A Secret of the Soul (Amish Secrets--Book 6)

by J. E. B. Spredemann

  “You go ahead and court Cletus, but don’t come looking for me if it don’t work out. Because I won’t be here.”

  He didn’t even bother to look her way before stomping off. Perhaps she was shedding tears, he didn’t know, but he didn’t want to see it. And if she wasn’t shedding tears, well, he didn’t want to see that either. All he wanted to do was get away where he wouldn’t have to think about or see Julianna with someone else.

  How many times had he imagined himself and Julianna surrounded by loved ones while they took their vows? How many times had he dreamed of falling asleep with her in his arms? How many times had he looked forward to a houseful of kinner that mirrored the both of them?

  The words he’d uttered had been nothing more than a boldfaced lie. Because, in truth, he had loved her with all his soul. In truth, if she had asked, he would have taken her back in a heartbeat. In truth, his heart had been on the verge of a complete meltdown.

  ~

  “Ah, I see you’re just in time for the morning milking.” Daed’s voice called from inside one of the barn stalls.

  Elam groaned and placed the horse’s tack he’d just removed onto its proper hook on the wall. He yawned. “Yep, I’m here.”

  “Perhaps next time you’ll learn to come home a little earlier. I understand spending time with your aldi, but you need to consider other things as well, Sohn.”

  “It’s been a long time since Julianna and I have been courting.”

  “Jah, but you will not make up for lost time in one night.” His father turned and handed him two of the metal milk pails. “How did it go with her?”

  “Well, Julie’s quite a bit different from the last time we courted. She has changed much.” Elam frowned, remembering the references she’d made to the voices.

  “Spending that much time in a mental hospital is likely to change a body, I suppose.” His father turned and looked him straight in the eye. “Marriage is a big commitment, Sohn. You know, no one would fault you if you decided not to marry her. If her problems are too burdensome—”

  Elam stared back at him in utter revulsion. “Of course, I’m going to marry her. I promised her I would. I love her. I want to help her.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

  “Daed, Julie needs me. If I won’t help her, who will? If I won’t protect her, who will? If I won’t love her, then please tell me, who will?” Elam frowned. “Julianna is not a burden to bear, she is a blessing. I will care for her. I will cherish her. And with all that is in me, I will love her.”

  “I’m sure you will, Elam. But it won’t be an easy road. You are going to need Der Herr’s strength.”

  “I’m not looking for easy.”

  His father placed a hand on his forearm. “Your family will be here if you need us, Sohn.”

  “Denki, Daed.”

  Elam wanted to be the person Julianna needed, longed to be what she needed, but doubts had begun surfacing. What if he wasn’t good enough for her? What if he couldn’t provide for all her needs? What if he failed as a husband?

  Dear Gott, please help me. I cannot love her the way I should, the way she needs to be loved. Please place Your love in my heart so that I may love her as You would. Help me to see her and understand her through Your eyes, Lord. Amen.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  It seemed that life had been a flurry of activity since the moment Elam stepped back into the Amish community—from his kneeling confession, to Julianna’s return home and courting her, his younger brother’s wedding earlier this week, setting up Julianna’s doctor’s appointment, and having to sort through and dispose of all of his Englisch possessions. Elam longed for the quiet and simplicity his former Englisch life afforded. If folks thought things were easier or simpler in the Plain world, they were sorely mistaken. Of course, he supposed that the life of a single Englischer with few responsibilities couldn’t be compared to an Amish man about to marry.

  As he rode into town with a paid Englisch driver, Elam thought of his perfectly fine pickup truck sitting in his garage at his house in town. To have to pay someone for transportation just seemed ludicrous. He wished he could have just kept his own truck at his folks’ house and used it until it was sold. But that wasn’t the Amish way. And being under the watchful eye of the leadership until his proving was over, prevented him from doing many things he wished he could do.

  As they neared his house, he noticed Zach’s vehicle parked out in front.

  “Thank you, Eric. Will you pick me up tomorrow at the same time? I should be ready by then.” Elam stepped out of the car.

  “Sure,” Eric agreed before driving off.

  The sight of seeing his former home both delighted and saddened him. Although he’d had good times here, he’d been lonely most of the time. Now, he had Julianna back in his life. And that was the part that made all this worthwhile.

  “You ready to pack up this stuff?” Zach smiled.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” Elam opened the garage and stared at his home gym with slight remorse. He’d miss that thing. “Hey, would you mind keeping this for me until Julianna and I move into our own place?”

  Zach grinned. “You really think the leaders will approve of a home gym?”

  “Probably not, but it’s worth a try.” The more he thought about keeping the gym, the more the idea grew on him. It would be a good activity for him and Julianna to participate in together. If the leaders insisted on him getting rid of it, he could always just give it to Zach and Rosanna or sell it.

  “When is the realtor coming?”

  “Tomorrow at two. I need to have everything out and the place cleaned up by then.”

  “That shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

  “Nope. Hey, thanks for agreeing to drive my truck to my folks’ place and dropping off my stuff. I hate that it will have to sit in my folks’ barn until I find a house, but at least Julie and I will have some furniture when we do move into our own place.”

  “Are you going to leave all your appliances?”

  “Unless you want them or know of anyone who needs them. The realtor said that it’s usually easier to sell a place like this if the appliances are left. Typically, first time home buyers are starting out with nothing.”

  Zach nodded. “Well, that’s less stuff we have to move, right?”

  “Right.” Elam walked into the living room.

  Zach lifted a stack of boxes. “How’s everything going so far?”

  “With Julie?”

  Zach nodded and Elam followed him out to the pickup.

  “Pretty well, I think. I already knew we’d have to deal with issues. But I am concerned about the medications the doctors have her on. I read over the side effects the other day.” He shook his head and slid the boxes into the back of the truck bed. “I wish she didn’t have to take them.”

  “Maybe she doesn’t.”

  “What do you mean?” They walked back into the house.

  “I’ve heard that doctors can tend to be a little overzealous when it comes to prescribing medications. It might be great for their wallets but it’s not always so great for their patients. I believe I read that psychiatric prescription over usage is one of the worst. They label normal human emotions as diseases then prescribe medicine for those diseases. Come to think of it, there was some big documentary on it that I watch one time. You should watch it.” Zach and Elam carefully placed the bureau onto the truck. “Do you know why she is on them and what each one was prescribed for?”

  “The papers say what they are for. Maybe she does need some of them. I just don’t see why she has to take so many. It’s not good. She says she has voices in her head.”

  “If I were you, I’d figure out if she needs them and what she needs them for. There are other types of therapy other than medication. I know many of the folks with PTSD that come out to our horse ranch have been able to discontinue their medication.” Zach lifted one end of the futon as Elam did the same with the other side. “If
you think about it, most people take medication because something is wrong. But it wasn’t the lack of medication that made things wrong in the first place. The medication is only covering the symptoms, it’s not addressing them. If you could find out how to address her problems directly and help her heal from whatever is going on inside her, then she won’t need the medicine.”

  Elam set his end of the couch on the truck’s bed and they both slid it in. “Do you think the horses could help Julie too?”

  “Sure, animals are great therapy. Anything positive that can get her mind off herself and her troubles will be beneficial. I bet Scramble can help too.”

  Elam thought about his dog out at his folks’ place. He’d adjusted better than Elam had thought he would. He never lacked for attention with Elam’s siblings around. Hopefully, he’d be just as content when Elam and Julianna got their own home. “Jah, he loves the farm.”

  After Elam and Zach had emptied out the house and dropped off his belongings at his parents’ place, they returned to Zach and Rosanna’s for supper and the remainder of the evening. Tomorrow, Elam would return to his house one last time to give it a thorough cleaning, then he would go back to his folks’ home until he found a piece of property for himself and Julianna.

  Elam had already talked to a realtor about helping him find a house in the area. The realtor had said that there were a couple of properties that might be of interest to him within their Amish district, however, both were Englisch homes and would require removal of the electric. Elam wished he could keep it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  For some reason, Elam hadn’t expected the naturopathic doctor to be a woman. But perhaps a female would be best for Julie.

  After he gave the doctor the rundown of Julianna’s condition, she seemed to have a keen understanding of the situation as though she’d dealt with it many times in the past. Elam hoped that was true, because he desired nothing more than to see Julie happy and well.

  Julianna was in another room with the therapist, while the doctor reviewed the natural healing protocol with Elam. At first, he’d worried about Julie being separated from him but the therapist quickly put him at ease when she struck up a casual conversation with Julianna. Julie willingly stayed in the other room with the therapist and showed no signs of anxiety.

  “What I suggest is a total wellness approach that encompasses body, soul, and spirit.

  “For the body—and this is one of the most important keys—is diet. She needs to avoid junk food, sugars, and animal products as much as possible.”

  Elam blinked. “Animal products?”

  “Yes. Meat, dairy, eggs. Anything that comes from an animal. I realize this part is difficult for most people to understand since it’s been ingrained in us since birth practically. But independent research has shown that animal proteins play a key factor in most diseases—like cancer.”

  Elam frowned. This is what they lived on mostly—fresh eggs from the chickens and milk and cheese from their cows. “What will she eat, then?”

  The way she smiled at him made him feel like he was ten years old, but he didn’t consider it an insult. “There is an abundance of food in the plant kingdom, chock full of the vitamins and minerals our bodies need and crave.”

  “You want her to eat plants?”

  “Things that grow from the soil. The things mother nature has provided for us.”

  God provided for us, Elam mentally corrected.

  “Fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, non-GMO whole grains. There are plenty of non-animal foods available for our consumption. I also recommend a daily juicing regimen.”

  “Juicing?”

  “Do you own a juicer?”

  He wasn’t even sure what a juicer was. “No.”

  “That will need to be your first purchase. As soon as you leave here, before you go home, you should stop by the store and pick up a juicer.”

  “Does this juicer work on electric?”

  “Electricity? Yes.”

  “Our district does not allow electric of any kind.”

  “Not even for health reasons? I would think they would make an exception for that. I can come and discuss it with the leaders if it will help. Owning and using a juicer is imperative for good health.”

  “How will she get her protein if she doesn’t eat animal products?”

  She smiled. “The Amish read the Bible, right?”

  “Yes.” He wondered what this had to do with their conversation, but allowed her to continue.

  “Do you know what God told Adam and Eve to eat—what their bodies were designed for?”

  Elam shook his head.

  “Plants, fruits, seeds—all things that come directly from the earth. Which, if you think about it, makes a lot of sense. If God made them from the dust of the earth, then it’s what comes from that very soil which will nourish them properly. As far as I know, God never redesigned the human body.” She handed him a booklet. “Also, if you think about some of the largest creatures in the animal kingdom—the gorilla, the bear, the horse, the elephant—they all exist primarily on plant foods. If plants contain enough protein for those massive creatures—and they are really strong--don’t you think plants are sufficient for humans as well?”

  He scratched his head. “Hmm…never thought of that before. But you’re right, it does make a lot of sense.”

  “Now, with this regimen, she’s probably going to feel sick at times. Especially in the first week. But don’t be alarmed, this is completely normal and necessary.”

  “But I thought these things were supposed to help her.”

  “And they will. What will be happening inside Julianna is basically like a housecleaning for the body. The food and herbs will gather the toxins and remove them. After this detoxification takes place, her body will be able to assimilate the nutrients contained in the food much more readily. Before you know it, she will feel great.”

  Elam blew out a breath and nodded. This wasn’t going to be an easy thing, it seemed. But he had told his father that he wasn’t looking for easy.

  “Next, we will start with a light exercise regimen. As she improves and gains more energy, we’ll gradually increase the physical activity. The more she is outside amongst nature and exposed to natural sunlight, the better. Sunshine and fresh air can be wonderful healers.”

  Elam nodded, attempting to keep a mental list in his head.

  “For the soul, which encompasses the mind, will, and emotions, I recommend things that will stimulate her mind in a positive manner. The key here is to disallow any negative thought process. Have you ever heard that laughter is the best medicine?”

  “Jah.” Elam thought of the verse from the Bible, A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.

  “I usually recommend that patients watch comedic videos, but in this case, we’ll have to think outside the box.” She tapped a finger on her chin. “Have you heard of Zig Ziglar?”

  “No.”

  “I suggest going to your local library and requesting his audiobooks. They should have comedians’ CDs too, now that I think about it. Some Christian entertainers include Mark Lowry, Chonda Pierce, Thor Ramsey, Ken Davis, Michael Junior.” She smiled. “You can tell I recommend them a lot, can’t you? I can write out a list for you. Just make a request to the librarian and she should get them for you. They will be good for both of you to listen to. Or do you not have a way to listen to CDs?” Her lips twisted.

  “We can figure something out.” He thought of the portable CD player he sometimes used when he went on walks.

  “Another thing I would suggest is helping or doing things for others. This could include making meals, giving gifts, giving of your time—anything to take the focus off oneself and to consider others’ needs.

  “As far as the spiritual side goes, I realize the Amish are deeply spiritual people. At least this is what I have heard, am I correct?”

  Elam wasn’t sure how to answer that question. Sure, their people attended meeting every other week, prayed b
efore meals, had dutiful Bible readings, but to say they were deeply spiritual didn’t sit well in his mind. They were bound by the rules and mandates of the church, more of an outward obedience than the inner peace that comes from knowing Christ and walking with Him daily.

  “We attend meeting,” he simply said.

  “That’s good. Whatever spiritual activities you participate in, I encourage you to continue in those things.”

  Elam thought that it would be wonderful to bring Julianna to the Englisch church he’d attended with Zach. Surely, she’d get much more out of the service than the methodical practices of their Amish meetings. Now that he thought about it, attending meeting, with its somberness, could potentially have a negative effect on Julianna. But they couldn’t not attend, that was a non-negotiable.

  “Okay, here is all the paperwork you need including everything I just told you as well as instructions. If you want Julianna to get well, it is imperative that you follow this regimen. Call me at any time if you have any questions or concerns. If something’s not working, we can tweak the program for her.”

  He looked over the papers. “What is a rebounder?”

  “It’s a piece of exercise equipment, it looks very similar to a mini-trampoline, but it has more springs and they’re quite a bit stronger. You can find them online.” She frowned. “Oh, I keep forgetting. You don’t use computers, do you?”

  “I can have a friend look it up for me.”

  She nodded in satisfaction. “Good idea. Any other questions or concerns?”

  “What about her medications? Should she stop taking those?”

  “Oh, by all means, no.”

  “No?” His brow lowered. That was one of the main reasons they were here, to get Julianna off her medication. “But she talks about voices inside her head.”

  The doctor nodded. “Hearing voices is a typical side effect of psychotropic medication. I’ve heard many clients claim this. As a matter of fact, many of the mass shootings that have happened in recent years were perpetrated by people under the influence of these drugs.