Enough

by A L Williams

  “Why are you thinking so hard?” she asked.

  I huffed. “You know why.”

  She pulled away and crossed her arms. “I just had a shit night. Can’t you just leave it and we can have some fun,” she said, leaning in.

  I jumped from the couch. “No. You are not going to do to me what you do to Ra. No deflecting. Why aren’t you taking this seriously?” My blood was boiling at that point and I knew I had to cool it. I closed my eyes and focused on slowing my heartbeat. When I calmed down, I opened my eyes again. “You have to stop this. If not for your sake at least for Ra’s”

  “Why the hell are you so fucking concerned with him suddenly? You two hated each other. Are you best friends now?”

  “I don’t deserve this. Ra definitely doesn’t especially after everything he has done for you.”

  “I’m not some fucking damsel in destress. I can take care of myself. Whatever Ra told you is bullshit. I don't need him.”

  “It's not about needing him. It’s about being appreciative of him. He loves you.” My chest was tight, and my heart rate had picked up again. My heart ached for Ra, for Izzy, but most of all for myself and I didn’t know why. “Why are you hurting him?” I whispered.

  “Since you seem to be so concerned with him, maybe you should fuck him.”

  “I already have,” I spat and froze.

  Her eyes widened. “What did you say?”

  “I—”

  Something moved behind Izzy and I looked to the door finding Ra standing in the entryway with his mouth open and shock etched into his features. My heart sank. “Ra…” I started.

  “Get out,” He said.

  I blinked, the sound of rushing water filling my ears. “I’m—”

  “I said get the fuck out!” he barked again, this time his voice echoing through the house.

  I flinched and ran, not bothering to look at Izzy. Ra stepped aside as I rushed out of the house to my car and it wasn’t until I had pulled out of the driveway that the back of my eyes burned.

  What did you do?

  Chapter Eighteen

  Rashawn

  What now?

  I stared at the floor, lost and confused. When I had walked through the door, the last thing I expected to see was Dex and Izzy arguing. Dex hadn’t spoken to her like that before and I could feel the rage.

  Just when I was about to break it up, Dex spoke and everything came crashing down around me.Everything happened so fast my head spun.

  When the door slammed behind him, I didn’t meet Izzy’s eyes. My skin tingled from her gaze.

  “Is it true?” she asked.

  I opened my mouth and then closed it. “What were you fighting about?”

  “Don’t change the subject! Are you gay now?”

  “Of course not!”

  “Well, if what he said was true, you’re something. Tell me the truth. Do you fuck him?”

  “No.”

  She glared.

  “We—we kissed and did other things,” I muttered, looking aside.

  She didn’t say anything for so long that I turned back to her. She was staring at me with furrowed brows. “Oh my God. Now I get it. No wonder he was trying so hard to…” She trailed off chuckling. “He didn’t give a damn about me. It was you. He wanted to turn you against me.”

  I blinked. “That’s nonsense.”

  “Is it?”

  “Did he start filling your head with nonsense about my drinking before or after he had his tongue down your throat?”

  I bit my lip, my face scorching. “He wouldn’t do that.”

  Would he?

  Izzy sighed and walked over to me. She moved in close, placing her hands on my chest and searching my face. “I love you. You know that right?”

  My chest tightened. “Of course.”

  “Then please listen to me. He’s using you.”

  I looked away, shaking my head. She grabbed my chin and turned my face back towards her.

  “He’s using you. I would never hurt you.” She pulled my face down and kissed me. I relaxed into her, taking comfort in her warmth.

  ▽

  The next morning the sun shone through the room as it rose, pulling me from my slumber. I opened my eyes and glanced down at Izzy. Her head was on my chest and her leg and arm were draped over me. Her body was bare, only covered where the sheet wrapped around her thighs. I reached down, brushing a lock of hair from her face. She licked her lips but didn’t wake up.

  Staring at her mouth my mind drifted to Dex and I swallowed around the ache in my throat. I was still angry, but I also couldn’t erase the deflated and helpless expression he had. I glanced at the window as the sound of steps on cement and the whistle of the wind drifted through the window.

  Did he start filling your head with nonsense before or after he had his tongue down your throat?

  What Izzy had said stung and I didn’t want to think about it, but I couldn’t shake it no matter what I did. I maneuvered my way out from under her, scooting off the bed. I peered at her as she wrapped herself around my pillow, still sound asleep. Maybe she was right, maybe all of this was about him getting to me and driving a wedge between Izzy and I.

  I made my way to the dresser, the chilled air from the air conditioner brushing my bare skin. I reached inside, pulling out some underwear. Being with Dex had felt so good. Too good. Maybe I was just starved for affection and let him play me. I leaned my hands against the dresser, hunching forward and staring at myself in the mirror. Izzy flipped over and curled into a ball in the reflection. Had I been that naive? I mean I was a straight man and all of sudden I was attracted to a man? Maybe Dex was a siren who was trying to drag me to my death. I chuckled internally. He definitely evoked feelings I’d never experienced. Not even with Izzy. He felt...good.

  Dex's heated gaze and swollen lips filled my mind along with his moans of need and desperation, matching mine. My cock started to fill and I exhaled a breath, squeezing my eyes closed.

  He was using you.

  I clenched the dresser, my nails digging into the dark wood. I jolted straight and moved to the closet, grabbing clothes and throwing them on. I had to know. If only for closure.

  I’ll go and ask him and that will be it.

  ▽

  When I arrived at Dex’s apartment children were playing outside, their laughter flying through the air, mixing with the squeal and squeak of the playground equipment. I walked quickly, my heart hammering. I stopped in front of his door and reached up to knock, halting for a moment. I swallowed around the lump in my throat. If I didn’t ask him, or I would always wonder.

  When I finally managed to knock, an answer came quickly. The door swung open, revealing Dex dressed in low riding sweats and bare chested. I gaped at him and he stared back with wide eyes. I ripped my eyes away from his chest and met his fearful gaze.

  “What do you want?” he asked, his voice shaky.

  “Can we talk?”

  He narrowed his eyes. “I’m pretty sure you said all that needed to be said.”

  I glanced back at the children running and jumping behind me.

  “Come on,” Dex said.

  I jumped and turned back as he took a step to the side and opened the door wider. I crept inside and turned back to him. He closed the door and leaned against it with his arms crossed. “Say what you need to say.”

  “Why…” I paused. “Why did you tell her…? Why did you tell her we—” my voice caught on the words. I frowned when Dex chuckled, the sound unpleasant.

  “Tell her what? The truth?” he said.

  “That wasn’t your place.”

  “No, it wasn’t. I know that. You...you didn’t have to kick me out like that.”

  “I—”

  “No. I won’t be dragged into whatever it is you and Izzy have. I can’t handle the outbursts. I won’t.”

  I slumped. “I’m sorry.”

  He uncrossed his arms. “I’m sorry too. It just came out in my anger. It was a mistake.”r />
  He pushed off the door and inched closer. I wanted to remain angry at him, but it all slipped away as he moved closer and brushed my hand with his. “Is it really that bad that you want me?” he asked, sliding his hand up my forearm.

  I shook my head. “I’m just not ready for...I’m not ready to be out.”

  He reached up and brushed my cheek and I leaned into it. “I understand. How did she take it?”

  I tensed.

  “Not well? She doesn’t seem like the type to be homophobic.”

  “She said that—that you were trying to turn us against each other.”

  Dex’s fingers stopped and he frowned. “She’s trying to deflect again.” I licked my lips. He watched me and then stepped back. “You believed her.”

  I didn’t respond. What was I supposed to say anyway?

  Dex sighed. “I know you’ve been through a lot, but I’m not here to hurt you.” I knew that. Of course I did. I didn’t know him that well, but whenever he was around, I felt safe. I felt right.

  I stepped forward. “I’m sorry.”

  He smiled, the brightness in his eyes taking my breath away. I continued right into his arms, settling my chin on the top of his head as he relaxed into my body. The perfect fit. We stayed like that for a moment as I took in his scent, the weight I didn’t know I was carrying lifted from me. It had only been one night, but that had been enough. I reached up and ran my hand through his hair. I wanted him with me.

  He sighed and relaxed, but I could still feel the lingering tension in his body as I wrapped my arms around his back. “What happened that made you so mad?” I asked, moving my chin to his shoulder and closing my eyes.

  “She called me from county jail.”

  My eyes shot open. “What?”

  “She was put in the drunk tank.”

  I exhaled, exhaustion suddenly hitting me like a ton of bricks, and it all made sense.

  Dex stepped back and searched my face.”Come on,” he said, leading me to the bed.

  When I sat down he turned and walked towards the kitchen. The last time I was here I didn’t even remember there being a kitchen, of course I was too busy…

  “Are you hungry?” Dex asked. He didn’t bother waiting for an answer and I was grateful. Both of them had my mind all jumbled and I wasn’t sure what to believe.

  Sometime later, Dex came over with a bowl. The cheese scent of mac n’ cheese danced through the air, hitting my nose. My stomach growled as I took the bowl from his hands. I scooped a spoonful of the gooey pasta into my mouth and savored the flavor.

  “I lied,” Dex said.

  I paused mid-bite and put the spoon in the bowl, trying to meet his gaze. “What do you mean?”

  He looked down at his hand in his lip. “I do want her away from you. When she called me and told me where she was and then brushed it off as if it didn’t matter, I was so irritated. I don’t want her to hurt you anymore.”

  I furrowed my brow. “She’s not hurting me.”

  “Isn’t she? Come on. You spend day after day, for however many years, taking care of her. When is it going to stop?”

  “She’s—”

  “She’s what? Like a sister? I’m pretty sure your relationship is far from sibling love.” He said. I looked around the room, trying to figure out what I should say. He was right. Our relationship was fucked up. Larry and Barbara had made that clear years ago. I also knew that it was one-sided most of the time. The amount of effort I put in far outweighed what she did in return.

  A hand settled on top of mine. I turned back to him. “Let’s not talk about this right now.” He inched closer, reaching for my face and pulling me down. He captured my lips, swallowing whatever I was going to say and replacing it with a long moan. I yanked him to my body, leaving no space. I didn’t want any more space. I needed him like I needed air.

  I was trapped and he was my freedom.

  He crawled into my lap, straddling my jean clad thighs and he pushed his groin to mine. His covered cock brushed mine as he started to grind against me. As if he had done it plenty of times. Why did it feel so damn good? Having a hard cock and a firm body shouldn’t push me to the point of spilling in my jeans like a teenager. Dex kissed harder, rolling his hips on until I was pushed so high, I thought I might fall. I lost myself in his touch.

  His taste.

  When my lungs began to burn, and I pulled back I sucked down air and looked at him as he struggled to catch his breath. He stared back at me flushed, the rise and fall of his chest rapid under his. He was a mess.

  Beautiful.

  I wanted more.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Dex

  God I want him.

  My cock strained against my jeans as I sat on Ra, my legs draped over his rock-hard thighs. They vibrated with tension sending a thrill through me. His body was screaming for mine and I wanted to give it to him. I glanced down at the outline of his cock and licked my lips. This time I wanted him to come apart under my touch. My tongue.

  Before I could form a clear thought, I slid down off his lap to my knees, nuzzling his groin. His cock pressed against my face and inhaled deeply, my body vibrating with need from his scent. I reached for his button. Before I could get them unbuttoned, Ra grabbed my hand and hauled me up effortlessly. I found myself on my side with his body lined up with mine. I pushed back against him; the feeling of his cock pressed against my ass sent a jolt south.

  I glanced back. “What—”

  His fingers pressed against my lips before I could continue. “I want to hold you and talk,” he whispered.

  I kissed his finger. “Talk about what?”

  “I want to know you.”

  I wanted to know him as well, but my body wanted more. I wiggled, trying to get free.

  “Please. I just want this.”

  I froze, confused by the shake of his voice. I stared off at the window as the drapes swung from the gust of wind. My cock ached, but I relented. We had time for more later. “Okay.”

  For the rest of the day we talked of the things we loved. We both loved apple pie with ice cream and the smell of rain on an overcast day.

  Ra told me of his love for cooking, something that had taken a long time for him to learn. We laughed at his stories of him burning water and having to buy a fire extinguisher after the incident with a roast.

  It had been so long since I had felt so good. So content and I didn’t know what to do with it. So, I enjoyed it for what it was. My body felt warm and settled—once my cock calmed down—and I didn’t think it could get any better until he told me of his love for poetry.

  “Who’s your favorite?” I asked. I hadn’t read many. Poe was the only poet I knew off the top of my head.

  He pulled me closer, pressing his face to my neck. “I have many, but my favorite would probably be William Bryant.”I moaned when his lips touched my flesh.

  “Gone is the long, long winter night. Look, my beloved one.” He kissed my neck again. “How glorious, through his depths of light.” His lips slid to the crook of my neck and he kissed it.

  “Rolls the majestic sun. The willows waked from winter's death.” I shuddered as his hand moved from my waist to my hip, drawing circles that tingled even through the denim. “Give out a fragrance like thy breath.” He reached for my groin and cupped me, and I jerked. “The summer is begun.”

  The poem went on, fading behind my fogged mind, as he unbuttoned my jeans and reached inside. He gripped my cock and pulled it out. His strokes were languid and unhurried. I trembled under his touch and pushed my ass back against him. My body buzzed with need to be closer to this man who captured my mind and my heart. I didn’t understand any of it and I was even more lost on what to do about Izzy, but at that moment all that mattered was him.

  His gentle touched and shuddered breaths were all I could hear and feel. I thrusted my cock in his fist unable to handle the slow drags of his hand. “More.”

  He squeezed and I grunted.

  He kisse
d my shoulder and then his breath was on my ear. “Ay, 'tis the long bright summer day.”

  My body shook as he continued to jerk me, breathing the words heavily into my ears. “Hark, to that mighty crash.” I arched as I grew nearer to the edge. “The loosened ice-ridge breaks away. The smitten waters flash.”

  I panted, teetering on the edge. “Seaward the glittering mountain rides. While, down its green translucent sides. The foamy torrents dash.”

  Before I could fall, he loosened his grip and squeezed the base of my cock, stopping my release in its tracks.

  “See, love, my boat is moored for thee. By ocean's weedy floor the petrel does not skim the sea more swiftly than my oar,” he continued, as if he hadn’t brought my orgasm to a painful halt.

  I whimpered, thrusting my hips with little success. He had me trapped, leaving me unable to chase my own release. He controlled my orgasm and I shivered at that knowledge.

  He licked down the curve of my ear. ” We’ll go, where, on the rocky isles. Her eggs the screaming sea-fowl piles beside the pebbly shore or bide thou where the poppy blows.”

  The words he said went straight to my cock and it ached. My mind spun as he nibbled on my ear, tugging on the soft flesh.

  “With wind-flowers frail and fair. While I, upon his isle of snows, seek and defy the bear. Fierce though he be, and huge of frame. This arm his savage strength shall tame and drag him from his lair.” He bit my jawline just below my ear. I extended my neck, offering it to him. He could have all of me if he wanted.

  He pushed his hips into my ass, his cock pushing the little that it could between my cheeks, and I met him. He rubbed against me slowly, kissing my neck in between moans. I was losing my mind. Losing myself in him and he took. His voice broke through the crashing waves.

  “When crimson sky and flamy cloud bespeak the summer o'er and the dead valleys wear a shroud of snows that melt no more.” He bit my neck hard and I cried out, my cock throbbing and desperate. He still hadn’t moved his hand from the base.

  “I'll build of ice thy winter home with glistening walls and glassy dome and spread with skins the floor.”