Enough

by A L Williams

  It had been a few days since the incident at the club and as usual Izzy had avoided the conversation. If I was honest, I hadn’t tried to talk to her about it. I was still angry at her and I knew I had to get my head on straight before I confronted her. I didn’t blame her for what the guy did, but I did for putting herself in the situation which I knew probably meant I did blame her or at least that's what she would think. I had to come to terms with that and find more empathy before I could deal with it.

  She needed to stop drinking, but how did I express that without it coming across as victim-blaming? Dex had done it effortlessly and I was lost. Of course, after what he told me about his mother, I knew it was from experience.

  Alcohol poisoning.

  I drove the backhoe across the site as my stomach twisted tight. I couldn’t imagine losing someone like that. If Izzy drank herself to death, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Not after the promise I made years ago. That day drifted through my head.

  I will always protect you.

  “Ra!” Larry called. I stopped the backhoe and looked out the window. Larry was walking over.

  I turned off the machine and climbed out, hopping on to the ground. “What’s up?”

  “I need you to look this over with me and see if you have any ideas,” he said, waving a blueprint in front of me.

  I followed him inside and he turned to me. “What’s going on? You’ve been distracted,” he said, walking over to the table and spreading the blueprint on it.

  I followed. “Izzy got drunk again.”

  He continued to stare at the blueprint, unaffected by my words.” And?”

  I looked aside. I knew he was aware of her problem, but did he have to be so indifferent. He never said anything, but I could tell by the way he spoke, Larry didn’t like her behavior and he didn’t like what it did to me. Which was precisely why I never brought her around him and Barbara. “She almost got roofied.”

  He froze and straightened, meeting my gaze. “Is she all right?” he asked. My heart warmed. As much as he disliked her, he was still a good man.

  “Yes, she’s fine. Her ego is bruised more than anything else. We fought, but we still haven’t talked about it.”

  He crossed his arms. “She needs help.”

  I ran my hand over my hair. “I know, but she won't listen.”

  I nodded. “Alcoholics rarely do. It’s part of the disease. The unwillingness to acknowledge they need help. The fear that there is something wrong.”

  I blinked and stared. “Do you know someone who—.”

  “It’s not important,” he rushed. I considered pushing, but I wouldn’t get anywhere. He was as stubborn as Barbara which always had me wondering how they were still married. They had to clash sometimes.

  “I just don’t know how to get her to listen. The minute I say something she either avoids it or deflates back at me. Dex was able to diffuse the situation, but she still won't talk.”

  Larry arched a brow. “That’s the guy she’s dating, right? He was there?”

  I nodded. “He was the one who noticed the guy putting the roofies in the glass. He also managed to calm her down.”

  Larry furrowed his brow and walked around the table. He searched my face and then patted my shoulder. “Don’t put that on yourself. You didn’t do that. She didn’t do that. The only one to blame was that man.”

  I nodded, my eyes burning.

  He turned and walked back to the table. “So, you and that Dex guy are getting along now?” I tensed for a moment, wondering if Barbara had told him, but thought better of it. She would never. He was just asking an innocent question. He knew I hated the people Izzy dated.

  “Yeah. We’ve kind of come together.”

  Not yet.

  I exhaled and pushed that thought away.

  “That’s good. Maybe the two of you can talk sense into that girl.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Don’t internalize this. Believe me it won't do you any good.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “Good man. Now get over here and take a look at this mess,” he drawled.

  We spent the rest of the time tossing ideas back and forth until the sun sank low in the sky. We closed the sight for the night and made our way to our cars. Larry patted my shoulder once again and climbed in his, pulling out of the lot.

  I walked to my car, wondering how Dex was. The taste of his lips and the warmth of his body had not left me. Every night since, I’d jerked off to the memory and I still wasn't satisfied. My cock hardened and I groaned, driving home.

  ▽

  A few days later, Keith was laying on the Bench press and I stood behind. He hauled the barbell into the air and I smirked. I was impressed with how dedicated to this he was, and he was actually a lot stronger than I had assumed. For a guy who was so small he had power. He continued to lift as sweat gathered at his brow.

  Once he was done, we switched places. Later after our shower we walked over to the attached cafe. This was the only gym in the city that had a cafe which is why I chose it. I looked around at the assortment of gluten-free and vegan snacks as the cashier prepared a smoothie.

  The cafe was filled with chattering groups of people dressed in gym wear and even though they had all showered, there was a lingering musk that spoke of the calories shed. I eyed the smoothies and assortment of snacks, rubbing my chin. Even I settled on a green smoothie and a protein bar. Keith ordered the tropical smoothie and a vegan protein brownie.

  Once we were seated, I smirked at Keith’s choice. “That’s counterproductive you know?”

  He looked up with a mouth full of brownie and shrugged. “Believe me this is better than what I used to do.”

  I considered asking him, but thought better of it. If he wanted me to know he’d tell me.

  Keith studied me for a moment and looked down. “I have an eating disorder.”

  I tensed and my stomach twisted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t–”

  “It’s fine. You weren’t wrong per se. Eating sweets after working out is counterproductive. I just thought you should know why.”

  “Still I’m sorry. I’ve never had an eating disorder, but I know they are difficult, and I don’t want to cause any guilt or shame because of my words.” I chuckled bitterly. “I seem to be doing that a lot lately.”

  Keith cocked his head. “What happened?” His eyes widened and he looked down again. “If you don't mind me asking.”

  “My best friend is—she’s an alcoholic and she refuses to get help.”

  Keith nodded and didn’t speak so I continued. “A week ago we went out with a friend.” I tripped on the word as Dex’s heartfelt gaze flashed in my mind. “She got plastered and some guy tried to roofie her.”

  Keith’s eyes went so big and I almost laughed.

  “Is she all right?”

  “Yeah, she’s fine. I got into an argument with her about the drinking and in my rage, I think I might have victim-shamed. I wasn’t doing it on purpose. I just…” I trailed off, unable to continue. No matter what I said it sounded like excuses.

  Keith lifted his hand and hesitated for a moment before reaching out and patting my hand. Before I could respond he jerked away. “You meant well, I’m sure. Sometimes we say things the wrong way in our anger.”

  I relaxed. “I just don’t know what to do. A friend and I are going to talk to her, but we have to actually get her to talk about it.”

  Keith nodded. “That’s definitely a difficult situation. At least you have a friend to help. You both seem to care about her.”

  “We do.” I paused and bit the inside of my cheek the urge to tell him strong. I wasn’t ready for the world to know that I… I was attracted to a man, but I needed to talk to someone. “To make matters worse the friend and I... we kissed. I should be focusing on Izzy. She needs me.” I said, careful to leave Dex’s gender out.

  Keith leaned forward, after taking the final bite of his brownie, and placed his elbows on the table and his fa
ce in his hands. I looked down realizing I hadn't touched my drink, and took a sip of my smoothie, the cool liquid and fresh flavor calming my nerves.

  “Well, you’re a good friend for wanting to help her, but you can’t ignore your life for hers. I’m sure you two can find a way to figure out what’s going on between you and also help your friend.”

  “Maybe.” Could we? I was already having a difficult time focusing on Izzy as it was, but maybe that’s because Dex and I hadn’t gone beyond the kissing and touching. Maybe if we went on a date and explored a little deeper, we could focus on Izzy. My cock still wanted him, and it was getting to the point where I had jerked off every night this week to the memory of his moans.

  My face warmed, realizing that I hadn’t spoken in over a minute. “Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.” I cleared my throat, “If you ever need to talk about your love-life I’m here.”

  He flushed. “I—that’s not something I will have to worry about.”

  I tilted my head, wondering what he meant, but decided to let it go. It wasn’t my business.

  We changed the subject to working out techniques and other less intense subjects, Dex still lingering in the back of my mind. I would deal with Izzy first. Then Dex and I could go from there.

  Chapter Eleven

  Dex

  Dark clouds drifted across the sky, the smell of rain permeating the air. I leaned back in the chair at a local cafe, gazing out the window. Izzy called me and asked if I wanted to have lunch. I was apprehensive about going out with her after what happened, but I still wanted to see her. On top of that my cock screamed for Rashawn and I was still processing that. I needed a distraction.

  We hadn’t spoken since that night when we’d almost fucked on the couch. I shivered at the memory. A part of me was grateful we were able to stop and the other part disappointed. I’d spent the past week telling myself that it was fine. That we needed this space. I was scared of taking it further and I was sure Rashawn was too. The whole situation was too much.

  I slumped in my seat. I was a horny mess. I dragged my hand down my face. Was I bisexual? I thinned my lips and thought of some of the guys at school. Nothing. I’d spoken with Ava multiple times and she assured me that I didn’t have to focus on labels.

  Don't question it. Let it happen. Our sexuality can change.

  Even so, I couldn't wrap my head around it. I was scared of how much my life had changed and the anxiety about Izzy’s alcoholism didn’t help matters.

  “Dex!” a familiar voice chimed.

  I turned around as Izzy sauntered over to the table. She leaned down, giving me a kiss. My lips tingled, but my cock didn’t care.

  That’s new…

  She hummed in pleasure. When she took her seat she leaned her elbows on the table with her head in her hands and smiled. “How have you been?”

  “I've been good. You?” I fought the urge to ask her if she’d been drinking. That would not end well.

  “I'm doing okay,” she said. “Finals are coming up. And of course, all of my students are whining about it. The late homework and extra credit assignments are piling up.” She rolled her eyes. “Why do I keep giving them chances to turn in homework months after it's done?”

  I smiled. “Because you care.”

  She tensed and my heart twisted. Did she not know how to take a compliment?

  “I swear you and Ra say the sappiest things.”

  I shrugged “It’s true.”

  She smirked, the expression not reaching her eyes. “I don't know what I would do without you and Ra.”

  Probably drink yourself to death.

  I scolded myself. She was sick. Just like my mother was. It was not her fault.

  “What's wrong?” She asked.

  I plastered on a smile. “Oh nothing. Are you ready to eat?”

  “Yeah.”

  We waved over the waiter and ordered.

  Once we had our food, we ate in silence. Thoughts of Izzy and Rashawn along with everything that happened ran through my mind.

  “So, you and Rashawn seem to be getting along better,” Izzy said, taking the final plate.

  I snapped my head up. “What?”

  “You heard me,” she said with an arched brow.

  I looked away. “Yeah we’ve come to an…. understanding”

  “Is there something you're not telling me?” She asked.

  “I don't know what you're talking about.” My skin warmed at her assessing gaze.

  “I'm not stupid. I can see the heat when you two look at each other.”

  I gawked at her. Am I really being that obvious?

  “Yeah you've been that obvious,” She said, as if she heard my thoughts.

  I shifted. “I—listen, I don't know what this is. It's all new.”

  She smiled. “Yeah, it's definitely strange. Rashawn has never shown any attraction to men. I mean he has always been truly kind to the queer community. We both have, but I never would have thought he'd be into guys.”

  I chuckled. “I didn’t think I would be either.”

  Her eyes sparkled. “So, you're both straight guys who want to fuck each other. That's hot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him give anyone else that ‘I want to bury my cock in your ass.’ look”

  My face warmed even further. She reached across the table and touched my hand, caressing it. I stared down at it.

  “We could have so much fun, the three of us…together,” she purred.

  My stomach twisted. “I’m sure we could.”

  “Do you want to play?” She asked.

  “Uh. What?”

  “A threesome. This seems like the perfect solution.”

  “ Uh…I don't know.”

  She squeezed my hand. “Think about it okay?”

  “Okay.”

  What was wrong with me? Her idea should be appealing. I wanted Rashawn and I wanted her. So, why was the idea so distasteful?

  You don’t want her. You want him.

  All to yourself.

  I clenched my jaw. Was that true? Was I no longer attracted to her? The idea of him fucking me into the mattress had my cock rock hard in seconds but adding her to the equation didn’t sit right.

  Also, I wasn't the type to be the submissive. I'd always been the one doing the fucking. Izzy should have been the preferred choice. Hell, I wasn’t even really into women taking control. I preferred my partners on their backs or hands and knees, taking me. Izzy was a dominant woman, but I was still the one sticking my cock in her. I knew logically that didn't automatically mean dominance, but it did in my head.

  I rubbed my temple and looked back at Izzy. “Hey, I have to get back to work. I'll call you later?”

  When we left the cafe I leaned against the wall once she had disappeared around the corner. I looked up at the sky as it began to rumble. The wind rushed by, filling my nose with the scent of the coming rain. I had to figure out which one I wanted more.

  You already know the answer.

  You are scared of being rejected.

  Rashawn and Izzy seemed to be trapped in this endless friends-with-benefits situation that wasn’t healthy. Rashawn wanted more and Izzy wasn’t oblivious.

  You aren’t my father, boyfriend, or husband. Even if that’s what you fucking want!

  Little drops of rain hit my face and I pushed off the wall. I made my way down the sidewalk towards my car. Maybe she didn’t understand how much he loved her. Why would she string him along? Why would she hurt him every day?

  I gritted my teeth. I could see the good person inside of her, but what kind of person would do that? He didn’t deserve it.

  The sky rumbled loudly as rain burst from the clouds just as I slammed my car door closed.

  ▽

  Later that day I decided to go for a walk after work. The rain had stopped, and the sky was clearing. The day was quiet over, so the sky was still a light blue behind the dissipating clouds. The smell of rain still lingered in the air and the cool breeze calmed my nerve
s.

  I tried my best to concentrate on work, but Rashawn had been on my mind. So much so that Dr. Bennette insisted I take the rest of the day off. I reluctantly agreed, knowing that if I didn’t, he would start questioning my behavior. He, of course, thought I was sick since I never behaved like that and I was fine with him believing that. Ava on the other hand had gifted me with a knowing smirk which I promptly ignored as I walked out of the office red-faced.

  An hour later I was strolling along the winding path at a nearby park, listening to the ducks’ splash about in puddles formed in large holes among the grass and dirt. Rashawn invaded my thoughts once again and I wondered what he was doing. Was he all right? Was Izzy stressing him out again? Were they arguing? I frowned as my phone buzzed in my pocket. I yanked it out and tensed.

  “Hey Dad,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck as I continued walking

  “Dexter. It’s been a while. Have you been focusing on school like you’re supposed to?”

  I clutched the phone. “Yeah, of course.”

  “Good. I am calling to see if you’re coming home for summer. Finals. My sisters want to see you.”

  “Oh, yeah. Of course,” I said, reprimanding myself for forgetting. All of this crap going on was distracting me from every aspect of my life.

  “Have you found a nice lady friend to bring home?”

  I stopped. “Uh, yeah. We just started seeing each other.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Isabel.”

  “That’s a respectable name. What does she do?”

  “She’s a teacher.”

  “Ah, an educator, good.”

  I swallowed. He wouldn’t take it well if he knew she was an instructor at my school. Even if she wasn’t my teacher, he was a stickler for the rules. It wasn’t illegal, but it was looked down upon. Dad was always worried about my image and respectability as an ex-servicemen appearance meant a lot to him.