are face-to-face.

  “We’ll figure this out, okay? Hunter’s uncle, Marcus, is a detective, and he knows people everywhere. Once we tell him your story, I’m sure he can find out what your father has been up to, and we can use that for you to get sole guardianship over Logan.”

  I’m about to protest when she raises her hand to stop me from speaking.

  “I know Gavin doesn’t know anything, and I suggest you get your big girl panties on and tell him. Bailey, that man loves you and Logan and would move mountains to keep you guys safe. We will keep you two safe. You just have to trust us.”

  Damn, it feels really good to hear someone has my back. But what if Gavin doesn’t feel the same way? What if this is way too much baggage for him? I shouldn’t have gotten attached to him. I should have moved on after a month of being here.

  “Stop it. I can hear your inner thoughts from here. Gavin will not let anything happen to you guys. Trust me when I tell you, if he thought for a second he wasn’t all in with you, he would have never made his move. He has never dated, and he chose you knowing Logan is yours. The only way I see things not working out for you two is if you keep hiding this from him. If, for some freak reason, this comes to light and he finds out from someone else though, it will crush him,” she explains gently.

  “I’m just scared if something were to happen to him because of all this. I would never forgive myself. I should probably just pack our stuff and move to a different town,” I whisper.

  “Nothing is going to happen. And your ass is staying right here. But we need to go to Uncle Marcus so we can figure all this shit out. And you gotta tell Gavin.”

  “I will. I promise. Just give me a few days to build up the courage again. I can’t tell this twice on the same day.”

  She gives me her signature are-you-serious facial expression before blowing out a huff of air like a child.

  “Fine! But if you don’t tell him in the next few days then I will and then I’ll drag your ass to the police station to talk with Uncle Marcus,” she states firmly.

  “Yes, ma’am.” I give her a salute before she breaks into laughter.

  Although I just spent most of my morning trapped in my past, I feel a sense of relief with having told my story to Ash. Her support definitely gave me some sort of peace that I’m not alone and that maybe, just maybe, I can figure all this out and keep Logan safe and with me for good. Ashton is right about everything though. I need to tell Gavin, and hopefully, he’ll react the same way as Ash, and then we can go together to the police and figure out what can be done for me to keep Logan.

  Mom, help me out just a little here, okay?

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Gavin

  I’m just stepping out of my room when the front door bursts open and in comes Zeus running at full speed to me, followed by an extremely excited Logan, then Hunter with his know-it-all smug face. I’m already dreading the conversation he’s about to bring up, and he hasn’t even opened his mouth yet. Zeus gets up on his hind legs and drapes his front ones over my shoulders and licks my face.

  “Hey, buddy. You missed me last night, didn’t you?” I give him a good rubdown and kiss his furry head. Once he’s had enough, he gets back on all fours and goes to lie on his bed right by my bedroom door.

  “Hey, Gavin! Mom said that you were gonna watch me and once she gets back that we’re going out for like a forever drive.” Logan is on a high sugar rush or something because he is going nonstop. He places his backpack on one of the kitchen chairs and goes to sit on the floor next to Zeus. I swear, that kid could just chill with that dog all day and be content. Before I can ask him if he’s hungry, Hunter pounces.

  “Last night…” he says while wiggling his brows.

  I just shake my head at him and shove him. “You have to be at the shop for eleven. Don’t be late.”

  “Yeah, I know. Since your sorry ass isn’t going in today, care to share? Cause you never miss a day.”

  He makes his way to the kitchen and pours himself a cup of coffee. He’s right, I always go in, even if I don’t have clients. I’m the owner, it’s my job to make sure everything is good, but after the conversation Bailey and I had, I knew I had to spend time with her to ensure that we were still on the same page and that, although we both have some baggage, we can pull the weight of it together, as long as we trust each other.

  “Bailey’s off today, and I want to spend time with her and Logan. It should be a slow day, and if you need anything, Carson will be in this afternoon,” I explain while grabbing my wallet and phone and placing them in my jean pockets.

  “I can handle it. I take it things went well last night?” He leans against the counter and sips his coffee.

  “Let’s just say it went from nice, to great, to intense real quick, and when I say intense, I don’t just mean sexual.” I run my hand through my hair, a nervous habit of mine. Hunter only raises an eyebrow at me and waits.

  “Had a nightmare.” Is all I say by way of an explanation.

  “Shit.” Hunter is the only other soul who knows everything about Travis and how my father has pretty much disowned my ass and blamed me for his baby boy’s death. He clearly forgot that he still has a living son, but I guess that doesn’t really factor in John McKnight’s head.

  “I’m gonna go ahead and say that it turned out all right since you’re watching Logan and have another date planned for today.” Hunter smirks.

  “Yeah, it turned out pretty perfect. I just want to continue to build on us and ensure Bailey gets that I’m not going anywhere, no matter her past.”

  “Did she tell you anything?”

  “Just that Logan’s piece of shit father left a long time ago,” I whisper, not wanting Logan to overhear our conversation.

  “Hmm…”

  “What?” I push.

  “I just think there’s more to it than just some fuck abandoning his kid and woman. I mean, she doesn’t have a phone. What woman in this day and age doesn’t have a phone? Especially a single mom. It just seems that there’s more to it.”

  “I’ve already thought of all that.”

  “You bring it up to her?”

  “Talking about Bailey’s past is like walking through a field of land mines, and I’m talking as in every little inch is covered in one. The few times I did mention it, even just a simple where did you come from, she about passes out on me.” I let out a frustrated growl.

  “Just bringing up Logan’s father, I feel like it set us back. Almost as if she put her damn guard back up completely just before she walked out my door.”

  “Maybe she’s just afraid of your reaction.” He offers.

  What the fuck? “Why would she be afraid of my reaction? I’ve never, nor will I ever, be aggressive toward her.” I don’t even realize I have raised my voice until I’ve finished saying my piece.

  “Calm your shit. Logan is looking over here and looks about ready to piss himself.” Hunter shoves me out of the way and walks over to him.

  I let out a frustrated breath and try to calm down before I make my way over.

  “Hey, bud, you hanging out okay with Zeus?” Hunter kneels in front of him but stays a good two feet away.

  Logan really does look like he’s scared. Fuck! Just what I needed, to scare the poor kid so he wouldn’t want to hang out with me and probably make me take him back to his mom. Shit!

  “Yeah.” Logan all but curls into Zeus to try and shield himself.

  “Hey, listen. I know Gavin yelled back there, but he would never hurt you, okay? Sometimes us guys just talk like that. We raise our voices without knowing it, but it’s all good, I promise.” Hunter moves a bit closer and Logan seems to relax a bit. I take Hunter’s position but stay back.

 
; “I’m sorry, bud, I shouldn’t have yelled. Hunter’s right, I would never hurt you. Ever,” I whisper.

  “It’s okay, I just don’t like yelling,” he manages, a bit louder this time.

  I’ve never seen this side of him, and it doesn’t sit well with me. At all.

  “I get it. I don’t like yelling either.” Hunter sits next to him, and Logan doesn’t seem to mind. I take that moment to get a little closer.

  “Really? It sucks. Especially when my father would yell at Mom.” Logan’s eyes bug out and his face pales.

  What the fuck is going on!

  “Please don’t tell my mom I said that. Please. She doesn’t want anyone to know.” Logan is all but crying at this point. I move in and wrap my arms around him and hug him to my chest. His little arms go around me and he just lets me hold him.

  “It’s all right, buddy. I’m not gonna say anything. You don’t have to worry about grown-up stuff, all right? Everything is okay, I promise.” I rub his back for a few more seconds before he pulls back and shakes his head in agreement.

  “How about you go wash your face from those tears and go put your shoes on so we can go do some shopping for our trip this afternoon.” I push his soft, chocolate brown hair back and lock eyes with a pair of green eyes that has owned my heart for some time now, without my knowledge. Logan throws me a bright smile and excitedly runs into the bathroom to freshen up, Zeus hot on his tail.

  “What the fuck?” Hunter whispers.

  “Yeah. My thoughts exactly.”

  “There’s gotta be more going on there. Just be careful bringing it up, yeah?” Hunter says while getting up.

  “Yeah…but today is not about that. I don’t think either of us can handle any more heavy shit for the moment. Whatever it is, it’s gonna make me want to search the son of a bitch down and inflict the same amount of fear that he has put in that little boy.” I brush off my pants and walk Hunter to the door as we wait for Logan. Once he’s ready, I put him in the truck and settle him in his car seat while Zeus sits next to him. I make my way over to the driver's side, and Hunter is looking across the street pretty intently.