A Secret of the Soul (Amish Secrets--Book 6)

by J. E. B. Spredemann

  “However, we must weigh the risks and benefits and consider the consequences all around. Taking her off those medications cold turkey could kill her. We will measure her progress to see where she is at and how she is coping after thirty days of the protocol I’ve detailed in those papers. If I feel she is adjusting well, we might begin to gradually taper off her medication. The only safe way is to slowly adjust her meds, and even then, she will probably experience some withdrawal or detoxification symptoms.”

  Elam didn’t know if he liked the sound of that, but he would listen to this doctor. She seemed to know a lot more about these things than he did.

  “It could take a year or maybe even longer, but I am confident it will be worth it,” she assured, then glanced down at her clipboard. The doctor held up her index finger. “Another thing…are you and your fiancée currently using any kind of birth control?”

  Heat immediately crept up his neck at the insinuation. How was this anybody’s business? He was glad that Julianna wasn’t present to hear these words.

  Elam shook his head. “We haven’t…we are not married yet.”

  “Well, that’s refreshing to hear. You never know nowadays. It would probably be best to wait to have children until Julianna is off her medication and her body has completely detoxified from it. Conceiving at this point in time could be detrimental to the baby and cause serious complications.”

  Elam frowned. He’d never considered this aspect. He’d hoped to have a child when God chose to bless them with one. For most married couples, that happened in the first year of marriage. “You said it will take over a year for Julie to be off her medication?”

  “That’s correct. I can suggest some natural birth control methods if you’d like.”

  “Our people believe in trusting God’s timing for children.”

  “You can still trust God’s timing. What I’m referring to is simply abstaining during certain days of the month. I think this would be wise.” She turned and added a couple of papers to the others. “I’ll just leave these with you so you can look them over and pray about it.”

  Elam nodded. “Thank you very much, doctor.”

  ~

  Elam sighed as he and Julianna headed back home. There were so many things to consider. How different their lives would be in comparison with other newly married couples. Their path was truly an uphill battle, but the doctor had seemed positive that Julianna could heal and they could have a normal life together. And that was encouraging.

  “Eric, we’ll need to go by Walmart before we go home. Do you mind? We shouldn’t be too long.”

  “No problem, Elam,” the driver responded.

  A few moments later, their driver dropped them off in front of the store and parked the vehicle. He’d said he’d stay in the car and wait.

  “Do you know what a juicer is?” Elam asked Julianna as they headed toward the appliance section of the store.

  She shook her head.

  He quickly found the aisle and chose the machine that looked the sturdiest. “See.” He showed her the picture on the back of the box. “You put vegetables and fruit inside that chute and juice comes out into the glass. Pretty cool, huh?”

  Julianna smiled and he grasped her hand. He led the way to the entertainment section of the store and Elam picked up some extra batteries and a set of small speakers to use with his CD player. He thought that listening to the comedy CDs from the library would be a good activity while they were out riding around in his buggy, whether courting or going to look at houses to buy. They finally approached the register and he paid for the items.

  Now, he just needed to pray that the leaders would allow them to use the electric juicer. It was true that they didn’t have electricity hooked up to their houses, but they did occasionally use generators that ran on gasoline and could power an electrical appliance if need be. He wondered if it would be wiser to just use the appliance and not say anything or go to the leaders and ask for permission first.

  Since he was still going through his time of proving, he decided the best thing to do was let Obadiah Yoder handle the matter. After all, Julianna would be living under their roof for several more weeks until Elam and Julianna married. A day Elam looked forward to more with each passing moment.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  “Elam, Deacon Schwartz is here to see you.” His father stood near the door and called him from the supper table.

  Oh no. A visit from the deacon usually did not include glad tidings of great joy.

  “Yes?” Elam approached. “Would you like to take a seat, Deacon?”

  “Nee. Is it true that you have brought the Englisch ways to our people?”

  Elam frowned. “Englisch ways? I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

  “Did you not purchase an appliance that runs on electric?” The deacon clarified.

  “Oh, you mean the juicer I bought for Julianna?”

  “Jah. You know it is verboten. Why would you bring it into this community?”

  “Julianna needs it for her health. The doctor insisted on it.” He hoped that didn’t mean Julianna’s family hadn’t been using it. The sooner her health was restored, the better it would be for everyone.

  “And the doctor’s words hold more meaning to you than the Ordnung?”

  Elam clenched his hands at his side in frustration. “Are you telling me that Julianna has to stay sick because the leaders won’t approve of the juicer?”

  “We do not approve of the use of electric. You are aware of this.” The deacon’s stance was firm.

  “How, then, do you expect her to get well if she can’t use the tools needed to get her well? As far as I know, there are no juicers that run on propane. Besides, some of the men in the community use a generator for their tools.”

  “That is different. It is for their livelihood and to provide for their own.”

  Elam did his best not to blow his top, but he found it extremely difficult. “And you’re saying that Julianna’s life is not important enough to make an exception?”

  This was one thing that bothered him about his community. Their decisions were hypocritical at times. These rules made absolutely no sense.

  Deacon Schwartz remained silent.

  “Can I have a meeting with the leaders?” Elam frowned.

  “This situation has already been discussed. That is why I am here.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “Return the juicer to the store.”

  Elam stood open-mouthed. If he said something, it could possibly cause him to have more proving time—if he didn’t already. If he kept quiet and agreed, he could marry Julianna as quickly as possible and leave the community if that was what it would take to get her well.

  “I will do as you say.” He forfeited – for now.

  “Gut.” Deacon Schwartz nodded. “I knew you would see that our ways are best. You are a wise man, Elam.”

  Elam kept his cool as he watched the deacon leave his folks’ property. But what he felt like doing was running off with Julianna tonight, marrying her, and living Englisch for at least as long as it took to get her better. But what if she needed a special diet and lifestyle for the rest of her life? Would they stay separated from their families for as long as they lived? Somehow, he knew that would not be healthy for Julianna either. It didn’t matter what he did—either way, they’d lose.

  ~

  Elam had thought of the idea last night, but it had been too late to call Zach. Now, as he walked toward the phone shanty, a spark of hope kindled in his soul. What if they did sell juicers that ran on propane or some other non-electric source? Surely there had been others with a similar dilemma.

  He quickly dialed Zach’s phone number.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Zach, it’s Elam. Do you know if there is such a thing as a vegetable juicer that runs on propane?”

  “I have no idea, man. Just a sec and I’ll look it up online.”

  Elam heard the sound of keys typing on a
keyboard.

  “Uh, okay. No, I don’t see anything on a propane juicer. Sorry.”

  Elam felt like someone had taken a needle and stuck it into his balloon of hope.

  “Wait. It looks like they have some type of manual juicer. It’s plastic. It doesn’t look the sturdiest, but it might work. Do you want me to go ahead and order it? It looks like it’s about thirty bucks.”

  “Jah, sure. Please, if you will.”

  “No problem. Hey, how’s everything going?”

  “It’s frustrating, but I’m trying my best not to do anything to lengthen my proving time.”

  “I hear you.”

  “Have you and Rosanna been back to Honey Ridge lately?”

  “Not lately. It’s really hard going back. I have so many memories there. I miss John so much, I can only imagine how Rosanna feels. I’m sure it’s worse for her. And then there are our families constantly trying to get us to come back, warning of Hell. I’m sure you know all about it.”

  “Jah, I definitely get it. It’s extra hard when you know what both worlds are like. Each one has its own appeal.”

  “Isn’t that the truth?”

  “Well, I’ll let you go. I’m sure you have many things to do, as do I.”

  “Okay. I’ll let you know when that juicer comes in. It says about a week and a half.”

  “Gut. That’s not too bad.” He didn’t want to wait at all when it came to Julianna’s health, but he had to take what he could get.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Sundays always brought a smile to Elam’s lips—especially the non-church Sundays when they could spend the day visiting with family or friends.

  Today, that meant picking up Julie in his buggy and bringing her home to share a meal with his family. It also meant he’d be seeing Danny and his new wife for the first time since their wedding. Elam had wanted to visit with him sooner, but he had no desire to go near the Stolzfoos ranch.

  This coming week, he planned to spend most of the time in town working with Merlin Yost, a conservative Mennonite man who’d hired Elam before he’d left the Amish. Elam was grateful for his shed-building job. It provided enough money to live on and to give a little extra to his folks. But since he’d be taking on a new bride soon, he’d probably need a little more, especially if he had to provide for Julianna’s medication, doctor visits, and whatever else she’d need.

  He’d asked Mamm earlier in the week to be sure to have non-animal foods available for Julianna to eat. At first, his mother wasn’t sure what she could make that would be acceptable for Julie, but when she returned home from the store with a smile on her face, Elam knew she’d succeeded in finding suitable nourishment. He planned to eat the same foods Julianna ate so she wouldn’t feel awkward while the others ate different foods.

  Elam tugged on the reins, bringing his driving horse to a halt. He tethered the reins to the hitching post and stepped onto the porch of Julie’s folks’ home. He knocked, and was surprised when Julianna opened the door.

  “Hi.” Her timid smile endeared her to him even more.

  “Hi.” He smiled back, longing to bring her close and kiss her lips. He looked over her shoulder and noticed her mother standing in the kitchen, then fixed his eyes on her again. “You ready to go?”

  “Jah.” Julianna reached for his hand, surprising him once again.

  They stepped up into the buggy. “You look well. How are you feeling?”

  “Gut.”

  “How is your health regimen going?”

  She grimaced a bit. “It’s getting better. I was sick the first week.”

  “The doctor said most people get sick the first week.” Elam nodded. “But you feel better now?”

  “Jah. Mostly.”

  “I can tell. You look better. Healthier.” Elam grinned. “How is the manual juicer working out? Is it good enough?”

  She shrugged. “Mamm doesn’t care much for it.”

  “But it does the job, right? I’m going to see if I can figure out how to convert an electric juicer. I think that will be easier than trying to convince the elders to allow us to use electricity.”

  She snuggled close to his side and he draped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her as near as space would allow. He couldn’t wait until they had their own place and they could snuggle as much as they wanted to. He kissed the top of her head.

  “My mamm is making some gut food for us. Beans and rice, I think, and green salad.”

  “Ach, that sounds wunderbaar.” She reached into her purse and pulled out an apple, a banana, and a container of juice. “I brought these just in case.”

  “Is that carrot juice?”

  “Jah, Mamm made a little while ago.”

  “May I taste it? I’ve never tried carrot juice before.”

  “It’s very gut. I like it.”

  Elam’s brow shot up. “You do?”

  She nodded and handed Elam the container without the lid.

  He took a drink, not knowing what to expect. “Mm…this is really gut. It’s sweet.”

  “Jah.”

  Elam exhaled a sigh of relief. For some reason, he’d expected a strict, healthy diet to be devoid of taste—or taste terrible. But so far, he’d learned that most of the things Julianna consumed had been very flavorful and satisfying to the taste buds.

  He handed the plastic container back to her.

  “You may drink more.”

  He shook his head. “I’d love to. But your mudder did not go to all that trouble to make that drink for me.” He squeezed her hand. “Guess what? I’ve got good news.”

  “You found a house?”

  He couldn’t mask his grin. “Maybe. Remember the little house on ten acres that I was telling you about? We can look at it tomorrow when I get off work.”

  Julianna squealed and squeezed his arm.

  He looked at her in amazement. “You really are doing better. This is the best I’ve seen you since you’ve come home. I like it.” He smiled and clasped her chin. “You’re cute, you know that?”

  She shook her head.

  “Are you insulting my intelligence?” He crossed his arms in mock offense.

  Julie grinned.

  “Can you believe it? Two more weeks.” With each day that passed, he looked forward to making Julianna his wife. “Daed said we’re free to use the dawdi haus until we find a place of our own. I’ve already moved some of the furniture in.”

  “Really? May I see it today?”

  The excitement in her voice brought a thrill to his soul. He loved seeing this side of Julie. It reminded him of what they used to have, and what could be. “You bet.”

  He maneuvered the horse to the hitching post and tethered her until he’d made quick work of unhitching the buggy. Scramble met him and Julianna as they headed toward the house. Elam crouched down and rubbed the dog’s head, scratching behind his ears the way he liked it. “Hey, Scramble. You remember Julie?”

  Scramble wagged his tail as Julie pet him as well. “You’re a good boy,” she said.

  Elam recognized the enjoyment of the mutual relationship between Julianna and Scramble. Indeed, his canine companion would serve her well. Elam was glad that Scramble would be present to keep company with Julie while he was away at work during the week. Truth be told, that was something that had him worried. He didn’t want to leave her alone, didn’t know how it would affect her emotionally. Perhaps they should get a cat for inside the house as well.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Elam couldn’t believe this day was finally here—the day he and Julianna would become husband and wife. It was a day he had hoped for, fantasized about, prayed for, and dreamed about many times in the past. A dream that had died. A dream that had been buried. A dream that had been resurrected. A dream that was now a reality. Denki, Gott.

  It seemed like every rule and tradition in their Amish church district had been compromised in the weeks immediately following Julianna’s release from the hospital. The leaders agreed to
allow her to take classes for baptism after they married, something that had been unheard of as far as Elam knew, reasoning that Elam had already been baptized and had made a kneeling confession. Elam had also reasoned with them that Julianna’s medication would probably impair her ability to memorize the parts of the Dortrecht Confession of Faith that would be required of her. With that being the case, they married within six weeks of her release—just after his proving time was over.

  It felt like God had given him a second chance—it was a miracle, indeed.

  As they stood in front of the leaders and their community of family and friends in Julianna’s neighbors’ home, Elam’s heart soared. He glanced down at his and Julianna’s clasped hands. The look of love in her sparkling hazel-green eyes embedded itself somewhere deep inside his chest. Oh, how he loved to see her happy.

  Elam knew they had a difficult road ahead of them. He knew that not every day would be sunshine and roses, but it didn’t matter. Because he also knew that Der Herr would see them through whatever obstacles came their way. The joy of the Lord would be his strength. He just needed to remember that when the difficult days presented themselves.

  Just then, Elam reminded himself of something his grossmammi in Ohio used to say. When the going gets tough, the tough get praying. Jah, he’d need to remember that.

  ~

  Their wedding day had been full of fun and games, and special memories had been made. But as the night wore on, Elam sensed that Julie was exhausted. Perhaps they should have left sooner.

  Tonight they’d spend the night at Julie’s folks’ place and help with the cleanup at the neighbors’ place tomorrow, then they’d move into the dawdi haus on his folks’ property. Elam looked forward to some peace and quiet and time alone with his wife.

  Today was definitely the beginning of a new adventure.