Enough

by A L Williams

  “Mom would have liked that.”

  “You should bring her,” he said.

  My stomach twisted.

  “I don’t think that's a good idea. We just started dating and I don’t think it's time to bring her home to the family.”

  “Hmmm, I suppose you’re right. Let me know how things progress. When will you be returning home?”

  I gave him a rough estimate that I knew I’d have to keep to or he’d have my head. The call ended and I walked towards the parking lot.

  When I climbed in my car I stared at my phone. What would he think of Rashawn? I leaned against the steering wheel.

  My phone began to ring and sat up straight. My heart hammered as I looked at the screen at the familiar number.

  “Hello,” I said.

  “Hey,” Rashawn replied. The gentle rumble of his voice settled over me and I smiled. “I wanted to know if you would meet me for lunch or something You know to talk about Izzy.”

  “Sure. Where?”

  “Have you heard of Dirty Birdies?”

  “No.” He gave me the address and we decided to meet there at eight p.m. the next night. When the call ended, I started the car and made my way home, the anxiety of the day gone.

  Chapter Twelve

  Rashawn

  I walked into the house, throwing my helmet on the floor by the door. Then I removed my dirty work shoes and I moved down the hall into the bathroom. I found Izzy sitting on the vanity with a fresh pair of sweats. With narrowed eyes I began to undress, my body damp from the remaining sweat of a hard day's work. “What do you want?” I asked, throwing my shirt to the floor.

  She pouted. “Who said I wanted anything?”

  “You haven’t spoken to me in days and now you’re here with a change of clothes like the perfect little wife?” I said, spitting the words as venomously as she had. Even now her words hurt. She wasn’t just going to brush what happened off as if it didn’t.

  I unbuttoned my pants and pulled them off, stepping over the pile of dirt at my feet.

  I walked over to the tub, turning on the water and preparing the shower. I hoped she would have gotten the hint, but this was Izzy. She never did. I turned around and glared at her. “Can you just leave me be?”

  She hopped off the vanity and moved closer and for the first time since I’d entered the bathroom, I noticed that she was dressed in lingerie. As she grew closer the stench of vodka wafted my face. I clenched my jaw. I took a step back. “Not right now, Izzy. I’m not in the mood.”

  “Oh come, Ra. It’ll help you feel better,” she slurred.

  “I said no.”

  Her eyes flashed and she crossed her arms. “Why are you such an asshole?”

  I balled my hands into fists and turned away, remembering Dex's words. Anything I said to her would just cause a fight. “Please, Izzy. I’m tired and I just want to shower in peace.”

  “Fine.” She stormed out of the bathroom and I cringed at the sound of her hitting a wall. I planted my feet, fighting the urge to go after her and check if she was all right.

  She mumbled incoherently, a mix of curses and other nonsense before her bedroom door slammed and the hall went silent. I exhaled the breath I had held and continued to undress.

  Once I was under the hot water I slumped, allowing the heat to seep into me, easing away the day. Something crashed against the wall and I tensed. How could she do this again? Hadn’t the other night been enough? Hadn't her almost getting raped been enough?

  I punched the wall, the tile crumbling away from it. The pain in my knuckles radiated through my arm and I flinched. I eyed the blood gathering, bubbling out of my skin and washing away. My head began to throb, and I leaned back against the shower wall, my shoulder the only part still under the water. I slid down the wall as something else crashed and then fell silent. My heart twisted tight. When had things gotten so out of hand? I was supposed to protect her. It was my job to protect her. I was failing her.

  Again.

  My mind drifted to another time when our only worry was what we would wear for school the next day.

  ▽

  When I was finished throwing my things on my bed and shedding my shoes, I snuck across the hall to the girls’ side and peeked inside Izzy’s room. Her roommate sat on the bed across from Izzy on her stomach with her face in her hands. The girl jumped up with wide eyes when she saw me, with a soft blush on her face.

  I smiled at her. “Can you give us a moment?” I asked. Her blush deepened. A twinge shot through me as I moved closer and focused all my attention on the girl. I knew I was using her crush on me for evil, but I needed to talk to Izzy.

  She bobbed her head and rushed out of the room, glancing back at me and then dashing away.

  “Nice,” Izzy said.

  I turned, finding her glaring at me from her bed. She sat with her legs crossed and a blanket drawn up around her.

  “Izzy—”

  “No. Don’t you dare Izzy me! How dare you! I was having a good time and you just show up and cock block the whole situation.”

  “Robby was—”

  Her eyes flashed. “Robby was what? Taking advantage of me? Raping me?” She scoffed. “Nothing happened with him that I didn’t want.”

  I chewed my lip. “I thought—”

  “You thought what? That I’m still that poor little girl you have to protect!” I eyed her closely, noticing a sway of her body and slur in her words. I stocked over and grabbed the blanket, finding a half empty bottle of vodka in her lap.

  She yanked the blanket back and glanced at the creaked door. “What the fuck? Are you trying to get me in trouble?” she whispered.

  “What are you doing with that?” I said in a hushed tone. If they found her with alcohol that was a guaranteed restriction of privileges.

  “I wanted a drink,” she replied, sliding to the other side of the bed. She wrapped the bottle in a towel and then shoved it under the mattress.

  “Izzy—” I tried again.

  She scooted off the bed and walked towards me. When she stopped, pushed herself onto her toes and before I knew what was happening her lips brushed mine. I cringed at the strong odor and taste on her lips. She kissed me harder, reaching up. I gasped into her mouth as she wrapped her arms around me. She took control of the kiss and I gave in, clutching her sides—not knowing what to do with my hands. I’d wanted her for so long. We continued to kiss as the conversation faded away.

  ▽

  I exhaled a long breath. She had always been good at manipulating me, but not this time. I had to stand my ground or she would end up dead.

  When I finished my shower, I climbed out and dried off. Once dressed I made my way to my room. I walked over to my phone picking it up and dialing Dex’s number before I chickened out.

  "Hello,” he said.

  “Hey.” I hoped I didn’t sound as awkward as I felt. “I wanted to know if you would meet me for lunch or something You know to talk about Izzy.”

  “Yeah, sure. Where?” he replied.

  I racked my brain. “Have you heard of Dirty Birdies?”

  “No.”

  I wasn’t surprised. He didn’t seem like the type to go to pubs. “All right here’s the address.” I gave it to him and when we ended the call I dropped onto the bed. Why’d I choose there? Barbara and Larry would have a ball with this. I chuckled. It was the safest place I could think of. Dex did things to me that knocked me off balance and I needed the upper hand. I needed to deal with him on my own turf.

  Like that helped last time.

  I pushed away that voice and got in bed. It had to work. We would talk about Izzy and hopefully avoid the elephant in the room. How were we going to deal with this infuriating attraction to each other?

  That was the final thought as I faded away into a world filled with olive skin and beautiful hazel eyes that pierced my soul.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Dex

  The sky was filled with a distant rumble as dark clouds drifte
d closer. The air was ripe with spring rain. I inhaled the sweet scent, reveling in the familiar. I must have missed Washington more than I thought.

  I walked through the parking lot, waving around scattered cars. I spotted Rashawn’s car and then relaxed; glad I hadn’t arrived first.

  When I reached the metal door, I tugged it opened, peering inside before I took a step in. The walls were paneled with wood above a bar that sat in the corner with matching wooden stools. An assortment of bottles lined the wall behind the bar.

  The sound of a sports announcer reverberated through the small pub from the mounted flat screen televisions scattered around the room. The decor spoke of Irish pubs I’d seen in movies with an American spin.

  I walked over to the bar, sliding into a stool as a green eyed woman came out of the kitchen, the doors swinging closed behind her. She was an older woman with dirty blonde hair dressed in a pair of tight faded jeans—too tight for her age I might add. She walked over to a man and filled a glass with beer on tap.

  “Hey,” a familiar voice said.

  I jumped and whipped around, almost falling out of the stool. I righted myself, my face warm. Rashawn smiled, running his hand over his hair. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss those lips or punch him. I cleared my throat and leaned against the bar. “Hey.”

  He walked to my side and I watched him slip on to the stool with ease. A man should not be that sexy when he moves.

  “Who is your friend, Ra?”

  I looked up at the woman behind the bar. She eyed me curiously which made me fidget. She wasn’t close to my father’s age, but I felt like I was being assessed by a concerned mother. Maybe I was.

  “Oh, this is—this is Izzy’s...boyfriend,” he said, I could hear the almost growling of the word and if I was honest with myself it sent a thrill through me—if I was honest—I wasn’t planning on it.

  Sure.

  I thinned my lips.

  The woman turned to me and I straightened. She moved closer, and cocked her head to the side with her hands on her jean clad hips. “Hello, my name is Barbara. What is yours since Ra seems to have forgotten your name?”

  From the corner of my eyes I could see him rubbing the back of his head. When I turned back to Barbara her eyes twinkled with mirth and I couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew more than she was letting on. How much had Rashawn told her?

  She arched a brow and I blinked, and my face warmed again, realizing I hadn’t answered her question. “Uh...Dexter. You can call me Dex.”

  “What a nice name. Do you boys want anything to eat?” she asked. I stared at her as she waited. She may have disguised it as a question, but she expected us to eat.

  “A burger is fine,” Rashawn said.

  “And you, young man?”

  “I’ll have the same.”

  She nodded and walked away, glancing at Rashawn with a smile and then disappearing to the back.

  “Sorry. She can be a bit...pushy,” he said.

  “It’s all right. She seems nice.”

  “She is,” he replied.

  My chest tightened at the expression of affection. Whoever that woman was to him, it was clear he loved her.

  You want him to look at you like that.

  “So, how have things been at home?” I asked.

  Rashawn sighed.

  “Not great, I gather.”

  “She was drunk last night. I had to shake her off so I could take a shower.”

  I tensed. “Did she try and force herself on you?”

  His face hardened and he shrugged. “It’s fine. She didn’t.”

  I frowned but didn’t say anything. He was hiding behind his mask again. “Well, how are we going to approach this?”

  “We need to catch her in a good mood.”

  I nodded.

  “You are a lot better with words than I am and she seems to not snap at you as quickly. So, I was thinking you could...uh...take the lead.” I studied him, noting the stiffness in his posture.

  “You’re not used to asking for help,” I blurted.

  What the hell?

  His eyes widened. “Uh, no. I guess not.” He chuckled, the sound more nervous than amused.

  I smiled and reached out. His hand moved to his lap and retreated. What was I thinking? We were in public. Even so that knowledge didn’t help my sinking heart.

  We both fell silent as Barbara came out with our food. “Here you go, boys. Enjoy.” She looked between us and frowned, but didn’t say anything—Thankfully.

  Rashawn flinched at her glare. She walked away and something told me she was going to lay into him later. Had she seen his reaction?

  We ate and I was grateful for the reprieve. The television created an atmosphere that prevented the silence between us from being awkward, although I still felt like it. As I chewed on my food, I glanced at the man next to me. He was holding his burger in his large hands, staring off. I eyed his grip on it and the memory of them on my body returned.

  Rashawn turned to me and I jumped, almost choking on my food. He patted my back with a furrowed brow. When the coughing stopped, I stared down at my plate. I was an idiot.

  “So how are we going to convince her?”

  I exhaled the breath I held. “We have to validate her and make sure not to accuse. With my mother she would go on the defense the minute we started. We must remember that she isn’t trying to hurt herself or anyone else. This is about whatever happened in her past.” Rashawn tensed and I swiveled in the stool. “I know this is private and I should be asking her, but if we are going to handle this effectively, I need to know what happened.”

  He nodded and glanced at the other patrons and then turned back. “She—she was abused before she came to the group home,” his voice caught on the final word. “By her father.”

  My heart twisted.

  He slumped. “I was ten when she was brought in. She was seven.”

  Bile rose in my throat, but I swallowed it back and continued to listen.

  “I don’t remember a lot when I first saw her, but I remember the haunted look in her eyes.”

  “Was she sexually—?” I couldn’t get the word out.

  He shook his head. “Thankfully—. That sounds cheap. Abuse is abuse, but she was just beaten on a regular basis. The bastard wasn’t a pedophile, at least.” I fought the urge to reach up and stroke his cheek to push away the tension there.

  “She—she was so scared and lost.” In that instant his face filled with so much pain and anguish that my heart hurt. “I vowed to protect her from everything. The way I couldn’t—.” He paused and his mask went back in place. “It took awhile for her to become the bright and confident woman she is now, but it happened over time, but I started noticing behaviors that at the time I ignored because I—”

  “Because you love her,” I finished.

  He studied me and then continued. “She started having sex with anyone. Behind the bleachers. In empty classrooms. Utility closets. Who knows where else? When she started bringing alcohol to the group home, I confronted her, but she deflected and, in my weakness, I fell for it.” He shook his head. “I was a lovesick idiot. I still am.”

  I reached out and covered his hand with mine. This time he didn’t pull away. I didn’t know if he was because he was distracted or because no one could see. I was fairly sure it was the latter.

  “I did the same with my mother. I spent years thinking nothing was wrong. That everything was the way it was supposed to be. It wasn’t until the day she ruined my tenth birthday that I faced the truth.”

  My mind drifted to that day years ago when I realized my mother was sick.

  ▽

  The driveway and curb in front of our house were packed with cars. In the back yard and balloons floated in the air, tied to the chairs and tables set up. Adults sat around talking and laughing as my friends and I ran around. The sun was hot, but the breeze was cool. I was happy it hadn’t rained. I wanted to bounce on the trampoline my father had purchased for
me to work out on. He said it would help me get some of my excess energy out so I could focus on my studies. I didn’t really care why I just loved it.

  My Dad stood at the grill, slipping burgers as a few of his marine buddies taught. I ran over and peeked around him. “Dad, are the burgers ready?”

  He glanced back and narrowed his eyes. “Learn some patience, boy. They will be done when they are done. Get back over there or I will introduce your friends to our work-out routine.”

  My eyes widened and I backed up, running back to my friends.

  We continued to play and until it was time to eat and then open presents. I ripped through each one and briefly wondered where mom was.

  When we got through all of them and I thanked my friends we started with the cake. My dad handed me the knife and started to slice. I jumped, almost dropping it, at the sound of the door abruptly sliding open. I looked over, finding my mother stumbling out. She had a huge grin on her face.

  My heart swelled and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I peered up at dad. His face was like stone and I could see the tension in his body. I frowned and looked back to my mom. She swayed over and dropped to her knee.”Happy birthday, baby boy,” she slurred. I scrunched my nose at the scent of alcohol seeping from her mouth. She reached for me and my dad stepped closer.

  “Come on Bernadette. Not now. He’s cutting the cake so everyone can eat,” he said with thin lips.

  She narrowed her eyes at him, jerking away as he reached out. “I can give my son a hug.”

  He pinched his nose. “Come inside with me. Let’s get them some ice cream?”

  She frowned, but then nodded and pushed off her feet. Everything slowed as I watched helplessly as she stumbled back right into the cake. My eyes burned with tears as I watched my party fall to pieces.

  ▽

  “I didn’t want it to be true. I wanted the family everyone else had. I didn’t want a drunk for a mother. I’d only ever seen them in movies, but that day I had to face it.”

  Rashawn wrinkled his brow. “What happened after that?”

  I slumped. “Everyone left and I felt so embarrassed. I wanted to stay home from school forever. My father wouldn't let me. I spent the rest of the year suffering their looks of pity.”