Just Breathe

by Célia Pereira

  “What’s up?”

  “Not sure. That piece of shit gray car is just sitting there. It looks really out of place, I don’t remember seeing that vehicle around town before.”

  I look in the direction he’s staring in, and just before I can zero in on the plate, it takes off. This morning has been way too fucking intense for me.

  “Keep your eyes open. If you need anything, you know the number.”

  We do our bro handshake and pat on the back before we head our separate ways. Logan is talking happily to Zeus, and I’m just fucking thankful he’s back to his little self. This day has got to end better than it started.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Bailey

  Gavin takes us to a park that borders a lake. You can tell it is a hot spot for camping or just a day out under the sun and a swim in the lake during the summer weather. Although it isn’t summer just yet, it is warm enough to be out here. It is perfect. Gavin packed a picnic basket, no joke, an actual basket, and he and Logan made sandwiches and bought some cookies, fruit, and juice boxes. Not going to lie, I laughed when I pulled out the juice boxes. We lay out a large blanket and place everything out for our picnic feast. Zeus is running around, chasing Logan as he laughs and tries to hide from him. Logan is happy and safe, and it is the best feeling in the world.

  I was a bit afraid once I got back from my chat with Ash, but the moment Gavin saw me, he pulled me into his arms and just held me tight for a few minutes without saying a word. I didn’t ask questions, I just held him back, just as tight. Somehow, it was as if Gavin knew I just needed a break from all things related to the past.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” He sits down behind me and pulls me in between his legs, and I allow my head to fall back against his shoulder.

  “Thank you for today. I didn’t realize how much I needed something like this, and Logan, too. He seems to be at his happiest when with Zeus and you.” I smile up at him and press a kiss to his neck. He bends his head a bit and kisses my forehead, lingering his lips there for a moment.

  “Well, Zeus and I are at our happiest when with the both of you,” he whispers against my forehead.

  We sit in silence while holding each other, watching Logan and Zeus run around. It is simple to most, but to me, this is perfection. I thought a lot about what Ash said regarding telling Gavin and how he could help us and keep us safe. I do not doubt that he is capable of keeping us safe; it’s just, is it fair to burden someone with so much shit? Gavin has never committed to anyone before. Now, he’s committing to a woman who not only has baggage but is also with a child. On top of that, the tsunami I left behind could potentially catch up to me, destroying everything in its way.

  Just breathe, Bailey. Maybe telling him won’t be so bad. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. He trusted me with his past; why can’t I, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to hear about an abusive father selling their only daughter to sex trafficking because of possible gambling debts? Ugh!

  Okay, I’m going to tell him. I’m just going to give myself today to enjoy this. I need a breather from baring my past to Ash this morning. I’ll tell Gavin tomorrow after we put Logan to bed.

  Too bad I didn’t realize the tsunami had already caught up with me.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The soft sounds of a saxophone and acoustic guitar come from the stereo in our living room. I get up off the couch and extend my hand to my wife.

  “What are you doing, silly?” Her smile brightens up her entire face, making her chocolate brown eyes sparkle. Beautiful.

  “Come on, butterfly. Dance with your man.” She slips her delicate hand in mine as I pull her flush against me. She lays her head against my chest since she can’t reach my shoulder. She hates being short, but I love that I tower over her. I love being able to tuck her at my side, protecting her. We sway to the soft sounds of jazz as we hold each other tight, and I whisper how she is my whole life and that I love her.

  You took that away from me.

  Now you think you can live happily with what’s mine?

  Never!

  Your life ends tonight.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Bailey

  Going back to work the day after having a perfect afternoon with Gavin, Logan, and Zeus sucks. I am emotionally drained and feel I could sleep for a week, but life does not work that way. I have to say, though, waking up with Gavin for the second night in a row is pretty fantastic.

  Logan was passed out in the back seat when we got back so Gavin carried him inside and put him to bed. I couldn’t help but smile over how tentative he was when it came to Logan and how natural. I was about to say I’d walk him out when he wrapped me up in his arms.

  “Don’t ask me to leave. I’d like to have you sleeping in my arms again.”

  How could I say no? So, of course, we tiptoed to my room and got settled. Within minutes I was out, but then after what seemed like only seconds since I closed my eyes, I was jolted awake by a thrashing Gavin. I couldn’t stand to see him trapped in that awful nightmare. I gently whispered in his ear that I was right there with him. Slowly, he started to relax, and then, just as quickly, he jolted awake again, but at least this time, he wasn’t screaming bloody murder. We were both able to fall asleep again relatively quickly and the rest of the night was uneventful.

  After we send Logan off on the school bus, we head over to my truck.

  “I’ll see you in a few for coffee, beautiful.” He winks at me as he holds my truck door open.

  “You do realize that you don’t have to stop by the grill this early in the morning to see me, right?” I tease him as I buckle my seatbelt.

  “Why break tradition?”

  “You’re so silly sometimes, you know that?”

  “It keeps you interested.” He smirks then leans in for a kiss.

  “Drive safe, I’ll see you in a bit.” He places one more kiss against my lips before pulling away from my truck and allowing me to pull out onto the main road.

  The morning part of my shift runs pretty much like any other day. I serve Mr. Henderson and chat with him about our Sunday adventure while he listens and smiles. Gavin comes in at his usual time and flirts shamelessly with me before heading off to work. The late breakfast and early lunch rush is busier than usual, keeping me hustling in my section. By the time I’m able to grab myself a glass of water, it is well after one thirty.

  “So?” Ash sits next to me as I clear out my trays of dirty dishes.

  “Care to elaborate?” I answer, even though I know pretty damn well where she is going with this.

  “Oh, you want me to drag it out, do you?” She cocks an eyebrow.

  “I said I would tell him this week. As of right now, it has only been twenty-four hours since I told you,” I respond without making eye contact.

  “Fine. Just so you know, I will be asking every day, because I believe the sooner you tell him the better you’ll feel and the sooner we can go to Hunter’s uncle.”

  “I know. I will. It’s just not easy talking about all that shit… I feel a little embarrassed and, ugh, I don’t know. I’m just…tired.” I struggle through the lump in my throat. Reliving all this crap from my past is exhausting. I wish I could just erase everything, except for the memories of my mom.

  “I can’t begin to understand what you are feeling or the trauma you carry around with you. What I do know is that you are one tough bitch and Logan is damn lucky to call you Mom. Just remember that you are no longer alone. You have people ready to go to war with you to protect not only Logan but you, too.”

  Ash gets up from her stool and walks around to wrap me in a tight hug. I don’t know why, but I just needed to hear that. The fact that it is coming from her gives me the strength I need to put my big girl panties on and tell Gavin. Tonight.

  I pull back from our embrace to look at her. “Thanks, Ash. For everything. I owe you big time.”

  “Just tell the dude so we can put all this drama behind us! Shit, girl,
here I thought I was full of drama.” With that, she has me laughing as if I don’t have a care in the world. We carry out the rest of our shift, and before I know it, it’s just after four and time to go pick up my little guy. I’m just about to head out when one of the other servers calls out for me.

  “Hey, Bailey! This was left for you at one of my tables.” Carol, one of the high school part-timers hands me a white envelope with my name typed on it. Odd.

  “Thanks. Do you know who left if for me, by any chance?”

  “No. I was just cleaning up some tables and noticed this on one of the back booths. I don’t remember who sat there since it was quite busy when I started.”

  Hmm. Odd and somewhat creepy.

  “That’s all right. Thanks for giving it to me. Have a good shift.” I wave to her as I head toward the front door. Momma B calls out for me and I shove the creepy letter into my bag before turning back to her.

  “Do you remember where we placed the extra boxes of new plates and glasses? I can’t seem to find them anywhere.”

  “Oh, I put them in the small storage closet right by the back exit. I was able to fit them all in there.”

  “Uh, I keep forgetting we have that small closet back there. Thanks, baby girl. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow, Momma B.” I wave and head out to my truck. Once inside, I notice the time on the dash and panic as I’ll be late in picking up Logan if I go to the grocery store first. Guess I’ll have to drag Logan with me. Most kids would love going shopping to see if they can get their weight in candy but not Logan. He hates walking through aisles and aisles of vegetables and fruits and so on. Now, if you place the kid in an arts and crafts store it’s like he’s in candy land.

  “Hey, Mom! Is Gavin coming over for dinner with Zeus again?” Logan calls from the living room where he is currently sitting and working on some crafts.

  “Yes, they are,” I say as I go through my purse looking for my lip balm.

  It’s then I notice the white envelope. I open the letter as quickly as I can and then it feels like I’m stuck in a movie, at the part where something horrible is about to happen and the music changes so the main character’s pounding heart is the only thing that can be heard.

  It was supposed to be you. You should have died. It’s your fault my butterfly is dead. You don’t deserve to live, be happy, or know love. Enjoy these last few minutes of it because your time is up.

  Fear like I’ve never felt before spreads through my body, paralyzing me. He’s found me. He’s coming for Logan and he’s planning on killing me to get to him. How? When? I can’t come up with the answers fast enough. I almost let out a scream when there’s a knock on my door. I stand frozen until I hear Logan excitedly yelling that it’s Gavin and Zeus.

  As if on autopilot, I walk quickly to the door and call out Gavin’s name, which he answers. Zeus barks as I swing the door open. I feel instant relief upon seeing the man that I have become so comfortable with, and to whom I am about to bare my soul to. My heart plummets when he hands me a piece of paper.

  Everything is happening so damn fast, and yet, so damn slow. When I look down at what he has given me, I just about throw up right there and pass out.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Gavin

  I’m dying to get my ass back to Bailey’s place and spend another night just the four of us. Our trip yesterday was exactly what we all needed. There was no talk about any of our shitty pasts and we were able to enjoy ourselves. In the end, I had Bailey in my arms for the entire night. Whether she wants to or not, however, she has to divulge about her past at some point for us to be able to move forward.

  “Yo! You wanna grab some food and beers before heading home?” Hunter pops his head in my room as I’m cleaning up.

  “Nah, man. I’m going home to my girl tonight.” Yeah, I know how that sounds, but I do not give a fuck.

  “You’re already pussy whipped, but that look already tells me you don’t give two fucks.”

  Both of us laugh as there is no point in denying it.

  “What about you? You gonna go see Ash?” This time, I’m the one to wiggle my eyebrows. I love getting Hunter all riled up over a girl, and not just any girl, Ashton.

  “It’s not like that and don’t fuckin’ start.”

  “Whatever you say, man. While you’re going home to your cold bed because of your stubborn ass, I’m crawling into a warm bed with my woman.” I push him out of the way as he rolls his eyes at me. I lock the place up and make my way over to my truck as Hunter goes over to his Jeep. I’m about to hop in when a white piece of paper catches my eye. I lift the windshield wiper and pull out an envelope. What the fuck? I look around the now somewhat empty parking lot but don’t see anyone out and about.

  The thought crosses my mind to just toss the thing, but something in me tells me to open it. I open the flap and pull out a folded-up piece of paper, and thank fuck I’m already sitting in my truck because I can feel my entire body shaking with adrenaline. My hands are clammy, and I can hear blood pounding in my ears. What the fuck is this? I re-read the piece of paper not believing what I’m seeing.

  MISSING CHILD.

  AGE SIX.

  KIDNAPPED TWO MONTHS AGO.

  SUSPECT IS ARMED AND DANGEROUS.

  There’s a picture of Logan, and right underneath, a picture of Bailey, listed as the main suspect for his kidnapping.

  The words are on repeat the entire time it takes me to drive to our building. Parking my truck hurriedly, I bound up the flight of stairs. I’m about to go straight to Bailey’s but stop short when I hear Zeus let out a bark. I let him out and he stays close beside me while we wait at Bailey’s door.

  As I wait for her to open up, a million questions race through my mind. How is this possible? How could I not have known? Why would Bailey kidnap her own son? Logan has always seemed so happy around her. Nothing is adding up, however, with Bailey always being so skittish about her past, this does make perfect sense.

  The door finally opens and I come face-to-face with the woman I’ve given my heart to without thought. A woman who has been lying to me for weeks and making a fool of me. I have no words so I just hand over the paper and watch as the color drains from her face.

  “Logan…” she finally chokes out. She clears her throat and turns to him. “Logan, I’m going to need you to go to your room with Zeus for a little while so Gavin and I can have a private conversation, okay?”

  She quickly makes eye contact with me when she mentions Zeus going with Logan. I give her a slight nod. Logan senses that something is seriously off with his mom, because he waits a bit before quickly hugging her and then taking off to his room. Zeus hesitates at first, but with a head nod toward Logan, he follows.

  “I know what you must be thinking—”

  “You kidnapped your son! That’s why you never wanted to talk about your past, isn’t it?” I can’t help the fury bubbling up inside of me. I trusted this woman and she lied to me. Why?

  “You won’t even let me explain. You already believe what you’ve read,” she whispers the last part.

  I swear if I could rip my heart out so I wouldn’t feel a damn thing for her, I would because it’s fucking with my head in thinking clearly.

  “What am I supposed to believe when there’s a damn wanted sign flying around town with your face on it as the main suspect for Logan’s kidnapping!” I shout as I clench my fists.

  “Keep your damn voice down. I don’t need you freaking out Logan,” she whips back.

  It’s then I see the survivor in her coming to life. She’s straightened her posture, ready to take me on if it means protecting Logan. Nothing is making sense.

  “Tell me the truth, Bailey, I deserve that at least, don’t you think?”

  “You deserve?” She arches her brows in mock confusion.

  I’ve never seen this side of her before, and I have no idea how to communicate with her right now.

  “You don’t deserve shit, G
avin. You already made up your mind about me when you decided to believe that damn piece of paper instead of hearing me out first.”

  “It’s a damn kidnapping alert! What am I supposed to believe?” I shout out, the words thundering through the small apartment.

  “Mom?” Logan pops his head out from the doorway but doesn’t come to us.

  Fuck!

  “It’s okay, Bubba. We’re just having a grown-up conversation. It’s okay. I’ll come and get you as soon as we’re done, all right?”

  She gives him a fucking fake smile and the kid knows it, too. He lets out a huff and quietly closes his bedroom door.

  “I’m not having this conversation when all you’re doing is attacking me and refusing to let me explain. Just get out.” She rushes toward the door and swings it open, clearly ending this conversation.

  Fuck no!

  “Tell me it’s a lie. Tell me that the last three weeks of us being together wasn’t just some cover-up for you to keep a low profile.” I come face-to-face with her and try and reach for her face but she moves her head to the side, avoiding my eyes, but I see the tears slip down her cheeks.

  I don’t know what I’m saying. I just need to know that what we’ve shared wasn’t one-sided. I’m so out of my element, I don’t know how to fix this. How to make sense of all this. How to backtrack and ask her to explain.

  “A cover-up?” she whispers, but when she looks into my eyes, any chance of figuring out this clusterfuck vanishes.

  “I may not have told you about my past but I sure as hell didn’t lie to you about the way I feel when it comes to you. When it comes to us.”

  She pushes against my chest and I’m taken aback at the force she has. I step out of her space when she continues her speech.

  “You can think whatever the hell you want, Gavin. Clearly, everything you said to me was bullshit since you turned on me at the first sign of trouble. Just remember, not everything is what it seems. Now get out of my house,” she spits out and opens the door wider.